Chapter 4
The past two days had been long ones, made longer by ever-increasing anticipation. Today, however, was the day. There was still time to flee and Furious considered doing so, but his own natural curiousity was overwhelming. Nine hundred and seventeen ponies had come with sincere hopes that, even if they did not find the love of their lives, they would at least find a compatible partner that would be their best friend.
The youngest to marry was fourteen, a member of the First Tribes, and the oldest was seventy one. Over a dozen had walked away so far, causing the sign with the big glowing numbers to change, the total decreasing. Even with the panic and anxiety, there was a festive, almost carnival-like atmosphere. A good time was being had by many and the Crystal Empire was well suited for large scale celebrations.
A great many tables for two had been set up in preparation for the first meal together, along with somewhat larger tables for groups. Not a cloud was in the sky and the weather team kept a lookout for feral storms come to ruin the fun for everypony. Princess Cadance’s students had gone all out, preparing a lavish feast and quite a number of wedding cakes.
It wouldn’t be long now until the bell rang and he would go to processing, where he would be tagged, blindfolded, and taken to the marker where he would stand until Princess Cadance performed the ceremony. Afterwards, when the Princess of Love was finished, he would remove his blindfold and meet his bride for the very first time. Then, they would go and eat together.
The real question on Furious’ mind was, would there be a happily ever after? It was a constant thought, a nagging worry, a heavy load on his withers. During his short stay, he had learned quite a bit about Princess Cadance’s success rate: sometimes there were some troubles after the ceremony and couples counselling was required. If one followed the program though, if one remained committed and followed the instructions step by step, things had a tendency to work out.
But the process itself wasn’t quite as simple as the papers had made it out to be. Success meant hard work and effort for some. For whatever reason, this was reassuring for Furious that things weren’t quite as perfect as they had first appeared. Nothing should ever be too easy and striving for a goal was meaningful.
The biggest assurance was that there were no love spells to make this happen, no forced love, no clouded emotions—but magic did have a part to play. His hair sample had spells cast upon it—mysterious matchmaking spells perhaps—and some of this was used to help determine potential matches.
When the bell rang with explosive suddenness, Furious decided that he would see this through.
Ponies were getting cold hooves in the processing line, but there were crisis counsellors with strategic placements to help those with last minute jitters. Furious was still having some second thoughts, they couldn’t be stopped, but some stranger was depending on him to remain resolute, and he hoped that his bride, whomever she was, would return the favour.
“You’ll feel a lot calmer with the blindfold,” a counsellor said in an uplifting, reassuring voice. “The best part is, in just a little while, you’ll meet the most wonderful, most special pony, and you’ll be able to talk to one another about your fears. Remain steady.”
An army of students, some young, some a little older, all worked to lead blindfolded ponies out to their allotted marker, which was a wooden stake in the ground with a number on it. Furious was almost at the chute, the place where he would be blindfolded and tagged. He tried not to think about his knees knocking, or how his bad leg pained him a bit, or the fact that he was getting hitched to a total stranger.
The worst was, he couldn’t even hope for a pretty stranger, because that felt wrong. Right now, some mare was hoping for a handsome stallion, and she would no doubt be a little disappointed. For Furious, it just wasn’t right to expect somepony pretty, and he resolved to look past the outside. The survey had reminded him that he had a lot to offer on the inside, and those things were important. In fact, during the past few days, he had done quite a bit of equinal assessment, and was feeling pretty good about himself.
On reflection, the survey had reminded him that he was a good, decent pony, worthy of love, attention, and affection. So were lots of other ponies, no doubt, if one could only get past the hangups that kept ponies apart. There were many good, decent ponies, all milling about Equestria, going on with their lives, and many of them lonely, just like he was.
“Step ahead, please.”
Doing as he was told, he stepped into the chute. A bright blue strip of cloth was placed over his eye and secured to his head. A tag was looped over his ear, a little loose band of elastic that tugged the tender short hairs just a tiny bit. Well, it was over. He was done being single. Life as he knew it was about to change, no doubt for the better. Beside him, he heard panicked breathing and a swishing tail being whipped about.
“Follow me,” a chirpy voice instructed, and Furious was too nervous to determine if it was male or female. Whatever it was, it sounded little and squeaky. They also sounded as though they were having the time of their life. No doubt, this was meaningful for them: they were students but were already making the world a better place in a measurable way.
Blinded, following a foal that lead him along, Furious went willingly to the place where his old life would end and his new life would begin. All around him, he could hear the sounds of others doing the same. Worried wickers, frightened nickers, and hesitant whinnies. They were all sharing the same experience, all were afraid, they were all feeling the same emotions now.
