• Member Since 5th May, 2012
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Seraphem


Writer of kinky horse words, and less kinky comments that can be longer than some entire fics.

Comments ( 59 )

I like it good job.

what is a granipositor

8397939 It's a take on 'ovipositer' 'positer' means roughly 'to put something in a certain place' 'Ovi' is Latin for egg. Ovipositers are essentially tubes for laying, or more often implanting eggs into something. But, what the plants are implanting are seeds, not eggs, hence 'grani' instead of 'ovi'

Though fun bit, technically 'Semenpositer' would be a fully correct term as well.

8397939
'Grani' is the prefix for grain like 'ovi' if for eggs, so essentially it's a tentacle that pumps its vessel full of seeds.

8397963 Yup! :twilightsmile:

Have a free cookie. Or would you rather get a free day pass to the tentacle pit?

Great job. I really enjoyed reading it

8398090 :twilightsmile: Thank you very much!

It's always nice to see happy Luna! :pinkiehappy:

Though I do rather wonder what the relationship is between tentacle plants and Tatzlwurms now.

HOLY FUCK THAT WAS GOOD!!!! just made all my fantasies cum true!!!

8398231 Ohhh that is an idea to explore......

8398241 Hehe, glad you liked it that much.

From the title I can already tell this is going to be great.

8397963
8397958
then why not just call it an ovipositor anyway seeds could be called roughly plant eggs plus people would know what that is and if they didnt like that stuff they'd know to stay away

8398403 Because it's not the right word, and the word used is close enough to 'ovipositer' that one can very easily make the deduction about what the word means, given grani-grain being close enough to work out it's talking about plants. In context, it's not hard to work out what it means, and I prefer to trust people to work things out rather then simplifying things. I prefer assuming and writing as if my readers are geniuses as opposed to the opposite.

"I love it when the plots in the title" -Papa H

8398305
will you make future chapters of this story as she become an member?? i would seriously kill for that

Is... it just me, or has every story you've ever published been featured? If so, fuck me, that's impressive...

I always enjoy a good CTS story and this is no exception. I actually found myself most interested in the base level of the pit. I haven't seen many/any clop stories where a large mass of many small tentacles work to pleasure the "victim." It creates a nice contrast to the standard tentacles scenes in other fics. Thank you for sharing this great work and I'll be looking forward to reading more!

Graniposter

The more you know...
I wonder if I will ever need this knowledge outside of the internet.

8398707
See here 8397958 and here 8397963.

I feel a little hurt.

Still really enjoyable

From the criticisms I pointed out in Luna's guide to pleasing your master, I thought you did well improving on those. However, I did feel as though things were a bit choppy here and there, though that's the extent of it. If you plan on another Luna CTS story like this, and if you don't mind the offer, hit me up and I'll see what I can do to help smooth things out.

Gee, I wonder what this could be about.

8398455 Same! One of the hardest parts of the last two fics was figuring out JUST the right way to word the description, this time... so easy.

8398531It's not a hard 'yes', have a LOT of other fics already lined up, but, could definitely see some more fun times with that, maybe actually getting to be used as a breeder for real.
8398572 3 for 3 yup, and just, I don't even... how? So just "How did I do that!?" about it.

8398573 thank you very much and glad you enjoyed it, and yeah it's always nice to get a bit of variety beyond just the usual "Extra long, prehensile cock" types that seem standard.

8398975 You never know. One day, this information might just save your life.

granted we're talking like, so small it can ONLY be stated as 'Non-0 chance' but, that's still a chance.


8399011FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO BUCKING SORRY I am a freaking idiot... added in an extra edit... FUCK! I knew I was forgetting something....


8399183 Still not 100% what the issue were, or if it might just be a matter of style and 'writing voice' more then something else, if you could give some examples what you are talking about?


8399244 Clearly it's an in depth examination of how one interacts with nature, and the way in which intelligent being should strive to exist in symbiosis with it.

8399581
i would like to see her go through the steps to be an member of Tentacle Tender guild

Wow, that title is really subtle.

