Crime: Kidnapping
Princess Luna seemed to almost dance down the stone hallway, occasionally greeting and being greeted by her prisoners as she waltzed past the soft cells. Who ever said it was impossible to make criminals happy while you violated their rights and used shady interrogation tactics?
Today was a particularly special day; a big case had made his way into Canterlot’s dungeon, and Princess Luna was able to get him transferred directly under her supervision for his punishment. As she rhythmically skipped down the cold corridor, her mane's ponytail swayed behind her, hovering over her well-brushed coat. The flickering, magic crystal lights were bright enough to reveal her cute face, accented by clear lip gloss, some blush, and a special, sparkly eye shadow.
In short, Princess Luna looked extra adorable today.
As she approached the cell where the offender in question was held, she rolled her eyes playfully. It seemed that the Cuddle Dungeon Guard Team’s newest member was once again on duty. The poor little pony was struggling; it took a while to get used to how things worked around the Cuddle Dungeon, and until one was experienced, all they did was slow things down.
She halted in front of the door. “Greetings, loyal protector.”
He stared up dumbfounded at her, clearly admiring the work she had put into her appearance. “H-hey Princess Luna…”
Princess Luna grinned. “My crown is up here,” she noted, pointing a hoof at the black adornment behind her horn.
After a moment of confusion on the guards part, his gaze was drawn away from her beautiful features and he snapped to attention. “S-sorry Princess,” he stuttered, unlocking the cell door.
“Thank you. For the record, I’m glad you like this look,” Princess Luna stated, bringing up her hoof to briefly toy with her mane’s ponytail. “Now,” she stated, bringing the same hoof under his chin, “Go to the observation area and watch with Papaya Sunrise. You’ll learn how these things usually go, and you can ask him questions.”
“Mmhmm,” the guard hummed as he began to stagger off, still somewhat awestruck.
Princess Luna walked inside the green-themed cell and closed the door behind her. “Why, hello there!” she beamed happily.
A hot pink pony with a black and pink mane lifted his head up to see who had entered, and his pupils shrunk to the size of pinpricks. “Oh….Oh no.”
Princess Luna tilted her head. “Don’t worry. I know it’s probably intimidating to have a Princess come see you, but I promise I’m not here to hurt you.” She strode up to the side of the table and beamed sweetly down at him. “I protect all of Equestria from nightmares, after all. That goes for ponies that are in trouble, too.”
The pony seemed to relax a little bit, but still eyed her warily.
“Still so shy! What’s your name?”
“I...I’m Poptart.”
Princess Luna let a incomprehensibly quiet snort of laughter reverberate in her throat. She knew his name, of course; it was all over the papers, but she needed to hear him say it himself. “What an interesting name. Now, do you know why you’re here?’
“Yeah, yeah, because I’m awaiting trial for kidnapping.”
“And not just kidnapping anypony!” Luna continued for him. “Sapphire Shores, Equestria’s leading popstar!” She let out her cutest, most demure giggle. “How funny- Poptart kidnaps a popstar!”
She could see Poptart’s features soften. “Heh, I guess there is some humor in that.”
“I’m not gonna lie to you, you’re in big trouble,” Princess Luna continued, accentuating her statement with a quick boop on the nose. “Still, I’m here to talk to you and help you get better the best way that I can. After all, we don’t want you going out after your serving your sentence and tying anypony else to a chair in your bathroom for four days, now do we?”
“I was just doing it for the ransom,” Poptart protested, furrowing his brow.
“I know, I know,” Luna cooed softly. “But, you also asked for ‘thirty hundred trillion bits’ in the ransom letter. How is anypony supposed to pay that? It’s three-hundred times Equestria’s GDP, Poptart!” She stuck out her tongue playfully at him. “So, it’s better if we rehabilitate you so that you don’t kidnap anypony ever again.”
Poptart rolled his eyes and turned his head away from her. “Great, so you’re here to lecture me?”
“No, no, we’re going to have a discussion and get to know each other,” Princess Luna said, placing a gentle hoof on the table next to him. "Then, we can start working on reforming you into a productive and happy pony!"
Poptart looked intently into Princess Luna’s face for a few moments and grinned slowly. “I hope you don’t mind me saying, Princess Luna, but I never knew you were so...cute.”
Princess Luna let out a happy gasp and clutched a hoof to her chest. “You really think so?”
“Yeah, you’re actually like, adorable. And that means a lot because I usually just call most mares ‘smoking hot’ or ‘bat ugly’.”
If one listened close enough, one could almost hear a growl emanate from behind the one-way mirror.
Princess Luna coyly placed a hoof over her lips. “Does that mean you don’t think I’m...hot?”
“I never said that!”
Princess Luna giggled and smacked his chest playfully with a hoof. “Stop! Oh, Poptart, you are too much!” Gently climbing onto the sloped table, she laid herself gently in the space created by the restraint pattern of Poptart’s hooves, making sure to let her tail tease his legs. “You know, I really like your coat and mane color,” Princess Luna commented, gently resting her head on one of his restrained hooves. “So bold!”
