• Published 7th Aug 2017
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Equestria Wrestling Federation - chillbook1



The most exciting displays of professional wrestling prowess in all of Equestria!

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EWF DisHarmony

The arena erupted into cheers as the pyrotechnics began, bringing with it the flashes and explosions that signified the start of the event. The excitement in the air was palpable, downright infectious. This was the epitome of pro-wrestling. It was what fans of the sport lived for.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to EWF DisHarmony!” said Celestia. “I’m Celestia Regal, joined by Discord Redrum, and we've got an explosive card ready for tonight!”

“Nothing but blood feuds here, tonight,” agreed Discord. “Starting with Spike Emerald attempting to get his revenge on the massive, unstoppable, Hulking Mass of Destruction, Tirek Crimson!”

A cannon sounded, bringing with it the ground-shaking stomps of the giant that was Tirek Crimson. He stepped into the ring to thunderous boos. Tirek didn't care in the slightest. The only thing he was concerned with was squashing this persistent pest that had been getting under his skin.

“The following contest is scheduled for one-fall! Introducing first, from Tartarus, weighing in at 392 pounds, TIREK CRIMSON!”

Tirek raised his fists and let out a massive roar, shaking the very foundation of the building. His posturing was cut short by the shriek of electric guitar. Spike jumped onto the scene, alone, clutching his mic and carrying with him an electric energy.

“What's up, EWF Universe! Y’all having a good night?” Spike raised his mic to catch all of the cheers from the crowd. “Well, your night’s about to get a whole lot better, because you're about to see Lil’ Red Riding Hood get gobbled up by the biggest, baddest wolf in Fableland! Crimson, you've been on top of the world for too damn long, and tonight, you're gonna hit the ground, hard! If I were you, I’d—”

“If I were you, I'd shut the hell up!” Tirek had, at some point, swiped a microphone from the announcer, magnifying his already-thunderous voice. “I've beaten you twice, and I'll do it a third time without even trying! So shut your mouth and step into the ring, so I can break you one more time!”

To the massive annoyance of Tirek, Spike began to laugh. He laughed all the way down to the ring, slid beneath the bottom rope, and stood toe-to-toe with Tirek.

“You're not all that bright, are you?” chuckled Spike. “Haven't you noticed anything different about me and my entrance? I never announced myself. Wanna take a guess why?”

Spike’s music resumed, eliciting a huge pop from the crowd. Down the ramp came the only person in the EWF who could compare to the sheer size of Tirek Crimson.

“It's cause I'm not your opponent tonight,” said Spike. “No, no, no… Your opponent is making his way to the ring, standing at six feet, eleven inches tall. He's weighing in at 389 pounds. From the hot, arid city of Appleloosa, The Hard-Hitting, Slow-Talking, Jaw-Cracking, Skull-Smashing, Bona-fide Badass BIG MACINTOSH!”

Big Mac cracked his knuckles, then pulled himself to the apron and climbed over the top rope. Spike patted his buddy’s arm, then rolled out of the ring and stood at ringside. Mac stood just a few feet from Tirek, looking him in the eyes with a stony, stoic expression that was a far departure from the terrified looks Tirek was used to getting.

“Move over, David!” exclaimed Discord. “Tonight, we’ve got a Goliath versus Goliath throwdown on our hands!”

The bell rang, and Tirek barreled forward, smashing his shoulder into the massive Big Macintosh, failing to move him more than a few inches. Tirek looked incredulous, his shock melding into amusement. He grinned as he backed away, then attempted another running shoulder shoulder block. Just like before, Big Mac hardly budged. Tirek gave a deep, bellowing laugh when, suddenly, Mac placed a hand on Tirek’s chest. The crowd burst into roaring cheers as Mac shoved Tirek to the ground.

“Dear lord! I never thought I’d see the day that Tirek Crimson was manhandled like that!” exclaimed Celestia. “Dropped like a sack of stones!”

Tirek looked up as if he could not comprehend what had just occurred. He pushed himself to his feet, an amused smirk prominently displayed on his face. With a crack of the knuckles, Tirek was ready for his first real fight.

“Collar-elbow tie up in the center of the ring,” said Discord. “Unfortunately, ladies and gentlemen, we don’t have a whole lot of information for you tonight. This match is already longer than both of his bouts with Spike Emerald, combined.”

“But, even more mysterious than Tirek Crimson is his opponent,” noted Celestia. “This will be Big Mac’s first match in the EWF. We’ll just have to see if he has to skill to back up that massive stature of his.”

Mac took control of the hold, slipping into a side-headlock with his massive tree-trunk arms. Tirek struggled for a bit before pushing Mac away and freeing himself from the hold. His reprieve was rather short-lived, as Mac was back on him in an instant. For the second time, Mac did the impossible; He shoved Tirek to the ground as if he were a child.

“Tirek Crimson started this match with a grin, but that seems to be melting away by this point,” pointed out Celestia, noticing how Tirek’s grin became a snarl. “He seems to be getting quite frustrated with his opponent.”

“After so long of simply obliterating his opponents, I can understand how actual competition could be a bit jarring,” said Discord. “Give Tirek Crimson a moment to slip back into his groove, and I guarantee you that he will put on a show that you will not soon forget!”

Tirek slammed his palms to the mat before slowly pushing himself to his feet. Mac kept up his same stony expression, even as Tirek beamed contempt. He was very calm, even as Tirek rushed him for a third time. He wrapped his arms around Mac’s middle, trapping his arms at his side and squeezing the air out of his lungs. Mac stomped firmly on Tirek’s foot, breaking the hold and allowing Mac to slip in a bear hug of his own.

“Bear hug onto Tirek from Big Macintosh, the nearly seven-footer,” commented Celestia. “Those massive arms just squeezing the life out of Crimson, while Spike cheers on his partner from the sidelines.”

Spike slapped the apron, shouting words of encouragement and advice from ringside. If Mac heard him, he didn’t show it. He wrestled much like how he spoke: calmly, calculatingly, and slowly. He seemed content to keep his bear hug in all night, if it weren’t for Tirek pushing them forward and into the ropes. With Big Mac’s back touching what is technically considered outside of the legal area, the hold had to be broken by the referee’s five-count.

