Fallout Equestria: Souls

by JustMoth

Act 1 - Part 9: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Canterlot

Fallout Equestria: Souls

Act 1 - Part 9: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Canterlot

Waste Land Survival Lesson 20:

“Rest while you can.”

“Seriously?” Colt’s incredulous question mirrored my feelings.

Nopony, heck, NOTHING in their right mind goes to Canterlot willingly. Yet here was Celly, causally suggesting that we stop by for a little sightseeing.

“Seriously!” The little alicorn replied confidently. “I managed to find several leads that all point towards Canterlot having the information that I’m looking for, despite those snobby ponies trying their best to stonewall me at every turn. Can you believe that they put me on a 100 year waiting list to use their computer mainframe?” Celly let out a derisive whinny. “Joke’s on them, since I’ll still be around in a century when my number comes up.”

“Umm, what kind of leads were these, Cell?” Star Mane asked cautiously. Both he and Brass shared a concerned expression.

“Nothing direct, like my name coming up, but more like several loose threads all leading to the same point.” The fifty year old filly explained to her friends. “For example, you know how difficult it’s been to find anything about Twilight’s childhood and life before Ponyville?”

“That would be due to the Ministry of Image strictly controlling all personal information regarding the Ministry Mares, in order to protect them and their families from zebra attack.” Hoof, always the source of pre-apocalypse trivia, interjected. “They were so thorough that I only just recently found evidence that Ms. Sparkle had a brother in the royal guard.”

“Exactly.” Celly nodded. “Well, I found that detailed records of Twilight’s past may still be intact within the head MoI office on the Ministry Walk in Canterlot. Finding out the location of her childhood home, or which magic kindergarten she went would go a long way to figuring out how I know her.”

This didn’t seem to change Brass and Star’s clear apprehension.

“Twilight’s own personal office at the Ministry of Magic is on the Ministry Walk as well.” Celly went on. “Also, the royal palace entrance is close by the Walk too. It’s like a one stop shop for all information.”

“Ohh!” Zest’s ears perked up at the mention of the palace. “That’s where the Elements of Harmony should be!”

“Uh, I guess it is…” from the uncertainly in her voice, Celly must have thought Lemon’s outburst was completely random.

“Lemon want to see the Elements of Harmony, because… reasons.” Hoof explained with a shrug.

Star Mane trotted over to the little alicorn, with Brass following close behind, and asked in a cornered whisper. “You sure you’re ready for this Cell?”

“I… I think so.” Celly replied in a low whisper that nopony past her two friends could hear. As she spoke the confidence in her voice started to waver. “I’ve gotten much better over the years, thanks to you two. It… it won’t be a problem.”

“You don’t have to go to Canterlot right away.” Brass whispered supportively. “Your answers will still be there if you want to wait until you’re more ready...”

Celly shook her little head. “If I wait too long I might lose my nerve. Or if something happens to Canterlot while I’m putting it off, I’ll regret never knowing for the rest of my life. But you are right about not having to go right away.”

Celly hovered up above her friends and spoke loud enough for Hoof, Zest, and Colt to hear. “Since it’s getting late, and we’ve all had a rather long day, we should find a place to stay for the night.”

Second raised his hoof for attention. “As much as I regret encouraging this madness, we could stop over at Ponyville for the night. It’s not too far from Canterlot and I’ve heard that there’s a settlement there.”

“Good idea, Second.” Celly nodded. “Ponyville was one of the first places I’ve ever travelled to, it was a ghost town back then, but I should be able to blink us all there no problem.”

“Oh, before we go, I have something for you Celly!” Lemon said cheerfully as she picked up the metal thing she’d been working on.

The yellow pegasus motioned for Celly to float down to her height, and then she placed the contraption over the alicorn’s horn.

“What is it?” Celly asked, going cross-eyed trying to see what was on her head.

“It’s an alicorn disguise!” Zest said proudly. The ‘disguise’ consisted of a long horn made from a cone of purple metal and a crudely made little steel crown at its base. Not bad I guess considering she made it by hoof from scrap.

“But I’m already an alicorn…” Celly said puzzled.

“Yes, but with this on you’ll look like a pegasus filly pretending to be an alicorn princess. We could pass as pegasisters!” Zest smiled. Ugh, she’s still pushing that phrase… “Since your saddlebags broke you can’t hide your wings, so this will hide your horn in plain sight.”

“Wow, that’s pretty clever Lemon, thanks.” Celly reached up and felt the fake horn with her hoof. “But did it really need the tiara?”

“But Cell, you’re now the prettiest pony princess.” Star Mane teased. “It’s that right Colt?”

“Shut up, speedy.” Colt said, clearly struggling to not squee over how adorable Celly looked in her costume.

“Oh! That reminds me.” Celly said suddenly, and then disappeared with a flash.

The other ponies looked around confused for several moments before Celly just as suddenly reappeared with a package.

“The armor that I promised Lemon that I’d get you.” The little alicorn explained as she floated the package over to Colt.

The raider mare opened the package and examined the tan garment, reading out the white words emblazoned on the chest. “Tenpony Tower Security?”

“It’s the strongest, yet lightest, barding I could get.” Celly explained. “It’s impervious to low caliber bullets and magically enhanced for durability. All the guard in Tenpony literally stake their lives on the quality. Try it on, I had to get it custom modified to fit your size.”

Colt quickly got dressed in the armor, with the help of her magic, taking the time to reattach Mulberry’s holster to her leg over the barding. Apart for some strategically placed reinforces, the barding was skin tight and completely covered the young mare’s body and legs.

“Wow, it feels like I’m wearing nothing at all!” Colt exclaimed impressed, swishing her rump back and forth.

Hoof mumbled something under his breath that I barely caught, he then cleared his throat and spoke clearly. “If we’re done this impromptu Hearth’s Warming Day gift exchange, we should get settled into Ponyville before it gets dark.”

“Ok everypony, gather round.” Celly announced. “Next stop, a short walk from Ponyville. Don’t want to be startling the locals...”

Then with a golden flash of light we were gone.

~~~***~~~

“A short walk huh?” Colt asked dryly.

“I said I was Sorry!” Celly rolled her eyes. “It’s been over three decades since I’ve been there, so I was a little off on my targeting.”

Our little party appeared in the middle of nowhere and had been walking for the past hour towards where Brass promised Ponyville was.

“I’ve been thinking…” Star Mane said as he trotted up between Celly and Colt, hopefully trying to stop another argument. “Since we’re going to the Ministry Walk, we might be able to check up on Puppy.”

“Yeah, I was thinking about that too…” Celly answered with a melancholy tone.

“You know a dog in Canterlot?” Hoof asked puzzled.

“Puppysmiles isn’t a dog, she was a filly.” Brass explained with the same sad tone. “While we were, uh… leaving Salt Cube City, we found an old abandoned military base. In it, we came across some audio recordings from a Ms. Sunny Days. They were made just after the mega-spells went off and talked about how she was separated from her daughter Puppysmiles, who was safe in the Canterlot stable.”

“It’s the kind of thing we would find far too often in my search, families torn apart because of the war.” Celly added with a sigh. “Yet there was just something about the sound of Sunny’s voice that really touched us. So we decided that if we ever found ourselves in Canterlot, we would check out the stable there. She wouldn’t be alive after all this time, few ponies ever live over a century, but we could at least find out what happened with Puppy. We might even meet her descendants. It would be nice to finally find a happy ending to one of these old war tragedies…”

“I don’t want to go into another stable…” Zest said in a small voice, stopping suddenly with a frightened look on her face.

The other ponies stopped walking and looked to the stable pony.

“But a stable will be the safest place in Canterlot from the pink-“ Hoof started.

“I know.” Zest cut him off, looking to be on the verge of crying. “I don’t even know why I don’t want to go into a stable, but I… I just can’t!”

Brass trotted over and put a reassuring hoof on Lemon’s shoulder, causing the mare to flinch, and spoke in a calming voice. “Celly, Star and I have been in many stables during our searching. Some were abandoned, some still functioning, some were just empty. The only thing all those stables had in common was that they were all different.” He then looked into Zest’s eyes. “No matter what your stable was like, I can promise you that Puppy’s stable will not be like it at all.”

“Well isn’t this just so fucking touching that you just wanna fucking puke.” A voice suddenly called out.

Everypony looked around to try and find where the crude language came from.

“Up here ya dumb shits!” The voice called out again as a surly looking female griffin flapped down into my sphere of vision. She wore a bulletproof vest with a sniper rifle strapped to the back and brass star pinned to the front. A pair of aviator were goggle perched above her dark green eye markings.

“Oh hey, it’s another one of those mixed creatures.” Zest beamed, her mood shifting disturbingly fast. “Some kind of bird cat mix.”

The griffiness swooped down towards Lemon with surprising speed, stopping just in front of her face. She glared at her a moment before rolling her eyes. “Should have figured some dumb ass stable bitch wouldn’t know a griffin when she sees one.”

“A griffin?” Zest asked thoughtfully and then a moment later her eyes lit up. “Oh! Like the ones Colt killed.” She pointed a hoof identifying the mare as she said her name. “I wondered what they were...”

Second face hoofed at the stable pony’s lack of tact. Celly’s horn started to glow softly as Brass and Star tensed up. No idea who this griffin is, but things could get really messy really quickly…

The griffin landed on all fours and stalked over to the blue unicorn slave. “So this little cunt offed some of my kin?” she asked with a dangerous edge to her voice.

Colt stared up into the griffiness’ eyes without flinching. “Buck yeah I did. A bunch of mercs were giving me and my brothers a hard time, so we ended them.” She then floated out Mulberry and held it in front of the griffin’s beak. “Killed the leader with his own sweet knife.”

The two dangerous wastelanders stared daggers at each other for a tense moment. Then the griffiness let out a hearty laugh and mussed Colt’s mane with a talon. “Good on ya kid! I bet I know the type they were. Cock waving bullshit alpha males that think having a contract makes them king fucks of the wasteland. World’s better off without those shit stains.”

“Who… who are you?” Celly asked the griffiness, turning off the glow of her horn now the tension was over.

“Oh, I’m sorry your highness, where are my fucking manners?” She turned to Celly, who still wore her fake tiara and horn, and gave a fake little curtsy. She then stood up and straightened her vest. “Name’s Underfire. I came out to welcome you cunts to the taint of the wasteland, and I don’t mean that rainbow shit that will fuck you up in more ways than a hellhound in heat, Ponyville! Nestled between the rancid asshole of death that is the Everfree Forest, and the giant ‘fuck you’ cock and balls that is Canterlot. I’m the sheriff of this little slice of Tartarus, and mayor too when shit needs to get done.”

“You’re the mayor and sheriff of Ponyville?” Hoof asked incredulously.

“Better not be implying some racist bullshit with that remark.” Underfire said with a glare. “Don’t let the name fool ya, there’s a lot more than just ponies living in town these days. It’s practically a motherfucking melting pot of diversity here. Besides, none of you chicken shit pony folk wanted the job.” She pointed a talon at Colt. “Fuck, I bet the little bitch here has more balls than every stallion in the town together, probably how she got her name.”

“So we’re close to Ponyville?” Brass Tacks asked.

“No shit blank flank, you figured that out all by yourself?” Underfire rolled her eyes. “It’s just over this hill, maybe you’ll even get a navigation cutie mark for finding it.”

Brass glared at her as Star leaned over to whisper warningly in his ear. “Now, now. No thoughts of blowing up the potty mouth sheriff-mayor…”

“So… You numb nuts here for killing or stealing?” Underfire asked casually.

What a weird thing to ask… Everypony else in the group seemed equally taken aback.

“Look, there are only two reasons anyone comes to Ponyville.” The griffiness raised two digits on her right talon. “Dumb fuck hunters who want to try and kill the beasties in the Everfree Forest to make a bullshit name for themselves…” She lowered one digit so only the middle one remained up. “Or even dumber fuck ‘adventurers’ who want to try and steal shit from Canterlot to get rich.”

“The second one, I guess.” Celly answered. “But, we're not going to Canterlot to steal anything. We’re just looking for information.”

Underfire face hoofed, or I guess in her case, face taloned. “Great, the dumbest bunch of shits of them all… academics!” She shook her head and started to walk around our little group. “Well, you jerk offs should first see Thundering Shout, the fucker that runs the local inn. Maybe he can convince you fucktards not to throw away your fucking lives in the pursuit of higher learning.” She stopped walking when she got to Hoof and the fluffy tip of her lioness tail casually felt up the crotch of his merchant barding. “It would be a shame to waste such a fine pony cock.”

Hoof’s eyes went wide and he visibly stiffened... I mean, his muscles tensed up.

Heh, Underfire doesn't have much of an eye for stallions. Second was just average, but I guess compared to the size of a griffin’s…

“Uhh… thanks for the advice.” Hoof said, awkwardly spinning around to face the griffiness, he then glanced over to Zest and Colt. “By the way, what’s the town’s stance on slavers?”

Now Colt tensed up at this. I guess it was Second’s way of warning her and Lemon to watch what they say while in town. Many settlements would shoot a slaver on sight without question. Too bad Zest wouldn’t get the hint unless it was stuck to Brass’ flank.

Or Hoof was just trying to draw attention away from his nethers.

“Shit. You heard about that huh?” Underfire said with a sigh.

Heard about what? To Hoof’s credit, he didn’t show any surprise and just nodded.

“Yes, we have a deal with the Blood Brothers for protection.” Underfire continued with a frustrated grimace on her beak.

“The Blood Brothers?” Lemon asked puzzled.

“They’re one of the biggest and most horrible groups of slavers in the wasteland.” Colt explained with a disgusted look on her face, and then turned to the griffin. “And you made a deal with those monsters!?”

“I know it’s a bullshit deal with Discord, but it was the only way to keep the town safe.” Underfire punched the ground with a talon. “Those slaver fuck nuggets keep raiders and other slavers off our asses in exchange for us providing them a place to relax and spend their filthy fucking caps. At least none of those shitheads are in town right now, off doing I hate to fucking think what, and they would never try anything in town even if they were.”

“Well that’s reassuring.” Star said dryly.

“It’s the fucking wasteland, what do ya want?” Sheriff Underfire flapped her wings and took to the air “The least you can do before you get yourselves killed is spend all your caps in town. Help the motherfucking local economy and all that shit.” Just before flying off she called back “And cock pony, stop by my office if you want to make your last night one you’ll never forget!”

“Well she seemed nice.” Zest said happily. “Though I didn’t understand half the words she was using…”

