Lightwavers
Joined 17th Apr, 2017 ·
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A new OTP has born?
And everyone wants to play games at Twilight's map, it seems.
This was really cute, thanks for sharing it!
There's crack shipping and than there's crack shipping. This was oddly humorous, good on you mate
...
You're weird.
“Sun dammit Spike.” -- “Sun dammit, Spike.”
She had hooves now. -- She had hooves (then? at the time? tense agreement!).
But by Luna she missed her hands. -- But, by Luna, she missed her hands.
Oh. Never mind, it was just a dream. -- It might work better if she sat up in bed, or fell out of it, or even just woke up and said this statement. By itself, I had to reread to make sure I got it right.
“Hey Shimmy, still going out with that pile of goo?” a brown unicorn said scathingly. -- Only later do you mention the gender of this pony. I thought it was a mare, then suddenly stallion, oops!
Review posted: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/212612/hidden-gems/thread/333539/sunslime
A cute little story, but it could have been improved by devoting more time between their relationship. The ending just comes off as too sudden of a realization as we see her only enjoying her enjoying the one meal the Smooze made before the story ended.
This was odd. But enjoyable. And I kinda want to see the whole story of Tia and Luna’s game. Feels like one of those “It’s an interesting story” explanations.
I like it