It's The End Of The World As We Know It

by Samey90

7. Equestria Boys (Into the Wild Blue Yonder)

The powerful riff shook the windows of the small room. It soon dissolved into a dissonant solo played at an insane pace, leaving far behind the bassline and the drums, which lost the way, drowning everything in the hissing of crash and ride cymbals being hit repeatedly with no rhyme nor reason.

“Flash, what the hell?” The teal-haired drummer known as Brawly Beats stood up. “We started with something like Lynyrd Skynyrd on acid, and you ended up with something Misfits would write after spending a night drinking with Captain Beefheart.”

“I got slightly distracted,” Flash replied. “And it was fine, I think.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Brawly Beats said. “Unless you put it on our tenth album when we’re old and play progressive rock.”

“First you’d have to learn how to play drums,” Ringo, the bassist of Flash Drive, said. “And I mean something more complex than your simple, plebeian meters.”

The door of the rehearsal room opened and Sandalwood walked in. “Hi, guys.” He waved his hand at Flash and his band. “I think I left a vibraslap here after our rehearsal.”

“Eww…” Ringo winced.

“I think I’m in the wrong band…” Brawly Beats chuckled.

“There it is!” Sandalwood exclaimed, grabbing a piece of thick, bent wire with a wooden ball on one end and a box resembling a cowbell in shape on the other. “Oh, by the way, Flash, we need to talk later.”

Ringo lowered his sunglasses, looking at the vibraslap. “What do you do with that?”

Sandalwood grabbed the wire and hit the wooden ball against his other hand, causing the contents of the wooden box to rattle. “That’s how you play it,” he said. “Originally it was a horse jaw with loose teeth, but then some dude invented this.” He looked at Flash and smirked. “Horses of all the universes rejoiced.”

“Fuck off, Sandalwood,” Flash muttered under his breath.

“Soon,” Sandalwood said. “I’ll wait for you downstairs.”

“Don’t bother, it’ll take a while,” Flash replied.

“Actually it won’t, if you keep drifting off in weird directions.” Brawly Beats stood up and spun the drumstick in his fingers.

Flash sighed. “Fine.” He grabbed his guitar and put it in the case. “I’ll call you later.” With these words, he walked out of the rehearsal room. Sandalwood followed him with the vibraslap in his hands.

“Why so salty, my friend?” he asked when they were walking down the stairs of the youth centre.

Flash didn’t reply, speeding up instead.

“Okay, we all get it that Twilight Sparkle of our world and the pony world next to us don’t love you,” Sandalwood said. “Same goes for Sunset Shimmer, but you dumped her first, back when she was a total bi– douchebagel.” He sighed, seeing that Flash didn’t listen to him. “But remember, there’s an infinite number of universes and most of them has a Twilight Sparkle. One of them must–”

Flash turned to him. “Oh really? Do you know something about portals to those universes? Because I don’t.”

“Well, there’s that abandoned toilet in the dungeons of CHS,” Sandalwood replied. “But Twilight Sparkle from that universe has tentacles and you wouldn’t like her.”

Flash raised his eyebrows. “You are stoned, aren’t you?”

“That’s permanent,” Sandalwood replied. “When I was a kid, I fell into the cauldron with magic weed.” He cleared his throat. “But seriously, there’s plenty of fish in the sea and only some are contaminated with mercury, you know.”

“Like who?” Flash asked.

Sandalwood smiled. “Well, there’s a lady who has an eye on you. And she’s in that comfortable position that she can keep one eye on you and watch everything else with the other.”

Flash nodded. “You mean Derpy?”

Sandalwood sighed and raised his finger. “That’s a rude thing to say about little Muffins, you know. No wonder no one loves you.”

“Shut up,” Flash muttered. They walked out of the youth centre and went down the sunny street, towards the car park. “She’s nice and all, but we don’t even talk with each other that much.”

“Sugarcoat and I don’t, either.” Sandalwood shrugged.

“But you two were at least dropped out of the same mothership.” Flash chuckled.

“Two different decks of it,” Sandalwood said. “Anyway, I wanted to offer you a chance to know her better. It’s almost the end of August and we were planning a small road trip with Bulk, Indigo, Coatie, and Muffins. You can go too, I have a big car.”

“So, you want to hook me up with her?” Flash shook his head. “That’s kinda creepy.”

“Yeah, about that,” Sandalwood said. “Muffins said she can’t make it. But you can still go, as long as you can deal with the rest of us. Then you can talk to her or talk to Sunset, or whoever you want. Even that drummer of your band, he seems sexy.”

Flash coughed, staring at Sandalwood. “And you wonder why people think you’re gay…”

“Hey, I’m an aesthete,” Sandalwood replied. “I admire the beauty of the human body, no matter who happens to own it.”

