• Member Since 22nd Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 50 minutes ago

Zephyrus Scary

30/Male/Soviet Alaska


Princess Celestia has a bit of a problem that only a shapeshifter can solve (probably).

(Obviously inspired by Skywriter's "Princess Celestia Hates Tea".)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 40 )

Bucky, go get that Caddy!

This is totally ridiculous and I love it. Thank you so much for writing! :pinkiehappy:

Its glorious, we need more fics like this :D
Its probably same expression but with lapping and tea

This picture should've been the cover art :rainbowlaugh:

There's a lot to like in this story, but I really can't get past the royals' callous attitude towards the Guard. Including the one who used to be a member. I know I shouldn't take this too seriously, but that took me out of it and kept me out. There are plenty of amusing bits—"Mayor Cadence" is an especially savage burn—but that fouled the story for me.

Also, I actually like tea, so there's that.

Reading those conversations gave me a migraine.

So, changelings love tea?

But I love tea!


This may actually explain more than a few things about me....

There's strong potential here. Your style is good, but I really did not like the story itself.

The changelings-love-tea bit could have been funny, but it took so long to get there and is completely swamped by the tragically unfunny stuff about the guards. Maybe if you cut about half of that arc out the funny could survive, but as it stands the bait and switch between the story's premise and the actual story is too much to get past.

8371802 You're just turning Japanese...


Your welcome, and thank you! :pinkiehappy:

I see. I already knew comedy wasn't my forte, and not what I'd usually choose to write, so all that "guard stuff" is probably my stronger drama-focused side asserting itself. I wouldn't want to lose that part completely, though, if for nothing than the "Chrysalis losing her army" joke. Hmm...

Thank you for your input! I'll try keeping it in mind if try comedy again.

I think you don't have to lose the plot point completely. The whole story would flow better, and be even funnier, if you aggressively edited the turncoat guard scene and made the whole thing about 50% more ridiculous, 50% less genuinely tragic, and about 25% faster; or better yet, just start the story at the train station (which is where the pace starts to pick up) and cover the story of how the guard came under Chryssy's employ in the first place with a quick backstory. The payoff would still be great but it wouldn't have to compete with a tonal shift.

Tea is love. :heart: Tea is life. :trollestia:

In other terms would you say 8371802 is pulling a Cledus?

Tea is everything that is nice.


I have to agree with Fan. I realize it was supposed to be funny... but it wasn't. It broke all sense of understanding the characters, who they were, their identities, and their motivations. I had no frame of reference for anyone but Chrysalis after this whole Guard business. I was so jarred that it was almost a dealbreaker.

As-is, the story is fine on its own, but the comedy tag didn't fit it that well. The fourth wall break felt as though its application was of the overused variety, and again the whole Guard thing was poked into too much to take as a lark.

Maybe if you'd hinted that the Guards were all utterly incompetent throughout the story through their actions, rather than dialogue, and then at the end Chrysalis managed to sway them - only for the Royal Family to trade all of the Tea-related ponies to Chrysalis to keep their Guards... I would have laughed at that. Instead it's handled far too much like it's a serious issue and serves to make the alicorns look like sociopathic bullies. That they sell out a group of ponies isn't so much a bad thing, but the way it was handled made it mean instead of hilarious.

But as I said, the story's premise is great, and that was worth reading for, at least.

Twilight, it seemed, could no longer contain what ever was in her any more than her mentor had been able to hold her tea. “It’s no ‘secret’, much less one held ‘between Alicorns’! Tea is disgusting! It tastes like dirt! I’d rather eat a plate of moldy, boiled nightshade!” Twilight finished with a dramatic, exasperated throwing-out of her forelegs.

The poor fools must have been using bagged,crappy tea, brewed for too long (most teas turn bitter and gross) or had some shou Pu-erh (tastes like dirt...but good dirt) . It is crazy how many different flavors you can get out of one plant just by treating it differently or growing it in a different place. (I went down the crazy tea rabbit hole good bye money but hello mmm )

So if ponies hate tea, do they love coffee? I'll just assume it's the opposite for changelings then...

This makes so much sense, and I don't know why. :twilightoops:

I'm afraid I have to agree. I found the sentences extremely hard to parse. I stopped reading shortly after the meeting started because i spent far too much time trying to figure out what the author's trying to get across.

Huh, that's where I just stopped too. I just came to say that reading this is like walking through waist-deep custard. It's kinda tasty but way too hard to get through.

It'd be awfully nice to see somepony finish a sentence. Or at least use a proper em dash instead of a hyphen.

Could use some grammar and style fixing, but I liked it. Plus, Chryssie and the lings get to do nothing and drink tea, that's a win in my book.

I foresee them opening official and warm relations with the gryphons.

8373459 I have gone even further and grow several tea bushes of the Sochi variety, the only one that can survive this far north.

8374178Hmm never thought about doing that....

I liked this story, but thought it needed more tea.

So it would seem, what Chrysalis REALLY lacked was a pony advisor. Not a changeling-for-all-intents-and-purposes, but an actual pony, with the pony understanding and fresh perspective.

I actually like it. And I laughed hard at no point ever liking tea. Or do the ones with tea cutie marks actually have changed taste buds that can like the stuff? :rainbowhuh:

8374444 Be sure to grow them in very porous soil with good drainage and slight acidity. They hate being alkaline and water-logged, but they also don't like drying out completely. I use a soil mix of 1 part beach sand, 1 part peat moss, 1 part pearlite, and 1 part bagged garden soil. Also, the roots may be vulnerable to severe cold (below 15F) and the soil freezing too solid, so if you keep them in pots, they'll need someplace sheltered during very cold outbreaks.

Same here. I spent a majority of the time trying to figure out what the author was trying to convey, and at times the grammar was so broken that it seemed like reading a bad Japenese dub of a movie.

Well, I didn't have much trouble trying to comprehend this, so I have to say good job! I certainly got quite a few chuckles out of it. And I think focusing on just one joke, the tea, might have bogged down the enjoyment.

So, it's a upvote from me!

Good story, but it definitely needs to be divided up into chapters, it's so freaking long

Loved the story. I think the best are the dialogues. Quite dynamic.

Very nice.

Corrections offered without malice.
"tapped her whither" withers
"queezy" queasy
"heard my complement of the tea" compliment

the B plot of guards defecting to a more warlike nation wasn't badly done, it just felt like it should have ts own fic. I didn't frel as strongly as other commenters that it needed to be gone, though.

heh ponies getting cutie marks for tea which none of them can actually drink. there's an existential crisis if i ever heard one.

I quite actually and literally about halfway through reading this (and scrolling back and attempting to make sense of what I was reading) tossed up my hands and shouted to an otherwise empty room, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"

I can tell there's something resembling some jokes, but half the time I can't tell what the setting is, who is talking to whom, what time frame it takes place in, etc.

ugh, no wonder I hate love and tea.

seriously, I cant stand being surrounded by love and I loathe tea with a passion.

luckily, i'm addicted to coffee

Yeah, most of my thoughts have already been said. Some good ideas, but the overall plot just kind of meanders in and out of them, and the not very well handled Royal Guards plot, which itself required all the Princesses to be massive, OOC assholes for no reason.

this was a fun read. I would love to see more

I think it would be funny if the tea acted on Changelings as well as Valeryanka works on cats

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