• Member Since 13th Jun, 2017
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Pinkie Clouds


I may be Pinkie Pie, but I am Sketchy Clouds! Here to bring fun stories! I now do STORY REVIEWS! Read below for details.


T

Glassy Amber, unicorn mare, married to Bally Hoops, pegasus stallion.
Mother and father of Curly Emerald, unicorn, Basket Coco, unicorn, and their newly birthed foal, Sketchy Clouds, pegasus.

I grew up in Ponyville, born and raised. When I was old enough my dad took me up to Cloudsdale for the Junior Speedsters Flight Camp. At the camp, I met Rainbow Dash. We became instant best friends, and we met Fluttershy, who became my friend as well.

She was a little shy, and a weak flier. Dash and I helped her out, but she still couldn't do it.

I was hanging out with Rainbow Dash one day, and then we saw some bullies who were bullying Fluttershy. We went over there and then we ended up racing.

That day, dear Celestia it was amazing. The first bully ran into a cloud pillar due to me, and the second one was blown away from a Sonic Rainboom, from Rainbow Dash!

After a while, Dash and I quit the camp, and when old enough she moved down to Ponyville with me. Fluttershy, being older than us, already lived in Ponyville.

I introduced them to my other friend, Pinkie Pie. When Rainbow saw her, she said I acted just like her. I mean, maybe a little....

Many other things happened in my life. This is my life story.

* * *

Cover Art by me.

Additional tags: Fluttershy

PLEASE UPVOTE AND COMMENT!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 17 )

You're not a bad artist, I'll give you that...

I'll be straightforward and honest with you. Now take this comment with a little grain of salt and no offense, remember constructive criticism. While OC's are nice and fun to have around when it comes to character development, Ya gotta keep it at a steady pace. Don't rush into things and don't do it too slow. You could cleverly integrate bits and pieces of background information into your story as I do, but other than that good job! You've nailed just about everything. You've taken this story to heart by the looks of things and it's attracted my attention with stunning artwork and a good short description, long description, however... It's not too shabby, nor is it something that Stephen King would write. I recommend you get an editor because the long description had a big error in it that stuck out like a sore thumb.

Dash and me, now it's supposed to be Dash and me. Why? because grammar says so.

You don't need a comma before Dash, and. Because the and is already a conjunction.

I also noticed towards the end, at the ellipsis (...) you used 4 dots instead of 3. (....) thanks for triggering my OCD and also there's no need to exaggerate an ellipsis if that's what you're trying to do.



Still, great story, gonna give you thumbs up so you get motivated to do even better.

Ok, here we go, mistakes in the prologue.

"Yes, maybe. But, what if she, she's a earth pony or something!" Amber exclaimed.

AN Earth Pony. If you're gonna use an article for words that start with a vowel, it's always An Apple or An irritable grammar mistake.

Bally raised an eyebrow at the statement. "That's so bad because why? If she's an earth pony you don't have to teach her magic. And if she is a pegasus you have me." He gave a light peck on his wife. "Besides, the doctor said she's a unicorn."

"If speech is going to be followed by a sentence use a comma," DaveDotExe commented, as he looked for more grammar errors. "Also take this example with a bit of salt."

Amber awoke from her nap - one that she was gifted with by her tiredness - to a knock at the door.

you don't have to do the -hyphens in between text- just use a comma for sub-clauses.

There are more mistakes in this chapter than I can fit in one comment so bear with me. But still Liked the prologue don't know much about this Glassy Amber other than she works at a Glass shop and a bit of rushed character development at the description that did aid with the story so sacrifices I guess. Still great chapter, and remember to take every comment I comment with a grain of salt. or 2 grains,

Sorry if I bored you with this ranting and lecturing. 😆

8424171
Ok thanks. And just a little something, all the OCS are based off of my real life. So Glassy Amber is my mother, etc. And she works at a glasses shoppe. Also, I tried to find an editer, but to no avail.

8424661
I'll be willing to edit your story if you want

It's good, but the story's long description is supposed to feel like a blurb on the back of a book or DVD cover, not a plot synopsis of the first major story segment.

”you are going to be fine”

”You are going to be fine,”

she yawned. “In”.

she yawned. “In.”

Where am I?” He said.

Where am I?” he said.

By the way awesome story I will like it, favourite and track it. I will save the yay for you. Yay :yay:

Login or register to comment