It was all over, her throne had been destroyed and her children and subjects cast her out of what was left of their old home. And the pony who caused all of this pain had said That Chrysalis still had a chance to be forgiven. Chrysalis knew that she could have taken Starlight Glimmer's hoof and joined her newly metamorphosized family. But the love she felt from Starlight was hollow and bitter. false and weak, she couldn't live off that kind of love for very long. So after realizing that staying would mean starving she cut her losses and fled. Chrysalis was hoping to find somepony to feed off of but instead, she found nothing no love and no ponies for days on end then something happened...
Chapters (1)
The description of the story his hilariously full of grammar. Please fix so more people would read this eventually.
8339265 Show me what I screwed up and I will fix what's wrong. If you just tell me I screwed up I will ignore you and think you're liying. I've already gone over this with editing software and it says it's fine. Other ponies just telling me something is wrong and not showing up that thing is, is something I hate with a passion.
P.s, Grammar is too vague be specific!
8339451
It's just hard to explain. I recommend Grammarly for any advanced grammar editing software btw.
8339530 That's what I'm using
Mate, if you refined the description at least, that would be great. I mean, try to read it, alright?
I'll tell ya all that is wrong with your... creation, here.
1. No commas.
2. After a dot, people are always using the capital form of a letter.
3. Punctuation. Don't read if you're sensitive. For the love of everything holy, this hurts to read. It's like a giant clusterfuck of words strung together. You didn't run this through any kind of grammar editing software, or if you did, that software is SHIT. Even the name of the chapter is jumbled.
Did you learn any grammar? I don't mean to bash ye, but this looks more like jumbled story concept, not like anything that is ready for posting.
4. There is a lot of missing apostrophes, and even words. I cannot stress this enough, the grammar is mostly non-existent here.
5. If you want people to read something that you wrote, you can at least try to make the description sound interesting, and readable. I see how you write comments, and the grammar in them is fine... Mostly. But why are your stories that bad then?
8345185 to be honest, this story is just an experiment to see if I can even write e rated stuff. but I don't get what you are talking about I ran my description through Grammarly and it said it was fine. also, I wrote the description so that ponies would read on from it. I'm sorry but even my college professors would have said this was fine if short.
8345260
Man, no. This is not fine at all. Just, check it yourself, if you want. I really told you what could be done to make your story readable. Please, just check the spelling, put some commas where those are due, and please, don't use software, it cannot tell you where to put commas to enhance your story. It just really hurts me to see that you don't understand what is wrong with your story and description. Just look at the other authors work and compare it to yours.
8346423 fine I'll read it out loud.
ps not growling at you. My glasses broke last night
Here's a tip for you, friend: read what you write out loud, exactly as you wrote it. If there is no pause where a pause would naturally be, or if it sounds like you're professionally and competitively collecting run-on sentences, then you know you have a problem. Whenever I see a sentence that is as long as a paragraph, I picture the author taking a deep breath and saying the entire thing all at once in a monotonous voice without any inflection.
8462994 I retract my earlier comment I had just woken up. not really an excuse but I'm now fully awake and I see the problems, I'm editing as I write this comment, sorry.
so...is this ever going to be continued ,or not?
8975186 yes I'm just working on other things
update?
Can't think of anything at the moment I'm too focused on other stories but don't worry this still is something I'm working on 10658404
With this, I think I am fully caught up on all of your fics