“Tell that to Brawly Beats.” Flash laughed. “Assuming he’d let you before putting one of his sticks in–”

“Freud was right, it seems.” Sandalwood shook his head. “Anyway, we take off tomorrow morning.”

---

The sun rose, peeking from behind the skyscrapers. Indigo stretched her arms and walked to the kitchen to grab something to eat before leaving.

“Remember to behave yourself,” her father said. “No drinking.”

Indigo rolled her eyes. “I don’t drink, you know.”

“Every teen says that,” Indigo’s father replied. “I know, I was a teenager too.”

Indigo’s mother walked out of her bedroom. “And remember that we’re too young to become grandparents, okay?”

Indigo nearly choked on her cereal. “Mom!” she exclaimed, her face red. “Bulk and I don’t know each other that well!”

“Last time I checked, it didn’t stop anyone from making babies.” Indigo’s father chuckled and embraced her mother. “You know, we once met after a game–”

“I don’t want to know the rest of that story.” Indigo waved her hand. “Also, with my skills, the kid would probably follow auntie Lightning, so I’d rather not try.” She finished her meal and stood up.

“Have fun,” Indigo’s father said, smiling at her.

“Thanks.” Indigo left the kitchen, put her shoes on, and grabbed a backpack with some spare clothes.

A few minutes later, she was walking down the pavement to the bus stop – she’d ditched the idea of using her bike after Bulk told her that Sandalwood’s parents could somehow use it to try to save the rainforests. While Indigo generally agreed that they should be saved, she felt that she wouldn’t get her bike back.

The bus arrived soon. When Indigo got inside, she saw Sugarcoat sitting in the darkest corner of the vehicle, seemingly lost in her thoughts. Indigo walked to her and poked her arm.

“What’s up?” she asked.

“I packed everything,” Sugarcoat replied. “I have warm clothes, good boots, a rope–”

“For kinky or murderous purposes?” Indigo chuckled.

“Neither,” Sugarcoat said. “We’re going to the mountains, so we may as well go climbing. We can also end up being chased by a serial killer hiding there, so I took a knife to cut off his fingers while he climbs behind us.”

“Good thing I took bandaids.” Indigo smirked. “You know, in case you cut your own fingers.”

“You’ll thank me later,” Sugarcoat said. “You know, if we were in space, I’d take exploding ammo and plasma. But in the mountains, we’ll do with a knife. And condoms. I took twenty, in the most popular sizes.”

Indigo groaned and shook her head. “Please. First I had this talk with my parents and I feel that’s enough for today. Now you–”

“I even have strawberry-flavoured ones.” Sugarcoat opened her backpack.

“Are you going to fuck or make juice out of them?” Indigo exclaimed, causing all the other passengers to look at them. She blushed and smiled awkwardly, trying in vain to disappear in her seat.

“Way to go, Indigo,” Sugarcoat said. “So, as I said, I have a knife, a rope, condoms, dry socks, a climbing harness, and a spare phone in case all our phones die at once, which would mean there’s a serial killer nearby.”

“You watch too many cheap horror movies,” Indigo replied. “Though actually this wouldn’t be that bad. You know who always survives the slashers?”

“Tomboyish, dark-haired virgin who doesn’t drink or smoke.” Sugarcoat paused, her eyes widening, and looked at Indigo. “Wait…”

“Yeah, and blonde slut always dies,” Indigo replied. “Strawberry condoms will be the death of you, Sugarcoat.”

A tall, dark-haired man with a goatee and glasses, who was sitting in front of them, turned to Sugarcoat. “Considering all circumstances, I’d say you’re dead.”

“She’ll die in the sequel, though,” Sugarcoat replied, saluting the man with her middle finger. He shrugged and went back to writing something in his notebook.

The rest of the ride was uneventful; Indigo and Sugarcoat changed the bus for a tram in the city centre and after thirty minutes, found themselves close enough to Sandalwood’s house to get there by foot.

“Seems that daddy’s home,” Sugarcoat muttered when they stood by the door.

“Who?” Indigo asked.

“My father-in-law,” Sugarcoat replied. “Sandalwood’s father,” she added, seeing that Indigo’s eyes widened even more.

“Ah, okay.” Indigo shrugged. Sugarcoat knocked on the door, which opened quickly.

For a moment, Indigo thought that Sandalwood somehow managed to get much older, grow a beard, buy thick-rimmed glasses, and swap his dreadlocks for a ponytail. Then she realised, that the man who opened the door must’ve been his father; they were just too similar in both hair colour and skin tone.

“Peace and love,” the man said. He was wearing a long yellow robe.

“Hello,” Sugarcoat said. “Not in the rainforest?”