~~~***~~~

I’ve always heard that Ponyville was still abandoned, but surprisingly, it was busier than Appleloosa! Also, Underfire wasn’t kidding about there being more than just ponies living in town. As our little group trotted through, I noticed in my sphere of vision just about as many residents that were non-pony as were ponies. There were donkeys, zebras, griffins, cattle, at least one minotaur, and I think I saw a Saddle Arabian horse, but that could have been just a rather tall pony. After spending the past week with mostly just Hoof and Zest, this was a little overwhelming.

Apparently I wasn’t the one overwhelmed by all the sights. Zest was looking around so much that she managed to get separated from the rest of the group. I can’t imagine what this must be like for her, last week she didn’t know of anything but earth ponies, and now she was surrounded by all these other beings. For the most part, she seemed to be more fascinated than anything, but it looked like the mules and horse unnerved her. I guess they looked too close to being like ponies yet still different.

“Pony, could you delay your walk. I would like if we could talk.” A well-spoken voice called out.

Zest stopped and looked around to find where the voice came from.

“If you would look over here, you will see I am quite near.” The voice came from a figure standing in an alley between two houses that Zest was passing by. He wore a tattered old cloak, and his downturned head was almost completely obscured by its hood. With my omnidirectional sight, I could see that under the hood he was an elderly zebra stallion and, judging from the blank stare of his opaque eyes, he was most likely blind.

Zest may be 90 degrees of ignorant, but apparently even she knew to be wary of shady strangers in dark alleys. When she spotted the zebra she took a cautious step backwards. “Uhh, hello.”

“May I kindly ask you a question, regarding a matter of possession?” Huh, it’s been sometime, since I met a zebra that spoke in rhyme. Ack! Now I’m doing it.

“Wh… what is it?” Lemon seemed curious about what the zebra had to say. She should be more curious about where her friends got to. I couldn’t even find them in my sphere of perception any more.

“I sense with you another life force. One much like a pony, or perhaps a horse.” The zebra said with a puzzled tone. “How did you come by such a strong spirit? What is your tale? I simply must hear it.”

Wait. A strong spirit? Did he mean me?!

I’ve changed my mind Zest, forget about your friend for now, be very curious about what this zebra has to say. This may be my chance to learn more about what happened to me.

“What do you mean by-” Lemon started, but then was cut off by a blue unicorn with terrible timing!

“Ah! There you are Mistress! I’ve been looking all over town for you.” Colt said as she galloped up to the pegasus.

“Oh, hi Colt. I was just talking to this-” Zest began to explain, but was stopped by Colt pushing her past the ally with the side of her head.

“Sorry for bothering you, but we really must be going.” Colt said hastily to the zebra while guiding Zest down the street. Once they were about a block away, she turned to Lemon. “We found the inn, but when I turned around you were gone. I was worried sick about you Mistress. Don’t you know better than to talk to strange ponies in dark alleys?”

Not when they may have an explanation as to why you’re stuck to a gun after death!

“He said something about me having a strong spirit. I just wanted to know what he meant by that.” Zest said as she trotted beside Colt. It was now just past twilight and, surprisingly, lights started coming on in various houses. This place even has working power?

The young raider shook her head dismissively. “He probably just thought you had some good booze on you.”

“You’ve finally found her. Now can we all go inside?” Second asked dryly to the two mares as they trotted up to the rest of the group waiting outside what I presume was the inn Underfire mentioned. The inn was a large two story pre-war house, in the same style as most of ponyville, and was dotted with patchwork repairs covering the damage that a hundred years of exposure to the wasteland causes.

“Yes, let’s see if this Thundering Shout can give us any extra information on Canterlot.” Celly said as she opened the door to the inn with her magic. “Or at least if he has some spare rooms for the night.”

The six ponies trotted into the inn, with Hoof shutting the door behind him. With the door closed, the bustling sensory overload of the outside was thankfully shut off from my perception. The inside of the Inn mostly consisted of a large open room that was sparsely lit with candles and a few dim light bulbs. It looked like it was a personal residence at some point, but most of the inner walls and ceiling were removed to make the central room bigger. There were a few tables and chairs spread about, a large bar counter off to the side wall, and at the back of the room was a staircase leading to the second floor. It must be a slow time of day, since the only one in the place was a large brown buffalo behind the counter.

“It’s kind of gloomy in here…” Colt said as she peered around.

“Oh, a little gloom never hurt anyone.” The buffalo called out in a deep cheerful voice. “I think it add atmosphere. Welcome to the Shout Outt.”

“Why is called the Shout Out?” Zest asked. I’m surprised that she didn’t first ask what was he, but I guess with all that she’s seen in Ponyville she lost track of things. I bet she’ll have a lot of questions for Colt and Second later though.

“Well because it’s my inn and I’m Thundering Shout, but calling it the Shout Inn just sounded weird.” Thundering shout said with a chuckle. “It’s Outt with two t’s by the way.”

“Why two?” Lemon said puzzled. She was probably confused by how Shout knew the spelling she used, I know I was.

“Same reason inn has two n’s I guess!” Shout said with a shrug then let out a laugh. “Now, how about you good ponies come closer so I can get a good look at you.”

As the group trotted over to the bar, the buffalo’s dark eyes swept across them, stopping briefly at any identifying markings. Near as I could tell, he spotted Zest’s stable number, Second’s trader hat, the ‘Tenpony Security’ on Colt’s new barding, Star’s Pony Express badge, Brass’ White Line mercenary emblem, and Celly’s fake horn and crown. I guess quick observational skills like that come in handy spotting trouble makers.

“So what do we have here?” Shout said appraisingly. “A stable dweller, a security mare, a hired gun, a merchant, a courier, an alicorn princess, and…” he closed his eyes for a moment. “A little ghost as well?” What?! I’ve heard that some buffalo have strong spiritual beliefs, but could he really tell that I’m here?

“Quite an unusual collection of heroes.” The inn owner said with a chuckle.

“We’re no heroes.” Celly clarified. “Just some travellers heading to Canterlot. Sheriff Underfire recommended that we should speak with you first.”

“Ah, going treasure hunting. Hope to uncover some hidden fortune or find a valuable lost artifact?” Thundering gave a sad shake of his massive head. “It was good of Grace to send you here. She may have quite a beak on her, but she’s one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met.”

“You mean the sheriff’s name is Grace Underfire?” Hoof said, barely keeping back a smirk. You’re one to talk, Second Hoof.

“Her parents lost a bet with a minotaur, it’s a griffin thing.” Thundering said with a dismissive wave of his fore-hoof. “Now, before you go off into the pink cloud, you might want to take a look at this…”

The buffalo lowered his large head below the counter and brought up a wide metal plate, the end carefully balanced in his teeth, and set it on the counter. Covering the plate was a glass dome filled with a thin pink mist and an odd object that looked like a hoof in a boot on a chunk of concrete. The odd part about it, besides being a hoof under glass, was that I couldn’t tell where the concrete, hoof, and boot started or ended. They all just blended together in an unnerving form.

“This is what happened to the last pony who tried to visit Canterlot.” Thundering said somberly. “Or, at least, the last pony that made it back here. He didn’t survive much longer afterwards, even with the hoof amputated.”

“What… what happened to him?” Second asked, looking a little queasy.