Mac released the hold, holding his arms up so that Tirek could back away and the match could resume. Instead, Tirek sent a haymaker at Mac, catching him in the jaw. Tirek saw his opening and took it; he grabbed Mac by the throat with both hands and, to the amazement of the viewing audience, managed to raise Mac up and slam him down onto the mat.

“Incredible double-handed chokeslam!” exclaimed Discord. “That’s gotta be it! Crimson, with the pin!”

One! Two!

Mac managed to, however barely, bring his shoulder from the mat. Tirek’s eyes went wide in shock, refusing to believe that Mac had kicked out. Infuriated, Tirek got a running start and leapt onto Mac with a body splash that would crush a lesser man like a soda can. He dropped down for a pin, only to have Mac kick out at two yet again. Tirek punched the mat in frustration before he rose to a vertical base. Most of his previous matches had ended after just a few power moves. Mac was taking everything he could dish out, and Tirek was running out of ways to put his opponent away.

“Big Macintosh kicks out yet again, and it seems Tirek can hardly believe it,” said Celestia. “The resiliency of Big Mac is incredible! It’s been a long time since anyone has gone this long with Tirek.”

Mac pushed himself to all fours, only to feel one of Tirek’s massive, size-18 boots connect with his ribs. Mac struggled to rise again, this time dropping back down because of a well-placed punch to the head. He pushed himself to his knees, and, having learned from his mistakes, shoved the approaching, attacking Tirek away to create some much-needed separation. He managed to return to his full height, and an opportunity presented itself. When he shoved Tirek, he had stumbled and lost his balance a bit. As he recovered, Mac shot out a lightning-quick knockout right hook. Tirek went limp, falling back against the ropes.

Tirek bounced off of the ropes and ran forward, raising his foot to deliver a massive big boot to Mac’s chest. Tirek fell onto his opponent, hooking the leg for the pin.

One! Two! Three!

“The winner, TIREK CRIMSON!”

Tirek stood up and roared, raising his fists above his head in victory. Spike stared in horror at his friend, who seemed to be knocked out. He slid into the ring to check on Mac’s safety, which proved to be a mistake. As soon as he was within the ropes, Tirek grabbed him around the throat, raised him above his head and slammed him to the mat.

“That’s uncalled for,” complained Celestia. “Someone, please, get Spike and Mac out of here! This continued beatdown is just unnecessary!”

Fortunately for Celestia, intervention was also unnecessary, as Tirek let out one last roar before climbing over the top rope and heading for the locker room.


A creeping, slithering harmony rose throughout the arena, a spooky marriage of strings and vocals that combined to make a truly unsettling tune. That melody gave way to electrifying riffs and heavy beats and low, almost faint lyrics.

There's no holding me back...

I'm not driven by fear, I'm just driven by anger…

Aria Blaze made her way down the ramp, a confident smirk planted firmly on her face and her title resting comfortably around her waist. As far as she was concerned, this match was as good as won. She’d beaten Luna Regal in the middle of the ring not more than two days prior. She said that she would beat Luna, pin her after a straightjacket suplex, and that was exactly what happened. And, just as she said before, she would force Luna to submit and become Intercontinental Champion, and nobody could stop her. Not Trixie Lulamoon, not Adagio Dazzle, and definitely not the champion herself. Aria carried this confidence with her all the way down the ramp and into the ring, where she waited for her opponent to arrive.

There’s a Nightmare inside!

The Intercontinental Champion carried herself with a much different energy than she did on Ascension. She moved like a woman possessed, wearing a ferocious snarl as she prowled down the ramp. She leapt onto the apron, leaning her top half over the rope and letting out an animalistic shout at her opponent. Luna infected the entire building with this strange, primal energy that everybody could feel, but nobody could explain. When she removed her belt from her waist, she clutched it like a child for a moment, then carefully handed it to the referee.

“The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the EWF Intercontinental Championship! Introducing first, the challenger: from The Black Sea, weighing in at 165 pounds, ARIA BLAZE!”

Aria tried to ignore the cascading of boos as she raised her fist above her head. It didn’t matter what the crowd thought now. They’d have no choice but to cheer her once she became Intercontinental Champion.

“And her opponent: from Canterlot City, weighing in at 195 pounds, she is the current EWF Intercontinental Champion, The Nightmare, LUNA REGAL!”

Luna dropped to all fours, slapping the mat like a madwoman, then let out a soul-splitting roar. The crowd returned her energy in full force, bringing the arena to its feet as the referee showed each competitor what it was they were fighting for, then rang the bell.

“The match has begun, and it seems like Luna is tapping into ‘The Nightmare’, that special place she goes to pick up a challenging win,” said Celestia. “If you thought she was a brutal, savage brawler before… Well, you’re in for a treat.”

Aria began strafing her opponent, testingly reaching for Luna. The Intercontinental Champion made no attempt to do the same, simply raising her fists up to her face. Aria went in for the takedown and met a quick jab, followed by a hook that sent her stumbling back. Aria recovered quickly, then went for another takedown. This time, she was a bit more successful, managing to bring Luna down to a bended knee before The Nightmare drove a firm elbow into Aria’s neck. Luna shoved her back a step, then caught her challenger with a fierce uppercut that laid her out on her back. Luna leapt onto Aria and pounded her face with a series of right hands, then dropped for a cover, getting a meager one count before Aria kicked out.

“Luna’s brutality is going to be nothing if not an advantage for her tonight,” noted Discord. “Normally, she would need to keep the referee’s count in mind. But, tonight, she can beat Aria’s face into mincemeat, knowing that a disqualification will still result in her retention of the Intercontinental title.”

“Conversely, Aria Blaze needs to keep her infamously short temper in tact, for the very same reason,” agreed Celestia. “Luna has the Champion’s Advantage. However, I don’t think it’ll come to that. Luna is an honorable combatant, who wants nothing more than a good, clean, challenging fight.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure. Luna has already lost once to the Siren Submission Specialist. I wonder if she’d be willing to risk it.”

Luna grabbed Aria by the hair and dragged her to her feet, occasionally peppering her ribs with a firm punch. Aria pushed the champion away, then swept out Luna’s legs from beneath her with a quick kick. She dropped a knee onto her ankle, then another, and another, before Luna managed to kick her away. Luna scurried to her feet and ran at Aria, who ducked under the incoming clothesline. Aria dropped into a sort of baseball slide, kicking Luna’s legs out yet again.

