Joker's Wild

by Damaged

Reasonable Doubt

I held my breath and looked between the two adult ponies. Zecora had a curious smile, and I could see no sign of panic in her eyes. I let out my held breath and turned back to the strange unicorn who I only knew as Joker. "Uh, I guess it is excitin'."

My mind raced back to what had happened to my big sister and her friends; poison joke's effects had ranged from hilarious to disturbing, but Zecora had cured them all in the end. Deciding that whatever happened, at least Zecora could cure it, I turned my full attention to Joker.

Joker was an average height mare, with a ready smile and dancing, vivid-blue eyes. Pale fur, and a green mane were normal enough, but there was just something about her that seemed odd. It was like every pony in Equestria was an apple tree, and Joker would be a peach tree. The way my brain ran, using apple trees as a metaphor.

"Joker's methods are not usual, but I think you showed you are suitable." Zecora's voice couldn't make me break my attention from Joker. I watched as she lit her horn up and worked at brewing tea.

"Suitable? Ah don't understand." I looked down at my hoof, and the dried blue flower I held. "Zecora, you said I would be her apprentice?"

"His apprentice." Joker's feminine voice confused me more, and my raised eyebrow prompted him further. "I am still a stallion, no matter how I look. You could call this my joke, but it isn't really. Let me tell you the story of a young stallion—only a little older than you—that left his home to make his own life. Zecora vouched for you, so I guess I will tell you the story of a joker. The Joker."

I listened to his story, and it seemed fantastic. I had read all about poison joke in one of Princess Twilight's books, but they had mostly dealt with side effects. It came back that it takes nearly eight hours in some cases, to be affected, but that once the curse had hold there was only one cure for it, and it wasn't cheap.

Joker pointed to his chest. "It took years to reach this point, but despite all the changes I still think of myself as a stallion." The rose hip tea had finally finished steeping, and I watched as Joker poured it out into three cups. Something surprised me about everything he did, and I finally put my hoof on it; Joker treated me as an adult.

The reason I had trusted Zecora to come on this trip was because I wanted to find a job I could do. Apprenticing to her hadn't gone the greatest, I just couldn't get the hang of some of her potions. When Zecora had told me she would take me to somepony who would train me, I hadn't realized somepony as strange as Joker even existed.

I snapped from my contemplation as a cup and saucer floated to me. Reaching up, I took hold of the offered china. In the porcelain teacup was a rich red tea that looked every bit like the roses it was brewed from. "Thank you." The words came automatically; they were good manners.

"You are very welcome, Apple Bloom." Joker studied me for a moment. "Would you be offended if I used Bloom? If we are to work together, having to shout such a long name might prove… untimely."

The question surprised me because nopony—even my friends—had ever used that as a nickname, and I had never thought of my name as changeable before. In a moment of introspection, I turned and looked at myself. Except for the apple—almost hidden—on my cutie mark, there was nothing that marked me as a member of the Apple family.

"Zecora, Apple Bloom is the single most interesting pony I have ever met." Joker's tone snapped me from my contemplation. "I asked her for a shorter version of her name to call her by, and she looks like she suddenly had to reevaluate her place in the cosmos."

I felt the need to defend myself. "Ah was just thinkin'. You know the Apple family, right?"

"I think it would be hard to live in Equestria and not know the Apple family. They—and I suspect you might be a member, given your name—spread all over Equestria in search of the perfect soil to grow orchards in." Joker looked much pleased with himself. "That Apple family?"

"Uh… yeah." I lifted my cup up and sipped at it. The flavor of rich and delicious roses filled my palate, and swept my senses away in a rush of relaxation. "Wow that's good. Anyhow, my brother and sister work on the farm, an' they manage it just fine. I… I haven't told Applejack yet, but I want to work with herbs and plants more'n just apples."

Joker seemed impossible to read. Compared to my friends, my family, and their friends; he was an enigma. "Tell me, what do you know of rose hip tea?" His voice was mellow, smooth, like the tea.