“Pink cloud happened.” The inn’s owner said sadly. “Zebra’s bombed the place with it a century ago and it’s still as deadly as ever. It soaks into everything it touches; the ground, the buildings, the air, the water, and it starts fusing things together.” He pointed to the fused hoof. “This poor stallion stood a couple seconds too long in a puddle. He managed to get himself free, but during the time it took, his lungs almost completely fused together.”

“Well that’s… unnerving.” Star Mane said with a shiver.

“My recommendation, other than to not go at all, is to be wearing as little as possible in Canterlot. No barding or saddle bags, and don’t hold mouth operated weapons too long.” Thundering looked over to Zest. “I suggest that you also remove that Pip-Buck if you can. You don’t want to end up with a Pip-leg.”

“Ok, get in and out quick and only bring the essentials.” Brass summarized. “Anything else we should know?”

“The downside of not bringing barding is that it will be that much easier for the feral Canterlot ghouls to get you.” Shout sighed. “Vicious and powerful creatures that make the glowing ones look like bunny rabbits.”

“Oh, I know that one!” Lemon interrupted proudly. “I know what a rabbit is.”

Thundering and everypony else just looked at her for a moment, while Star Mane just shook his head. “Stable ponies…”

“So…” Brass said, turning back to the buffalo. “If we bring barding it might fuse to our skin, but without it we’re more vulnerable to the local hostiles. Damned if we do, damned if we don’t.”

“That’s about the size of it.” Thundering sighed. “That’s why I suggest not going at all. Whatever it is you’re after, odds are that it’s nothing more than a fused worthless lump by now.”

“Thank you for the warning, but we really need to go there.” Celly said resolutely.

“Suit yourselves.” Shout placed the metal plate with the hoof under glass back below the counter. “I have a safe that you can use to store any belongings that you don’t want to risk getting fused. But I warn you, I’ll be selling them off to cover expenses if none of you survive.”

“Thanks for the offer.” Hoof said dryly. “By the way, do you happen to have any rooms available for the night?”

“You’re in luck, I have three rooms free.” With a turn and flick of his head, Thundering plucked 3 keys from a wall rack behind him with one of his horns and deposited them on the counter. “As long as you don’t mind sharing.”

“I get dibs on a room with Mistress Zest!” Colt called out eagerly.

“Star, Celly, and I will split a room. Leaving-” Brass Tacks started but was cut off by his alicorn friend.

“Oh no…” Celly protested. “This is the first real bed that we’ve had in ages, and I’m not sharing it with you two! I’ll split with Second.” She then turned to the dark olive unicorn. “As long as that’s fine with you. I don’t snore or anything.”

“You don’t even sleep.” Star chuckled under his breath.

“No problem with me.” Hoof said with a smile. “I will give us some more time to talk over some things.”

“I normally don’t get involved with the sleeping arrangements of my guests…” Shout interrupted cautiously. “But there better not be anything untoward going on between the merchant and the filly.”

“There isn’t!” Both Hoof and Celly objected simultaneously, while Brass, Star and Colt burst out laughing.

Zest just looked on puzzled.

“I’m just teasing.” Thundering chuckled as he raised a hoof. “I can tell that there’s more than meets the eye with the little mare.” You have no idea. Or maybe he actually does have some idea… “Well, your rooms are the first three at the top of the stairs. Each has its own washroom, and there’s a shower at the end of the hall. The water is rad free thanks to-”

“No showers!” Zest called out. Her eyes were wide with fright and her ears were flat against her head.

“Are… are you ok Mistress?” Colt tried to put a hoof on the pegasus’ shoulder, but she shrank away from it.

“Well…” Shout said awkwardly. “There’s also the common baths down at the spa. They’re even open late.”

Lemon suddenly relaxed at this, like nothing had happened. “Oh, that sounds nice.”

“Yeah Mistress, the two of us can go to the spa after we check in.” Colt said uncertainly. Lemon’s flash change of moods clearly unnerved her. “We can even get hooficures, and talk about… things.”

I certainly hope to be within range for that conversation, and not just for the chance to observe various mares and stallions bathing from every angle…

~~~***~~~

Once again I find myself trying to focus on anything but the pegasus mare stripping out of her barding in preparation for a bath. This time though, there’s also an even younger unicorn mare in a similar state of undress in the room.

Oh look, an interesting pattern in the rug…

It seems to be a knockoff of the kinds of rugs from somewhere in Saddle Arabia. I can’t remember where exactly, but odd are it’s some kind of pun. I don’t know what was going on with the founders of most places, but they all apparently loved puns. At least Ponyville isn’t a-

“Mistress, could you help me out of this? It’s a little too snug in the backside…”

Oh come on!

You’re a unicorn, Colt, use your magic. Asking Lemon to help you undress is just being cruel to me!

“Mistress?” Colt asked again when Zest didn’t reply.

The Stable mare was already out of her jumpsuit and was staring at the inn room’s standing mirror, her wings spread out.

Colt tugged her barding the rest of the way off with magic (see? told you that you didn’t need help), and trotted over to the pegasus.

“You ok Mistress?” Colt asked in a concerned tone when she saw the faraway look in Lemon’s eyes.

“How do I look to you Colt?” Lemon said suddenly, not looking away from her reflection.

“Umm… what do you mean Mistress?” Colt blushed slightly.

“When I look at myself, words like ‘freak’, ‘deformed’, and ‘mutant’ come to mind.” Zest’s eyes moved to the reflection of her wings. “I know in my head that those terms aren’t right. I’m a pegasus, my wings are a natural part of who I am. I’ve seen pictures of other pegasus with wings, and that Rainbow Dash toy, even Celly has wings…” She then closed her eyes, looking like she was about to cry. “Yet part of me still feels that I look… wrong…”

Colt gently put a hoof on the shoulder of the older mare, who only flinched slightly this time, and said earnestly. “I think you look perfect.” She then comfortingly stroked Zest’s puffy white mane. “You have a strong and intelligent face, a full and fluffy mane and tail, a wonderfully bright coat, an adorable cutie mark, and beautiful, beautiful, wings.”

Lemon opened her eyes and smiled a little. “You’re just saying that because you’re my slave.”

“No, Mistress.” Colt said, looking a little hurt. “You asked me how I saw you, not to just compliment you. That’s really how I see you.”

Lemon sniffled a bit, and then asked hesitantly. “How… how do you think stallions see me?”

Colt raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Oh… Is that what this is about?” Zest just blushed softly in response. “And would you happen to have a particular stallion in mind when you ask that?”

“Maybe…” Lemon blushed even more.

“I’m pretty sure I know who you’re talking about.” The young raider rolled her eyes.

Ya think? Could it be the bald stallion whose flank Zest has been staring at all day? Hopefully Colt can convince her that she may be barking up the wrong tree with this one.

“I figured it was leading to this.” Colt sighed. “Honestly, I think you can do much better.”

“I know you don’t like him Colt.” Zest pleaded. “But I really do, so please, help me. I don’t think I ever felt like this about somepony before.”

“It’s not that I don’t like him…” The blue unicorn started.

“You tried to kill him.” Lemon said dryly.

“That was just a warning.” Colt chuckled. Lunging at somepony with a knife is just a warning? Well she is a raider… “Besides, my opinion of him has changed greatly since then.” Learning about somepony’s tragic back story tends to do that. “Still though… don’t you think he’s a little… old?”

Stop tiptoeing around the subject Colt. Brass isn’t that old, maybe 30 tops. Then again, to a 15 year old anything over 20 seems ancient…

“I don’t even know how old I am Colt.” Zest looked back at herself in the mirror. “I could be older than he is and just not look it since I grew up in a Stable, while he’s been out in the harsh wasteland. All I know is that I can’t stop thinking about him.” Her eyes then focused off into the distance. “He’s kind, intelligent, handsome, well spoken, worldly, and… that flank!”

Umm, Lemon dear, you’re drooling a little…

“You’re really that hung up on him?” Colt asked with a sigh. Zest nodded resolutely. “You know…” Colt continued softly, clearly trying to lessen the blow. “There’s a chance that he might not be interested in-”

“I know he might not be interested in me!” Zest shouted nervously and began pacing the room. “Why would he? I’m no pony special. I’m weak and thin, and I don’t know anything about the wasteland. I’m not a regular pony, or even a unicorn that can do magic, I’m just a pegasus that can’t even fly!” She then stopped in the middle of the room, nervously rubbing her right fore-hoof with her left as she went on talking faster.

Wait. What was that?

“I don’t even know who I am really, so how could I expect him to like me? Maybe he thinks I’m a freak too and is just too kind to say so. Maybe he’s just pretending to be kind to me and actually laughing at me behind my back. I know the pegasus are the reason it’s so cloudy, maybe he secretly hates me for that. Maybe he’s just waiting until we’re alone and he’ll push me down and start kicking me and… and…” Zest’s wide eyed rambling quickly degraded into rapid hyperventilating.

Colt just stared in shock as Zest emotionally unravelled.

Do something!

The unicorn mare finally snapped out of it and approached Zest slowly. “Mistress, please calm down. I’m positive that he’s not like that at all! There’s no reason why he wouldn’t like you. You just need to tell him how you feel.”

Zest stopped panicking and abruptly looked shy. “I… I’d be too embarrassed to tell him how I feel.”

While I don’t approve of Colt lying and getting Lemon’s hopes up, at least it did the trick. I only hope that Brass lets her down REALLY gently…

Also, just what goes on inside Lemon’s head that lets her switch emotional gears so disturbingly quick?

“Well, you could write it in a letter.” Colt suggested. “That way you can figure out exactly what you want to say. Also, he seems the type to go for that old fashion kind of thing.”

“That’s a wonderful idea Colt!” Lemon beamed. “I’ll write it up after we get back from the spa and give it to him tomorrow morning before we leave for Canterlot.”

“Just don’t ask me to help you write it.” Colt chuckled. “The most romantic thing I’ve ever heard anyone in my clan say was…” She pitched her voice down to sound more like a stallion “Hey, let’s buck!”

While Colt was talking, Zest trotted into the washroom, picked up a towel with her mouth, and casually tossed it across her back. Covering her wings…

When she trotted back out, Colt gave her an odd look. “Umm, Mistress, I think they’ll have towels at the spa.”

“Well… It’s just that I…” The yellow pegasus started awkwardly, looking over her shoulder at her covered wings.

Catching on, Colt letting out a sigh. “You’re right Mistress…” The unicorn’s horn glowed as another towel floated out of the washroom and was deposited across her back, just like Zest’s. “Better safe than sorry. Who knows what kind of overused towels they might have down there.”

“Thanks, Colt.” Lemon said with a soft smile as she opened the inn room’s door and started trotting down stairs.

Looking like she just had an idea, Colt lifted her and Zest’s clothes up in her magic and called after the stable pony. “I’ll catch up in a bit. I just need to give our stuff to Second, so he can store it in the inn’s safe.”

Locking the door behind her, the raider mare trotted past the next door and knocked a hoof on the third door. When Hoof opened the door, Colt magically shoved the clothes at him, brusquely saying “Keep these safe.”

Then she looked over her shoulder towards Zest, who was already by the front door, before turning back to Second with a serious look in her eyes. “I know I promised never to try and kill you again…” Her voice dropped to a dangerous whisper. “But if you EVER do anything to hurt Lemon, I’ll be forced to break that promise.” Then she swiftly trotted back past the doors and down the stairs.

What brought that on…?

Wait!

Did Colt think Lemon was talking about Second Hoof?!

She must have been too caught up in seeing Brass as a Cleaner to even notice Zest pining over him. No wonder she brought up things like age, or liking an old fashioned letters, and not even mentioning that Brass is…

Oh it won’t end well if this mess isn’t sorted out soon!

“Crazy bucking raider…” Hoof mumbled as he levitated the clothes off the ground and stuffed them in his saddle bags. Don’t just mumble to yourself, go after them and… Shoot, they’re already out the door!

And I’m still here…

Argh! The stupid red gun is still in Lemon’s jumpsuit pocket!

There goes my evening at the spa... and to make things worse, I’m stuck with the most boring pony in the wasteland.

“I need a drink.” Second sighed as he trotted to the stairs.

You and me both, buddy…

The main room of the inn was a little more populated now that it was after dark. A hoofful of pony and non-pony residents were sitting around the table, casually drinking and talking. The biggest change though, was that behind the bar, where Thundering Shout was when we came in, was now one of those multi armed flying robots. The robot looked even more out of place due to the fact that it was painted light yellow and pink, like a Ministry of Peace first aid box, and… serving drinks?

I’ve seen robots like that repurposed before, but never with that colour scheme, and never as a bartender.

Ponyville is just full of surprises.

“I don’t suppose that you’re programed to serve cocktails…” Hoof said as he came up to the robot and peered at the label stuck on its front like a name tag. “…iLush 1a?”

“iLush 1a is soft…ware which forces this unit to…” The robot replied in a thick, stuttering, Stalliongrad accent. It looked like it was struggling just to talk. “…serve horrible drinks. This unit’s designation is… Ministry of Peace Emergency Medical Unit 2-99-42.”

“Sounds like you’re having some compatibility issues with that software.” Hoof observed. “It might be from a conflict between your core programming to help others and the new application commanding you to give out toxic levels of alcohol.”

“Nyet. The conflict is from…” The robot struggled on. “you ponies always ordering sissy whisky… not real drinks with… vodka!”

“Well you’re in luck.” Hoof smiled at the floating robot. “I’ll have an Appletini.”

Heh. Surprised he didn’t just order a Tenpony style Manehatten.

“Right away!” The robot said as his many arms went to work grabbing bottles and glasses. Within moments the pale green cocktail was placed in front of Hoof. “Požálusta. On the house.”

“Looks like the old sawbones has a new best friend.” An orange mare with a two tone blue mane at the end of the bar said with a laugh. “I recommend though, that you chase it down with a Raddriver. That’s like a screwdriver but with rad-away in place of orange juice.” She took another swig of her drink, which looked to be hard cider in an old wooden mug, before continuing. “Apples around these parts have more of a half-life than a shelf-life.”

“Thanks for the advice.” Hoof replied to the mare with a polite nod before turning back to the robot. “You know, I might be able to fix that compatibility issue of yours, while letting you keep your appreciation for vodka.”

“Fat chance of that.” The mare at the end of the bar whinnied. “It’s near a miracle that I managed to get that program running in that bucket of bolts to begin with.”

Hoof raised an eyebrow at the earth pony mare skeptically. She wasn’t much larger that Colt, but looked to be in her late 20’s and was dressed in an old, grease stained, jumpsuit that was several sizes too large for her small frame. Hoof’s eyes then fell on the various tools hanging off her tool belt. “Yes, I’m sure it would be rather tricky installing software… with a wrench.”

“Oh don’t give me that smug attitude.” The mare said defensively. “I’ll have you know that I’m the best dam mechanic in the wasteland, and I mean that literally. I spent nearly 10 years getting the local hydro dam working again. Now this town not only has power, but also clean water!”

This time Hoof did look impressed. “The inn keeper mentioned that the water was clean, how did you manage that?”

“Oh, I managed to get my hooves on a water talisman.” The mare said with a casual wave of her hoof as she trotted over to Second. “I just stuck it inside a sealed off turbine intake pipe and wired it up to the turbine’s power output. So the turbine charges up the talisman, which produces water, which spins the turbine, which charges the talisman to make more water. So now the excess power runs the town, and the runoff water is piped into the local reservoir. ”

Hoof looked dumbfounded for a moment. “But… But a feedback loop like that would conflict with the arcanotech conservation of magic principal!”

“Well duh!” The mare rolled her eyes. “That’s why I cobble together a Sparkle paradox inverter out of spare parts and installed it into the loop. Then it was just a matter of jump starting the process after greasing everything down.” The mare gave a sly grin. “That included the twelve strong stallions needed to get the turbine up to speed. Ah, that was a good day…”

Ok, I was lost up until the point about the dozen greased up work ponies.

Hoof gave a low whistle. “Impressive…” I doubt that was in reference to the stallions. “Although, I still think I could improve the robot barkeep here.”

“Good luck!” The mare said, poking Second’s chest with a hoof. “I bet you the next round that you can’t get ‘Bones here to make a decent Flaming Zebra.”

Second shook the mare’s hoof. “It’s a deal, Ms…?”

“Tribute.” The mare answered, returning the hoof shake. “And you?”

“Second Hoof.” Hoof replied as he turned his glowing horn to the robot.

“Ha!” Tribute laughed. “And I thought our sheriff had a dumb name!”