“Aria Blaze, simply refusing to allow Luna to establish a vertical base,” said Discord. “And she’s focusing on that right leg, which says to me that she wants an ankle lock, just as she said on Ascension this past Friday.” He chuckled as Aria returned her focus to the right leg of the Intercontinental Champion, which basically confirmed his point. “What a blow that would be to your sister, if she were forced to tap out?”

“I believe that my sister is an honorable enough competitor to admit her defeat,” said Celestia. “If Aria Blaze manages to fairly defeat Luna and claim the IC title for herself, then I doubt that Luna would have anything to feel slighted about.”

Currently, the only thing that Luna felt slighted about was the pain in her ankle, which was doing an incredible job of keeping her grounded. Aria continued her systematic dismantling of the champion, bringing down knees, elbows, and boots onto the affected knee. Aria was simply ripping Luna apart.

Luna struggled to defend herself, every feeble swing at her opponent dodged, endured, or otherwise ignored. She knew, at this rate, she'd be parting with her title far earlier than she'd have liked. If she wanted to win, she would need to push the pain out of her mind and persevere.

Meanwhile, Aria was feeling quite confident in the match. She felt wholly in her element, downright relishing the destruction she was dishing out. She smirked, then mockingly dropped to all fours and let out a beastly roar in mimicry of her opponent. The crowd rained down boos, though that didn't seem to bother the challenger. She turned her back to Luna, which was a massive mistake.

“Look at the athleticism of the champion! Beautiful kip-up!” cheered Celestia, as Luna boosted herself with her hands and leapt up to her feet. “Aria Blaze has made a grave error, and that error was turning her back on the Intercontinental Champion.”

Luna stood gingerly, not able to put her full weight on her worked right leg, and waited patiently for her opponent to turn. When Aria had finally had her fill of the crowd’s displeasure, she returned to her opponent, walking directly into a devastating big boot from the champion. Both competitors hit the mat, Aria from being flattened by Luna and Luna herself from using her injured right leg for her prior attack.

“And Regal able to change the complexion of the match with that big boot, a good use of that size and power advantage of hers,” noted Discord. Luna clutched at her ankle for a bit, needing a moment to recover after delivering her big boot. “But, unfortunately, she seems to be favoring that dominant right leg of hers, which could set her back quite a bit, perhaps even negate any advantage she might have.”

Luna pounded on her leg, as if to override the pain she was currently in, then slowly pushed herself to her feet. The crowd cheered, chanted her name, and roared at her, which gave Luna the same sort of energy she usually infected her fans with. The pain was almost an afterthought to the champion by this point. All she was focused on at the moment was retaining her title and making the crowd that was currently cheering her name happy.

Luna grabbed Aria’s legs, crossed the ankle into the back of the knee, and flipped Aria onto her stomach. From there, Luna simply inserted her foot into the little triangle made by Aria’s legs and, being sure to keep Aria’s free foot trapped with her knee, leaned back and grabbed Aria under the chin, locking in her signature Tantabus submission.

“It’s only a matter of time now!” declared Celestia. “Luna’s got that Tantabus secured, in the middle of the ring! How could Aria not tap out?”

“Because Aria Blaze is a technical genius! She can, and will, find a way to escape!” promised Discord.

That didn’t seem likely at the moment, as Luna still had the Tantabus locked in as tightly as humanly possible. It was obvious that Aria was in a lot of pain, the way she twisted up her face and flailed wildly for the ropes. Her hand hovered over the mat, threatening to tap out and give Luna the victory. Luna sensed this, like blood in the water, and doubled her efforts on wrenching Aria’s head and neck area. Aria had to use every bit of resolve in her to refrain from giving up and, in her desperation, she made a mad grab for Luna’s face in an attempt at hitting her hard enough to break the grip. Instead, she clawed the Intercontinental Champion in the eyes, which still had the desired effect.

Aria scuttled to her feet and seized her opportunity. She grabbed Luna’s foot, planted her knee in the small of Luna’s back, and twisted the foot. Luna howled in pain while Aria beamed out sheer intensity as she held her Ankle Lock in with the intent of crushing her opponents joint.

“Just like she said!” cheered Discord. “This makes for twice that Aria Blaze did exactly what she said she would! She said she’d pin Luna after the straightjacket suplex on Ascension and she did! She said she’d make Luna tap out with the Ankle Lock for the title, and it’s happening before our very eyes!”

Now, you’re under our spell…

Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh

As the mesmerising, enchanting tune of the Dazzlings’ theme floated out into the arena, Aria rolled her eyes and released the submission hold she had locked in. She waited, tapping her foot impatiently, as Adagio Dazzle slowly made her way down to the ring. Aria slid under the bottom rope to meet with her tag team partner, clearly not pleased with her presence.

“What in the world is Adagio Dazzle doing here?” demanded Celestia. “If she does anything to ruin this incredible match, I hesitate to imagine what Luna will do when she finally gets her hands on her.”

Adagio simply looked at her partner expectantly, waiting for Aria to relent. At first, the Siren Submission Specialist stood her ground, glaring at Adagio with extreme ferocity. After it became clear that Adagio wasn’t going anywhere, Aria sighed.

“Fine,” she said. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Adagio nodded, then, bafflingly, punched Aria as hard as she could in the face. The referee was confused, but had no choice but to call for the bell.

“The winner of this match, by disqualification, Aria Blaze! However… Still the EWF Intercontinental Champion, The Nightmare, LUNA REGAL!”

Aria massaged her jaw gingerly, then pushed Adagio firmly. The Dazzling Leader didn’t seem to mind, most of her attention focused on the still injured Luna Regal in the ring. A dastardly grin spread across her face as she pointed to the ring. Aria matched her grin, then ran with her into the ring. The two Tag Champions rained down stomps onto Luna, who could do little more than endure the onslaught. On Aria’s orders, Adagio dragged Luna to her feet and delivered a stiff punch to the jaw. Luna stumbled back directly into Aria’s grasp, which allowed her to cross Luna’s arms at the wrist. Adagio backed up and got a running start, then swung a fierce European uppercut into Luna’s jaw; simultaneously, Aria flung Luna back into a crashing straightjacket german suplex.

