Chapter 12
“Captain, what is the plan?”
Flash Sentry turned his helmeted head to glance over at the unicorn to his left, and then, after a moment of consideration, he returned his attention to the two pegasus ponies cavorting in the fountain. It only took him a few seconds to make a lifesaving judgment call and he nodded in preparation of his response.
“Private Low, we’re not going to do anything.”
“We’re not?”
“No, Private, we’re not.”
“Sir, why not?”
“Private Low, that right there is the Pinto Pummeller. That is a pony that picks fights with tornados for a living and right now, he is engaging in the ancient pegasus tradition of courtship. You need to trust me when I say that you don’t wish to disturb him. Right now, we have a little dancing and some plumage displays. But if we get too close, he might resort to the ancient pegasus display of, ‘Hey, look how much ass I can whup up on’ and we don’t want that.”
“No, Captain, I suppose we don’t. He don’t look like much though.”
“Private Low…”
“Yes, Captain?”
“You’re as dumb as dogshit, Private Low.”
The unicorn sighed, but did not respond.
“The only authority he’ll submit to is the biggest, baddest, strongest pegasus pony in the flock. So I’ll tell you what. We’re going to stand here, wait, and hope that they continue to roost in the fountain, Private Low.” After a moment, Flash Sentry eased his stance a little and his armor clanked as his rigid posture relaxed. There was no sense looking like a threat or posing as a challenger. “Private Low—”
“Yes, Captain?”
Annoyed that he had been interrupted, Flash had to make an effort to keep his voice down. “Whatever you do, don’t look directly at him, do not make eye contact, and if he comes over in this direction, you had best back away. We don’t want any incidents on a wedding day.”
“Right, Captain.”
Furious might’ve been a bit more wasted than he first thought, but he didn’t let it bother him none. He stood with a wide stance while preening his wings, and his tail was held high, giving the world around him a magnificent view of what he had to offer as both a prospective mate and a father. Crop Duster, who was prancing in wobbly circles around her husband, was giving what he had to offer a sidelong glance while her lips pressed tight around her glistening, slobbery tongue, which hung from the corner of her mouth. It bounced with each step and the young mare was experiencing the most turgid, rigid display of arousal that she had ever endured in her short life.
She was far too prim, sheltered, and polite to say such vulgar words like ‘wingboner.’
With his wet pelt gleaming in the late afternoon sun, Furious showed off a body that looked as though it had been chiseled from stone. He was sharp angles, hard edges, and dense, knotty muscles. His pelt had rippled places—scars from sandblast attacks—and a whole host of marred imperfections. His hide was a parchment, with each scar existing as a written word about the life he had lived, a testament to courage, bravery, and as some might say, brash, boneheaded stupidity.
Slurping up her tongue, Crop Duster made a bold move towards her husband. In a tequila-fueled moment of dangerous curiousity, she held out one rigid wing towards Furious, and then batted her eyelashes at him. This too, was an action older than recorded history, an unspoken part of pegasus history, something that had fallen prey to conservative, militaristic social mores, and the harsh, disciplined life that the majority of pegasus ponies lived. It was also a rejection of animalism, an action that had been shamed and chastened into being done behind closed doors in an effort to combat the stereotype that all pegasus ponies were brutes.
But Crop Duster made a move in the open, a public display, asking her mate a silent question of her acceptance. Nostrils wide, Furious sniffed as he pulled his lips from his own wing, and there was a dangerous, possessive gleam in his eye when he maneuvered his head closer to inspect the wing held out and offered to him. A bellowing wicker could be heard in the depths of his throat and his hooves splashed in the shallow water as he took a step closer to his trembling bride.
In this ritual, rejection meant a bite, a painful bite, or even torn out feathers, an action that might leave a pegasus grounded for a time, a dangerous condition for any pegasus. With all of the blood that flooded the spongy muscle tissues of their wings, a bite during this stage of arousal could also cause significant blood loss and potential weakness to both predators and rivals. This was an old ritual, not done with thought and reason, but with instincts and ancient ancestral memory. It spoke a great deal about their savage, hostile nature, as well as the violence that once ruled the way of their tribe.
