• Member Since 15th Jul, 2016
  • offline last seen 45 minutes ago

forbloodysummer


The Golden Crane flies for Tarmon Gai'don.

T

The princess was crowned, the battle was won, and the dancers had since grown tired and gone home. Only Flash Sentry remained after the Fall Formal.
Prince charming, in need of a princess. What was he to do?


Written for Oroboro's Changing Seasons contest.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 28 )

Um, I don't know if this is just me, but Flash seemed a bit OOC, he's a lot nicer in the movies. Still, good story. :ajsmug:

8395221 Quite possibly! Or maybe he just hides it well...

8395279 I mean, I'd act nice too, if I were trying to bone a princess...

8395280
:rainbowlaugh: In all seriousness though, he acts nice even when Twilight isn't around.

8395292 I'm not sure he does at this point - I don't think there are any scenes in Equestria Girls where we see him but not Twilight. The ones I'm thinking of when he's nicer on his own are much later, like in Legend Of Everfree. So he's potentially had quite a bit of time to develop by that point :trixieshiftright:

8395301
Eh, I'm pretty much it was only half a year or so. :applejackunsure:

8395221
If you ask me, this seems more like the story channeling some Flash Sentry dislike than him just being OOC. There were the typical jeers directed at the character, hammered into the narrative in a way that thoroughly distracts from what's happening and makes the tags more or less moot.

8395311
I guess. Also, you wrote OC, not OOC.

8395307 Yeah, the Fall Formal is around October I think (since it's Fall/Autumn, but they've been back from summer holidays/vacation for long enough to organise it), and then Camp Everfree is during summer break the year after. But goodness, look how much Sunset changed in that time :raritywink:

8395311 For what it's worth, I don't mind Flash particularly. His 'Just one no would have been fine' is probably the funniest moment in Equestria Girls, and you can't fault a girl for falling for a guitarist.

Doesn't mean the criticisms aren't valid, though :rainbowlaugh:

Yeah, I have to agree with>>8395221 here. Flash was way too out of character for me to actually enjoy this story. He's too much of a nice guy for this story to be even plausible without very good explanations for this OOCness.

8395317
Yup. Fixed now.

8395317
8395321
Yeah. It really is a problem. It's like naming the protagonist of a romance "Unreasonable Reader Expectations" and not ever address that in-story. Readers are left confused whether the whole things is just meant to be a parody, or are too busy rolling their eyes to take the narrative seriously.

That ending... :fluttershyouch:

Regarding the potential OOC-ness, I feel like it's more of an issue of pacing. To me, Flashes actions don't seem all that out of line; his heart's been broken, he's at an age where he's already prone to moodiness, and so on.

The problem, I think, is that he seemed disappointed but not exactly heartbroken in the movie (As I remember things, anyway) and the brevity of the story may not have adequately conveyed that.

I still liked it, personally :twilightsmile:

8395357 That sounds like a good defence :twilightsmile:

Weirdly (or not, given that the love plot hardly fit the show anyway), we don't really see what happens to Flash afterwards. He's freed from Sunset's mind control, comes to stand beside the CMCs around the crater she's in, asks Twilight to dance, and then him dancing with her is the last we see of him in the film. Photo Finish takes a group photo of the mane six, but he isn't there, and then it's the six of them saying goodbye outside, but again he's not there.

I may have watched a youtube link of the last few minutes of the movie at beyond-terrible quality a few times last night while writing this :facehoof:

Good news, though - Apples & Eyeballs isn't the least-popular story on my page anymore!

Oh shit. I was wondering why one of your stories had such a mixed reaction, then I saw the Flash tag :rainbowlaugh:

What a "nice guy"

CGPH #19 · Sep 20th, 2017 · · 2 ·

I don't know if this was intended as a comedy, but I laughed out loud at that last line :rainbowlaugh: The like/dislike on this is shocking! I had to read it to find out why, and while it's justified in-canon because of what a dick Flash is being, it definitely doesn't reflect the quality of the story. People need to understand the like/dislike bar is a quality guide, not for whether you liked what happened in the plot :trixieshiftleft: I really liked your quick pacing of the seasons, it was a cool way to fit a lot of character development into a short period of time.

Overall, I like this. But then again, I am a sucker for Anti-Flash propaganda :twilightblush:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Pfft. Flash has to have a character to be out of it. :V

Bits of you, he thought.

Savage.

8804198 Oh dear, PP, did it have to be this one of mine you read? :twilightblush: I almost took it down leading up to the RCL feature :facehoof:

This is the one on my page that's covered in downvotes but is actually good, in my opinion at least. Whereas this one is, uh, kind of an exercise in insulting everyone involved?

Thing is, I like Flash when he's being horrible. I think he's at his most watchable during Rainbow Rocks. That's the time he has some actual personality, even if it is personality he borrowed from the sirens.

That said, three of the stories I've read recently which stood out most were those involving Flash. He can be great if authors keep him well away from Twilight and Sunset, and make an effort to avoid the other pitfalls he encounters in the movies.

I must've scrolled past any number of stories with good like/dislike ratios today, but was attracted to this one specifically because it has a bad ratio. Methinks the feature is not working as intended.
The comments make me think it's probably not as bad as it seems.

Edit: That was not as bad as it seemed.
Flash was believeable. Dude's just having a bad day.
...on the other hand, why is Sunset still repairing that wall? It's been months!

9070553 Looking down the comments, I see at least two others who read the story just to see what the fuss was about with the like/dislike bar, so it’s sort of been an advertising banner rather than a hindrance :twilightsheepish: Wish I could recapture that effect for a newer one in a similar condition, but there we are!

Regarding Sunset, the story is set on the night of the Fall Formal, so she’s rebuilding it still, a few hours after we saw her at the end of Equestria Girls. Can I ask what about that wasn’t clear, so I can try to address it please?

Was it yourself who also read Rainbow Dash Is A Massive Fanny, by the way? I noticed a new like appeared it on the same day as your comment here :twilightsmile:

9085599
Ah, I think I see the problem. I interpreted the changing seasons literally. I'm thinking now that the changes are just in his outlook.

Yes, that was probably me. I think I read a few of your shorter stories at the same time I read this one. I have a terrible habit of spending three or four days doing nothing but reading Fimfiction stories... and then not coming back for weeks... :twilightoops:

9085930 Ah, I see! Thanks for saying, because I totally wouldn’t have guessed that that might happen :twilightsheepish: The seasons are the result of it being written for a contest with the prompt ‘changing seasons,’ and me only remembering that that was the prompt when 2/3 of the way through the story. Which is why it’s only Spring that directly alludes to the season metaphor within the story. For the best, I think; it would have been heavy-handed to do so more, and I’d be tempted to omit even the Spring reference if I redid it.

At least you get a good three or four days of reading, though, between those several week breaks?

9086074
To be honest, I think it would probably work well at the other extreme. Completely remove the Season linebreaks and instead just have a few more subtle metaphors scattered throughout, even just one for each season. That way you're still sticking to the theme in a clever way, without having the confusion of whether or not seasons are actually passing.
...although that was really just me being way too literally-minded :facehoof:
Now you've pointed it out it makes far more sense that it's all one scene.
I might be wrong, creative writing has never been my strong point. And this is mostly hypothetical anyway, seeing as the story is a year old now.

9086667 True, doing any rewriting on it at this point is unlikely, truth be told! Though there’s a new Sunset shipping contest on the horizon now, so I suppose a sequel isn’t off the table. I think it could go either way, either losing the headings and adding more references in the text, or keeping the former and removing the latter :twilightsmile:

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