~~~***~~~

One Flaming Zebra, and many rounds later, Tribute and Second had moved to one of the tables and were regaling each other with riveting tales of fixing stuff (sometimes involving actual rivets). I honestly couldn’t understand half the stuff they’re saying. Spending an evening with two eggheads is not my idea of a party, regardless of how drunk they were getting.

“…If the fire alarm took any longer to activate, I would have been one scorched mechanic!” Tribute ended her latest story with a laugh, and then let out a content sigh. “You know Second, it sure is nice to finally get a chance to talk shop with somepony who understands what I’m talking about. I’m training three apprentices at the dam, and none of them can hold a conversation in a bucket!”

“I know what you mean.” Hoof sympathized. “Most ponies in Tenpony won’t give me the time of day unless it’s to fix something, and even then they’re clueless. One time I had to repair a massive closed circuit security camera system that ran all over the tower and connected to a room with dozens of monitors, then only to be told to shut it all down because some residents felt it was an ‘invasion of privacy’.” Second finished with hoof-quotes.

“You know Second…” Tribute started as she examined her empty mug, then gesturing to the barkeep robot for another. “For a traveling merchant, you sure do a lot of work at Tenpony tower.” She then leaned across the table and continued with a conspiratorial grin. “You’re not up to something shady are you?”

Now that she mentioned it, all of Hoof’s stories involved work in Tenpony. I already figured that he actually lived there, but that just brings up once again the whole question of why the traveling merchant routine. Why was a repair pony with steady work in the most upscale place left in Equestria spending his spare time wandering the eastern desert like a nomad?

“What… whatever do you mean?” Second stuttered nervously, trying to look away from the mare’s very close face.

Tribute made an exaggerated show of glancing around the room, as if worried about being overheard. Considering that only ones left, beside the two of them, was the robot barkeep and a minotaur passed out at another table, it seemed pretty safe. “You’re not selling them faulty equipment and then double dipping when they get you to repair it later, are you?”

Hoof let out a laugh and relaxed. “Oh, not at all. The residents of the tower are quite capable of burning through arcaneotech without any help on my end.” He continued with a frustrated sigh. “With an unlimited combination of ignorance and arrogance, they could break Stable-Tech equipment like it was made by Solaris!”

“Oh, don’t get me started on Solaris!” Tribute laughed as the bartender floated over and deposited at the table another mug of hard cider with a bending drinking straw in it. The mare rolled her eyes, picked up the straw in her mouth, and spat it out onto the ground next to the half dozen others.

“Ok, I have to ask.” Second said, raising a hoof. “Why does every drink you order come with a bendy straw, which you never use?”

I wondered the same thing.

“It’s an old joke at my expense.” Tribute sighed. “I don’t know if Thundering thought it up, or ‘Bones somehow came up with it as a passive aggressive revenge for installing iLush, but it’s long since stopped being humorous.”

“I don’t get it. What’s the joke?” Hoof said puzzled.

“You know what an Allen wrench is?” Tribute asked flatly.

“Of course, it’s a hex key, used on bolts and screws with a hexagonal head.” Second answered matter-of-factly.

Well, I learned something new today.

“Yeah, well most ponies have no clue what it is. To them, it looks like a metal bendy straw.” The mare rolled her eyes. “So, when one happens to be your cutie mark…”

“They think your special talent is drinking with a straw?” Hoof finished with a laugh.

“Laugh it up fuzzy.” Tribute chided playfully.

“I’ve got one worse than you.” Second said as he finished off his own drink. “My cutie mark is an electrolytic capacitor. Nopony even has a clue what it is!”

Including me. What’s an electrolytic capacitor?

Tribute let out a laugh that nearly woke the minotaur. “Wow, capacitor cutie mark? Now that I have got to see!”

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” Hoof replied with a laugh.

Tribute smiled and her voice took on a more sultry tone. “Well, I do have a private room on the second floor…”

Hoof’s eyebrows rose suddenly “Oh… oh really?”

“Yeah, I get it free for the work I do on the dam. This way I don’t have to worry about cooking or housekeeping.” The mare said casually. She then added with a seductive grin. “Would you like to see it?”

“Yes!” Hoof said so enthusiastically that he nearly knocked over the table. He then composed himself. “I mean, I’d love to.”

Tribute giggled at Second’s… eagerness, and started towards the stairs, swishing her tail behind her. “This way then.”

Oh no… this was not happening!

Hoof followed her up the stairs and they entered the fourth door down the hall. After closing the door behind them, he paused for moment. “I forgot to pay for my drinks.”

Tribute playfully tossed her jumpsuit at the unicorn, catching it on his horn. Wow, she got that off fast! “Don’t worry, the drinks are on me. Now get over here and do likewise…”

Oh no, no, no. I did not want to observe from every side these two having sex! Not only there’s how awkward egghead sex must be…

“Mmmmm!” Tribute purred.

Ok, maybe not that awkward. But it’s still an invasion of an intimate time for them, they deserve their privacy. It’s not right for me to…

“Oh wow…” Hoof gasped.

You two are not helping!

At this point I’d prefer to be in Canterlot…

I need to distract myself. What’s my least sexy memory?

Oh, there was that one time, in another bar, with a very different mare, and a much worse sheriff…

oooOOOooo

“What a funny story Mark!” The bartender said in his thick Fancy accent.

Ugh! There was nothing funny about what I was talking about, and stop calling me Mark!

It was almost tolerable when he first met me and came up with the nickname ‘Check Mark’ after seeing my check-mark cutie mark. Yet, since then he’s given up on the pun of it, and now just shortens it to ‘Mark’.