“We already saved it, I presume,” Sandalwood’s father replied. “Soon, I’ll be joining Sahara Sunshine in the South Pole. We’re shooting a new movie and raising awareness about global warming.”

“That’s… cool,” Indigo said. She could swear she had seen Sandalwood’s father before. It had something to do with Sunny’s mother. “Who is Sahara Sunshine?”

“My wife.” The man in a yellow robe looked at Indigo. “Ah, you don’t know me, friend. My name’s Canter Zoom. My son is in the garage.”

“As you can see, ‘Sandalwood’ is not that bad as a name,” Sugarcoat whispered when Canter Zoom led them to the garage.

“Isn’t he that movie director?” Indigo whispered.

“Whenever he’s not involved in various charities, such as saving the Camp Everfree,” Sugarcoat said. “Or helping his wife to save the environment.”

The garage was filled with various tools, scattered here and there, as well as two backpacks, lying by the wall.

“Hello,” Sandalwood said, emerging from behind his car, holding a big hammer. “The car should be fine now.” He threw the hammer away and walked to Sugarcoat and embraced her, kissing her cheek. “Indigo, we’ll pick up Bulk on the way.”

“Sure,” Indigo replied. “Whose bags are those, then?”

Sandalwood turned towards his car. “Flash, stop hiding inside.”

There were some noises coming from the car and Flash emerged from it, his hair a bit messy. “I fell asleep while you were repairing this thing,” he said. “I thought you wanted me to help?”

“Turned out I didn’t need you,” Sandalwood replied. “All I needed was a hammer.”

“Of course,” Flash muttered. “No one ever needs me.”

“Hey, at least you lowered the suspension a bit by sitting in there,” Sandalwood said and turned to Indigo. “Don’t mind him. He’s just salty because the only girl that’s into him plays a saw.”

“How do you play a saw?” Indigo asked.

Sandalwood shrugged. “Noisily.”

“Wait, aren’t you that dude who was into Twilight?” Sugarcoat asked. “I’d say that I saw that coming, pun absolutely not intended. You two would fit each other, though.”

“You think so?” Flash raised his head.

“Yeah. You both are a total opposite of cool,” Sugarcoat replied.

“Because you’re so cool.” Indigo rolled her eyes. “The only cool things are me, Sunny Flare, Lemon Zest, and refrigerators. You’re at best a cold bi–”

“Hey, chill out,” Sandalwood said. “Coatie can be pretty hot when she wants to.”

Indigo shuddered. “I’d rather not see that…”

“Well, in twenty years I’ll be cool.” Sugarcoat smirked. “My style is ahead of its time.”

“Keep telling that to yourself.” Indigo got into the van and looked around. “You take a guitar with you?”

“Yeah,” Flash replied. “If you want, I can show you a few chords.”

“Maybe one day,” Indigo said. “I usually sleep on long trips.”

“Maybe I should take a vibraslap,” Sandalwood said, throwing his backpack inside and sitting behind the wheel. “We could play some music together.”

Indigo chuckled. “That’s how they call it nowadays?”

“I swear, there should be some mandatory classes about unusual instruments…” Sandalwood muttered.

Sugarcoat sat next to him. “What’s unusual about your instrument?”

“Just don’t check it while we drive,” Flash said. “It’s not safe.”

Indigo groaned. “I didn’t need that mental image!” She looked at Flash. “Sorry, dude, if I throw up on you, it’s their fault.”

“Same,” Flash muttered.

Sandalwood started up the engine and the van rolled out of the garage. They drove past the suburbs, causing people on the way to turn and stare at the old, battered Volkswagen. The gardens around the houses became bigger, soon reaching the size of small ranches.

Flash looked through the window and then at Sugarcoat, who was staring at Sandalwood. “Don’t you think couples are the worst?” he asked.

“Nah, Sugarcoat can be pretty annoying on her own,” Indigo replied.

“Then why are you friends?”

“We ended up in the principal’s office on our first day in the sixth grade,” Indigo said. “Apparently you’re not allowed to kick a guy in the nuts because he called that girl you just met a creep.”

Flash nodded. “Does it happen to you often? I mean, all Norman’s girlfriends are currently in mourning due to his unfortunate accident with a bowling ball.”

“No, I’m only a bit short-fused,” Indigo replied. “Used to be worse. Sunny Flare lost some milk teeth in the kindergarten because she stole my doll.”

“First stop.” Sandalwood pushed the brakes, stopping at the side of the road. “Indigo, go and tell your boyfriend to move his ass.”

Indigo looked outside. Somehow, she’d never seen Bulk’s house before and was surprised to see a large, wooden building in the middle of the woods surrounding the town. Then she thought that it made sense; after all, Bulk’s family consisted mostly of lumberjacks.

