Twilight and Cadence Do The Sisterhooves Social

Cadence comes over the day before the Sisterhooves Social, so she agrees to do it with Twilight since she has nothing better to do in the Crystal Empire this week. This is the only event they've done together just the two of them and they couldn't ask for anything more than that.

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Comments ( 5 )

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RainbowSparkle3

RainbowSparkle3 #1 · Aug 7th, 2017 · 1 · ·

This is good, but it feels a little rushed, and the dialogue is a bit lacking. I could point out some minor errors, but these are the biggest ones. Still, good effort.

OmniFox

OmniFox #2 · Aug 7th, 2017 · · ·

Can you imagine RD's parents wanted to have Scootaloo officially in the family?

EASTON

EASTON #3 · Aug 8th, 2017 · 1 · ·

It's a good concept that I feel could work if it was properly developed.
More lengthy, better descriptions, etc...

forbloodysummer

forbloodysummer #4 · Sep 8th, 2017 · 1 · ·

This was a good idea for a story.

I think it could have benefited from a bit more depth though, as the descriptions are kind of just flat accounts of the facts of what happens?

If you wouldn't mind a suggestion, you might find your writing works better if you break the big paragraphs into smaller chunks - it's easy for the big ones to look like solid blocks of text, which is kind of off-putting to read through. I almost automatically start skimming when I read them, and have to specifically make myself concentrate to read them in full detail.

Blue-Bolt