“Disgusting! Somebody, somewhere, stop this!” demanded Celestia. “Those two might seriously hurt Luna!”

Aria and Adagio had apparently had their fill of violence, and slid out of the ring. Aria retrieved her Tag Team Championship and slung it over her shoulder. She walked up the ramp with her partner, a grin securely on her face. Luna might have lost by way of unfair DQ, but Aria didn’t care. As far as she was concerned, a win was a win, and she now had two wins over the current Intercontinental Champion.

That belt would be her’s eventually. She just knew it.


“The following contest is a Three Stages of Hell Match! This match is held under Best of Three rules, and the winner will be the first competitor to score two wins over their opponent. The first fall is a standard contest, in which a win can be scored via pinfall, submission, count-out, and disqualification! The second fall is an Extreme Rules Match, in which there is no disqualification, and the only way to score a win is via pinfall or submission! And, in the event of a draw, the third fall will be a Last Man Standing match, in which the only way to score a win is to incapacitate your opponent so that they cannot answer to the referee’s count of ten!”

The cold, harsh, industrial beats of Scootaloo’s theme shook the foundations of the arena, bringing with it Scootaloo herself. She brought with her that trusty steel bat of hers, no doubt intending to use it at some point during the second fall of the match. She slid into the ring with a determined glare present on her face.

“Introducing first, from Cloudsdale, weighing in at 130 pounds, SCOOTALOO!”

Scootaloo swung her bat into the top rope, clearly ready to crack Diamond’s head clean open. She wouldn’t have to wait much longer, as the regal fanfare of Diamond Tiara’s theme began to play. Down the ramp came Diamond Tiara, bringing with her a baseball bat of her own. Unlike Scootaloo’s bat, which was pitch-black steel, Diamond Tiara’s was golden and encrusted in diamonds. Diamond Tiara slid into the ring, pointing her bedazzled weapon threateningly at her opponent.

“And her opponent, from Ponyville, weighing in at 135 pounds, who would like to be announced as The Hottest Young Star in Wrestling, DIAMOND TIARA!”

It was obvious that the two wanted to get at each other, but they managed to keep their hands down for the time being. Twilight Sparkle had been very clear that they were to keep their conflict within the confines of the bells, and neither of them thought it would be a good idea to anger her again. The two set down their weapons in their respective corners, strafing one another as the bell rang.

“These two came armed for combat in this Three Stages of Hell match, a very rare match type here in the EWF,” noted Celestia. “But, as I’m sure I don’t need to remind you, using one of those baseball bats at this juncture in the match would result in a disqualification. Both Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo need to keep a cool head, lest they put themselves at a disadvantage early on in this match.”

“And, once again, Regal, your ignorance to the industry is showing,” scoffed Discord. “Sacrificing a win in the first round is a viable strategy to put yourself in a much more favorable position come the second fall. You’d know that if you ever stepped foot between those ropes without a microphone in your hand!”

“And, remind me, how many wrestling matches have you been a part of?”

“I’ll have you know, I’m a three time Mayhem Chaos Bedlam Wrestling Television Champion! Could’ve gone for the World title if it weren’t for my bad knee…”

“As farfetched as I find that, I’m afraid I don’t have a chance to check the MCBW records, because we’ve got a match in progress as we speak!”

Scootaloo was the first to act, sending a testing jab at Diamond. Diamond leaned back to avoid it, trying to strategize and decide how she’d take control of the match. Scootaloo would have the speed advantage, due to her smaller frame, and Diamond knew that her very minor size advantage wouldn’t help much in this particular match up. So, with a disadvantage in speed and no clear advantage in strength, The Hottest Young Star in Wrestling would need to use her smarts in order to beat her opponent.

Scootaloo shot out another three punches, only the last of which actually managed to connect with Diamond Tiara’s jaw, though the damage was minimal. Diamond watched her opponent carefully, looking for some sort of opening. Scootaloo sent out another jab, at which point Diamond’s opening presented itself.

Diamond slipped under Scootaloo’s punch, grabbed her around the middle and brought them both to the ground. Scootaloo pushed Diamond away and hurried to her feet, only to be taken down by a sudden heel kick from Diamond Tiara. Scootaloo hit the mat and Diamond descended onto her, raining down hard rights and lefts. This quick burst of offense was short-lived, as Scootaloo managed to slip a headbutt in, which created some much-needed separation. The two made their way to their feet, staring one another down with fury and ferocity.

Scootaloo went high and Diamond went low; Diamond swept out Scootaloo’s leg, which dropped her to her butt, and delivered a swift kick to the chest. As Scootaloo struggled to return breath to her lungs, Diamond dropped on top of her for the pin.

One! Two!

Scootaloo brought her shoulder up in the nick of time, which clearly frustrated the self-proclaimed Crown Jewel of the EWF. Diamond grabbed Scootaloo around the throat and squeezed with all her might, which made breathing next to impossible for Scootaloo.

“Diamond showing her violent streak here,” said Discord. “She really isn’t very fond of Scootaloo, is she?”

Diamond Tiara had a five-count before she was disqualified, and she was determined to use every single last second of it. She didn’t remove her hands until the referee made it to four, and she replaced her blatant chokehold with brutal, savage elbows to the head. Diamond made another attempt at a pin, scoring another near-fall in the process. Diamond slapped the mat in frustration, throwing a mini temper-tantrum at her inability to pin Scootaloo.

“And she’s also showing her childish side,” noted Celestia as Diamond stood up and stomped her feet angrily. “It’s simply shameful. A competitor of that magnitude, on a stage as grand as this one, should be carrying themselves with more grace and dignity than that of a toddler!”

Discord surely would’ve retorted, were it not for the explosive pop from the crowd when Scootaloo grabbed Diamond by the tights and rolled her up for the pin.

“Schoolboy pin!” cheered Celestia.

One! Two! Three!

“The winner of the first fall: Scootaloo!”

As soon as Diamond Tiara understood what had happened, she just about blew her gasket. She descended onto Scootaloo with fire and fury, getting her fists on every possible inch of Scootaloo’s face. The referee had to pull her away for the customary grace period between falls, in which both competitors needed to be at least three feet from one another before the next fall could commence. During this time, Diamond Tiara stomped over to her corner and grabbed her golden, diamond-encrusted baseball bat. As soon as the referee was out of her way, Diamond brought her bat down onto Scootaloo’s ribs again and again, filling the air with the sickening sound of steel against flesh.