Something about this realisation made him a larger pony on the inside. His horizons broadened and he became more self-aware. He was, right now, an integral part of something larger, something bigger, something greater than the sum of its parts. Many lives were about to change, no doubt for the better, and from this act of greatness, many foals would be born. This would shape the future of Equestria.
Mind reeling, Furious prepared himself for greatness.
Hearing a rustle, Furious’ ears strained to listen. There was somepony beside him now, close, real close. She was breathing a bit hard and sounded every bit as spooked as he was. The alluring scent of something feminine teased his nose, something like fruit, but tangy smelling. Now he wondered how he smelled, and began to worry a bit. He had taken a shower and had even rolled around in a cloud to put in a little extra effort, but he had been sweating… did he have dreaded stinky wingpits, the bane of the pegasus pony tribe?
When the Royal Family of Canterlot worried about their stinky wingpits, they used Stink Sentry™ brand underwing spray, or at least that is what he had read in the papers. Nothing else lasted longer under pressure, Stink Sentry™ was guaranteed to ferociously fight a fierce funk, and was safe enough to spray your junk.
It was tempting to break the rule of no talking, but Furious stuck with being a good pony. Still, it might be better to say a little something now, before he got all tongue-tied and stupid. He agonised over the decision because the rules were important and if everypony went off and did whatever they wanted, all of civilisation would fall apart.
“Mister, I’m real scared.”
Furious couldn’t tell anything by how her voice sounded. It was a bit husky, but that could be from fear. Was she young or old? He had no idea. She had just broken the rules! What did this say about her? Should he say something back? Did two wrongs make a right? There was a bit of a whine from the sound system and he knew his chance to say something was now, before Princess Cadance started.
“Ma’am, I’m scared myself.”
From off to his left, there was giggling, a sweet, melodious sound. “I’ve never been called Ma’am before,” he heard her say. This made his ears burn and he wondered if he had offended her. Talking was a mistake. Yep. There were rules for a reason and this was why. Now, he was so scared that he was tempted to fly away.
“Well hello, all of you,” Princess Cadance said, her voice booming over the public announcement system. “I know a lot of you are scared right now. Did you know that I am scared too? I want this to be a perfect day for you, and I’ve put in so much hard work to make all of this possible. My students are exhausted from all of the demands that I have made for them. No matter how much effort is required, it has been worth it. In the next few minutes, your lives will change, all of you.”
Furious gulped and could not help but notice that under his wings, he was damp with perspiration. All around him he could hear the sounds of panicked ponies. There was a faint squeal when he heard Princess Cadance continue: “All of you know why you are here. Those of you who remain are about to commit yourselves to something beautiful, something meaningful, something amazing.”
Breathing was now like sucking in a sandstorm.
“Okay now, everypony, deep breaths, and I’m about to change your lives forever!” Princess Cadance’s excitement was palpable in her voice, which boomed out of the public announcement system. “As Empress of the Crystal Empire, I now pronounce you husband and wife! Wife and Wife! Husband and Husband! Husband and Harem! Whatever it is that applies to you, I pronounce it!”
A gasp moved through the collective herd of equinity.
“Now wait a moment… wait! I have your first task as partners, so please, listen up!” Princess Cadance’s voice was as commanding as it was gentle. “You are going to help your partner remove their blindfold! No magic! No wings! This is a trust exercise and as you’re about to find out, it’s kinda fun! Now go at it!”
Well, this was awkward. Furious took a cautious step towards his left, then another, and then when he did it again he brushed up against his bride. She was giggling, darn near fit to split, and the happy sound was music to his ears. Music was playing but he paid no attention to it. When he moved again, something brushed up against his neck.
“Now, go easy! No biting! No nipping! Be gentle! Be very gentle in everything you do! Set a good first impression!” Now, Princess Cadance was laughing, and her words sent a ripple of laughter through the enormous crowd. “We don’t need any lost ears!”
At this, Furious let out a nervous chuckle and he felt a muzzle moving up his neck, then along his jawline. This caused pleasurable tingles all over and his crooked dock waggled with a happiness that he had never known. A second later, and he felt a tug on his blindfold. This about caused him to panic—she would be seeing him soon and that was a frightening prospect.
Something about this was… sensual? Doing it with a stranger… doubly so.
His ears perked at the sound of his bride’s feminine grunts and he didn’t even know her name. He was married to a mare and he didn’t even know her name. Why hadn’t Princess Cadance’s first instruction been an exchange of names? Why? Warm, sweet breath blew against his face and he could feel soft lips brush up against the ridge of his cheek, which sent shivers down his spine.