"Rose hip tea is good for keepin' a pony… regular. And it helps with kidney problems. It weren't Zecora who taught me that, Granny Smith drinks it." I sipped more of the tea and felt the warmth of it spreading through me. I couldn't help but wonder if the feeling was the curse of the poison joke, but the logical part of my brain recalled that it would take most of the day for it to show.

"Those are two excellent uses. These particular roses also help you relax, and will ease foaling." Joker sipped his tea again, his eyes watching me over the cup. "It also tastes really good! Depending on how things turn out, I could take you as my apprentice, but you will have to continue to show me the things you already have, and I want to see more. Are you prepared to do that?"

"What've Ah shown you?" Confusion reigned, all he had done was throw a single herb at me.

"You caught and wouldn't risk damaging something you knew could be valuable, despite its negative effects. You trusted me—something that is very uncommon. And you show a willingness to gather knowledge from more than one source, and apply it. You also show personal interest in this trade, regardless of your cutie mark."

"Helpin' ponies with cutie mark related problems isn't exactly a paying job. It might make you popular, but it just…" I let out a sigh. I loved helping ponies with their cutie marks, it was what gave me the greatest and most wonderful feeling in the whole world, but… I realized my mental train of thought trailed off just like my voice had. "Ah'm good with plants, with herbs, and basic potions. Ah like helping ponies, and while this isn't exactly for cutie mark problems, I know potions and medicines do help everypony."

"Alright. Zecora,"—dramatically, Joker turned to look at Zecora—"why aren't you teaching her? She is smart, she wants to learn, she has talent… What's wrong?"

When I looked at Zecora too, she looked stricken. I had never seen her quite this distressed. "Her skills, grand as they may be, cannot help when zebrican magic she cannot see." She lifted a hoof out towards me and brushed my cheek. "Apple Bloom's talents are great, but of shamanistic talents she doesn't partake."

The words stung. They hurt more than any I had heard before from my friend and mentor. True words could always cut deepest. I dropped my drink—ignoring the lack of sound that proved it didn't hit the floor—and tried to run. I hated the words, I wanted them to be a long way away.

Before I could get a step, a leg wrapped around my shoulders, and I couldn't stop myself from diving into the embrace. "Ah jus' wanted t' help ponies!"

"There-there. You will help ponies, a lot of ponies." The voice of the pony hugging me shocked me a little, Joker had his legs around me, hugging me to him. "I'll teach you a different way. You will still make potions, work with herbs and other plants. Whether or not you are a joker, or even able to work with poison joke at all, you can be my apprentice."

I looked up at Joker's face. The lines of his jaw and his features might be soft, he might be the strangest pony I had ever met, but it was obvious he actually cared, and that meant a lot. "You can call me Bloom."

"A wonderful name for a mare who will work with plants. Bloom, let me show you around my little house." Joker gave a little squeeze to the hug and then started to let go. I felt conflicted now, but when I looked at Zecora—my first teacher in potion-making—I saw her wearily smile.

It occurred to me that she was really worried as to how I would react. She cared for me more than I realized, and it gave me a warm tingle, almost like when I thought of my mom. I had been brought up in a "huggy" family, so when I saw Zecora's reaction I barely thought about it, and rushed up to her to give her a hug. "Thank you."

I hadn't been hugged by Zecora before, and it was strange even now, but it was right at the same time. I owed her a lot, even more if Joker did apprentice me like he promised.

"It has been a pleasure, Apple Bloom. With the herbal arts, you were an honor to groom. But now I must leave you to your teacher, I have neglected my attentions to a very special creature." With a double rhyme given, not a common thing from Zecora, the zebra made her way to the back door of the house and opened it.

Stepping outside, I saw Zecora immediately tackled to the ground by a pouncing timber wolf. I was almost ready to yell, until I heard the zebra giggling. "W-W-What the—"

"That's Scruffy. He and Zecora go way back, don't worry." Joker's words did nothing to make the world seem balanced. I must have looked as confused as I felt, because I felt a hoof poke my shoulder. "Come on, Bloom, time for work.

Working in a shop proved a lot different to Zecora's hut, or even Princess Twilight's castle, although the latter was nearest to how neat and well laid out Joker's wares were. I had been told to straighten up all the jars in one corner, and to dust them.