“See, Regal? Diamond Tiara knew that there’s a way to lose the first fall, but put yourself in a favorable position in the second fall,” said Discord. “And that’s exactly what she did. What the uninitiated and ignorant, like yourself, would call a loss, those who know what they’re doing would call master strategy!

“And, I presume that part of Diamond Tiara’s ‘master strategy’ is to throw a fit because she lost?” asked Celestia.

“It doesn’t especially surprise me that you saw it like that.”

Diamond cracked Scootaloo in the ribs one last time before sliding out of the ring and flipping up the apron in search of a weapon. She emerged from beneath the ring with a large wooden table and a dastardly grin in tow. She slid the table under the bottom rope and followed it into the ring, then stood up and set the table to stand near the corner. She went to return to her opponent, stepping into a flurry of jabs and hooks from Scootaloo. Apparently blessed with a second wind, she gave Diamond Tiara all she had, swinging like her life depended on it. Diamond Tiara made an attempt at a counter-attack with a right hook, but Scootaloo managed to catch the fist in the air. Scootaloo laced their fingers together, which formed a tight grip, and leapt onto the table behind them. Scootaloo jumped off, spinning around Diamond and bringing her down into a savage Tornado DDT

“Scootaloo borrowing a bit from her indie comrade with that incredible Tornado DDT!” called Celestia. “Sweetie Belle’s La Fin is a simply fantastic maneuver, and Scootaloo used it with the finesse and skill that one would expect from Sweetie herself.”

“If I’m being perfectly honest, that was far more expertly executed than what I would have expected from Scootaloo,” admitted Discord. “She’s a very scrappy little lady, so to see her pull off something even as relatively simple as a DDT of that nature with that level of skill and precision is, simply put, impressive.”

Scootaloo surely could have at least attempted to pin Diamond by this point, but she chose not to. This match was clearly less about a victory and more about her revenge, and this showed when Scootaloo strode over to her baseball bat, grabbed it, and brought it down onto Diamond’s middle. Though weeks had passed, Diamond Tiara was still rather sore in the midsection, and Scootaloo knew this. As such, she decided she would work Diamond’s body until something broke: the bat or her ribs.

Diamond caught one of the mad swings and yanked the bat from Scootaloo’s grasp, tossing it out of the ring. Scootaloo kicked Diamond in the side, which sent her rolling out of the ring in agony. As she recovered, clutching her surely-bruised ribs gingerly, Scootaloo was making plans in the ring. She stood on the far side of the ring, watching her opponent as she rose to her feet roughly three yards away. As soon as Diamond was nearing her full height outside of the ring, Scootaloo ran forward and leapt through the ropes like a heat-seeking missile.

Unfortunately for her, Diamond Tiara had the move well-scouted, and sidestepped out of the way to avoid the brunt of the attack. Scootaloo crashed head-first into the guardrail, which knocked her silly. Diamond Tiara grinned, then grabbed her opponent by the hair and tossed her into the ring. She took her sweet time getting between the ropes herself, which gave Scootaloo plenty of time to roll out the other side and hit the ground outside of the ring with a thud. Diamond rolled her eyes and crossed the ring, leaned through the ropes, and grabbed Scootaloo by the hair again.

Diamond Tiara wasn’t entirely sure what hit her, nor was she certain of how Scootaloo had gotten her hands on it. In fact, Diamond wasn’t really sure of anything that was going on. All she knew with absolute certainty was that she was out on her back and the thing that had hit her, whatever it was, hurt a whole hell of a lot.

Scootaloo pulled herself to the apron, holding the broken frame of the acoustic guitar that she had pulled from beneath the ring and broke over Diamond’s head. With Diamond on her back, Scootaloo saw her opportunity; She scaled the turnbuckle nearest the table, eying her opponent in the center of the ring.

“Scootaloo risking it all here!” called Celestia. “Is she thinking Swanton Bomb? I think she must be!”

Scootaloo spread her arms wide and took a deep breath, then leapt and flipped through the air. The crowd cheered as she dived, though their excitement was extremely short-lived. Much like Scootaloo’s suicide dive, Diamond had the Swanton scouted and managed, though barely, to roll out of the way. Scootaloo hit the ground with a thudding crash, and the crowd responded with near-unanimous boos as Diamond slowly, tiredly dropped her arm over Scootaloo’s chest in an exhausted, barely-legitimate pin.

One! Two! Three!

“The winner of the second fall: Diamond Tiara!”

“That ring-presence of Diamond Tiara!” Discord clapped his hands as he spoke, clearly pleased with what was occurring. “We’ve got a level playing field once again! All Diamond has to do now is keep Scootaloo down for ten measly seconds, and she can finally put this nonsense behind her!”

Diamond rolled over onto her back, her hand clutching her head gingerly. She slowly sat up, trying to put together the next phase of her plan. The guitar shot had rattled her brain, and it was difficult to form a coherent plan, but she was up to the task. Her eyes fell on the table that she had set up earlier, still yet to be used, and a plan began to form itself in her mind. She stood up, watching as Scootaloo struggled to do the same beside her. The referee slipped between them, keeping them at arm’s length just long enough to ensure that they could both continue. When that was proven to be the case, he could do nothing but step out of the way.

Scootaloo ran forward, catching Diamond with hard, fierce right hands that stunned the Wrestling Princess. Diamond traded in a shot of her own, but was immediately overwhelmed by the speed, ferocity, and unpredictability of Scootaloo’s hits. Diamond snuck in a boot to the gut, then grabbed Scootaloo into a front facelock. She dragged her over to the corner and hoisted Scootaloo straight up for a vertical suplex. Scootaloo wriggled free, flipping back and landing on the table. She hopped from the table to the turnbuckle, then turned for some offense of her own.

Quicker than Scootaloo could’ve ever prepared for, Diamond hopped to the middle rope, springboarded up, and grabbed her around the neck, bringing Scootaloo crashing through the table with Girl’s Best Friend.

“GBF! GBF through the table!” exclaimed Discord. “Diamond connects with that absolutely devastating springboard avalanche cutter of hers, through a table no less! Scootaloo’s not getting up from that one!”