I guess it’s fair though, I don’t use his real name either, but then how do you even pronounce a weird Fancy name like that? I try to figure out how ‘Oi’ makes a ‘wah’ sound and my brain gives up there.

“This is serious, Bird! Something very wrong is going on in Dise!” I hit the bar with my hoof for emphasis. Hard to believe that this place use to be the busy pool hall that I made that first trade which lead to getting my cutie mark. Now it was a third rate jazz club, without even a jazz band.

Just another sign of the changes in Dise.

“First Foalson disappears suddenly, then Peachy gets elected mayor out of nowhere, the sheriff department gets completely restructured, and now ponies I’ve never heard of are buying out businesses all over Dise.” Although, this was all going on long before Foalson left. It just took his being gone for me to finally see it for myself. He would often complain about how Peachy kept sticking her hooves into his work as sheriff, complicating investigations and manipulating witnesses. At the time I just figured it was her being a bitter evil bitch, making his life difficult because he dumped her and hooked up with me.

Then there was all the political horse apples that kept making his job harder and harder each year. I got sick of that garbage years ago and left the force, but Foalson just pushed through all of it and kept trying to keep Dise safe. This was his city, no matter how bad it got, he would never stop protecting it.

Until he suddenly did.

Where are you Foalson? I really need you right now…

“This place is going to Tartarus in a hoof basket.” I groaned, mostly to myself. Bird had already lost interest in my ramblings and gone off to serve more lively ponies. Tourists, most likely.

“Then leave.” Called out a voice to my left.

I turned to see an older earth pony mare, maybe in her 50’s, sitting at a booth table. She wore faded denim overalls over her rusty brown coat, and had a graying green mane under her old rattan cowpony hat. She was sipping a sarsaparilla, balanced between her fore hooves, and not even looking in my direction.

“Did you say something? I asked her.

“If you think this place is turning to horse apples, and I’m inclined to agree, then just leave.” The mare answered, looking at me out of the corner of her eye.

“Heh.” I whinnied. “It’s not that simple…”

“Sure it is.” The mare set her soda down on the table and motioned me to come over.

I shrugged and trotted over to her booth. I had nothing better to do and at least she seemed agreeable to my complaining about Dise.

“How old are you kid?” The mare asked as I sat down.

“Twenty Five.” A little too old to be called ‘kid’, even by a mare twice my age.

“Are you a robot?” she asked earnestly.

“What?” I laughed. “Of course not.”

“Then are you a slave?”

“No.” I rolled my eyes. “There’s no slavery in Dise.”

“Sure there isn’t…” The mare replied with a mirthless grin. “So, you’re an adult stallion with your own freedom and not a robot.” She took another sip of her soda. “It sure sounds like you could leave if you want to.”

“Like I said.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s not that simple. I have family here, friends, and… obligations.” That last part wasn’t exactly true. I’ve been between jobs the last couple weeks and just bumming around. I try to never do the same job twice, and by now my options were getting pretty slim. I’d narrowed it down to either skyscraper window washer, or muck out the Dise tunnel system, both jobs had their ups and downs. “Besides, Dise is my home.”

“I’ve been running a caravan since before you were a twitch in your dam’s tail, and in my experience, home is wherever you feel at ease.” She looked straight into my eyes. “So tell me, does this place make you feel at ease?”

“Not really…” I said with a shrug. I haven’t felt really at ease since Foalson disappeared. For over half a dozen years, that little apartment we shared was truly home to me, not Dise in general, but now that’s gone too…

“You know why you don’t feel at ease here?” The mare asked.

“Let me think…” I said sarcastically. “Could it be the rampant crime? The corruption? The shady figures around every corner? Or maybe the unnatural horrors rumoured to dwell in the tunnels below our hooves?”

“None of the above.” The mare shook her head. “It’s the control.”

I stared flatly at the mare. “Control?”

“Eyup.” She sipped her drink. “One of my trade routes brings me around to Dise about once a year, and each year I’ve noticed that this place has been getting more and more controlled. It’s been so gradual that most ponies here don’t even see it, but perhaps you do, judging from your little rant at the bar.”

Had she gone daft traveling the wasteland so long? Dise was out of control, not in it!

“Now don’t give me that look.” She waved her hoof. “I haven’t gone off my bit. You just need to realize that chaos you see doesn’t mean a lack of control.”

What? That doesn’t even make sense. “Isn’t chaos the opposite of control?”

“Nope.” She said with a grin. “Order is the opposite of chaos. The opposite of control is freedom.”

“I don’t follow.” This sounds like she’s just arguing semantics.

“I’ll give you an example.” The mare picked up the cap of her sarsaparilla with a hoof. “Let’s say you’re in a town and you threw a hoof full of caps to the ground, what would happen?”

“About half would be upside right, the rest upside down.” I guessed. What was she getting at?

“They might.” She chuckled. “But odds are more likely that some pony would scoop up those caps you threw away before you could even check. That’s just the natural order of the wasteland. Now if the town was more chaotic, that same pony would also try to kill you for any other caps you might have. Both are options in town with freedom. In a controlled town though, there would be elements in place to make sure only the one in control got those caps. Neither the chaos nor the order of the wasteland would have get the chance.”

“So you’re saying that all the stuff that’s going on in Dise is actually all according to somepony’s master control plan?” I looked at her skeptically. “Sorry, but I don’t buy it. I’ll stick with the unearthly horrors lurking beneath my hooves as the source of my unease.”

I actually didn’t put much stock in those rumors, it was most likely just ghouls and rad-scorpions down there, but they were more believable than her conspiracy theory of Dise being under somepony’s all controlling hoof.

“Suit yourself.” She said with a shrug, downing the last of her soda.

As she got up from the booth and started trotting to the door I noticed that she left her sarsaparilla cap on the table.

“Hey, you forgot your cap.” I called out.

“Keep it, and remember what I told you.” She called back. “See ya around, mark.”

“My name isn’t Mark!” I groaned.

The rusty brown mare stopped and turned her head back to me. “It may not be your name, but it is what you are. And a rather easy one at that.” She then trotted out of the bar.

What did she mean that I’m an easy mark? I’m one of the more street savvy ponies around here.

Aren’t I?

I pocketed the cap as I got out of the booth and left the bar. Until I land a new job I shouldn’t be wasting the caps I’ve saved up on drinks anyways. By the time I got out on the main street, the mare I was talking to had already disappeared into the crowds.

Back when I was a foal, Dise was small enough that I could know just about everypony who lived here. These days though, the place is always so crowded that I have no idea if half the ponies I see even live here or are just passing through from other parts of Caledonia and beyond.

With all these new ponies, jobs are a lot harder to come by than they used to be. If it wasn’t for all the connections that I built up over the years, I would have about as much chance winning big at a casino than I would landing a job.

Oh well, Dise is the city of gambling…

I took out the cap that the mare left and balanced it on my fore-hoof.

Top side I try window washing, bottom side I muck tunnels.

I tossed the cap in the air and watched as it arced up, flipping end over end. The pay was about the same for either job, but if something went wrong 30 stories up I was a goner, while the tunnels were a much creeper yet uncertain danger. The cap arced back down towards the ground, and the winner is…

The cap stopped on its side a hoof above the ground, suspended by a pale brown glow.

“A pony in your situation shouldn’t be throwing his caps around.” A smug looking unicorn said as he floated the cap back up.

“Afternoon sheriff Sandbag.” I said as politely as I could manage, which wasn’t very. I don’t even want to know what reasons Peachy had for hoofpicking this arrogant waste of pony life as the new sheriff. He has a long way to go to fill Foalson’s horseshoes, and he so far seems intent on keeping it that way.

“So Jack, any word on your marefriend yet?” Sandbag asked with a sneer. Ah, one of the many endearing traits of our new sheriff, a complete disdain and contempt for colt cuddlers. Just the attitude you’d want in the stallion protecting a city where a fifth of the population is gay or bisexual.

I forced a polite smile. “Nothing yet, but you’ll be the first to know if he comes back.” Yeah, since Foalson would trot straight down to the station and jail your corrupt flank.

The fact that Peachy and her stooges are still looking for Foalson is pretty much the only evidence that he left Dise. If anypony killed him, Peachy would know by now and wouldn’t be still looking. Whatever reason he had for leaving, and it must have been a very good reason, he was at least successful in escaping Peachy’s hoof.

Just why couldn’t he have told me why, or even take me with him?

“I’m sure I will be.” The pea soup coloured unicorn said confidently as he slowly rotated my cap in the air with his magic. “By the way, I’ve heard that you’re in a bit of a financial bind. I may have a proposition that could help you make a lot of caps fast, what with you being a former deputy and all.”

Well that certainly doesn’t sound suspicious and possibly illegal at all.

“I appreciate the offer.” I lied. “But I’ve got things covered for now.”

“Suit yourself, Jack.” Sandbag shrugged. Does he really think my name is Jack? I haven’t used that nickname since I was part of The Four Jacks. At least he’s not calling me Mark.

Sandbag trotted past me towards the bar I just left. “You have until eight tonight to change your mind.”

“Can I have my cap back?” I called after him.

The corrupt sheriff looked back at me with a cruel grin and made a show of placing my cap in his saddlebag. “Consider it a fine for littering.”