She got out of the car and walked towards the house. The front yard was empty, but when Indigo got closer, she saw a young, carnation-skinned girl with pink, messy hair, who was hidden behind a pile of chopped wood.

The girl looked rather peculiar. She wore a too big denim jacket that looked like its previous owner had been ran over with an eighteen-wheeler, and a pair of too short trousers with a long tear running across the left leg. Under her jacket, Indigo could see a fragment of a dirty t-shirt with ‘Kill the Poor’ written on it in large, red letters. When Indigo approached her, the girl threw a cigarette on the ground and stepped on it.

“Hi,” Indigo said. “I’m looking for Bulk. Have you seen him?”

“Yeah, in the morning,” the girl replied, eyeing Indigo curiously. “I’m working here, so if you’d sod off, that’d be great, y’know. Guess he’s busy.” She shrugged. “Going on a trip with his chick or something.”

“That’d be me,” Indigo said, furrowing her eyebrows. “I’ll just call him…” She walked away a bit – she didn’t like the look the girl was giving her phone.

“Wait,” the girl said. “Didn’t know you were his bestie. He’ll come soon, I guess.” She walked closer to Indigo, raising her hand.

“Ruby?”

Indigo looked up and saw Bulk walking to them, carrying a backpack. “Dad said he needs you in the forest,” he said to Ruby, before pulling Indigo into a hug. “What’s up, Indy?”

“Fine,” Indigo replied as they walked towards the car. “Who is she? Weird sister?”

“Nah, she’s helping with wood,” Bulk said. “We also found out she makes moonshine in the remote part of the forest, but we confiscated her equipment.”

“Where did you find her?” Indigo asked. “In the gutter?”

“Close. In the trailer park.” Bulk opened the door of Sandalwood’s car. “Hello, guys,” he said. “How are you?”

“In the mood for singing blues songs,” Flash replied, pointing at Sandalwood and Sugarcoat, who were kissing each other. “Or throwing up.”

“Chill out.” Bulk sat on his seat, trapping Flash between the wall and himself. Indigo sat next to him and rested her head on his arm. Sandalwood finally unglued himself off Sugarcoat’s face and turned on the engine. They drove down the narrow road between forests and fields. Sugarcoat turned on the radio and winced.

“What the hell is that?” she asked. “Peace and love, summer of love, I don’t even. It’s not 1969 anymore, let’s all stop pretending that it is.”

Sandalwood shrugged. “What would you prefer, then?”

“Anything that has enough balls to make you uncomfortable,” Sugarcoat replied and turned towards Indigo, Bulk, and Flash. “Do you know that he removed the right alt from his keyboard because it made him uncomfortable?”

“Yeah, because your music is so much better,” Indigo said. “Like, when we let you choose, we ended up with grindcore and some guy whose aim is to break everyone’s eardrums.”

“It was noise music, you know.”

“Well, certainly it was noise,” Indigo said. “I’m more of a punk rock girl.”

“Really?” Flash asked. “I like everything that has guitar in it.”

“I just listen to whatever they play in the gym.” Bulk shrugged. “That and classical music. A lot of classical music.”

“We’ll work on you, don’t worry.” Indigo chuckled.

“Assuming I survive the trip…” Flash muttered, trying to free himself from under Bulk.

“I like classical music too,” Sugarcoat said. “But it’s too complicated for Sandalwood to understand it when he’s not stoned.”

“Oh, please,” Sandalwood muttered. “You need three meds just to survive the day and you’re calling me a stoner.”

“At least I got prescription for those!” Sugarcoat exclaimed.

“How did they even get together?” Flash asked. “I mean, Woody always had masochistic tendencies, but that steals the cake.”

“She can be nice, sometimes,” Indigo replied. “Also, there are probably some other things we’re not aware of.”

“I give them two weeks before it all ends,” Bulk said.

“Bet.” Indigo poked Bulk’s muscular arm. “I guess it’ll take three hours.”

“Before they break up?” Bulk asked.

“No, before she distracts him and we all die in a crash,” Indigo replied and kicked Sandalwood’s seat. “Focus on driving!”

“I’m gonna be that guy,” Flash muttered. “They’ll last longer than you two.”

Bulk and Indigo looked at him. “Why do you think that?”

“They yell at each other and still are together,” Flash said. “As far as I know, you didn’t even survive your first argument yet.”

“Yeah, because you’re an expert on relationships,” Indigo muttered. “Also, how do you know? Maybe we do argue?”

“We don’t,” Bulk replied. “I mean, isn’t it a bit too soon for that? It’s been what, a week?”

“Eight days,” Indigo said. “And we’re almost adults. We know how to diffuse conflicts before they appear.”

“How?” Flash asked.

