• Member Since 3rd Sep, 2015
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Black Hailstorm


A never-ending storm of ideas

Sequels1

T

Being late can do a lot of things. It can have positive or negative impacts depending on the individual and what it is their late for.

What if Nightmare Moon was late for her appointment back to Equestria? What would she do then?


Featured: 08/27/2017

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 42 )

0_o

Was expecting comedy, got heart wrenching instead.

That being said, I love it!

(I wouldn't mind an epilogue either :trollestia:)

8389775
An epilogue would be nice.

F***! I did not need to be tearing up at an airport gdi.

Ugh, my heart.

Well done, good writer, well done.

Thank you for killing off my favorite character and having her sister come back to find her dead. I actually don't mean that ironically, too xD
Kudos :)

Damn. I'd love to know what happened, but at the same time I know it would completely detract from the mood of the story. Kudos for it, have a favorite and a like, because it deserve it :twilightsmile:

And yes, it was heartbreaking. You monster.

Not bad, but it seems as if it could be expanded

This is well done, it sorely needs a part 2/epilogue.

Damn. I hadn't expected this to get featured. And it's like my first story too get featured. Shucks, thanks y'all. Means the world to me.

Wanderer D
Moderator

I can see what you were going for here, but there's not enough buildup to really make the ending satisfying. It sounds like a really good start of a story tho.

For some weird reason I hope the reason she died was something very stupid.

Like she tripped on a banana or something and broke her neck.

It would be tragically hilarious.

8391201 Yeah, I was surprised to see this story was marked as complete. Here's to hoping that the author will continue it.

This story needs a sequel of some sort. Has potential.

DO NOT make a sequel.
This is a great one-shot, but i can tell that you do not have enough ideas to expand it without inducting sequel-burnout in yourself.

I put money on tirek

8391574

DO NOT make a sequel.
This is a great one-shot.

Fixed that for you. No need to be a dick.

Doesn't make up for the fact that Celestia was a shit sister, and left Luna to suffer.

WTF YOU CANT MARK IT AS COMPLETE :flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

8391627
you are right
i will try that next time
thank you for the correction! :twilightsmile:

wlam #21 · Aug 28th, 2017 · · 2 ·

I don't really know about this one. I mean, it's not really bad, but when the most interesting thing about a story are the parts that aren't actually in the story, it leaves me feeling a bit lukewarm about it. The story of Celestia's epic final battle and heroic death in the grim dark future of horsieland is what you could have been writing, and it would have been a much better story, too. Instead you made the idea the footnote to a far less interesting one that's pretty much just the epilogue with all the good bits already over and done with off-screen before the story even starts.

TDR
TDR #22 · Aug 28th, 2017 · · ·

Nice but it feels unfinished for some reason

I expected comedy and found an abyss of darkness...
(The title and description are kind of misleading; especially if you ignore the tags. Was that intended?)

Small note: You forgot to add the cover-source.

8392833 There are also the questions of how this Twilight ascended, how and why the Bearers came together... there's so much missing and left unexplained.

Even knowing the show in every detail doesn't help with this story because it's a totally alternate universe. Everything from the first episode onward would be utterly different, and so we have this one scene completely out of context, taken from the middle of what would be a much longer story.

I think I know what happened to Celestia...

I very nearly wanted Nightmare Moon to have a go at Cadance and Twilight.

Just to show that no, those two are not harmless, you walking wannabe-goth pity party.

8394380
I honestly am not gonna lie. I had considered continuing this when I was editing everything and having Nightmare Moon duke it out with Cadence and Twilight the moment the elements were mentioned. But some reflection later and I ended up changing my mind.

Maybe I'll do something else with this in the future. Time will tell.

huh...that was kinda heart breaking.Good job.

8393206
Yeah, that's why I said it really feels like the epilogue to a story we didn't get to see. It's entirely a reaction shot to what's the actual central premise of the story. The focus doesn't actually lie on Nightmare Moon coming back from exile late, whether it's a day or a year, it's all about how she reacts when she finds out her sister has died in her absence. The title really isn't all that well-fitting for what the story is actually about.

Eh. Persistent grammar errors made this a challenge to read, and I felt like this was more a piece of a bigger story than an actual story of its own. Too much is left unexplained. As a result, the actual story felt hollow, since I wasn't familiar with the terms of the AU.

Like she’d been startled bad and she was a filly again even though she never once had been a filly in her past.

:rainbowhuh:


Wow...
Heartbreaking... :pinkiesad2:

It's not bad, but the fact that anything actually interesting has already happened, or is going to happen, makes it feel hollow to me. I feel it, my heart feels a little heavier after reading this, but the whole premise just sort of make go "What has actually happened to lead up to Celestia dying? How did Twilight ascend? The elements, how could they be "awakened" if what originally happened in the first episode is entirely different in this universe? Did this AU begin even earlier than that?" etc.

I liked it a little, but ultimately I'm left feeling hollow mostly. Almost bored, really. A story to follow up on this to give some explanations would be very welcome, even just an epilogue with a similar purpose, but I fear doing just that would leave this story/epilogue with a lower quality than this.

It's Ok, but it feels...incomplete. As someone else said, it's like all the interesting stuff happened before and after this fic.

Doesn't really give me much of a feel. There's other comments that talk about how it ends too early, and that's really the issue: it feels designed to get a rise out of us, but doesn't stick around long enough to do that, instead just leaving us with questions instead.

i have a sneaking suspicion i am one of few who thinks it ended just about perfectly. one of the occasions where the tale the author spins ends intentionally so the reader fills in the blanks with their own story.
or maybe im nuts.
all i know is its late as hell and i should probably be cleaning this damn school instead of reading pony fic.

Huh. Nice story! Sad though. Very sad.

Dude, need more!

I do feel that word choices like zap and kaboom detracted a little bit from the overall much darker, angrier, and somber tone the rest of the narration has going on. But aside from that, this is definitely a solid hook!

be funny at the end they say "she died of eat too much cake" or "died try to eat a massive 5 story cake"

By the sound of it they may have had too many statues.

9875878
NMM felt the same way ironically

A pretty sad story to read.
And its a good one too

Curious on what led to Celestia's death there and wonder what will Luna/Nightmare Moon do now?

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