Everything wore a label, indicating both the substance, and its age. I recognized a few, mostly outright cures for a lot of illnesses, and general herbs, but there were some dangerous ones. "What's this one do? Salacious succor?"

Joker turned, for what wasn't the first time. "It… it is not something a filly should look into, but you need to know. It calms a pony who is overexcited. Dried, it can be inhaled. It can also be steeped in water, then evaporate the water to produce a mild calming effect. It is addictive only in its dried state."

I blinked a few times, letting the information sink in. "Sorry if this—"

"Don't apologize. If you remember half of what I explain, this will all be worth it. How do you feel?" Joker's words reminded me that there was a magical curse slowly taking effect on me.

"Uh, nothin'. Is it meant to tingle? Should I feel anything?" I looked down my forelegs, then back and along my body. No blue spots. No strange shapes. I didn't have wings to affect, but nothing looked out of place.

"I don't have first-hoof experience, being a joker, but most people report a slight tingling… at least those with large effects do." Joker was pushing a broom around the room, cleaning up a strangely thick amount of dust. He must have noticed my attention on the clouds that kept appearing. "I am often away for long periods of time. While it would be grand to be able to spend all my time here, I often need new cuttings and seeds."

"You talked about what happened to you, is that all…" I gulped. "Is that going to happen to me, too?" Polishing the next jar, I noticed it was another dried bunch of leaves. My eyes flicked over the tag, and I recognized a pain-relieving herb.

"If you want it to. If you become a joker, I can promise one thing: it will make you closer to the plants than you would have ever dreamed. When you are bound in a field of poison joke, you become part of it. The sun gives you life, the water feeds your roots." The look of longing on Joker's face, as he spoke, surprised me. "It will be your choice, but you will be welcome in my grove."

Watching Joker, trying to see if he was living up to his namesake in regard to the description, I hadn't noticed how close my tail got to a jar, and it started to wobble in place. Spinning with a gasp of shock, I lifted a hoof up and steadied it.

"Quick reflexes. A surprisingly helpful trait in our line of work." Joker, done with sweeping the floor, floated a cylinder of opaque crystal up onto the workbench before him, and had my full attention. "This," he must have realized I was watching, "is giggle vine. I was on a bit of a forage, and a friend happened to help me get a piece."

My cleaning forgotten, I wandered closer to the work bench. "Why is it called 'giggle vine'?" Before I could react, Joker flicked a little of the dust in the bottom of the crystal canister up at my face. I snorted, then chuckled, then started giggling and laughing. It wasn't like it hurt, or felt bad; the giggle vine's spore did just one thing, it made you exceptionally happy. I had to wonder how addictive it could be.

Author's Note:

Joker: what gender are you?

"Gender or sex? Both are confusing to anypony who sees me, and twice so to me." Joker rolled his eyes. "I am a stallion. I was born a stallion, and every time I see this cute mare-like face in the mirror, I think 'stallion.'

"As for my sex... that is twice as complicated to work out, if you catch my drift."

---

So I do this "Ask x" thing, x can be any pony within the story. You can ask them anything and I they will definitely hopefully reply. Keep the questions appropriate to the age-rating of the stories and of course, I they will answer the best question(s) in the author notes of the next chapter. The more votes a comment has the more likely I will get it to the right pony to answer, try and keep it to one answer per post! I They will pick one question per chapter.

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Awesome ponies who are already helping to keep me in keyboards and rum:
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Comments

[Warrior Kitten]

Dammit i asked the wrong question. But i think that does mean he's a herm?

[Warrior Kitten]

Random thought here, but in the FO:E universe, Poison Joke became Killing Joke, would Joker become Killer I wonder?

[Damaged]

8405297 No clue. Not a fan of Fallout, or the MLP crossovers. But Joker is a happy guy, no need to make him darky mcdarkface just for the sake of it.

[Warrior Kitten]

8405466
I don't think he'd have a choice, but okay <:)

[Headlock1_0]

Well'p....I caught up to this much faster than I was planning. It's hard to keep from binge-reading something as gripping as this! Well done, and I'm looking forward to more!

[tsaukpaetra]

seems Applebloom's evaluation is going swimmingly enough!