Diamond stood up, hoping with all of her heart that her gamble had paid off. If Scootaloo got up from that, Diamond was officially out of ideas. She grinned as the referee began his slow, careful count to ten, during which Scootaloo didn’t so much as twitch on the mat.

Eight! Nine! Ten!

“The winner of the third fall, and the match: DIAMOND TIARA!”

Diamond held her fists above her head to jeers and boos from the crowd, not caring in the slightest. She had won, and that’s all that she cared about. She grabbed her golden baseball bat and, being sure to step on Scootaloo’s fingers as she went, Diamond Tiara rolled under the bottom rope to return to the locker.

“An incredible match to be sure, and Diamond Tiara proved herself to be the better woman this time,” said Celestia. “Hopefully, this will be the end of this violent feud, and these two gifted competitors can move on to bigger and better things.”

“I can’t speak for Scootaloo, but I have it on good authority that Diamond Tiara is already chasing further pursuits,” said Discord. “My sources tell me that she’s got a meeting with some very important people on Monday.”

“Of course she does… In any case, it’s almost time for our main event! Trixie’s Sovereignty, Ember Torch and Nationals Champion Starlight Glimmer versus Pinkamena Pie and a mystery partner! That’s next…”


To the crowd’s confusion and annoyance, the theme that played was a classy, regal piano theme, the song of the Monday Night Magic General Manager. However, it was not Trixie who came walking down the ramp, but Ember Torch and the EWF Nationals Champion Starlight Glimmer. The two moved with purpose, sliding into the ring as if every single person in the entire arena was beneath them.

“The following contest is a tag-team match, scheduled for one-fall! Introducing first, representing The Sovereignty, at a combined weight of 284 pounds, the team of EMBER TORCH AND THE EWF NATIONALS CHAMPION, STARLIGHT GLIMMER!”

The two new-found friends touched gloves, grinning to one another in anticipation of the match. Starlight pulled off her championship belt and passed it to the approaching timekeeper, swiping up the two microphones he was bringing to her. She passed one to Ember, then cleared her throat to speak. The boos came down like hail, making it almost impossible to hear what Starlight had to say.

“You can boo us if you want. You can whine and complain and bitch and moan all you want, if that’s what it takes for you to be able to sleep tonight,” said Starlight. “Just know that it will change nothing. The Ultimate Opportunity will still be gone. Trixie Lulamoon will still be the EWF World Champion. And Pinkamena Pie, that joke that you all put your faith in, she will still be a failure.”

“And that’s why we’re out here tonight,” said Ember. “We’ve got nothing to prove for ourselves. Everybody knows that we’re better than Pie. No, we’re out here to prove to you people that you bet on the wrong horse. You put your allegiances in the wrong people. There was a time that you all were oh so loyal to Trixie, and you turned your back on her. We’re here to show you what happens when you go against The Showstoppers.”

More was likely to have been said, were it not for the sudden flare of an accordion, which resulted in a massive pop from the crowd. Pinkie Pie skipped onto the ramp, holding a microphone of her own. Her smile had returned in full force, but it had a layer of determination and confidence behind it that made it clear that, smiling or not, Pinkie Pie meant business.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” said Pinkie. “You were talking, and I cut you off, and that’s super-duper rude, but you guys are also super-duper boring, so…” She shrugged. “Can ya really blame me?”

“It’s all fun and games with you, isn’t it? That’s why you’ll never make it in this business,” spat Starlight. “All you care about is joking around and making these people smile, and your ring work reflects that.”

“All your moments, every time you make the crowd pop and go ‘wow’, they don’t amount to anything,” added Ember. “Because you’re not, never have been, and never will be championship material!”

To The Sovereignty’s massive annoyance, Pinkie started to laugh. It wasn’t just a chuckle, either. She descended into a hearty belly-laugh for nearly a full minute before she regained enough composure to speak again.

“Oh, man, if you thought I was gonna beat you up before, you guys are in for a ride after saying something like that!” laughed Pinkie, wiping a tear from her eye. “But you’re right. I do try really hard to make these wonderful people here go ‘wow’. That’s the whole point of this, isn’t it?” Pinkie looked around at the crowd for confirmation, which they gave in the form of a blanketing cheer. “But, if it makes you feel any better, I won’t try to make the crowd go ‘wow’ tonight. No, no, no, tonight, I’m gonna have them say something more like…” Pinkie Pie pointed to the top of the ramp, a devious grin spread across her face.

O! M! G!

The crowd erupted as the bubbly pop tune of Sonata Dusk blared throughout the arena. Sonata herself cartwheeled down the ramp, stopping next to her tag partner with a grin to match Pinkie’s. The two hugged, then ran down and slid into the ring, standing toe to toe with the new faction known as The Sovereignty. Sonata patted Pinkie on the back with a smile, then slipped between the ropes and stood at their corner. For The Sovereignty, it was decided that Ember would start the match, and Starlight exited the ring. This left the match to The Dragon Lord and The Outrageous One to start.

The bell rang, and Pinkie barreled forward, taking Ember down with a shoulder block. She grabbed Ember up, hoisted her over the shoulder, and drove her into the corner were Sonata waited. Pinkie brought her shoulder savagely into Ember’s gut three times before she tagged her partner in. Sonata hopped over the top rope, to a cascade of cheers, and quickly went about lighting Ember’s midsection up with a flurry of kicks. She backflipped away, only to run forward and plant a knee across the jaw of Ember Torch.

“Sonata Dusk is turning this match on its head,” said Celestia. “That quick-paced, acrobatic offense seems to be more than Ember Torch was ready for tonight, something I’m sure she has in common with the entirety of the EWF Universe.”

“To be honest, I thought Pie’s tag team partner would be her imaginary friend or something,” said Discord. “For her to get a Tag Team Champion… Well, it’s a strategy far better than I would expect from the likes of Pie, to say the least.”

Sonata tagged Pinkie into the match, who quickly slid between the ropes and bashed her head against Ember’s. Pinkie grabbed Ember by the wrist and tossed her into the corner, sending Ember crashing into the turnbuckle where her partner was waiting. Starlight slapped Ember on the back, the blind tag completely missed by Pinkie, who was still focused on Ember. Pinkie ran forward and jumped, crushing Ember against the turnbuckle. Pinkie pushed Ember to the ground and went for a pin, completely oblivious to the fact that Starlight was currently the legal competitor.