“Well, we’re honest with each other, right?” Indigo turned to Bulk. “On a side note, that Ruby creeps me out. As if she wanted to steal my stuff and run away.”

“She got kicked out of CHS because she rarely ever showed up in class,” Bulk said. “She also stole Diamond Tiara’s wallet.”

“Who’d be stupid enough to do that?” Indigo asked. “I mean, why’d someone miss school or steal other people’s money?”

Bulk raised his eyebrows. “Why did your sister do that?”

“Because she’s dumb and felt she was bored.” Indigo shrugged. “Is Ruby also that bored or hates her parents for something?”

Flash shrugged. “You don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what?”

“Ruby lives in a trailer, her mother is usually drunk, and no one knows who her father is,” Bulk said. “I mean, you don’t meet poor people very often, do you?”

“You mean, like, bums in the street?” Indigo asked. “Why would I?”

Sugarcoat turned back. “She’s not that bad, you know. Sunny Flare once saw a homeless guy and wondered why he didn’t ask his parents for more money.”

“Crystal Prep girls.” Flash shrugged.

“Yeah, make it a hashtag,” Indigo muttered. “Okay, so I may be a bit behind on such matters, but what does it have to do with my relationship with Bulk?”

“Nothing,” Bulk replied.

“Aside from you accidentally saying stupid or offensive things,” Sugarcoat said. “Just try not to tell something like that with his family around. Or just don’t say anything at all.”

“Said the master of tact and good behaviour,” Indigo muttered, crossing her arms. “Civilised people just discuss their flaws, right?”

“Well, I’d say you’re a bit too impulsive, sometimes,” Bulk said.

“What did you say?!” Indigo exclaimed. “Me, impulsive?”

“Yeah, I’d have to ask Norman about that…” Flash smiled.

“I’ve heard he now speaks in falsetto…” Bulk chuckled.

Indigo rested her forehead against her hand. “Okay, I am a bit impulsive, but he had that coming, okay? And Sugarcoat also has it coming.”

“I’m gonna prepare the mud pit,” Sandalwood muttered. Sugarcoat smacked him in the arm, causing him to almost turn to the opposite lane. He turned back, causing tyres to screech.

“Sugarcoat, stop trying to kill us,” Indigo said, grabbing Bulk’s arm. “How much longer are we gonna drive? I’m getting hungry and I can’t say hungry without angry, you know.”

“We noticed.” Bulk smirked.

“The nearest petrol station is in two miles,” Sandalwood said. “But they surely don’t have vegan food.”

“Good.” Sugarcoat chuckled.“I’ll teach you to eat meat like a real man.”

Sandalwood groaned. “That sounds extremely gay.”

“As if it ever stopped you before,” Flash muttered.

Sandalwood opened his mouth to say something, but then he saw the petrol station at the side of the road. He slowed down and turned towards the car park. Even though it was almost the end of summer, there weren’t many cars there, coming back from vacation. The mountainous woodland they were going to wasn’t a very popular direction and most of the tourists who dared to go there already came back.

The van stopped at the parking spot under the trees. Indigo jumped out of it, stretching her legs. Gentle breeze cooled her down, which was a nice change – even if Sandalwood’s car had air conditioning, it had stopped working before he was born.

“I gotta take a leak,” Sugarcoat muttered, rushing towards the main building of the station.

“Me too,” Sandalwood said, following her.

Flash looked around. “Nice place. Where are we?”

“Somewhere around the Lake Gardner,” Bulk replied. “It’s a reservoir named after some farmer that lived in the flooded area.”

“Guess he was pretty pissed?” Indigo asked.

“Not really,” Bulk said. “He died long before that. Guess he was famous from his crops or something.”

“More or less.” Another driver walked to them, taking off his cowboy hat and wiping his forehead. “By the way, don’t take that weird shortcut a mile from there. Ah got here faster than Ah should have according to the map, but the trees there are purdy obnoxious there.”

“How can a tree be obnoxious?” Flash asked.

“When it tries to catch yer head when ya drive, y’all can tell the tree is obnoxious,” the driver replied, walking to his car—a large cruiser with a hood adorned with bull horns, and a vanity plate saying “BR43BURN”—and opened the trunk. “Also, Ah ran over such a fucker.” He showed them a large creature that could pass as a woodchuck, if woodchucks had fangs and enormous claws.

“What the hell?” Indigo asked. “Maybe Sandalwood is right: we should take care of the environment before it takes care of us.”

“I think I’m gonna go to the toilet too,” Flash muttered, backpedalling. He then turned back and ran away.

The guy threw the carcass back into the trunk. “Gotta go,” he said. “Have fun.”

“What was that?” Indigo muttered when the guy drove away. “Was it even real?”

Bulk shrugged. “No idea. You know, one day you think everything is normal and then people around you turn into demons and those three new girls in school turn out to be sirens.”