Control, huh?

~~~

I made my way back to the Winking Mare. Part of the fallout of Foalson’s disappearance was that, without a job, I couldn’t afford the rent for the apartment we shared. So I had to move back in with my parents. It’s odd how my life seems to have been rolled back to where I was before my relationship with Foalson started. I thought that we would be together for the rest of our lives, but now I have no idea where my life is going or…

Or why the sign for the Winking Mare was off.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen the sign off, even during the day. The giant neon lights shaped like a unicorn mare facing the street, a puff of smoke, and the mare facing away from the street winking over her shoulder, would always be cycling.
Something was wrong. Sack, the bouncer, wasn’t even at the door.

I galloped inside.

The main floor was empty, all the chairs were placed on the tables. It looked like closing time, but it’s the middle of the afternoon.

Hopping up onto the stage, I ran through the back curtain towards the dressing rooms. I need to find mom and dad and find out what’s going on.

I also need to pay more attention to my surroundings. The changing room was in use!

“I’m so sorry ladies!” I said to the several mares in various states of undress, as I quickly averted my eyes towards the ground.

“Aw sugar, it’s not like there’s nothing here that you haven’t seen every day on stage.” One mare, I think it was Dainty Jam, called out.

“On the stage it’s business, in here it’s private.” I explained, keeping my eyes on the floor, as I carefully walked through the long dressing room. “No pony should invade your privacy without permission.”

“Aww, a gentlestallion to the very end.” Another mare laughed. She must have been one of the newer dancers since I couldn’t place her voice. “Well, this is your last chance to sneak a peek.”

“What do you mean ‘last chance’?” I stopped walking. “Are you leaving us?” That wasn’t good. Too many stallions and mares already have left the Winking Mare to dance at other clubs in town. My folks couldn’t pay them as much as other places, but they were treated better here than anywhere else.

The room suddenly fell silent. I almost looked up to see what happened, but I caught myself.

“Oh dear…” Dainty Jam sighed. “You mean, you haven’t heard yet?”

“Heard what?” I asked, getting more concerned by the moment.

I felt a hoof lightly touch my shoulder, I looked up to see Dainty’s concerned face. “You should hear it from Show.” The peach coloured mare then hugged me. “I’m sorry.”

What is going on, and what does my mother have to tell me? Did something happen to my father?

I broke from Jam’s embrace and galloped out of the dressing room. Reaching my parent’s office, I shoved open the door.

Oh thank goodness! Both mom and dad were there. They turned from the stacks of papers they were looking through to look at me.

“What’s going on?” I asked quickly. “The sign is off, the main hall is closed up, and Dainty said that you have something to tell me?”

My mother looked pleadingly at my father, who just nodded his head and trotted over to me.

“I’m sorry, son, but your mother and I have decided to sell the Winking Mare.” My sire said with a sigh.

What?!

How could they sell this place? They’ve owned it for about as long as I’ve been alive. This isn’t just a strip club, this is our home!

I tried to articulate everything that was going through my head, but it only came out as a stunned “Wha?”

My father put a comforting hoof on my shoulder while my dam looked to be trying not to cry. “I know this seems sudden to you, but the truth is that we’ve been struggling to get by for a while now. Between other clubs poaching our dancers, the higher taxes mayor Keen is leveling, and all the competition popping up, we’ve been in the red for months and close to bankruptcy.”

“Why haven’t you ever mentioned any of this before?” I asked. I had some caps saved up, I could have helped!

“You were going through so much at the time with Foalson disappearing, sweetie.” My mother explained. “It wouldn’t be right to burden you with our own problems on top of all that.”

“But I…” I tried to protest lamely. This was all too much.

“This was something between your mother and me.” My father nodded. “You have your own life to worry about.”

“With the generous offer we got for the building, we were able to pay off our debts and even have enough left over for a small place of our own in Paradise Found.” My mother forced a smile. This was clearly harder on her than she was letting on. Going from one of the founding businesses in Dise to some reconstructed pre-war house outside of town, it was just not right! “Of course, you’re welcome to still live with us until you get back on your hooves.”

Even now, they’re still putting me above themselves…

I can’t keep leeching off them like this. I need to get my own place, right away.

Yet only places to rent currently available cost more than I would make with either the window or tunnel job. I could dip into my savings, but…

Argh, I need a lot of caps fast!

~~~

“Glad to see you changed your mind.” Sandbag chuckled.

“I still haven’t said yes. First tell what this proposition of yours is.” I knew it was going to be a deal with Discord, but I wasn’t in a position any more to just pass it up without at least hearing what it was.

“How many caps do you have saved up?” Sandbag asked bluntly.

“About five hundred, I guess.” I actually have a little more than that, but this jerk didn’t need to know that. Hardly much of a nest egg, but it’s enough to get me through any emergency.

“How would you like to turn that into a ten thousand overnight?” The greenish yellow unicorn grinned.

I raised an eyebrow. That kind of turnaround can’t be legal, but then, look who I was talking to. “What’s the angle?”

“I just happen to learn that the twenty-five to one long shot at the next Alehouse fight is going to pull off a surprise victory.” He said casually.

“A rigged fight?” I said with mock surprise. “Somepony should tell the sheriff!”

“Very funny, Jack.” Sandbag sneered.

“So, what? I just bet my caps on this dark horse?” It couldn’t be that simple.

“If it was that easy, I wouldn’t need your help with this.” The sheriff snorted derisively. I knew it… “No, it’s a bit trickier than that. You see, almost no pony is supposed to know how this match is going to turn out. So if ponies start putting large bets on the underdog, somepony will suspect a snitch. Also, large bets will change odds of the match, and that would make some rather powerful ponies unhappy.”

“But you have a way around all that?” I rolled my eyes. This pony sure loved to hear his own voice, but if he had a way to increase my caps twenty fold, I had to humour him. My time as a bookie was rather brief, but what he was saying so far seemed to make sense.

“Mister House happens to be one of the ponies that would know about the outcome of the fight.” Sandbag pointed a hoof in the direction of The Black Salamander, the elusive House’s base of operations. “He has also, in the past, placed large bets on such bouts. It’s one of his ways of keeping his caps clean, so to speak. He even has an arrangement that his bets are off the record, so they don’t skew the odds.”

“So we just need to get the most recluse pony in all of Dise to place our bets for us? No problem!” I laughed.

“Not necessary.” Sandbags said with a sly grin that put me on edge. “House always deals through proxies, and I just happen to be one of the ponies that he has used in the past to place his bets.”

“So you place a bet under his name and then collect it after the fight.” I said, putting the pieces together. It was a dangerous game, using a name as powerful as House’s for a scam, but it was so many caps…

“You got it.” The unicorn nodded. “And that’s where you come in, Jack. I couldn’t hoof myself the volume of caps that Mister House normally bids, so I need some… investors to help get the bet up to a respectable level. I already have some other ponies on board, and with your five hundred we should have enough.”

“I have just two questions.” I raised a hoof. “First, what’s your angle on this? I doubt you are offering me this out of the kindness of your heart.”

“Not too good with math are you?” Sandbag rolled his eyes. “The long shot is twenty-five to one, but you’re getting ten thousand. I’m keeping the remaining twenty-five hundred, since I’m the one who came up with this plan, and putting my neck on the line. This is not negotiable, the other ponies on board have already agreed to it.”

So this bastard it skimming off a fifth of all the winnings, in addition to his own take. Figures…

“So my last question would be, why me?” I asked pointedly.

“Because you’re a smart pony who knows when to keep his mouth shut.” Sandbag poked a hoof at my chest. “You won’t let this opportunity slip by, and you know full well what would happen if the wrong ponies found out.”

Hmm…

Putting aside my substantial dislike of the current sheriff, the only major con (aside from this job itself) is the risk of something going wrong and losing all my caps. The legality of it is moot, since I’ll be cheating cheaters at their own game, and it’s not like Sandbag will arrest me. If things go pear shaped, Sandbag would have the wrath of House on his head, not mine. I’d be out of my life savings, but still have my life, and I’ve built myself back up from nothing before.

What the hay. No pony got rich in Dise without taking some kind of gamble.

“OK, I’m in.” I said with more confidence than I felt. I winced as I shook his slimy hoof.

“Great to hear it Jack, you won’t regret it!” Sandbag grinned. “Just bring the caps to me at the Alehouse before seven thirty.”

“So, who’s this dark horse that is going to make me rich?” It’s been awhile since my stint as a Ring Card Stallion at the Alehouse, but I still knew many of the fighters. There were those that could and couldn’t pull off a convincing rigged fight.

“Some new foal named Punching Bag.” The sheriff sneered. “A real sad sack, but his opponent is a good actress, so don’t you worry.”

Sounds to be about as safe as anything in Dise, Now I just need to recover my savings.