With a few more tugs, the knot slipped apart and the blindfold was pulled from his face. The very first thing he saw was luscious green, the colour of a honeydew melon. Curls, tight ringlet curls bounced and bobbed just inches from his eye, and they stuck out in every conceivable direction. Lost in these curls were sunny yellow highlights. Then, he noticed a vibrant olive coloured ear, and a bright orange blindfold.
Furious forgot to breathe.
Before he was too overwhelmed, he had the presence of mind to snatch the bright orange blindfold in his teeth and give it a yank. She was a stunner, she was. Heavyset to the point of being delightfully curvy, she was padded in all of the right places, the best places, the places where padding offered meaningful protection. She possessed immaculate feathers, and her eyes, a distinctive shade of violet, stared at him unblinking. Something about her suggested youth and he doubted that she had been a mare long, maybe a few summers.
“Why, hello, new husband, my name is Crop Duster!” When she laughed, she jiggled in all of the right places and too late, Furious’ wings flew wide with a near-supersonic crack. Glancing left, glancing right, it was obvious that she was checking out his wingspan, as any pegasus mare would do. Nodding, she appeared to like what she saw.
“Name is Furious,” he managed to say in a dry voice. “Furious Funnel. Pleased to meetcha.” The young mare was perfect, too perfect, and the tendons in his wings were stretched to the point of pain. The thirsty dustpuncher stood for a moment, drinking her in, unable to believe his luck, and there was no mistaking it, he had lucked out.
“Well, I'm glad to meet you, Furious. You’re about what I expected.”
“You expected?” Furious asked, unable to form a proper question.
“Stallions my age are too squirrelly, too immature, and ain’t ready to settle down,” she replied. “I asked for somepony a little older, a little wiser, a little more mature.” For a moment, it seemed as though she was about to say something else, but she didn’t. A coy smile spread over her muzzle and she stared up at Furious with a heavy-lidded stare. “I like that mustache!”
“I think I done like everything there is about you,” Furious admitted. “I hope I ain’t a sight to make eyes sore.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about that.” Crop Duster batted her long, curly eyelashes and gave Furious a warm, inviting smile. “As you’ll soon discover, I’m not perfect… and to be honest, I’m not bothered by how you look. I’m not going to let it be an issue for me. We ponies with disabilities have to stick together.” She gave her new husband a teasing wink and the tip of her orange tongue stuck out from between her full, almost pouty lips.
“Well, that’s a relief.” The pegasus stallion let out a huff of relief, but then he thought about her words and he had to know what she meant. “Whaddya mean, ya ain’t perfect?”
This caused a coquettish giggle in reply. “Oh, you’ll find out soon enough!”
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I cant help but smile at all this. Makes me kinda giddy, lot's of happiness no doubt comes from this.
Ohh, this is shaping up to be fun.
Also,
My guess is that so they don't pair up anypony related.
8362876
That would be a good guess.
Cliffhanger!!!!!!!!
blargdlfrglfrrrrrrtrrttff
*dies*
I'm so excited for the next chapter! I'm a little late, but I clicked that notif as soon as I saw it! This is one of my favorite stories on the site so far.
I, myself, can't wait. What, is she narcoleptic or something?
This chapter brought to you by warm fuzzies R us, part of the bigger Kudzu brand.
Also, I though there was another chaptet after this one, but it seems that I already clicked next with really registering it. Nooooooo
I myself think the classical style of dating, awkwardness and eventually marrying is better than this method, but what do I know? It's not as if I have experience with that. Anyways, I can't wait for the next chapter!
8362873 I feel the same haha.
Mental disability? In any case, I'm anxious to see where this goes.
This Chapter Proudly Sponsored by Alicorn Alchemical Industries.
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(come on, you knew I would do this!)
I love how casual and genuine Cadance is with the ceremony.
8362963
She got the long body and the long legs.
Is her name Crop Duster because she's flatulent while she flies?
If this hadn't been so warm and fuzzy I would have wondered if she was going to tell him that her disability was a lack of a gag reflex. ... But it's not that kind of story, and it left me with a big warm smile.
Alright, lets start the betting pool on what Duster's disability is.
Clearly, its going to be something subtle, I got 10bits on "can't have foals".
I'm really liking this story as well as the characters here, keep it up!
8363233
Indeed they are several records have been set for mass weddings though I'm not sure mass blind weddings are all that common
8363491
10 buts on some kind of flatulence.
Is anyone thinking of making a picture of crop duster and furious funnel?
Now for the mass coitus!
Man I want to go to Princesss Cadence to get married! That sounds AMAZING!
Also I am really enjoying this new direction, though I am VERY curious to see where this is going!
I couldn't go to a mass blindfold wedding. It wouldn't be Kudzu, so there is no point.
I'll just have to live an live of unrequited love, forever reading his stories, and only ever commenting from the sidelines.