My, my. Luna wanting to join the guild and being nothing more than a broodmare to these tentacles? Certainly sounds rather alluring! :rainbowkiss: :yay:

8399244
Basically, Spike travels to the Canterlot High world and gets stuck on the other side of the portal after it malfunctions. Then he has to work together with Sunset Shimmer and the other Twilight to take back the magic that was stolen by yet ANOTHER being that Starswirl thought would be safe on the other side of the portal.
Meanwhile, the magic that's allowing Spike the dog/dog to keep his intelligence runs out, leaving him as nothing more than a dog. The others determine that the same thing will quickly happen to Spike the dog/dragon if they are unable to restore the portal in time.
With the threat of his personality being erased if he doesn't succeed, Spike and the gang race to combat this ancient threat from Equestria.

This was good. It mentions a scene with Luna being spanked earlier after the tantabus crisis. Was this a direct sequel and are there others or was that just reference up to the imagination?

8400925 Half just a fun thing to imagine for yourself, half possible set up for events that will happen at some point in the next fic I'm putting out, which is exploring Luna and Starsong's relationship, both as patient/therapist, and as 'Beneficial Friends as Luna puts it.

But yes there ARE other CTS Luna stories already, just check the 'author' tab at the side, or they are both under 'also liked' as well as some other great CTS fics.

8400833 Don't forget the subplot about discovering that all Pinkies across all realities share a collective hive mind and the implications that all of reality might simply be their dream.

8400737 Oh, very much. CTS Luna has a bit of a breeding fetish it seems.


8399858 AH, well not saying 'no', it could happen, but will have to make sure I come up with a good story for it. Certainly something interesting to keep in mind, I'll see what I can do.

Interesting. From the title, I didn't expect the kink to be a bureaucracy fetish.

Notes:
"Foal-hole" - don't. Unless you're KanashaiiPanda.

"Granipositer" - don't. I know why you did it, but assuming your readers are smart enough to understand your intention is still no excuse for using unevocative words. You're trying to paint a mental picture here.

Fewer adjectives and adverbs. Way less. They kill your writing. The less words you use to describe something the more impact each individual one has. Try to use stronger words without modifiers to convey your meaning.

I would say your characters are flat, but they lack a second dimension.

Your leaning into needless exposition best summarized in a few lines is atrocious to the pacing and flow of the story.

Your paragraph lengths are all over the shop, but average out around 7 lines long. Anything over 5 is typically seen as problematic and detrimental to attention.

Get a better editor, as well. Especially one who can explain commas to you.

8402410

Interesting. From the title, I didn't expect the kink to be a bureaucracy fetish.

Haven't read a whole lot of CTS fics? The 'bureaucracy' and the laying out the workings of the Society is a good chunk of the appeal to a lot of people.

"Foal-hole" - don't. Unless you're KanashaiiPanda.

Huh, that is the other place it shows up, eh did feel odd to me at first too, but got used enough in CTS stuff it just kind of worked it's way in as common enough for me.

"Granipositer" - don't. I know why you did it, but assuming your readers are smart enough to understand your intention is still no excuse for using unevocative words. You're trying to paint a mental picture here.

Yes, of which that is the right word for what is going on. Is it something that will work for everyone? No. Is it being a bit overly specific? Most likely. Was there a reason I used it anyway, knowing these things before hand? Yes.

Fewer adjectives and adverbs. Way less. They kill your writing. The less words you use to describe something the more impact each individual one has. Try to use stronger words without modifiers to convey your meaning.

Eh, fair enough, likely could trim down a bit. I do, on the whole, enjoy more concise and precise wording, but at the same time also am fine with more verbose wordings. Being an issue to the seeming hyperbolic levels of your 'note'? Doubt it, and is a point on which personal preference plays a rather decent part.

I would say your characters are flat, but they lack a second dimension.

Yes, this is so helpful and constructive with it being nothing but insult with nothing pointing out the actual issue, where the problem is, what about it, or ways to potentially improve. While not even making clear the problem in the first place in anyway that makes this worth anything.

Your leaning into needless exposition best summarized in a few lines is atrocious to the pacing and flow of the story.

And another point of mostly a case of 'depends on your preferences' as this is the first time that's come up, and had others actually pushing for more and saying it failed to quite explain enough about some factors. I'll admit I'm not all THAT fond of the opening, most of that was added in to address those suggestions.

Your paragraph lengths are all over the shop, but average out around 7 lines long. Anything over 5 is typically seen as problematic and detrimental to attention.