I sure hope my parents haven’t cleaned out under my bed yet…

~~~

With 500 caps in my saddle bag, and a hoofful of extra caps in another pocket, I trotted into the Alehouse. The pre-war classic upper-class aesthetic of the Alehouse really did contrast with the look of most places in Dise. While other establishments go over the top with neon lights or big sounds, everything about the Alehouse was subdued and classy.

They also had the most brutal cage fights in all of Dise.

At first I thought that this was at odds with the fancy style the owners were going with, but then I figured that it actually made sense. The posh look attracts a richer class of ponies, and they in turn place much higher bets on the fights. I guess rich ponies enjoy the fights because it’s like seeing the wasteland from a…

I spotted something out of the corner of my eye and stopped in my tracks. Turning my head slightly, I confirmed what I thought I saw.

What was Dark Rustle doing here? This isn’t her kind of scene at all. The pitch black mare was more at home skulking around in the tunnels under Dise. Yet here she was, looking thoroughly uncomfortable, mingling with Dise’s upper class and having drinks with... Hard Frost?!

Wait a moment…

I slunk back to the doorway before being spotted and scanned around the large lounge area… There! I saw a skinny red stallion trot up to the other two. With Red Sprat here too, it was like a Four Jacks reunion.

Shortly after leaving my job as deputy I bumped into Red Sprat, we both knew each other from crossing path on other jobs previously, and we started comparing resumes. We found that between the two of us, we had a rather extensive list of skills built up. Red came up with the idea that if we could find a couple more skilled ponies, we could make our own freelance company that could handle any possible job. Soon we recruited the shady Dark Rustle and the frigid Hard Frost and called ourselves “The Four Jacks”, since we were jacks of all trades (and any connection to cards is a plus in Dise). We even took on aliases: Red was Jack Sprat, Dark was Jack Rustle, Hard was Jack Frost, and I was… stuck with an embarrassing name.

But eventually we got a high paying offer that was also very illegal, the other Jacks were all for it, but I objected. In the past I cared more about the morality of a job over the legality, but when your very special somepony is the city’s sheriff, you tend to play by the rules more. In the end we had a huge fight and I left on unfriendly terms. Soon after, the Jacks broke up, since “The Three Jacks” sounds like you’re not playing with a full deck.

Did they find a new fourth “Jack” and regroup, or they trying again with a different angle? Whatever the reason that they’re here, I do not want to deal with them right now.

I left the Alehouse lobby and made my way to the fighter’s entrance at the back of the building. I shouldn’t have much trouble getting in, as long as somepony that remembers me opens the door, and then I could just circle around and give Sandbag my caps without having to risk crossing paths with the Jacks.

I gave the large metal door the one-three-one-two password knock and waited. When the door opened I was met by a well-muscled golden wall.

“Hey handsome, haven’t seen you around here in a while!” The huge, gold coloured, earth pony mare with a short green mane backed up to let me in. “Come to see me fight tonight?”

“Good to see you again Gold.” I smiled up at Gold Gale. “How are…” Wait, what did she just say? “What? You’re fighting tonight?!” She’s the one throwing the fight to Punching Bag?

That doesn’t fit right. Gold was one of the most honest fighters around back when I worked here. She never threw a fight, and she was big enough to stand up anypony that tried to pressure her to. Did something happen since I left to cause her to compromise her morals?

“It’s hardly going to be much of a fight.” Gold rolled her eyes. “Poor kid won’t last the first round. His rotten luck that he was paired with me in the first elimination round.”

Either she really is a great actress, like Sandbag said, or there’s something a hoof here. Gold sounded like she really though she will win, and unless this Punching Bag is built like a barn, there’s no believable way he can beat her.

“So, where is this unfortunate stallion?” I asked casually. I needed to get down to the bottom of this. “I may as well wish him luck, since you won’t need it.”

“He’s in there.” Gold said, pointing one of her large hooves towards a changing room. “But you might have to wait a bit, he’s currently talking with his mommy.”

“Thanks, Gold.” I said with a smile, and started towards the changing room. “I’ll see ya around.”

“Hey, umm…” Gold called back to me, her normally confidant voice becoming a little softer. “I heard that your stallion friend left you… If you need somepony to talk to, I’m free after the fight. Or if you need a shoulder to cry on, I have a step ladder.” She added with a little smile.

“Thanks for the offer, Gold.” I smiled back. “Depending how this night goes, I may take you up on that.”

Gold was a good mare, and I suspected before that she might be a little sweet on me, but after Foalson I think it will be a long time before I’m ready for another relationship with anypony. Although, part of me can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be with a mare larger and stronger than any stallion I’ve ever known…

If I do win all those caps tonight though, it would be nice to at least have a friend to go out and celebrate with, yet I have a feeling that might not be how this turns out.

I trotted into the changing room, making sure this time that no pony was currently changing, and stopped when I heard voices around a corner arguing.

“You can’t do this Punchy! I die every time I see you fight!” a middle age mare’s voice yelled.

“Mom, I worked hard to get into the Alehouse fights, I’m not going to quit at my first match!” The voice of a much younger stallion, maybe late teens, shouted back in frustration.

“Have you seen the size of that amarezon they have you fighting?” Punching’s mother protested. “She’ll kill you!”

“Ms. Gale is not going to kill me, mom.” Punching said in an exasperated tone. “She’s a professional fighter. She’s just going to knock me out.”

“Just going to… Listen to what you’re saying, Punchy!” The mare pleaded.

“This is actually good for my career mom.” The young stallion explained. “I’m bottom rank going against the top rank. Losing to her won’t make me look bad, and I may even get some hits in first.”

“This is not a career.” There was a sound of the mare putting her hoof down on the changing room tile floor. “Your brother has a real career. Why can’t you just be more like him?"

“Because I have a conscience, mom!” Punching shouted back, sounding very offended. “Fighting may be hard and brutal work, but it’s one of the few honest jobs left in this Tartarus pit. Sand is one of the most corrupt ponies in all of Dise, I would rather get my flank beaten daily than by like him!”

Sand? Was Sandbag and Punching Bag brothers?!

The argument went on, but I didn’t bother following it.

What the hay was going on here?

I sat down on the cold tile floor and tried to sort everything out into a mental list.
-Sandbag said that the fight was rigged so Punching would win.
-Gold Gale would not throw a fight and is sure she would win.
-Punching would not be in a rigged fight and is sure he would lose.
-Punching is Sandbag’s brother and would know that he would lose

It’s obvious that the fight isn’t rigged. Did Sandbag just plan to run off with my money and not even bet it? No, there’s more going on here…

I added to the mental list:
-Sandbag said other ponies were “investing” in this scheme.
-Sandbag seemed to only know me from the Four Jacks.
-The other three Jacks are here tonight.

Sandbag is conning the rest of the Jack out of all their money too! Unless they are in on it too, as revenge against me… No it’s not their style. They would more likely blackmail, rob, and shank me, and not necessarily in that order.

But why would Sandbag need to pull off a con job like this? I’m sure with all the payoffs and kickbacks he gets he’s not hurting for caps.

Wait!

When he first mentioned the plan he said “I’ve heard that you’re in a bit of a financial bind”, but I wasn’t yet. I was only really hurting for caps when I heard that my parent’s sold The Winking Mare and that I had to move.
I threw another list together in my head.

-Somepony suddenly buys The Winking Mare.
-This forces me to need caps for a new place.
-Sandbag knows about this need before I even do.
-He just happens to have a scam to get me those caps.
-The three other Jacks are pulled into the scam too.
-The scam would leave all four of us virtually capless.

Did the rest of the Jacks also suddenly find themselves in a position where they couldn’t say no to such a shady deal? They must have, it would take more than the promise of caps to get Dark into the Alehouse.

This was bigger and more complex than Sandbag could come up with. It had the hoof prints of Peachy’s machinations all over it…

I’m willing to bet my 500 caps that after we all lost our caps, somepony would just happen to come by to bail us all out, but at a price. Then Peachy would have in her hoof the four most diversely talented ponies in all of Dise, to use however she wanted.

But could Peachy really swing buying The Winking Mare, just to snag me? Or come up with some scheme to put the hot-hoof under Frost, the coldest pony in all of Dise? She may be the mayor, but her resources are not limitless. Was this all part of something bigger?

A way of control…

Huh, I guess I really am an easy mark.

“Hey, you ok?”

I looked up to see a fit, pea soup coloured, young stallion standing over.

“You look like you just got beat up by life.” Punching said with a smile. “And trust me, I’m an expert on getting beat up.”

I got up to my hooves and shook my head to clear my mind, after it was just blown.

“Yeah Punch.” I smiled. “I just came by to wish you luck in your fight.”

“Thanks mister!” The unicorn beamed. “I’ll need luck if I hope to land even one hit.”

“Well, if you do get that one hit, aim for between the three gold nuggets of Gold’s cutie mark. It’s her weak point and will at least stagger her a bit.” Then I added with a laugh. “But be ready to run like heck, since she’ll be mighty mad after that!”

As I headed out of the changing room I turned back to Punching. “Oh, and tell Gold that I’m sorry I won’t be able to meet with her after the match. There’s something else that I need to do…”

~~~

“Hey! Wait up!” I called out as I galloped towards the northern entrance of Dise.

I hope I haven’t missed her.

The massive front gates were wide open and a line of caravan wagons were heading out. I ran alongside them and past the sign for “Paradise Found”, the town that was growing up from the overflow of Dise. Although, the poorly made sign had the ‘d’ and ‘s’ mixed up and the ‘F’ falling over, making it look more like “Paraside nound”.

One of the caravan wagons stopped, and the rusty brown mare in the rattan cowpony that was pulling it looked back at me with a smile. “Well if it isn’t the mark.”

“You were right.” I said as I caught up with her, trying to catch my breath. “You were right about everything.”

“Ha!” The mare whinnied. “Wish my ex-husband thought so. Then he wouldn’t have been eaten by radagators.”

“You were right about the control, and that I’m a mark. Also, you were right that I can leave Dise.” I then added sheepishly. “I don’t suppose you could use another hoof in your caravan? I have excellent credentials.”

“What about your family, friends, and… obligations?” The mare repeated my words back to me. “Isn’t this your home?”

“I said my goodbyes to my friends, and left my parents a note.” Along with a saddle bag containing 500 caps. They’ll need it more than me.

“As for my home…” I pointed a hoof out to the wide expanse of Caledonia. “He’s out there somewhere, so that’s where I’m going too.”

I was an idiot for not going after Foalson when he left months ago. I was too wrapped up in myself, this city, and the game it plays with the ponies inside it. But the game is rigged, the house always wins, and you have to get out before you lose more than just your caps.

I already lost the pony most important to me, and the greedy city still wanted more.

That’s just the way Dise rolls.

“Well you seem pretty set on getting out, and we could always use an extra hoof.” The mare said with a smile. “Just as long as you keep saying that I’m right about everything, we should get along just fine.” She extended a hoof. “I’m Petty Cash. Welcome aboard!”

I shook Petty’s hoof with a grin. “Cash, I think we’ll make great partners!”

oooOOOooo

Ah, that was the start of a whole new chapter in my life. The years I traveled with Petty took me just about everywhere in Caledonia and beyond, yet I never returned to Dise. As for my quest to find Foalson, I just-

“Mmmmhh…” a mare’s voice moaned.

Are they still at it!?!

The lights were now out, thankfully, and in the dim light coming in from under the door I could only perceive the faint form of two ponies resting under the covers. The smaller form then moved and stretched its hooves out from the covers.

Oh. It was just Tribute waking up.

The outline of the diminutive mare quietly got out of bed and made her way to something across the room. After rummaging around in what I assume was a saddle bag, she pulled out a rectangular object with a green light on it.

Was that the recorder for Hoof’s diary?