“Th-thank you,” he said, leaning the side of his body into hers confidently after being egged on by her compliments. “Mares always like the bold stallions, that’s what I say.”
“So true!” Luna gushed, turning her body to face him and looking deep into his eyes. With a cute toss of her head that sent her ponytail bouncing around, and parting her lips gently to accentuate her lip gloss, she asked him a rather surprising question. “...Poptart, would you like to cuddle?”
This gave him pause. “You want to...cuddle?”
“Yeah!” Princess Luna said excitedly, sliding down the table to the hoofrests and positioning her body above his. “I love to cuddle, which is why all the rooms in this part of the dungeon are so soft!” she gushed. “I promise I’m really, really good at it! I’m also super fluffy and soft, see?” She lowered her barrel to his and rubbed it around for a few seconds.
Poptart shivered as Luna’s fluffy chest glided effortlessly over his. It was the softest thing he had ever felt. “Wow. I never know dungeons were this fun...Sure, we can cuddle!”
“Oh, great!” Princess Luna smiled at him. She lowered her body tantalizingly close to his, using her hooves to support herself. “Just hug me close to you whenever you’re ready!”
With a dopey smile, Poptart lifted his hooves towards Princess Luna’s midsection. He was jolted out of his temporary euphoria, however, when the loud jangling of metal signaled the end of his range of motion. He tried again, only for the same result to occur.
“Is there a problem?” Princess Luna asked softly, tilting her head as if she was confused.
“I can’t hug you.”
“I don’t see why not! Try again.”
He jangled his chains once more. “I’m tied up, remember?”
“Oh, your restraints! Silly me.” Princess Luna turned her head to face the room’s one-way observation mirror. “Papaya Sunrise, could you please release Poptart’s restraints so that we could cuddle?”
The room’s intercom buzzed to life and the room filled with the voice of the grizzled batpony guard. “Sure thing, Your Highness. I’m just going to need thirty-hundred trillion bits, first.”
Poptart’s eyes widened as he pulled on his chains. “Wh...what?”
“I don’t understand what’s taking so long,” huffed Luna. “Just pay him the money and you’ll go free.”
“I don’t have that much money!” Poptart protested, pulling on his chains again.
“Well then just hug me!” Luna ordered.
“I can’t!” Poptart responded, tears beginning to well up in his eyes. “I’m tied down!”
“What’s that?” Luna responded, her ear flicking in response to his pleading explanation. “Are you saying that being tied down against your will is a BAD thing?”
“Please let me cuddle you P-Princess,” sobbed Poptart.
“Go ahead and hug me! I’ve been waiting!”
“I ca-a-a-an’t….” Poptart spat through what was now a full-on crying episode.
“I thought you wanted to cuddle!?”
Tears ran down Poptart’s face and fell all over his body. “I d-o-o-ooooooo…”
“YOUR PRINCESS DEMANDS CUDDLES. WE ARE WAITING; CUDDLE US! CUDDLE US NOW!”
In the observation room, Papaya Sunrise was doubled over in laughter, slapping his hooves against the wooden bench he was sitting on and flaring his leathery wings with every new round of cackles that sprang from him. “Th-this is great! L-l-look at this racist fruitcake!” He choked, wiping away a joyous tear from his eye. “Crying like a little filly!”
“Sir,” the newest member of the guard interjected. “Doesn’t this go...I don’t know, a little too far? I mean, it’s so intense…”
Papaya Sunrise caught his breath and cleared his throat, although his smile remained. “There are plenty of reasons to question the Princess’ methods, but you can’t argue with the results. Have you seen the statistics? Since she became co-ruler again, we’ve successfully rehabilitated more than 99.6% of kidnappers.”
The younger guard glanced out at the scene, the adorably intense form of Princess Luna hunched over and screaming at the pitiful pink crybaby. “Yeah, I guess...Still, though."
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Once again, my OC knows naught but pain and nonsense.
Luna is like straight up sadistic tho, jeez.
good stuff tho.
tally ho, good show!
Where did that come from? that totally just confused the fudge out of me, i feel like im missing something in this chapter, but he just kidnapped Sapphire for cash not because of race or whatever. :?
Criminals in general rather then "kidnappers" i assume? since she uses the same general method for all criminals.
8369773
Said bat-crazy
Shes a bat pony
Crazy=bat= rascist......or overly sensitive
... You know, this is a minor nitpick, and I don't particularly expect you to care that much, but wouldn't "thirty hundred trillion" be easier to write as "three quadrillion?"
8374367
Exactly- that's the whole point! His personality is such that that is how he demands the ransom.
I wanna know what happened to the other .4% of kidnappers
All of my L
L
What Luna thinks he is thinking:
m.memegen.com/4jwm0p.jpg
What he actually is thinking:
memegenerator.net/img/instances/81226229.jpg
why
and how
is so funny
DAMN. Luna's good!
9235975
what about the remaining 0.4%???????
Next level torture