The grizzled warrior’s legs went stiff as he sniffed the offered wing, and then he chuffed a few times, which caused Crop Duster to twitch and jerk, but she did not pull her wing away. She let out a shrill nicker when Furious took the offered wing into his mouth, and stood wide-eyed while he began to groom her. Her eyes darted off to one side when the strong sound of running water could be heard, and a powerful stream of musky, vivid yellow liquid could be seen streaming from between Furious’ hind legs. Nostrils flaring, she let out a submissive sounding whimper as Furious began to preen her offered primaries.
Most of the growing crowd could not turn away and watched with great interest, though not all interest was positive.
Crop Duster moved closer, until she was almost pressed up against Furious. His grooming was gentle, even pleasurable, and with each nibble of his teeth, her ears bobbed up and down like the excited, flapping wings of a tiny bird. Her jaw hung down and drew in each breath through her open mouth, forgetting that her nose even existed.
When he bellowed, she nickered. When he wickered, she whinnied. These wordless exchanges continued for a time as the preening ritual progressed. They only had eyes and ears for each other and did not notice the crowd, or how it stared. They did not hear the outraged utterances or angry words like, ‘feral,’ ‘disgusting,’ or ‘shameful.’ They were out of reach of the social conditioning and rituals that curbed this behaviour and kept it behind closed doors.
It was a perfect, beautiful moment fraught with the savage ferocity of the ancient warrior tribe. Even with its untamed beauty, there was also a fierce gentleness and an aggressive sense of possession, even though many might consider such possessive behaviour barbarous. Pegasus ponies were barbaric, but they hid it well beneath a thin veneer of civilisation.
The rituals of courtship were interrupted when a third pony landed...
With a savage, rumbling growl, Furious turned to face the newcomer and he pushed Crop Duster behind him with his wing. He made a pawing motion with his bad leg, and his hoof splashed in the shallow water of the basin. When he saw who was there, he was forced to look up to meet her gaze, and his terrifying growl died in his throat.
“Well, that’s rather rude, don’t you think?” Princess Cadance stared down at Furious with a stern look of disapproval. “Now, look, I understand you, I really do. Even though I was raised by a village of earth ponies, I know the lingua fracas, the ancient language of the pegasus pony tribe. So, I’ll ask you now to refrain speaking to me in such a manner.”
Furious remained stiff legged, defiant, and did not relax his position.
“This is a joyous day of celebration, and you should be expressing your newfound infatuation with one another…” A long pause marked Princess Cadance’s words and she focused her burning, soul piercing stare upon Furious’ single eye. “But you… your celebration, it is causing other ponies around you some distress, and it is ruining their good time. So, because of your unbridled revelry, I must ask you to come with me.”
“Am I under arrest?” Furious asked and he began to wonder if his mother would kill him for this. “Are you about to take me to jail?” He wondered how sturdy the jail was, and if it could keep his mother out. Maybe his aunt too. Being sisters, they tended to work together.
“Nopony is arrested on their wedding day,” Princess Cadance replied in the firm, calm voice of absolute authority. “Nopony goes to jail, either. No, you are being rewarded for your exuberant celebration and I am offering you a luxurious honeymoon suite for you to celebrate your nuptials in.”
“I don’t see that I’ve done anything wrong.” Furious felt Crop Duster pressing up against him, and she was shivering. Maybe with terror, he didn’t know. She was the good sort that had never done anything wrong in her life, so this might be rather scary for her.
“The fountain that you frolic in, this reflecting pool, it is a memorial for those who have died under the rule of Dread King Sombra—”
Furious cringed, and did so hard.
“ —and this is a sacred place where those who have suffered loss come to contemplate and remember those who did not survive his unspeakable tyranny. I am willing to let this infraction slide, but you must come with me.” Princess Cadance took a step forwards and drew herself up to her full, imposing height.
His tequila soaked brain thought about the situation for a moment while Crop Duster shivered against him, and he could hear her teeth chattering together. He had gone for a romp through what was a graveyard of sorts, which was bad, but wasn’t awful enough for confinement, at least in his opinion. No matter what she was calling this, this felt like an arrest. This was something that could be apologised for, maybe.
The last time he had been arrested had been with Braeburn in Las Pegasus, and his mother had been quite irate. Nothing scared Furious like his mother, nothing, not even the snapping beaks of owlbears. Perhaps there was a way to back out of this situation, some way that did not involve his mother’s merciless fury or her loving headbutts of correction.
