This is best described as a Journal entry of a battle, there is no dialogue at all.
Follow a journal entry of an admiral that leads a powerful fleet to destroy an intercepted Griffon battle fleet with unknown intentions. However, is the end result worth the destruction of the enemy?
Rated T for described gore, and blood.
Takes place in a post industrialization society, hence metal warships instead of sail ships.
EDIT: Changed to Teen, the blood and gore isn't as bad as originally advertised. EDIT 2: Cover Image
Chapters (1)
Hey, this is pretty good, man. Definitely worth a like and fave. Keep writing!
As for constructive criticism, "allot" is not a word. It should be "a lot."
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Also, I'm not sure why this is rated M. You said that it was for described gore and blood, but this is more T-level stuff in my opinion. Completely your choice, though. Hope this helps
8410119
Thanks, I'll keep this in mind
"South Celestial Sea"
Does this has anything to do with China?
I haven't read it yet but I cannot stop connecting that title with China.
8424115
It does not, the ocean east of Equestria is called the Celestial Sea.
Hope this fixes that :P
I saw but one problem. The words, char, and coal, should be one word, charcoal. Otherwise it was pretty good for a first!
Good story. Your description of the battle pulls me in even if I have a hard time to feel sympathy for anyone, as we get to barely know our MC or the ponies that die that day
lots of misspells but good story.
I AM NO GRAMMAR NAZI
9469860
Really? I'm usually really good with grammar, even way back when I wrote this, I may go back and see if I find any words that don't work.
9469916
k
Like reading the journal of a British admiral's after-action report.
9835274
It was almost the point lol
Back then, and maybe even now, I still don't know how to write environments or characters very well