“What?” Indigo exclaimed. “Like, the Little Mermaid sirens, or what?”

“More like, we’ll hypnotise you and eat your brain kind of sirens,” Bulk replied. “Wonder what happened to them?”

“No idea.” Indigo shrugged. “I’ll tell you if some new girl in Crystal Prep seems fishy. And by the way, I’m starving. What do you think they have in here?”

“A steak from a mutated beaver, siren and chips, with a tall glass of water from Gardner Lake.” Bulk chuckled.

Despite those claims, the food in the petrol station’s bar turned out fine, if only a bit unhealthy. Indigo attacked her chicken salad with a plastic fork, while Bulk grabbed a hamburger. Soon, they were joined by Sugarcoat, Flash, and Sandalwood.

“What is that?” Indigo raised her eyebrows, seeing what was on the plate in front of Sugarcoat.

“A cheeseburger,” Sugarcoat replied, grabbing a bun bigger than her head, filled with meat, bacon, pickles, tomatoes, red onion, and lettuce drowned in barbecue sauce. “It’s the least vegan thing I found, you can be sure of that.”

“Sorry, I ran out of the fucks to give.” Sandalwood focused on his penne with wild mushrooms.

“Those may be poisonous,” Sugarcoat muttered.

“Bite me.”

“Later…” Sugarcoat purred.

“You know, we call those ‘a fuck with a guitar’,” Flash said, pointing at Sugarcoat’s cheeseburger.

“Why?”

“You’ll see,” Flash replied. Sugarcoat looked at him unsurely and took a large bite of her cheeseburger. A large portion of barbecue sauce shot out of it, ending on her face and t-shirt, along with some pickles and onion.

“Fuck!” Sugarcoat exclaimed, pulling the cheeseburger away from her mouth with her left hand, and trying to wipe her t-shirt with her right hand, waving it as if she played a guitar.

“That’s why,” Flash said. Sugarcoat glared daggers at him, chewing her cheeseburger slowly.

“I’d watch out.” Indigo smirked. “For supper, she’ll eat your liver.”

“I’ll sleep with one eye open,” Flash said.

“Who said that we’re gonna sleep?” Sandalwood asked. “This is gonna be a long night.”

Indigo shrugged. “What’s that place we’re going to, by the way? Is there something interesting in there?”

“Well…” Bulk said.

---

The sun was already setting when the van reached the first sign of civilisation in miles. The seemingly endless forest was suddenly replaced by fields located on hillsides on both sides of the narrow road.

Indigo looked through the windows and saw that they were driving towards a small village consisting of a couple of wooden cabins. She saw a board at the side of the road, saying, Welcome to Hooffield. Population: 52. There were several crossed out numbers near the “52”.

“Seems like a lively place,” Indigo muttered, watching a little, dirty girl with curly hair sitting in front of one of the houses. She looked at their car and ran inside of the hut.

“Are we there yet?” Sugarcoat asked.

“Soon,” Bulk replied. The village ended and the road started to climb up the hill. Sandalwood looked at the dashboard, hearing the noises coming out of the engine. The car backfired, but then it was yanked upwards and the engine resumed to work normally.

“Let’s hope we don’t have to go back by foot,” Flash said. “Do you think the locals heard about cars?”

“They still call them ‘horseless carriages’.” Bulk chuckled.

“And the internet is carried from house to house in buckets,” Sandalwood muttered.

“I’d better hide my phone,” Indigo said. “Or else they’ll burn us at the stake.”

“Actually, it’s not that bad.” Bulk pointed at another board, labelled Welcome to Fort McColt. Population: 48. “Third house to the left.”

The van stopped in front of the large, wooden cottage. It looked older and much firmer than the buildings they had seen in Hooffield. Its dark windows were small and looked more like embrasures, and it was surrounded by an oaken fence with a sturdy gate in the middle.

“Lovely.” Indigo opened the door and walked to the gate. She pushed it, but it didn’t budge. Indigo shrugged. “It’s closed.”

Suddenly, she saw some movement in the darkness behind her. She turned, only to see a shovel being swung at her.

“Aargh!” Indigo shouted when the blade of the shovel hit the hinges of the gate with a loud ring.

A purple, freckled girl who emerged from the darkness was two heads taller than Indigo, but her weight was probably more or less the same. Her shirt was tied in a knot in the front, showing an outline of ribs visible under her skin. She had skinny limbs and dark hair resembling a bird’s nest.

“The gate sometimes jams,” the girl said in a slow and overly articulated voice of someone trying to get rid of a speech impediment.

“Ah,” Indigo muttered, backpedalling. “Umm…”

“Buzzsaw!” Bulk exclaimed, getting out of the car and walking to the skinny girl. “Where are your sisters? Indigo, Buzzsaw is my cousin.”