Starlight snuck into the ring to get the drop on Pinkie; She ran and brought a knee into the side of Pinkie’s head, then dropped down into a chinlock, her goal to wear down the explosive, energetic Pinkie Pie.

“While Pie is busy wrestling with her head, Starlight Glimmer is wrestling with her head,” said Discord. “The brilliance of her strategy cannot be overstated. Pinkamena Pie thrives on momentum, quick burst of offense, and rushes of adrenaline. What Starlight is doing here, by adopting this slow, methodical approach, is wearing down her opponent. Drains her of her energy, making it harder for Pie to escape future pinning predicaments, and it sets up for Ember’s deadly Bloodstone Dragon Sleeper. All in all, it’s a perfect plan.”

“Sure enough, it sounds perfect on paper,” agreed Celestia. “Though I wonder how Sonata’s presence might throw a wrench in Starlight Glimmer’s plans.”

Pinkie struggled in the hold, knowing full and well that every second she wasted was pushing the match more and more in Sovereignty’s favor, and Pinkie refused to let them outsmart her twice. She clawed her way forward, dragging both her and Starlight towards the rope. Outstandingly, she managed to grab the bottom rope, which began the referee’s five-count for the break. Starlight used every last second before she released her grasp.

Pinkie massaged her neck gingerly, any attempt at a counterattack gone by the time Starlight grabbed her leg and started dragging her away. Starlight pulled Pinkie to the corner and tagged in her partner; Ember slid into the ring and dropped a knee onto the back of Pinkie’s neck. Ember rolled Pinkie onto her back and grabbed her in an inverted facelock. She hefted Pinkie up and stretched her over her knee, hooking the arm to complete the Bloodstone Dragon Sleeper.

“Ember Torch with that Bloodstone Sleeper, nice and tight, and as far away from Sonata as humanly possible!” said Discord. “The Sovereignty are a very new team, but they’ve got instant chemistry and tag team instincts. The way they cut the ring in half, to keep Pinkie isolated from her partner, it’s tag team brilliance!”

Pinkie could feel her lights start to go out, her brain begging for oxygen due to the Bloodstone Dragon Sleeper. Her arms couldn’t reach the ropes, nor did she have the angle or position to get any meaningful punches in on Ember to break the hold. That meant Pinkie had to do what it was she did best: improvise offense.

Pinkie swung her right foot up high, catching Ember square in the face. The hold broken, Pinkie slipped out and wrapped her arm beneath Ember’s jaw. Using what must have been the last of her energy, she ran forward, jumped to the ropes and springboarded off, flipping over Ember and driving her head to the mat with a shiranui.

“Taco Tuesday!” called Celestia, her voice lost in the sea of cheers. “Pinkie, backed into a corner, had to take a page out of Sonata’s playbook, and laid both her and Ember Torch out for the count!”

Pinkie, still mostly unconscious, crawled forward to her partner, desperately in need of a tag. She followed the sound of Sonata’s rhythmic clapping, slowly pulled herself closer and closer to her partner, while Ember did the same on the other side of the ring. Pinkie dove for the tag, making contact with Sonata at the precise moment that Ember managed to reach Starlight. The two fresh competitors rushed into the ring, coming to blow near the center.

Sonata got the upper hand, going downstairs and taking Starlight’s legs out with a baseball slide. She hopped to her feet as Starlight pushed herself to her knees, administering a swift kick to the side of the head. The kick stunned Starlight, which opened her up for a flurry of alternating high-step kicks. She spun on her heel, knocking Starlight flat on her back and causing the crowd to explode into cheers.

Sonata approached Pinkie’s corner, grinning while she did. With her friend’s encouragement, she scaled the turnbuckle, her sights set on Starlight’s prone body. Starlight was square in the middle of the ring, making this one of the more difficult leaps she had ever attempted. Sonata steeled her nerves and jumped, flipping backward in the air. She landed firmly, midsection-to-midsection, in a picture-perfect shooting star press.

Sonata clutched her middle, staring down at her opponent. Instead of going for the pin, she pulled herself up, made her way to her partner, and tagged her in. Pinkie grinned, and, after thanking Sonata, slipped into the ring. She ran forward and jumped into the air, driving her back into Starlight’s ribs.

“Senton from Pie!” called Discord. “And the pin!”

One! Two! Three!

The bell rang, bringing with it a cascade of cheers from the audience. Pinkie leapt to her feet, fists raised above her head triumphantly. She ran to her corner, hooked her arms around Sonata, and hoisted her into the ring. The two hugged, basking in the glow of their victory.

“The winner, the team of SONATA DUSK AND PINKAMENA DIANE PIE!”

Pinkie lifted Sonata up in her hug, parading her around the ring like a trophy. Sonata grinned just as wide as Pinkie, wishing her own team would treat her like this. When she wrestled alongside Aria and Adagio, it seemed so business-like, not to mention unnecessarily mean. With Pinkie, though, Sonata had fun in the ring.

The crowd’s cheers morphed to boos, and Pinkie suddenly dropped Sonata, pushing her to the side. Ember, clutching with her the Nationals Championship with the intent of bashing Pinkie in the head, missed entirely and hit nothing but empty air. She turned for another attack, and ran right into a headbutt from Pinkie. The Outrageous Pie brought a boot to her gut, bent her at the waist, and slipped Ember’s legs between her legs.

Meanwhile, Starlight was just coming to, and saw her partner in peril. She hurried to her feet as quickly as she could, hoping to take Pinkie down with a cheap shot from behind. Unfortunately for her, Sonata was ready, and caught The Equalizer with a spin kick to the midsection. Sonata hooked her arm under Starlight’s jaw. Pinkie looked back and grinned, then flipped forward and drove Ember’s head into the mat with an Equestrian Destroyer; simultaneously, Sonata ran and used the ropes to springboard over Starlight, smashing her head into the mat with her Taco Tuesday shiranui.

“This may be the first time these two stood together in the ring,” said Celestia. “But those stereo finishers should be ample evidence that these two could be a force to be reckoned with.”

“Need I remind you, Regal, that Dusk is currently a Tag Team champion with two women who she calls her sisters?” said Discord. “Would you have her toss them to the curb for a shiny new toy?”

