• Member Since 18th Aug, 2017
  • offline last seen Nov 9th, 2021

Starpony999


I’ve been here since, make my own artwork (edited from the show), LOVE collabs, editing, writing, and AU’s, my alter ego is Star Shine, and I am of the Unicorn Guild,neither brony nor pegasister.

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Episode 1: Mare in the Moon

When the extreme party pony accidentally comes across the legend of Nightmare Moon, she is tasked with overseeing the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration--and the making of new friends. Taking offense to their ways of friendship, Dawn strives to speed up the overseeing to get in a nap before the return of Nightmare Moon.


Episode 2: Elements of Harmony

Dawn is on a mission to save Equestria from eternal night, but as she heads to the library to find more information, she is joined by the five mares she came across the previous day. Stuck with traveling with the completely different mares, Dawn realizes that everypony has their own strengths, and that those are what count in a pony.

Chapters (16)
Comments ( 48 )

This seems interesting.

Not much I can say beyond, well, this DOES like pretty interesting. Excellent job on the exchange and characterizations. Dawn, in particular, comes off as a VERY good mix of canon Twilight and Pinkie.

I'll certainly be looking forward to more of this, but I will also respect the facts that real life concerns have to come first AND inspiration might not be easy to come by. Thus, I'll be patient.

You have piqued my interest... Go on.

Again, very good job on this latest chapter. I LOVED the first meeting of Dawn and Twilight's Pegasus counterpart (in this universe) . The characterizations, exchanges and future chapter set-ups are certainly quite well done. I can hardly blame Swish for wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible considering how bad that first impression had to be. Of course, I also don't blame Dawn for getting frustrated when politeness wasn't working at first.

At any rate, I will very definitely be looking forward to more of this, but will also completely understand the need for patience.

This is good! very good!
*Proceeds to wait for next chapter.
PS: maybe make the chapters a little longer?

8398037
Yeah, I'm working on that. Don't worry though, the chapters get significantly longer in the second half. Thanks for checking out my story!r
8391059
Thank you so much for your comments! They really made my day!

New chapter coming out tomorrow (9/2/17) if all goes well!

8400538
You are quite welcome. :-D

Hello there. Thanks immensely for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. I have to admit, I didn't expect Pegasus-AJ and Earth Pony- Rainbow to be foster sisters in this universe , but it IS a darn good detail. I also really liked how Dawn was convinced to stay because a family this size was almost like a party in itself .

I'll very certainly be looking forward to more of this, but will also quite respect the need for patience. After all, I grasp the concept that real world concerns have to come first and inspiration is not always easy to come by.

Very little I can say beyond, once again, excellent job on this latest chapter. VERY good job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up. I LOVED how Gummy reacted to Dawn's behavior as well as the irony of Dawn disliking what is her canon usual hair style. Plus , I have admit I DID get a kick out of how this version of Flutters seems to have a purposely overdone accent (possibly even more so than Rarity's canon one) and, yet, has not yet told Dawn her name .

At any rate, I'll very certainly be looking forward to more of this, but will also respect the fact that real world concerns have to come first.

absolutely GREAT!!!
*Proceeds to wait patiently for more

Very interesting thus far!
Can't wait to see what happens next!:raritywink:

Again, excellent job on this latest chapter. The exchanges and characterizations are pretty well done.

Of course, by all appearances, it seems like Rarity and Fluttershy have basically switched personalities in this universe. (and Fluttershy ended up gaining Rarity's canon tribe while Rarity gained the tribe of canon Fluttershy's Generation 1 inspiration) .

At any rate, I'll certainly be looking forward to more of this, but will also be very willing to be patient and understand that real world concerns have to come first.

Once again, superb job on this latest chapter. Again, very good job on the characterizations and exchanges. I particularly liked Dawn's dislike of the execution of the party games. That is some really amusing irony. I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this, but will also be quite willing to be patient, especially considering I get that real world concerns have to come first.

Hello there. Thanks again for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. I have to admit, I think Fleur is a GREAT first name for this universe's Fluttershy. Once again, great job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places.

The only thing I really noticed off (for this universe) was the name "Spike". I thought Spike's counterpart in this universe was named "Gummy". Was that a typo or was there an as-yet-not-introduced character who actually has the name Spike?

I'm not complaining. I'm just curious.

And, maybe, for the next chapter, Twilight Swish can comment "I come to this library a lot. In fact, I often volunteer to assist whoever the mayor picks as a temporary librarian. Thus, I know quite a bit about how the books are arranged here. If the book on the Elements of Harmony is here, we should find it pretty quickly."

Of course, if you DON'T like the dialogue idea, I will completely understand.

At any rate, I will very definitely be looking forward to more of this, but will also be very willing to be patient.

8446046
Aw shoot. :facehoof: I was in such a hurry to proofread this I must have missed that. Thanks for pointing that out. It should be fixed by the time you see this comment. :twilightsheepish:

I actually LOVE that idea. :heart: However, I'll probably tweak it a bit, if you don't mind.