So, using a larger font, or reading on a small screen? Cause I counted and, only 9 out of 144 are over five, and of those, only 4 are over six, so hard to see how it can 'average out' to seven.

Get a better editor, as well.

No, very happy with Penne and she is a great help, and adds a lot of great insights and suggestions to the story, but is mostly focused on the story itself and some phrasing choices (which yes, do tend to be a lot of pruning of adverbs/adjectives at times) as well as having a good second take on ideas that does definitely give me a large help. That said, sure, could always use a second one that looks at it more with the mindset of a high school English teacher over a storyteller one.

Especially one who can explain commas to you.

Eh, another fair point. Yeah, know I've got issues there. Still... at least I'm not Captain Carrot.

Damn, haven't seen a great tentacle clopfic, let along A tentacle clopfic, come out in quite some time. Tentacles have always been one of my favorite fetishes.

8404973 Glad I could oblige! Definitely considering more of these at some point.

8402410
Today, Class, we review the difference between "attack" and "constructive criticism."

You see, it's entirely possible to critique a story and find places where it's wanting. It's equally possible to point those places out to the author.

Join me as we analyze the wrong way to do that!

Interesting. From the title, I didn't expect the kink to be a bureaucracy fetish.

Now, here we have a clear demonstration of the primary difference. The opening statement is clearly a snarky attack on the story's content. Admittedly, the story is very heavy on the "preamble," with Luna going through the safety class, details of how the tentacle plants in the pits work, why they work, the rules about going into the pit, and Luna being granted permission to access these levels of the Clocktower Society.

Now, for somebody who just came in looking for tentacle porn, I can see how that could be a little irritating. However, to deal with that irritation by snidely remarking that the bureaucracy was the kink actually demonstrates that the preamble accomplished precisely what it should have. It communicated Luna's irritation with being held back and made to go through the various processes that are in place in the CTS for the express purpose of keeping ponies safe.

For example, what would have happened if Luna hadn't known that she was going to end up inside the bulb of the plant? Probably nothing that didn't happen in the story, but if she were another pony, a claustrophobic one or one who didn't know how the plants worked, she might have had a panic attack and forgotten that she could use her bell or safe word to get out. Maybe she would have remembered, or accidentally triggered the bell, but likely not until after being traumatized, which is the sort of thing that the Clocktower Society exists to help prevent from happening!

It's all part of this being a consensual tentacle sex fic, as said in the description.

The consent aspect could have been covered more quickly, with a few lines to establish that Luna had gone through the class, did know what she was going into, and was all for it.

But that wouldn't have let the reader immerse themselves in Luna's "GET TO THE FUCKING ALREADY!" response, would it? Incidentally, it also would have missed the part where the reader learns why the Hell there are tentacle sex plants that go after other species, something I've often pondered about the genre.

Not to say that Mr. Numbers' reaction is wrong, per se - it could have been done much faster and everybody (especially Luna) would have been fine with it. But that's a personal preference, not a categorical statement of fact.

And this is where the difference between "attack" and "constructive criticism" is easiest to spot!

When confronted with something which the reviewer personally does not like, an attack says "that's wrong, and you're wrong for wronging it. It's not writing, because it's wrong. You wronger, you."

By contrast, constructive criticism acknowledges that one may have not personally cared for that approach, and sometimes offers a solution!

For example: "The safety class really drags on, and it's awkward to read with Luna's voice slipping in and out of Thee-Speak; why didn't you just put in a couple of lines to establish she knew what she was doing and get on with it?"

This is what makes it constructive criticism - it says that there's something you didn't like, while building up the creator's abilities by suggesting something that you think they could do to make it better!

You know, like pointing out that somebody seemed incredibly rude, while explaining that they can say the same thing far more usefully by being polite!

And, you know, useful!

(Not that constructive criticism means you're not being rude, it just means you're being rude and useful at the same time! :pinkiehappy:)

Notes:

Not really an attack-vs-critique thing, but it's good to note that when you start bullet-pointing your critiques, they're probably not critiques any more.

"Foal-hole" - don't. Unless you're KanashaiiPanda.

Honestly, I don't care for Kanashii doing it either. But this, again, is personal preference. Harder to suggest something that isn't an insultingly obvious fix, but there are ways to make it less off-putting to the reader, so that they consider taking the rest of your advice.

