• Member Since 21st Apr, 2015
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

JackRipper


A real lady killer.

T

One timeline after another, Twilight and Spike are thrown into a world of Starlight's morbid machination. Another tragic end to Equestria, another circumstance of failure.

The frigid wind does little to ease Twilight's thoughts as a simple question plagues her mind:

"What happened here?"


Takes place during the Season 5 finale.
Proofread and edited by Dreams of Ponies.
Third place in the Nightmare Moon 2017 Summer Contest.
Featured 8/6/17 - 8/8/17.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 77 )
JackRipper
Story Approver

I... I have no words to describe the feels.

JackRipper
Story Approver

8348911
Heh, that's the goal. :scootangel:

EEEYAAA This is SO AWESOMELY AWESOME!

JackRipper
Story Approver

...:rainbowderp:
Holy crap.

I... share the sentiment. Holy mackerel...

JackRipper
Story Approver

8348998
8348959
8348955

Takes a bow

I aim to please. :trollestia:

... Wow. That was amazing.

Oh my Celestia... Just... I have no words.

Wonderful. That's all I can say.

JackRipper
Story Approver

Very enjoyable!

A couple of corrections:

The warming spell that Twilight had casted 

Past tense is "cast" in modern English. Looked it up. Used to be "casted" in the 14th century.

 In quick haste,

Redundant. Either "In a quick movement" or "In haste"

JackRipper
Story Approver

8349260
Thank you. :twilightsmile:

I like your story.
It was a good story.
Just a couple of inconsistencies totally ruined the experience for me ,though.
If it was so cold, why didn't Twily's teardrop freeze on her tender cheek?
Also, why didn't her gravestone rhyme? I think it shoulda rhymed.
Gee, I sure hope somepony got fired for those errors.
Overall though, a good, solid effort.
You'll go far in this business, kid.
A- from moi.

8349627
Well there goes my job... Also, dangit, Jack. I told you about the tears... ugh :facehoof:

JackRipper
Story Approver

8349627
My editor told me to make it freeze on her cheek. I thought it was cheesy and going too far. :rainbowlaugh:

Also, their gravestones are supposed to be super srs. Unlike Pinkie's, probably. :derpytongue2:

JackRipper
Story Approver

8349635
Goddamn you jumped on that one fast. :rainbowlaugh:

8349635
Perhaps if you spent more time explaining to your employer about the essential process of describing the temperature H2o freezes eye moisture regardless of how 'cheesy' it sounds, and less time wastin' over dreaming about ponies, this grievous error would never have happened. Now you've ruined this fine young author's ambitions once and for all, forever tainting this marvellous fictional finale epilogue. A pox on your house, you sorry excuse for an editor. :pinkiesick:


8349637 There, there. I understand this wasn't your fault. Here, I've bought you some cocoa. You like cocoa, don't you? Here, drink up SLURP. You'll feel better in the morn, I swear. :pinkiehappy:

(I still think you should've made the gravestones rhyme too... but it's too late for second chances now.) :pinkiesad2:

JackRipper
Story Approver

8349656
I can't rhyme, that requires literary competence. :unsuresweetie:

JackRipper
Story Approver

8349677
You should have seen what it looked like before the story was edited. :twilightoops:

8349684
Waits patiently for a special edition of Set In Stone that will never arrive... :ajsleepy:

JackRipper
Story Approver

8349693
I ain't doin' no sequel, not until I start running low on ideas. :derpytongue2:

8349696
I'm talking about the glorious original in it's full, unedited, gory glory.
Come on now... don't be shy. :trollestia:

JackRipper
Story Approver

8349701
Oh boy, the gore tag. That's a touchy realm to tread.

I do have an idea for something like that, though it's still in the works. :trollestia:

JackRipper
Story Approver

8349711
Lit, my guy. 🔥

8349712
:raritywink: :raritywink: BTW, if you must know, my new policy is to never let anyone else get the last word in again, so if you want me to shut up, you shut up first. :moustache:

Either way, its been a pleasure talking to you, and the story was great. :raritystarry:

Damn that was good.

JackRipper
Story Approver

8349838
Thank you. :heart:

That was a lot more emotional and bare than I expected. Very nice writing!

JackRipper
Story Approver

8350001
Thank you. :twilightsmile:

JACKK THIS IS AMAZING WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THE FEELS ARE TOO MUCH-

:twilightsheepish:

JackRipper
Story Approver

That ending... :pinkiesad2:

Good story, very... atmospheric? Mood? Not sure how to put it, but I enjoyed it.

JackRipper
Story Approver

8350150
Thanks. :twilightsheepish:

I like this. The premise itself is great. I personally have a soft spot for stories that have a similar take on the alternate realities created by Starlight's shittery. You got the point across well, though my only gripe would be you could've taken it with a longer story, perhaps double the length to REALLY hammer home the emotional reaction I'm sure you were going for; there's easily material here for ~5k words and extra development.

Good stuff nonetheless! :pinkiehappy:

JackRipper
Story Approver

8350171
That's the gripe I hear the most, "write more stories." :derpytongue2:

I'm slowly getting better at writing more, but I appreciate it! :heart:

JackRipper
Story Approver

When I first saw the title, I thought of "Nothing is Set in Stone." Anyway, the story was amazing! can't wait for more. Just want more to read from each story is all I could give to you.

JackRipper
Story Approver

8350330
My editor thought of the title, it's so much better than the draft version. :heart:

More from me on the way. :raritywink:

Tell me if I'm wrong. In this timeline: Nightmare Moon rebelled for a few years, Celestia and Twilight eventually got the EoH, They had to use their own lifeforce to stop Nightmare Moon, and because the Sun and Moon Princesses were both dead, no heat or light could be shined onto the world, leaving it a barren ball of ice. I like this story, but the Ponies were able to rise/create the Sun and Moon without Alicorns. Also, Cadance? What happened to her? A dystopian future without clear or wise rule I could see, Sombra winning the war without Celestia to motivate the non-Crystal Ponies I could see, but I don't understand how the Sun and Moon died. I liked this story a lot, so I'm hoping someone can point out something that I missed, and explain to me what happened.

And only skeleton bones remain...

I tip my hat, friend :pinkiesad2::ajsleepy:

Beautiful, sad story, but with just a few small errors. Like people have been saying, the tear maybe should've frozen over, though I didn't notice that at first. :applejackunsure: Also, like someone else said, unicorns should've been able to raise and lower the sun, and shouldn't Celestia and Twilight have known what would happen? Other than that, amazing story. :pinkiehappy: :twilightsmile: :ajsmug:

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