The Master's Burden
There are those who are blessed and cursed with exemplary talent in their chosen field, even beyond the gifts granted to them by their cutie marks. Blessed, for they are capable of feats nopony else could ever hope to match. Cursed, for if they are to retain the capacity to perform those feats, they must do so whenever they are challenged to do so.
Berry Punch was one such pony, and the latest challenge set before her was truly one she could not reject.
"You want me. To ferment. A typewriter."
No matter how much she wanted to.
The one who had posed that challenge looked furtively about the bar, though they were the only two in it at this early hour. "Look, I have made a lot of enemies very quickly, and I need to destroy the evidence as quickly as throughly as possible."
"Featherweight, you're eleven years old. You shouldn't even be here. Why in the name of Celestia's left... wing did you come to a brewer to deal with this?"
Featherweight fidgeted, nearly getting himself airborne through his nervous flapping. "Uncle Bulk said you're good at helping ponies forget their troubles."
Berry held back her sigh. "That's true, but it's usually through alcohol. Made from grains or fruit or some other form of plants."
"But..." Featherweight bit his lower lip, his buck teeth digging in as his eyes watered.
Berry hesitated herself. She could feel the eye of destiny upon her, the weight of obligation resting heavy on her withers, an encumbrance that no amount of earth pony strength could help her support.
Freaking mead of poetry, she thought to herself. That was the last time she took a commission from an elk god. Or at least the last time she'd sample the results. She shook her head and tried to scrape the taste of sour honey off her tongue. "Okay, I'll give it my best shot, but I can't promise anything."
Featherweight zipped up and wrapped his forelegs around her neck, hanging light as a daisy chain. "Thanks, Ms. Punch."
"Don't thank me yet, kid."
"Oh, and if Diamond Tiara asks, I was never here."
"And that," Berry concluded, "is how tonight's special was made."
Twilight gulped. "Oh. Joy." She'd never been much of a drinker, but since her ascension, her earth-enhanced constitution and pegasus metabolism had made her the ideal test subject for Berry's stranger experiments in applied biochemistry.
At least, that was how Twilight liked to think of it. Though all the ethanol molecule diagrams in Equestria weren't enough to keep her from thinking twice about downing the shot laid before her. It was the exact shade of her preferred brand of ink, had the same earthy smell laced with an added alcoholic sting, and occassionally released a tiny bubble with a grudging "glurp."
"C'mon," said Berry. "If the ghost pepper schnapps didn't kill you, this probably won't."
Twilight scowled at the memory. "I was belching up ectoplasm for a week."
"And this week you could save a fortune on quills. What have you got to lose?"
"Do you actually want me to answer that?"
"No." Berry pushed the glass closer.
Twilight rolled her eyes, grabbed the glass with a wing—she'd learned not to expose Berry's experiments to magic—and slung it back.
"And that, class, is how the dark alicorn Courier Nova came to be."
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Hah!
I must draw this... creature.
My typewriter kept jamming.
I can't read this right at this second... but I can't wait to do it. Seriously, I'm hyped.
Never mind, I liked this one a lot.
Alright, so is Courier Nova a Nightmare Form of Twilight Sparkle, or did Twilight Sparkle vomit out Courier Nova after a period of gestation because the fermented-typewriter and alicorn-bile created a highly potent primordial soup, or did Twilight Sparkle just get recolored into Courier Nova?
All the story reminded me a lot of this:
It was a little random, but funny nonetheless.
"The Ghost Pepper was the result of an effort by a Unicorn wizard and amateur All-Mild West Chili Cook-off competitor to create the most powerful chili ingredient possible, by combining the essence - the very spirit, if you will - of a dozen of the hottest chili peppers in existence. After executing the spell, he found he had created a small, white pepper which moaned and floated through walls - the magic having taken the "spirit" part of the spell's intent a bit too literally."
