• Member Since 14th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago


Nothing special here, move along, nothing to see, just ignore the lump under the sheet and the red stuff...


Pinkie Pie starts a relationship advice column in the Canterlot High school paper.  It goes about as expected.

Picture credit: Equestria Girls Wikipedia

(More chapters will be added as they wander through the mail delivery system.)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 71 )

First Comment reserved for the author. Just putting this out there before I head over to Bronycon. Enjoy!

(P.S. For some reason, it shows as zero views. Oh, and there goes my downvote troll. I swear, that's a script.)

What, are some of your readers thirsty for the firsties? :ajsmug:

Ah well, I'll have to give this one a look a bit later tonight. Sounds like a fun idea!

This is a fun idea to tinker with, definitely. I just worry that sticking solidly to a letter format will turn into a gimmick that will burn out the fic prematurely. I do recommend you try throwing other things into the mix.

A fun idea. I look forward to a sporadic update schedule of silly little jokes that I never regret clicking on.

Celly and Luna have a very lax definition of appropriate, it seems. :trollestia:

Heh, I remember when you made a blogpost about this awhile back (wasn't a dating advice column but just a general ask column idea).

While that means my funny little quip on that blogpost won't ever be seen here, I do look forward to all the fun shenanigans that Pinkie will be responding to.:pinkiehappy:

Edit: Great moogah-boogah! That blogpost was from a year ago! I remembered it was around my birthday last year, and now here's the story to it a few scant hours before my birthday!

Happy early birthday, dude!

Thanks. :raritystarry:
I will be 33... or according to my 15 year old niece and 13 and 7 year old nephews, I will be "older than old!" Lol
(For all of 2 minutes... after I remind them Unca Brad doesn't have to buy them birthday and/or Christmas gifts, suddenly I am "oh so young!" again lol).

8356568 Oh, yeah. And my birthday is coming up the day before the eclipse. Thanks for reminding me, or I might have missed it (grumble, grumble)...

This is cute. I too agree that it's difficult to keep up the letters format (hay, even the fics called "Letters" do different things during the hiatuses), but it looks pretty good so far. Tracked.

Happy early birthday to you too! :pinkiecrazy:
*Ducks and cover*

Dear Pinkie Pie,
I have a date with Big Mac coming up soon, and the drugstore is all sold out of his size of…(ahem) protection. Do you think a size Large is sufficient?
— Troubled Teacher
Dear Cheerilee,
— Pinkie Pie

The answer really should be Nope.

You need to do one where someone is chatting with a penpal from 'the other school', who was using a pseudonym, and they get a crush on them, but then they realize that it's actually the alternate them...

Dear Pinkie Pie,
I need to know if the schools windows are strong enough to handle 150 dB without breaking.

:rainbowlaugh: Delightful.

Dear Pinkie Pie,

Last week I tripped into the school statue, came out the other end, and landed on what horse-Twilight called "the monster of the week." The parade's on a school day. Should I accept it or have them give it to horse-me instead?


Dear Pinkie Pie,

Please talk me out of attempting to examine your anomalous properties. My analogue assures me that it won't lead anywhere good.


In a bit of a surprise twist, it was Lyra and Bon Bon that destroyed the school for once. Too much 'cosplay'.

Dear Lady Pinkamina Diane Pie, Scion of Laughter, Party Queen, and Co-Bishop of Pranks,

I have noticed several times that one of your compatriots in harmony is the most beautiful lady I have ever seen. However, although I wish to approach her, she is unduly shy, and I believe that she (along with many of your school mates) have a negative view on any student of Crystal Prep. Much worse, I am known to be somewhat intimidating, and far worse have an unsavory reputation. Although I have worked these last two years to remedy my attitudes and reputation, I doubt she would be willing to give me a chance.

With that in mind, I was hoping that you would be so kind as to allow me to attempt to prove myself. If you see me approaching, please allow me to at least engage your group in dialogue, and not simply send me away. I will not attempt to court fair Fluttershy until you are all satisfied by my behavior.