8446443

Perfectly understandable. And thanks again. :-D

Twilight, who had finished her cupcake, put a hoof on Dawn's shoulder reassuringly and whispered, "Don't worry. I got enough candy for the six of us."

Umm... oh ok Twi. Sure I got ya...

WHAT THE--
Since when did twilight start making less sense the original Pinkie?!

8451443
Actually there is a reason for that, if you want to know....

Once again, great job on this latest chapter. And thanks very much for liking the dialogue idea enough to use a modified version of it. I really appreciate that. Anyway, VERY good job on the characterizations, exchanges, the combination of episode faithfulness with your own details AND the future chapter set-up in all the right places. I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this, but will also be very willing to be patient.

"I come to this library a lot. In fact, I often volunteer to assist whoever the mayor picks as a temporary librarian. Thus, I know quite a bit about how the books are arranged here. The last mare, Muffins, I think it was, thought that this system was the best idea." Twilight giggled. "Since nopony could ever find anything, I had to memorize the title of every book and where she kept it."

Absolutely fantastic. :rainbowlaugh:

Suddenly, there was a loud rumbling, and the earth began to give way beneath them. The two pegasi: Apple Jet, who was already flying, and Twilight Swish, who instinctively took to the skies the moment the ground slid away, were unaffected by the lack of surface. They had to take a precious moment to start to save their friends.

Unfortunately, it was too late.

Why am I getting bad vibes from this sentence at the end? Just me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Overall GREAT chapter
keep it up!
There is one problem tho...
I NEED MOAR!

Again, excellent job on this latest chapter. The action, exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all quite well done in all the right places. I particularly liked the little details of Fleur's background as well as the implication that she might be this universe's future bearer of the Element of Honesty. I mean, the detail of the Elements getting switched instead of just the tribes is a great detail . The obvious effort to make the trials a bit more original AND more challenging is great too.

I'll very certainly be looking forward to more of this, but will also be quite willing to be patient.

Again, excellent job on this latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up are ALL quite well done in all the right places. Again, I love how you are staying faithful to the SPIRIT of the show while still working in obvious differences. Again, the modifications on the Element trial was quite well done and, yeah, it WAS great to see Rarity showing both the bravery AND compassion to risk her life to help Lightning Dust while also standing up to Lightning's commanding officer .

I'll very certainly be looking forward to more of this, but will also be more than willing to be patient since I know all too well that real world concerns have to come first.

Hey there. Just thought of something for an appropriate point following Nightmare Moon's defeat and :

Twilight: (seeing Celestia and her sister reunite) This - is - just - so - beautiful (cries A LOT of happy tears). Hey, do you know what this calls for?

Dawn: Let me guess; a party?

Twilight: Well, yeah. How - oh, right, you're a party pony too.

Dawn: Yes. I mean, all things considered, a good celebration IS in order. I only ask one thing.

Twilight: Let me guess; we work together on the party to make it even better.

Dawn: (an actual smile on her face) Exactly.

Twilight: Yeah. I can see that. I mean, *I* can put in some stuff to make it enjoyable to the kids while YOU work on adding stuff to keep it from being insulting to adults.

Dawn: You read my mind.

Of course, if you DON'T like the dialogue idea, I can completely understand. I just had it in my head for a while and it had to come out.

I LOVED this chapter. Again, you are doing a great job keeping within the spirit of the series while still making the trials different enough to be noticeable. Those illusions were well detailed and I loved Twi showing that, while she might have much more of a sense of humor than her canon self, she is still FAR from stupid.

As usual, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are quite well done and I will definitely be looking forward to more of this. However, I will ALSO respect the fact that real world concerns have to take top priority.

8508976
Thanks! One of the things that is hard about writing this is writing Twilight. I’m glad that part of her is finally starting show! In the first chapter of this episode, I tried to convey that with the candy, but as everyponyone reading this is seeing mostly from Dawn’s POV, they see it just as random as Dawn does. . I have to admit, this is one of my favorite chapters as well. “The Best Polisee” always wins that competition though.

Again, this is a superbly done chapter. I loved seeing Rainbow help out that sea serpent with a "free sample" of some of the farm's best AND how she tried to make it sound like not as big a deal as it was . Next chapter will be AJ's turn . At any rate, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all quite well done in all the right places.

I'll most assuredly be looking forward to more of this, but will also be very willing to be patient. After all, real world concerns DO have to come first.

Again, VERY good job on this chapter. I LOVED the spin on the "bridge trial" (definitely makes A LOT more sense than the canon version) as well as the little ironic foreshadowing concerning one of Discord's most famous attention getters (i.e. the thought about clouds turning pink and raining chocolate milk) . Plus, of course, you did excellent work on the exchanges, characterizations, action and climax set-up in all the right places. I'll definitely be looking forward to the next chapter (which will be either the last or, if you include an epilogue chapter, second-to-last), but will also be very willing to be patient.