“Here we are, Bulky.” Another girl walked to them. She spoke much faster, her hair was tied in a ponytail, and her skin was more blue than purple, but other than that, she looked exactly like Buzzsaw. She looked down at Indigo and ruffled her hair. “Who are you? A coffee table?”

“Bulk’s girlfriend,” Indigo replied, her face red. “Indigo Zap.”

“Oh, Bulk got a girlfriend?” A third girl walked from behind their car. “When I heard you were bringing Flash and Sandalwood here again, I thought it was one of those guy’s nights again, but I see you brought girls.” She looked at Sugarcoat. “I’m Crosscut McColt, and this is my sister Hacksaw.” She pointed at the blue girl.

“Something must’ve been in that cheeseburger,” Sugarcoat muttered. “That, or hillbillies come in threes now.”

“You have something on your t-shirt,” Buzzsaw said. Sugarcoat looked up to give her a death glare, but Buzzsaw ignored her.

“Okay, ladies.” Sandalwood walked between Sugarcoat and Buzzsaw. “We’re all, like, a bit tired and we’d like to get to know each other better…”

Crosscut chuckled. “Strange, I always thought you were a faggot!”

“If I had a joint for every time I hear that, I’d have…” Sandalwood scratched his dreadlocks. “Hmm, enough to spend twenty years in prison.”

Hacksaw shrugged. “Okay guys, we got you some food, blankets and other stuff in the house. We still have to finish one thing, so we’ll come to you later, okay?”

“Sure,” Bulk replied.

Hacksaw searched the pockets of her shorts and gave Bulk a key. “Have fun.”

“Watch out for the steps,” Crosscut said. “Quick and quiet – it’s a wolf. Slow and loud – a bear. Even town morons should get it.”

“Also lumberjacks?” Indigo asked when the three girls walked away. She pushed the gate open and took a few steps down a short path leading to the door.

“Carpenters,” Bulk replied. “Part-time moonshiners and totally not poachers. As you can see, this place is not exactly civilised.” He opened the door. “It has atmosphere, though.”

Indigo walked inside of the house. Much to her surprise, it had electric light; she’d expected kerosene lamps and an outhouse with old newspapers hanging from the nail in the wall. While there was indeed an outhouse behind the house, a closer inspection revealed a stack of toilet paper rolls inside.

“Looks nice,” Sugarcoat said, standing in the middle of the biggest room and turning around. “There’s even a bear’s skin in front of the fireplace to fuck on.”

“I’m not gonna fuck on a bear’s corpse,” Sandalwood said, sitting on the old couch, half-eaten by clothing moths, and opening his backpack. “Especially not with an audience.”

“Yeah, and I like my eyes and wouldn’t want to gouge them with a spoon.” Flash shuddered. He sat in an armchair, while Bulk and Indigo chose another couch, which crunched dangerously under their weight.

“Eww, sex,” Indigo muttered.

Sugarcoat raised her eyebrows. “Not a fan? So why do you–”

“I’m still seventeen, so I’m fine with cuddling.” Indigo grabbed Bulk’s arm and looked at Sugarcoat. “Not sure why you’re so surprised. You know me.”

“No caffeine, no alcohol, no drugs, no cigarettes, and now no sex.” Sugarcoat rolled her eyes. “Soon you’ll stop eating meat and become the second Sandalwood.”

“I love you too, jackass,” Sandalwood muttered. “Also, are you a masochist?” he asked Indigo.

“I’d say straight edge,” Flash said. “That is, a movement inspired by a song that lasts less than a minute. I mean, once the fans got the lyrics sheet.” He looked at Sandalwood. “You’d know that if your taste in music didn’t get stuck fifty years ago.”

“You know what else lasts less than a minute?” Sugarcoat asked.

“Shut up, Sugarcoat,” Indigo muttered.

“Now I know why we are together.” Sandalwood looked at Sugarcoat. “We are constantly told to shut up.”

Flash sighed. “Shut up.”

“That only confirms the theory.” Sugarcoat sat on the couch next to Sandalwood and embraced him awkwardly. “I don’t know much about romance, but it occurs to me that we may be meant for each other, even though our views are at best incompatible.”

“I sense fights whenever you have to vote,” Flash muttered.

“I sense fights whenever they have to go shopping,” Indigo said. “Or when they eat, sleep, sit in the toilet, breathe, you name it. Sugarcoat does that to people.”

“Oh, I can be nice,” Sugarcoat said. “You just don’t deserve it.”

“Some people are nice no matter if the others deserve it or not.” Bulk poked Indigo. “Well, unless they hit someone in the nuts with a bowling ball.”