"Ghost Peppers were long considered useless for culinary applications, due to their tendency to float through and out of the pot, until someone challenged Berry Punch to ferment one. The Ghost Pepper is now considered less "useless" and more "potentially lethal.""
8366352
I'm tempted to offer description, but I kind of want to see what you come up with on your own.
8366384
Oh, that's a shame. You should've said something; I'm quite good at minor fixes.
8366531
At least one of these is true.
8366611
A+
10/10
See me after class for high fives.
8366613
Dash wouldn't have gotten that though, plus I thought that it was at least partly about things from the 80s are older than you realize
What an enjoyable collection of drabbles.
Of all the ridiculous things I have ever read that deserve a sequel, I think this ranks at the top.
This one is the best.
Berry Punch's distillering abilities are god tier at this point.
The ending killed me.
Courier Nova has piqued my desire to know, is she Twilight or separate pony.
Sequel about Courier Nova!
Haha, you told me you were making these in quills and sofas! Love it.
-The guy who wrote "Thor Hammers Twilight's A$$"
Oh god that punchline.
Courier Nova might be the first legitimate black-and-red alicorn OC ever.
Ima track this, on the odd chance this spawns something.
Oh dear.
Still, the notion that Berry Punch can ferment literally anything into an allegedly drinkable form is greatly amusing to me. She wouldn't have any problems fitting in on the Discworld.
Hope Twilight got better.
I guess an alcoholic drink made from fermented ghost peppers is a...
...spirit spirit.
...I'll show myself out.
Well, on the plus side, the destruction wrought by Courier Nova will be organized
8367701 That pun could raise the dead... line.
Hail the alicorn courier nova
Oh, these are delightful!
8366818 8366923 8367273 8368084
Well. Certainly didn't expect this. I make no promises, but I'll see what I can do with the concept.
8366929
I still want to see that story where Mjolnir actually is Twilight's ass.
8367625
Well, I did basically take Jason Ogg and turn him into a brewer. And a woman. And a horse.
8368598
I guess you could say Courier Nova is a bit of a dark horse?
Only just now did I get that it was a font name reference.
8368598
Yay, all hail Courier Nova!
...
An idea came to mind, and oooh how silly it is.
Good show to all of the authors who wrote these, these were awesome!
8369263
Heck if I know, but their typewriters have only two keys and a space bar.
In any case, I'm glad you enjoyed all of these, though you seem to have misinterpreted how the compilation works; I wrote all of these. Others typewrote a number of stories at this year's Bronycon, but I didn't save any of them. I can, at the very least, point you to Trick Question's glorious creation.
8369403
lol
And well shiiiit, I'm an idiot, hehehe ^^'
Welp, Ima check out those too, thanks for giving me the link and apologies for my idiocy!
8366923 The computer age dooms her when Times New Roman comes to dominate all communication.
8371964
So true.
8372008 Lol, so nerd. Much humor.
imgflip.com/s/meme/Doge.jpg
Who knew you could write so many ficlets involving typewriters? Well played, sir. I liked the last two stories best. You did a good job writing Luna's voice as she was still learning about modern society. And it's nice to see a reemergence of your Berry Punch's amazing fermentation abilities. I don't know why Featherweight didn't just smash the typewriter, but I'm not a prepubescent pegasus.
8372142
8372674
Featherweight wasn't paying much attention the day Cheerilee went over earth pony magic. He wasn't sure what Diamond Tiara might be capable of, so he wanted to destroy the typewriter in as thorough and unpredictable a manner as possible.
This was all just nonsense. But the good kind of nonsense. the right kind of nonsense to make no sense. I need more for some reason.
Now that I am through it all, yes, Courier Nova must become a thing
Came here from the newest story. Worth it
Headcanon accepted
I love the idea of Courier Nova, though I have to wonder what exactly it is they're an alicorn of.
It's always great to see Berry Punch get the treatment she deserves.
All in all, this was a fascinating medley in the key of typewriter. Well done.