“Of course not, Discord, I’m simply making an observation. One day, Sonata may not be able to count on the Dazzlings to be there for her. On that day, she could have many worse allies in her corner than Pinkamena Diane Pie,” said Celestia. “Speaking of allies, I don’t know how happy Trixie Lulamoon will be with her allies come Monday, after this defeat.”

“We’ll have to tune in Monday to find out. Ladies and gentlemen, as always, this has been Discord Redrum and Celestia Regal, thanking you for joining us for EWF DisHarmony, and wishing you a good night!”

Author's Note:

Hey, thanks for making it through this story so far. For those of you who don't know, this is gonna be the last chapter for quite some time. But worry not, fellow fans of pro-wrestling, I'll be working 'round the clock to get the next month of EWF out as quickly as possible. Until then, sit tight, relax, and start taking your bets on how Twilight is going to clean up this whole World Title debacle.

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Comments ( 6 )

Tirek actually getting the crap beat out of him, even if he won?img10.deviantart.net/89b7/i/2012/252/6/c/fluttershy__s_yay_badge_by_zutheskunk-d3e8usb.png
Adagio, why? Just to make sure that Aria didn't get the other belt as well?
I really hope that Scoots doesn't get fired for losing. That's pretty much what was implied and it would be heart breaking if it was.
THE BEST TEAM EVER! HOORAY! :heart:

8391381
The implication on the Three Stages of Hell Match was supposed to be more like "they'll beat the shit out of each other so much that they won't be able to show up on Friday". Nobody's getting fired yet.

Thanks for reading

that was fun to read

8397261
Woohoo, more chapters! I'm consuming this fic day by day on my train journeys, so I'm still behind. ^^

Tirek raised his fists and let out a massive roar, shaking the very foundation of the building.

Okay, are we 100% sure Tirek is actually a human person?

“If I were you, I'd shut the hell up!”

Oh. Guess that answers my question

“Tonight, we’ve got a Goliath versus Goliath throwdown on our hands!”

Yes yes yes yes DO IT aaaaaaaah they're doing it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

“This will be Big Mac’s first match in the EWF.

It's at this point that I gave up on trying to figure out how wrestling matches are arranged and scheduled.

“The winner, TIREK CRIMSON!”

Disappointing, but honestly, I'd have been surprised if Big Mac won his first match, especially against the MAM

Aria Blaze made her way down the ramp

Booooooooooooooo! You're going down Aria!

Luna struggled to defend herself, every feeble swing at her opponent dodged, endured, or otherwise ignored. She knew, at this rate, she'd be parting with her title far earlier than she'd have liked.

Luna, I'm all for the careful, methodical approach too, but have you considered maybe just CHAIRING HER IN THE FACE

Scootaloo pulled herself to the apron, holding the broken frame of the acoustic guitar that she had pulled from beneath the ring and broke over Diamond’s head.

Okay, I know that the underside of the ring is the giver of tables and steel chairs, but why in the hay is there a guitar under there?! Is it Applejack's?

Diamond had the Swanton scouted and managed, though barely, to roll out of the way. Scootaloo hit the ground with a thudding crash, and the crowd responded with near-unanimous boos as Diamond slowly, tiredly dropped her arm over Scootaloo’s chest in an exhausted, barely-legitimate pin.

Oh come on! DT earned that one!

“GBF! GBF through the table!” exclaimed Discord. “Diamond connects with that absolutely devastating springboard avalanche cutter of hers

I seriously have no idea what Discord just said. I think I should actually research these moves. ^^

O! M! G!

The crowd erupted as the bubbly pop tune of Sonata Dusk blared throughout the arena.

Damn. I lose my ten bucks.

Also I really should have seen this coming, shouldn't I?

Pinkie dove for the tag, making contact with Sonata at the precise moment that Ember managed to reach Starlight. The two fresh competitors rushed into the ring, coming to blow near the center.

Oh mah gerrrrrd so awesome :rainbowkiss:

Pinkie could feel her lights start to go out, her brain begging for oxygen due to the Bloodstone Dragon Sleeper.

Is the Outrageous One a Highlander or something? I swear that people only seem able to take her out with chokes.

Pinkie lifted Sonata up in her hug, parading her around the ring like a trophy. Sonata grinned just as wide as Pinkie, wishing her own team would treat her like this.

Awwwwwww. That's bittersweet. I don't think Sonata will have to worry much longer though, I'm pretty sure the Dazzlings will be finished any day now.

8401819
I genuinely love your comments, man. I don't think I've responded to any of them thus far, but better late than never.

The guitar isn't Applejack's, it's actually Jeff Jarret's (This is a joke)

The GBF, or the Girl's Best Friend, is Diamond Tiara's devastating finishing move. Discord describes it by its technical name, a springboard avalanche cutter. Springboard is a modifier that refers to when a wrestler jumps onto a rope (not a turnbuckle) and bounces up, off, or away to do the move (Chris Jericho's Lionsault, for example, is a springboard moonsault, because he jumps to the middle rope and bounces off.) Avalanche is another modifier, which refers to when a wrestler does their move onto their opponent from the turnbuckle (the superplex, for example, is technically an avalanche vertical suplex, but superplex sounds much doper). Finally is the easiest bit to understand, the Cutter. The cutter is, in technical terms, a ¾ facelock front face bulldog. What that means to the average human being is an RKO (although, strictly speaking, a regular cutter is done on the ground, whereas Orton adds a jump to his).

Pinkie being choked out started as a coincidence, but I've decided to make that a character trait. I've always enjoyed when we can actually see a wrestler's kayfabe weaknesses in the ring because of the storytelling potential. The prime example of this is Ric Flair and his top-rope antics. Almost every time he climbed that top rope, it would end poorly. It just adds a bit of realism to the character. Plus, choking Pinkie out makes a lot of sense. She's hella strong and surprisingly quick for a girl her size. She's got slams and strikes for days, but put her in a submission that slows her down and wears her out? Not permitting a lucky swing or divine intervention, you can consider that a win.

Your point about the Dazzlings is simultaneously very accurate and exactly wrong. You'll have to wait a bit to see how both of those things are true, though.

In short, thanks for reading and I love your enthusiasm! I hope to see you in the next batch of chapters!

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