Again, simply acknowledging that it's preference, rather than an ironclad law of literary smut, goes a long way.

"Granipositer" - don't. I know why you did it, but assuming your readers are smart enough to understand your intention is still no excuse for using unevocative words. You're trying to paint a mental picture here.

Okay, I'll be perfectly honest. I don't get why people are *that* freaked out by this word. I didn't get it either, but I didn't get what "ovipositer" meant the first time I read it either! I figured it out based on context clues, which one can do with "granipositer" just as easily. Any time a technical term gets trotted out, it runs the risk of annoying a reader who doesn't recognize it.

And yet, every day, some tentacle porn fan learns what an ovipositer is from pornography.

Again, of course, it's reader preference. The summary probably would have done better to just say "seed-implantation" and then use "granipositer" in the story where it could be promptly defined for the reader's benefit, which it was.

Once that definition is provided, it's equally as evocative as "ovipositer." And in the long-description, I'm not sure that it's *that* important to paint pictures with your words.

Fewer adjectives and adverbs. Way less. They kill your writing. The less words you use to describe something the more impact each individual one has. Try to use stronger words without modifiers to convey your meaning.

This is pretty close to constructive criticism. Alllllmost there! It's also very common advice to avoid "purple prose."

That is also advice which I've long found suitable to thank somebody for and promptly ignore if it suited your personal preference in writing and reading style.

Perhaps if our erstwhile reviewer provided an example, it would be easier to consider if it was an appropriate point to trim down, but establishing this as a blanket rule is a critical mistake in many cases. Yes, there is often another word that could be used instead. However, you'll often find contradictory advice from other expert sources. For example, while one person would say that "said loudly" should be rephrased as "shouted", and I would personally agree, another person would smack the author with a rolled up newspaper for using "said-isms."

Isn't it wonderful how individual and varied words and people's reactions to them can be? :twilightsmile:

I would say your characters are flat, but they lack a second dimension.

And we're right back into attacks again. By the way, weren't you just complaining about how it didn't get to the smut fast enough? Now you want more character building? By the way....

Your leaning into needless exposition best summarized in a few lines is atrocious to the pacing and flow of the story.

Unless you're referring to the safety class, you're saying he needs to cut out... the character building. This story is part of a series, not 100% stand-alone, and it reads best as part of that in-progress series. Admittedly, that *is* a weakness of the story, but it leaves the author in the position of needing the story to either be a clopfic, or be a brief installment in a longer series, when it's really both.

Probably would've been better if the "story to smut" ratio had been higher, since as it stands the story is too short to be satisfying purely for its story development, but too story-heavy for the amount of smut we're presented with. How to fix that is a matter of one reader's preference to another (I'm inclined to say "up the smut," but I happen to like the story).

Your paragraph lengths are all over the shop, but average out around 7 lines long. Anything over 5 is typically seen as problematic and detrimental to attention.

Okay, here we go - this is some pretty solid critique instead of an attack, since it at least tries to explain where the "word of god" is coming from. However, it does raise the question of "on whose screen?" Which is an important question in an era of tablets and smart-phones. The line count's a LOT different when it's in landscape compared to portrait mode!

But, yeah, some of the paragraphs would do well to be split up, shortened, or both. A matter of writing preference, but good to note as something that can alienate some readers, and to work on in the future.

Get a better editor, as well. Especially one who can explain commas to you.

It's almost like you try to soften up your particularly blunt attacks by saying something that's constructive before them, but also completely unrelated. Commas are probably one of the most horrifically misunderstood parts of the English language, with even the professionals not agreeing on how to use them properly. Again, an example would help. But leveling that kind of attack on his editors is something that should only be done when they were clearly sleepwalking their way through it. I've done it before, but in the case of far more grievous mistakes than anything I saw in here.

So, to TL;DR this, chill out dude. It's a clopfic about a pony with severe self-loathing and PTSD issues getting fucked silly by a plant that actually has a logical breeding method to excuse the tentacle porn. Self-contained character building and development isn't really meant to be its strong suit, and that's a legit weakness... but you could at least try to be reasonably polite about it so that your review and critique doesn't read like it's coming from somebody who needed a cookie instead of somebody with legitimate issues with the story.