All I can say is WOW! Excellent job on this latest (aka second-to-last [okay, MAYBE third-to-last]) chapter. Again, the exchanges, characterizations and finale set-up are all well done in all the right places. I particularly liked all the nicknames Twi was using , the little bit of added background info for this universe's Rainbow AND the apparent desperation on Nightmare Moon's part at the VERY end . I mean, I have a pretty good hunch things will turn out all right in the end (I seriously doubt THAT's much of a spoiler), but I AM curious to see HOW.

I'll very certainly be looking forward to the last chapter (not counting the possible epilogue), but will also be very willing to be patient.

Hey there. Once more, great work on this chapter. The exchanges, characterizations, action and general wrap-up are quite well done. I particularly liked how the rest of this universe's Mane Six finished the speech Dawn started even AFTER the interruption as well as the work Dawn and Twi put into the celebration. I'll most certainly be looking forward to the epilogue, but will also respect the fact that real world concerns need to come first.

Oh, and, in case I forgot to say it in your previous chapter, Happy (Early) Thanksgiving.

So Applejack and Rainbows Personas are switched
Rarity and Fluttershys Personas are switched
Pinkie and Twilight s Personas are switched
And instead of spike hes named gummy.

8454167
I know I do.

But weird twilight is still intelligent and acts like pinkie.

We are so bucked

8562838
The reason for mentioning the candy is because of Nightmare Night. It is still a BIG holiday in Ponyville.

That end. All I can think of is The Incredibles. "You got me monologuing!"

Wow. Downright great stuff in this epilogue. I absolutely LOVED the exchange and characterizations - especially for both Twilight AND Dawn in the latter case. I particularly liked the background details Twilight gave (especially the getting constantly teased for trying to build flying machines for her parents and big brother and discovering her love for partying by reforming a bully).

At any rate, this chapter may have taken a while, but was VERY well worth the wait.

I will most assuredly be eagerly looking forward to seeing what you come up with next, but will also more than respect the fact that you have a life outside the computer room.

8562952
What i mean is that Twilight is basically pinkie now but shes still her intelligent self.
So she has the law defying/teleportation skills of pinkie, but shes still her Bookworm intelligent self.
Because, Pinkie isn`t really the intelligent in the show.

I could definitely see this becoming a story series

Pinkie Pie taken on as Celestia's student because her magic is too chaotic and 'needs' to be quelled. Fascinating.

caught me completely off guard with how Pinkie's 'frizzled' look is her canon style.

8461084
Stop saying that! You don't have to remind the author that you'll be patient every other chapter.

Oi! You interrupted the monologue!
Who does that!?

So Twilight and AJ have Flutters' and Rainbow's backstory. Fascinating.

Why isn't there a sequel for this?

One particular day, the one before the Summer Sun Celebration, she was researching essential party elements with her assistant dragon, Gummy, when he came across a book titled, "Elements of Harmony."

"Hey Dawn! This one looks interesting." Gummy called as he hopped down from the shelf he had been standing on.

So Gummy is a dragon hmm cool.

"You poor thing! Are you alright?" The purple-maned mare asked as she began to perform various tasks to help the wounded flyer. She even started singing a soft tune to soothe the pegasus, which was surprising to the Ponyvillians, since Rarity never sang in front of anypony. As the other mares stood shocked, Dawn nearly face-hoofed. Of course, she should've noticed the magical properties of the fire. She was the Princess's special student after all.

The fact this is Lightning Dust is intersting still who are the Shadowbolts in this world let's just say the last story I read where there was a version of them is this one https://www.fimfiction.net/story/194448/piercing-the-heavens

Rainbow, a bit reluctant, headed toward her sister. The cyan mare came up from behind and put a steady hoof on her sister's shoulder. "Who knew I looked so weird when I was angry?" The earth pony asked, causing the pegasus to look up at the face of the Rainbow-look-a-like. The apparition was snorting, with visible smoke coming out of her nostrils. Her hair was more ragged than normal, and her normally ruby eyes seemed to glow as a red as a fire. The look-a-like's tail, swished back and forth as she crouched in a position that made her look like she was watching and waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce on her prey. Which, in a sense, she was.

AJ let out a snort. "Why, you look like a bull trapped in a lion." She laughed as the look-a-like attempted a snarl. With all the laughing, it was reduced to a high pitched squeal as it disappeared in a 'poof.'

hahahaha LOL

"Key Lime Pie!"

Everypony promptly turned to look at Twilight, who was looking at the stone. Why in Equestria would the pegasus call their missing friend that? Slowly, the stone the lavender pony had been staring at began to move to reveal a passage way. Although four mouths were hung open in shock, the only sound that could be heard was the crunching of stone against stone while the door was revealed from top down.

Fleur was the first to find her voice. "Twilight dear, how did you do that?"

"There's an answer for everything! Even a dessert loving, locked door in need of a password!" The crazy mare then disappeared into the tunnel, and continued to call several other names. "Pinkie! Pinkam! Meana! Minie! PinkiMini! Pinkimiki! Dawn Pie! Sugar coated strudel!"

LOL!

8789067
Sequel? A sequel? You couldn't possibly be referring to this...
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/403887/ticket-to-gallop
...right?:raritywink:

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