“I’ll never live it down, will I?” Indigo rolled her eyes. “That dude was a jackass. And while we are at it, what’s up with your cousins? I’m not that short.”

“Their father is shorter than you, actually.” Bulk chuckled. “But that doesn’t stop Hacksaw. She acts first and thinks later. Assuming that she does at all.”

“So, she and Indigo are soulmates,” Sugarcoat said. “Watch out, it’d suck if your girlfriend ran away with your cousin.”

“No, thanks.” Indigo shuddered. “I’m not into tall, unwashed hillbillies. Especially female ones.”

“Well, Bulk can always mistake his cousins for you.” Sugarcoat raised her eyebrows when she saw the others looking at her. “What? Cousins are totally fine. I first kissed my cousin during the grandma’s funeral and two years later, during the family reunion…” She paused, blushing.

“Yeah, keep digging yourself deeper,” Indigo muttered, chuckling. “Does anyone else have something they want to share?”

“Well, I once had a crush on my cousin…” Sandalwood said. "Well, twice, but I'm talking about the one that didn't try to ruin the mall recently."

“Is she hot?” Flash asked. “Not that I’d like to go out with her.”

Sandalwood smirked. “Well, if you want, I can talk to him...”

Sugarcoat raised her eyebrows, resting her chin on her hand, and looked at Sandalwood. “So, you’re saying you’re not gay…”

“He’ll tell you that it’s all about aesthetics,” Bulk said.

“From now on, I’m always jealous, whether it’s a girl or a guy,” Sugarcoat muttered. “I’d check out your phone, but I already did that. Who is Sweet Leaf?”

“My classmate,” Sandalwood replied. "We're in the debate club together."

“Just testing you, I already checked the internet for her.” Sugarcoat chuckled. "For some reason, she liked the MyStable fanpage of a hospice. I didn't know they had fanpages."

“Is she always like that?” Bulk asked.

“No, but close,” Indigo replied. “And before you ask, I didn’t check out your phone. Like, only Sugarcoat does that. And Sunny Flare, but she doesn’t need your phone to see what’s inside.”

“You have some trust issues in Crystal Prep, don’t you?” Bulk asked.

Before Indigo could reply, they heard someone opening the door. They heard some heavy steps in the corridor.

“Bear?” Flash asked.

“Serial killer.” Indigo grabbed Sugarcoat’s backpack and looked inside. “Damn, you call that a knife?” She froze when someone touched her arm. Her hand with a small knife stopped in the middle of the move when she looked at the attacker.

“Hello,” Buzzsaw said slowly, smiling at Indigo. “I’m not a bear!”

“Great…” Indigo muttered. “Buzzsaw, right? It’s nice to meet you, but stop trying to make me shit myself, okay?”

“Okay.” Buzzsaw lowered her head. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Indigo said. “What brings you here?”

Buzzsaw furrowed her eyebrows. “I brought you something to eat.” She put an apple pie on the couch next to Indigo. “We got it in Hooffield.”

“That’s very nice of you,” Bulk said. “Are Hacksaw and Crosscut going to come here?”

Buzzsaw shrugged. “I think so.”

“I hope they’re not preparing a wicker man to burn us all,” Indigo said, smiling innocently. Buzzsaw looked at her, raising her eyebrows.

Sandalwood chuckled. “You could say that would be some pretty sick burn…”

“We’d better eat the pie,” Flash said, standing up and taking the pie from Buzzsaw. “Hope it’s not burnt…”

The pie wasn’t burnt and soon, they were all sitting on their couches, rubbing their stomachs and licking their fingers. Indigo yawned, curled on the couch with her head on Bulk’s lap.

“So, what are we gonna do tomorrow?” she asked.

“Depends.” Bulk turned to Buzzsaw. “How’s the path to the Old Acorn’s Pass?”

“Not flooded.” Buzzsaw scratched her head and looked at her fingers. “Should be fine.”

“Old Acorn knew where to go to get the best views,” Bulk said. “Brace yourselves, we’re gonna do a lot of climbing tomorrow.”

“I’ll sharpen the knife,” Sugarcoat muttered, smirking.

Author's Note:

Vibraslap, as explained by an eccentric guy from youtube:

Also, with the amount of people telling Sugarcoat and Sandalwood to shut up, it's no wonder they became soulmates.

Comments

[OmniFox]

Flash Sentry and Muffins can make it happen.

[Samey90]

8423722
They may, indeed. Muffins will actually appear, and so will Sweet Leaf.

[leeroy_gIBZ]

“Anything that has enough balls to make you uncomfortable,” Sugarcoat replied and turned towards Indigo, Bulk, and Flash. “Do you know that he removed the right alt from his keyboard because it made him uncomfortable?”

Heh.

[22nd century Man]

Minor threat is 😙