Sombra Nocturne the Third


Who is the pony girl Flash mentioned in his letter?

Very clever. Good job.

Shouldn't Pinkie Pie be using a pseudonym? She's running the risk of getting lynched.

Downvote troll? I have a couple of those, myself. No idea what they hope to accomplish, but I admire their silent tenacity.

This is just the best so far.

Twilight. The "Redbull" flavored one is Sci-Twi and the alfalfa flavored one is Princess Twilight.

Please, there must be more!

This is just great so far. :rainbowlaugh:

Hi, Jam!



Dear Pinkie Pie,

First, you really should have used a nome de plume. You left yourself wide open to be seriously lynched, should you give bad advice.

Second, please be sure to refer any interested parties to my sex ed class. They will get a frank, scholarly, and graphically detailed lesson on "the deed" as it were and its consequences.

Third, I hope your little advice column isn't preventing you from finishing your World History report. It's due next week.

Miss Sour Grapes
Unpaid Peon
World History Teacher
(Apparently) The Best Sex-Ed Teacher Canterlot High Ever Had (According to Principal Celestia and Luna)

" The administration of Canterlot High would like to remind anybody who submits a question that all entries are reviewed by myself " , or Principal Celestia 

Is your name The administration of Canterlot High ?


Watched with extreme prejudice.

I know I'm not the first to bring this up, but...shouldn't both Pinkie and the students be using pseudonyms, so as not to incriminate themselves and to protect their privacy? Also, seven month's detention for one prank seems a little much..just sayin'. :twilightsheepish:

Otherwise, fun concept! I look forward to reading more!

Dear Pinkie Pie,

Pass the mustard.


The students are using pseudonyms. Pinkie is just ignoring them.

Dear Pinkie Pie,
I have a crush on a certain adorkable girl with glasses, and I don't know how to ask her out. Also her brother scares me. What do I do?
Sonic Bass (AKA Kitsune)

I'm inordinately amused at the idea that Daring Do is really just a gossipy kleptomaniac.

I wonder if Pinkie ever gets in trouble for blurting out the real names of the people writing to her.

I have found the most wonderful girl, but there seems to be something weird about her. Well, one thing in particular. Half the time when we’re kissing, her breath smells like Red Bull and the other half it smells like alfalfa. Do you know what is going on? Will this affect our relationship?

This could be its own story! Also, who is it? Did human Sunset turn up?

Okay, when I read the part about the Cakes, that definitely got my attention. Great work!

Wow, Cadence doesn't give a shit about privacy or whether Shining Armor was comfortable or not with their sex life being publicized. Disregarding potential concerns for your partner is always a good sign of a healthy relationship.

Point of order: the human versions of the CMC probably don't call themselves "Cutie Mark Crusaders."

(Of course, that just raises questions about what inspires the humans to wear emblems that happen to coincide with their pony counterparts' cutie marks...)

I hate to ask, but was there an earlier version of this that you might've previewed on your blog or some such? Maybe I'm just imagining it, but a couple bits gave me a powerful feeling of deja vu.

My reaction to seeing this story: "Holy crap, that sounds hilarious."
My reaction to seeing who wrote it: *Insta book mark*

I loved The One Who Got Away, and I love the sequel. Actually, I haven't read something by you that I didn't like.
The hype is real.

This is pretty funny. I'll keep on eye on this.

That was great. I look forward to more :twilightsmile:

Wow. This version of Pinkie is mean.

I look forward to reading more insanity soon! <3



A DJ should know the difference between pitch and volume, methinks. Though even low pitches can be bad if resonant feedback.

Not mean. Blunt. She just says it how it is. More like Applejack really.

Poor Cheerilee, no matter where she cannot get Big Mac.

Oh, by the way:

"Dear Pinkie Pie:

Has CHS, and yourself, apologized to Sunset Shimmer after the Anon-A-Miss incident?"
- Dreamwave


I want to maintain my dignity and the respect of my peers.

-Flash Sentry, Cheerilee, Lyra, Bon Bon, Shining Armor

Nope! Public humiliation is all yours! Have fun with that!


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