“Okay, I’ll confess that I goofed,” Furious said in what he hoped was the most respectful tone he could muster, “but really, if it is all the same, I think I’d rather just go back to our—OW!”
His tender ear was seized by magic and his defiant posture melted away as he heard Princess Cadance say, “Oh no, I’m sorry, my little pony, but you will be staying in the luxurious and opulent honeymoon suite for the night.” She made a sweeping gesture to the crowd standing on the water’s edge, and then lowered her head down to be closer to Furious’ face. “You put me in a bad position, my little pony, I want to let you celebrate and have a good time… I want to see you happy… but at the same time, you have caused great offense, and I must do something to satisfy their needs as well. I can’t just let you go after what you’ve done, because they would be very, very upset with me. But I also can’t put you in jail, which is where you’d actually be going if this wasn’t your wedding night. So, consider this a compromise.”
“Mister Mustache!” Crop Duster’s shouted words were slurred and she swayed while she shivered against him. “I am whispering to you so she doesn’t hear me, but I think we’re busted! At least she doesn’t know that I peed in the pool!”
Looking up, Furious saw Princess Cadance glaring down at him, and she looked stern. He gulped a few times, hoping that Crop Duster would stay quiet, and then with a nod that made his ear tug against the princess’ powerful pinch, he said, “We’ll come along quietly with no fuss and no trouble.”
“Good, good, I am pleased to hear that. All the same, I’ll still be hauling you through town by your ears, both of you. I have to walk a fine, fine line that rests between authority and compassion, and I already have some of my subjects pleading that you be locked up.” There was a loud gasp when Crop Duster’s ear was seized, and she pooted from panic. Princess Cadance gave a gentle tug on the couple’s ears and her wings unfurled from her sides. “I detest that you’ve put me in this position and I dislike this situation. If the two of you behave through all the night, all will be forgiven come morning. Please, please allow me to continue walking my fine, fine line that rests between authority and compassion.”
“Princess, I am powerful sorry,” Furious said, apologising. “Come on, Dusty, we gotsta face the music.”
“Horn solo!” Crop Duster cried out, and she let rip once more while squinting with effort.
Shaking her head, Princess Cadance snorted in disgust and drew her head back. “Okay, both of you. We’re going. There will be a short little flight over the water and then we’ll be landing. I will expect your cooperation and your continued good behaviour. If the crowd becomes unruly and starts throwing things at you…”—her words trailed off for a moment and her eyes narrowed—“do not respond and allow me to shield you. I will deal with trouble if it happens.”
“Thank you, Princess—”
“You can thank me with cooperation and good behaviour,” was Princess Cadance’s curt reply. “Now get moving, both of you, or I’ll give you an ear tugging that you’ll never forget! Your grandfoals will tell stories to their grandfoals about why the whole family has one long ear! See if I don’t!”
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Stop! In the name of love~
And let's get y'all a room before a riot happens.
Smart alec Unicorn, (Looks a bit like Blueblood?) "Get a room already!."
Mare next to him, "Do you want to loan them some of our spare gear?"
Yes, the locals tend not to be appreciative when you vandalize the final resting place of their ancestors and friends.
I misread "slurred" as "shouted", which makes that an entirely different scene.
So they were about to screw in what is essentially a holocaust memorial.
WELP
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Stuff happens after tequila.
1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, *Cadence*
That was once again brilliant. I wonder what Gosling's reaction would have been to the whole display
HAIL HYDRATE
that makes two of us...jeez
"Horn Solo"
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/e/eb/Pinkie_Pie_blows_party_horn_in_Rainbow%27s_face_S4E04.png/revision/latest?cb=20131209094754
8373134
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Eh, even when angry, I don't think Cadance would be so rude.
This chapter would need an extra upvote
8373041
Oh yes ... *remembers* ... or not - because memory gone due to drinking too much Tequila
Oh lawd, they done called in the big pegasus mama. Youse in trouble now!
8373041
https://youtu.be/3H6amDbAwlY
In my headcanon version of Equestria, this last scene never would have happened. Ponies barely would have noticed, even when they started outright fucking, because that's just a thing ponies do sometimes.
Good thinking, Flash.
Ooooooo.
Even better.
Ohhh. You done gone and done it now you two! You are in SO much trouble! O.O
BEWARE THE LEWD!
Dayum. That is a bust indeed.