And that's really the big problem here. I'm a member of a group that's literally dedicated to brutally honest, in-depth, often rage-filled reviews of stories, but even in our most brutal reviews we make it clear exactly what the problem with the story was, and why we didn't like it. Sometimes we forget to acknowledge that it's personal choice, but we do our best to make it clear to readers either why they should not read a story (the purpose of a review) or what they should do to make it better (the purpose of a critique).

Something to think about going forward. It looks like you're going for critique, and if you are, you're doing it in a way that's going to alienate the person you're allegedly trying to help.

Comment posted by MrNumbers deleted Sep 4th, 2017

Deleted my own comment: Was responding to Shrinky Frod but decided PM was a better venue for it. I have not been censored in any way, or been deleted for being a particular crumb-bum.

Crux of what I was saying was "If you read that as intended criticism, you're going to be disappointed, because I was just explaining why I downvoted this story". Different intentions, and more suited to a PM than a comment.

While I like BDSM, I do not like secret societies. Maybe it is cause I have not read many Clocktower Society stories but just the beginning of this one put me off a little. For some reason I got the feeling Luna was brainwashed; this could be due to previous stories that build a rapport between Luna and Starsong and I am missing those events. Though I think the biggest turn off is how my brain instantly took Luna's actions and thought "cult indoctrination".

I'll probably come back to this story at some point, hopefully with no holdups. The only other Clocktower Society story I have read being The Makings of a Songbird and I couldn't even start the third chapter of it. While I want to like these stories because of the consent in the BDSM, there is something about them that is preventing me from enjoying them.

8427698 I'd highly recommend reading the main CTS fic then, the whole thing starts out with Twilight finding out about the Society, and thinking exactly that, that it must be some kind of mind-altering-magic using cult that is at work, only to quickly find out that no, there isn't, it's just ponies that enjoy getting their kink on in safe, consensual fashion.

Songbird.. I can fully get getting that reaction from, especially if you don't know much about CTS, as it's meant to be the most 'extreme' and hardcore play allowed in the Society more or less, so without knowing that this is the far end of the bell curve, and all the behind the scenes precautions, rules, and what not in place to keep it all good, kinky fun, it can come of a lot worse then it's meant to.

Here, not really sure what made it come off like that, it IS meant to be right after Luna just had a massive change in outlook and personality, but that's due to this being shortly after the whole Tantabus incident and Luna finally letting go of her massive guilt complex.

Also it's not very much of a 'secret' society all told. given pretty much every single named character in the show is a member, including all four Princesses.

8427730
Maybe it is that I am hoping to get a similar feeling from these stories like I do from Sunstone. The subject is similar but the focus is much different. Sunstone is a romance with BDSM while Clocktower stories seem more society with BDSM.

8429032 Yeah, a good deal of CTS stuff is more about the world building and about exploring the Society as a whole, just seeing what sort of things can be done there etc... Though, if you want a story that focuses more on the romance angle, with CTS fun, I'd suggest Brony-Wan-Kenobi's Hunter's Moon.

Honestly before I'm even getting in, that's some very conveniently placed text... ;)

കഥ നന്നായിട്ടുണ്ട്! ഞാൻ കഥാപാത്ര വികസനവും സീനുകൾക്കിടയിൽ മാറുന്ന രീതിയും ഞാൻ ഇഷ്ടപ്പെട്ടു! നിങ്ങളുടെ വിവരണം എന്നെ സന്തോഷിപ്പിക്കുകയും, നന്നായിരിക്കുമെന്നും ഞാൻ പ്രതീക്ഷിക്കുന്നു! വൃത്തിയാക്കി സോസ് ഇടുകയില്ലെന്ന് ഉറപ്പാക്കുക!

8433347 Well thank you! Glad you liked it.

My dick hurts. Im probably not the only one.

8803497 Not that I've noticed, other then the dialog for his art/comics.

also

My dick hurts. Im probably not the only one.

Mot sure if that's meant as compliment or not, but thanks. :derpytongue2:

8803949
Definitely a compliment. I have no complaints with this story, and it was very entertaining

8803966 Thank you very much, more are coming soon, basically just waiting on cover art and a few last edit passes for the next one.

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