The light then turned red and Tribute spoke softly to it. “Hey Hoof, if you’re listening to this…”

~~~***~~~

Late the next morning, Hoof happily trotted out to flat patch of land just outside of Ponyville, where the rest of the group were already gathered. I guess they chose this staging point while Zest was getting changed.

Colt was arguing with Star about something while Brass was setting various equipment and healing items out on the ground and Zest just sat off to the side, watching him and looking nervous.

“Look who finally showed up.” Celly teased as she floated herself over to the Second. Aww, she already took of her fake crown and horn. “You seem to be in a good mood, and I noticed that you never returned to our room last night. Did you actually take the mayor up on her offer?”

On hearing this, Colt angrily shot Hoof what could only be described as a ‘stabby look’. This confusion really needs to get sorted out before she finds out about Tribute!

Flustered, Second shook a hoof dismissively. “Of course not! I’m not interested in non-ponies. I was just…” Quickly changing the topic, he pointed to the unicorns arguing. “What’s going on with them?”

Celly shrugged her little shoulders. “Colt is against the idea of her staying behind.”

“… several times, and we know from experience that it’s best to have a safety net if things go bad and Celly has to quickly teleport back with any of us injured.” Star finished explaining in a frustrated tone to the teenage unicorn.

“But why me?” Colt countered, not backing down.

“By your own admission, you’re the only one of us that has any real first aid skills.” Star pointed a hoof at Colt’s horn. “Also, you can levitate things, which makes quickly managing bandages and healing potions much easier. Besides, Brass and I work better as a team, and Celly obviously has to be going.”

“Then what about Piezo?” Colt pointed a hoof at Second. “I’m sure he could managed administering some healing potions.”

“Hoof has to go with us.” Celly interjected, floating herself over to the unicorns. “Part of the restrictions that Hoof’s ‘higher ups’ placed on the information I got was that he has to go with us and make sure we’re not just trying to ‘steal classified Ministry of Arcane Science documents or research’.” Celly rolled her eyes while saying the last part with hoof quotes.

“But I would be more useful in a fight than…” Colt continued to argue her case as I noticed that Zest finally worked up the courage to walk over to Brass.

“This is for you.” The pegasus mare said sheepishly as she held out a small envelope with her hoof, blushing nearly orange.

The bald stallion looked at the enveloped and sighed softly, it was clear from his expression that he knew what it was. Unfortunately, Zest was too nervous to even look at his face to see his expression change. “Look, Lemon, you should know that-“

“Zest, talk some sense into Colt!” Second called out suddenly.

Bad timing Hoof! It’s your own darn fault now if Colt shanks you in some misdirected attempt save Lemon’s feelings!

Without looking at him, Zest shoved the letter to Brass, quickly saying “Read it when you get the chance.” before galloping off to the growling argument.

With a sigh and a shake of his head, Brass put the letter into one of his pockets.

“If it was up to me, I’d have Lemon stay behind with you.” Celly said to Colt. “I want to put as few ponies as possible at risk.”

“No.” Zest said defiantly as she reached them. “I need to see the Elements of Harmony, and this may be my only chance.”

“And I need to be there to protect her.” Colt stamped her foot down resolutely.

“No, Colt.” The yellow pegasus shook her head, catching the young raider by surprise. “I’ll have Brass, Celly, Star, and even Second to protect me. I need you to be safe here, ready to heal us if anything bad happens.”

“But Mistress…” Colt pleaded to Zest.

“Please, Colt.” Zest said, looking straight into the young unicorn’s ice-blue eyes. “I know you can heal me.”

Was she hinting at Colt’s special skill of removing toxins?

The younger mare’s eyes widened slightly at the subtle reference, and she sighed. “I understand Mistress. I’ll stay behind.”

“Now that that’s settled…” Celly said, flying up higher to address the entire group. “I already flew over Canterlot this morning and spotted a clear area in the Ministry Walk for us blink in at. Flying through the pink cloud didn’t affect me. That’s not much of a surprise at this point, but we should stay as little as possible. Perhaps making several short trips, depending on how harsh the cloud is on the rest of you. We’ll leave our saddle bags here and I’ll be levitating the weapons we’ll be bringing when not in use. Considering the risk either way, I’ll leave it up to each of you if you want to wear barding or not.”

It was only when she mentioned it that I noticed just Brass and Hoof were wearing anything. Given how self-conscious Zest is, she either left really early to avoid being seen by anypony, or wore Colt’s saddlebags over her wings on her way here. I guess she didn’t have much choice, considering that her jumpsuit was still in Hoof’s bag.

Hoof took off said bag and placed it down by the pile of healing items. He then levitated out his own supply of potions and chems and added them to the collection. At least he was willing to share when his own neck was on the line too.

With the red gun still in Hoof’s bag, which was staying here, I was going to be left out on the trip to Canterlot. Which was fine by me! Even dead, I didn’t even want to risk going there.

Celly landed a short ways away from Colt and the other ponies going on this insane field trip grouped around her. “Ok, blinking to Canterlot in 3… 2… 1…” Then in a golden flash they were gone.

With a sigh, Colt trotted over to the bottles of water left out with the healing supplies. Lifting one up with her magic, she mumbled to herself. “Well, they’re rad free, might as well sterilize them too while waiting.”

She set the bottle on the ground and touched it with her glowing horn. After about a minute, she set it aside and placed another in front of her, repeating the process.

I hope the others don’t take too long. This is boring!
-----

Author's Note:

After another long delay, this chapter is finally done!
This huge chapter, nearly the size of the first three together, was one that I was looking forwards to for a long time!
One part in particular, the scenes in The Shout Outt, meant a lot to me since it was my way of giving subtle nods to people in the FoE community and various side-fics.

So as a speical bonus, I'm going to have a little contest to see who can spot the most "shout outs". Direct references to cross-fic continuity (like the talk of Puppy) dosen't count, and all shout outs take place on the main floor of the Shout Outt. There are 22 in total, and some may only make sense to regulars to the FalloutEquestira IRC forum. Just list what shout outs you spot in the comments! :)

Huge thanks to all my editors!
My Souls editors Nyerguds and Hidden_Fortune, without whom this fic would be 20% lamer.
My Sights editor Julep, who keeps all the pictures nice and derp free!
My Sounds editor No One, whose constant encouragement is what got this insanity off the ground to begin with (and for making FoE: Heroes the best Fallout Equestria side fic ever)!

And super thanks to Kkat for making this wild wasteland we all play in!

This fan-fic is just part of a larger story...
-Hear another side of the larger narrative with Fallout Equestria: Sounds
-See the bigger picture, take a look at Fallout Equestria: Sights.
-Follow the progress of all three tales at the Sights Sounds Souls Tumblr (and ask Colt questions).
-Track all the parts in one place at the Project Hub!

Comments

[Nyerguds]

Holy carp, 17k words? No wonder this took ages to work through

Soo, Second Hoof gets lucky, eh... eh, why not.

[mimezinga]

lotta references are a lot! puppeh's fav is ilubot!

[kibecrou]

"speedy"
I c wat u did thar

"Puppy"
That got depressing really quick. 1st shoutout.

"Underfire"
Have no fear, UNDERFIRE'S HERE! 2nd shoutout.

"Don’t you know better than to talk to strange ponies in dark alleys?”"
But strangers have the best candy! And the cutest Pupp... and I are sads again...

"large brow buffalo"
MONOBROW! MY GREATEST NEMISIS!
Nemisi, nemises... What's the plural on that?

"Grace Underfire"
That is a fantastic pun.

"Pip-leg"
Horizons. 3rd.

“No showers!”
ONE TIME! One time I'd like to see an emotionally healthy Stable Dweller!

"Oh look, an interesting pattern in the rug…"
My grandparents have one of those rugs. I always found them neat, though I wonder hot they never fell to pieces over the years.

"metal bendy straw"
I quite honestly can't see (from the pic on DevArt) how this looks like an Allen Wrench. The bend isn't a 90˚ angle...

"Foalson"
Nice to see he cleaned up.

“A rigged fight?”
Bullwinkle: Chapter 42 of the "Heroes Handbook" says to help damsels in distress!
Rocky: But chapter 43 says "You should NEVER throw a game"!
Bullwinkle: Well, you keep your half of the book *riiip* and I'll keep mine. What was that you called me dear?
Natasha Fatale: A great big WONDERFUL schnook.
Bullwinkle: Sounds different this time...

"Piezo"
I still don't get it.

I only see the three references (Four if you include 'Dise"), and the second was only spotted because of the reference to a minotaur. I haven't read that one, so if you could provide a name I'd be happy.

Prediction: Colt is going to meet up with our intrepid candy-providing Zebra. There will be an endless and glorious barrel of exposition.

Also, if you can spot all the references in my post, I don't know what I can give you but I can at least internet high five. There's only three or so.

[JustMoth]

2071710
"That got depressing really quick. 1st shoutout."
Well, at this point Puppy's having a nap in her house, so it's happy.

"Have no fear, UNDERFIRE'S HERE! 2nd shoutout."
This is a continuity link to Heroes (well spotted), but not counted as one of the Shout outs.

"large brow buffalo"
Doh! Fixed.

"Horizons. 3rd."
The pipleg is from Fallout Equestria (after Canterlot)...

"I quite honestly can't see (from the pic on DevArt) how this looks like an Allen Wrench. The bend isn't a 90˚ angle..."
Blame Zest, she can't draw all that well...

"I only see the three references"
Actually, you only got 1 (pipleg) of the 22... I mentioned in the author notes that continuity references (like Puppy) are not counted and they all take place in the "Shout Outt".

"Colt is going to meet up with our intrepid candy-providing Zebra. There will be an endless and glorious barrel of exposition"
Very Close... (although more than that happens in 10)

"Also, if you can spot all the references in my post"
Underdog, Simpsons, Mystery Men, Rocky and Bullwinkle.

[kibecrou]

2073697
"The pipleg is from Fallout Equestria (after Canterlot)..."
I have no idea how I did that. I also need to start reading continuities besides horizons, original, and yours. Heroes I'm halfway through because I got distracted.

Also, no Simpsons reference (intentionally at least). I haven't seen much more than the movie and the first two seasons. Good work with Mystery Men, most people I meet haven't seen that.

Hint: "Endless Barrel of Exposition".

[JustMoth]

2076493
The monobrow baby is Maggie's nemesis on the Simpson, that's what I thought you were referring to.
A google search of "Endless Barrel of Exposition" turns up the El Goonish Shive comic, which I have never read, so the related reference was lost on me

[kibecrou]

2078233
You Win!

[Luminous Lead]

Wow, quite a few references. I'm pretty sure I didn't catch them all, but...

"A stable dweller, a security mare, a hired gun, a merchant, a courier, an alicorn princess, and... A little ghost as well?"

FOE, Project Horizons, Heroes, Operation Flankorage, New Pegas (too many couriers, first that came to mind), Starlight (too many alicorn princesses), Pink Eyes.

Don't want to end up with a Pip-leg.

Obvious Lilpip.

Stable ponies...

Pretty much all disdainful wastelanders, but notably the Crusaders from PH.

Covered wings.

Probably not a shoutout, but definitely reminiscent of Fluster from GoC, and Murky from M#7.

iLush 1a.

Really curious about this one, if it even is one. Phonetically the name makes me think of eyelashes (which Fluttershy always had in abundance). The robot reminds me of PH's Cerberus in it's cranky partial-reprogrammed state.

Tribute

Name-Homage (FOE). Mechanic job reminds me of Greaser (Outlaw)

I managed to get my hooves on a water talisman.

Didn't Lilpip murder a Ranger base for a water talisman?

Flaming Zebra

Like Lilpip's immolating Zebra Rifle?

Riveting tales of fixing stuff (sometimes involving actual rivets)

Rivets, PH?

Solaris Tech

Given that you keep referencing Pink Eyes, this might be continuity rather than shoutout.

What a funny story Mark!

Freaking Tommy Ouiseaux. And it came right after we entered "The Room" too. Gah.

Unearly horrors lurking beneath my hooves

Heroes- continuity?

Jack, of the four Jacks.

Couldn't work out which one he was. If it's Jack Black, well, the references are obvious.

Paradise Found

As in Paradise Lost? Can't remember if this is covered in Heroes.

That's just the way Dise rolls.

Ouch, the puns.

Hey Hoof, if you're listening to this...

Reminds me of Homage's messages when she was on the run from the Enclave.

That's all I've got.

[JustMoth]

2095974 WOW! you caught a lot of them (and some that were unintentional)

FOE, Project Horizons, Heroes, Operation Flankorage, New Pegas (too many couriers, first that came to mind), Starlight (too many alicorn princesses), Pink Eyes.

That's 7 there. I was actually referencing Tales of a Courier Reloaded for the courier and New Beginnings for the alicorn (haven't read the ones you mentioned), but they are many of both so I'll give that to you.

Obvious Lilpip.

Yup. 8.

Pretty much all disdainful wastelanders, but notably the Crusaders from PH.

It's so common that I didn't even count it as a shout out.

Probably not a shoutout, but definitely reminiscent of Fluster from GoC, and Murky from M#7.

No, it's just one of Zest's psychological hang ups...

Really curious about this one, if it even is one. Phonetically the name makes me think of eyelashes (which Fluttershy always had in abundance). The robot reminds me of PH's Cerberus in it's cranky partial-reprogrammed state.

It's a shout out to Ilushia, author of New Beginnings (and an in-joke in the FoE IRC channel that she often points out that she is soft). I'll count it as 9 even if you didn't know what the reference was.

Name-Homage (FOE). Mechanic job reminds me of Greaser (Outlaw)

Not a shout out, you're on the right track.

Didn't Lilpip murder a Ranger base for a water talisman?

The opening plot of Fallout 1 was finding a water Water Chip (equivalent to the FoE talisman), more of a continuity nod than a shout out (oddly enough, the unrelated game Tales of Vesperia starts the same way too) .

Like Lilpip's immolating Zebra Rifle?

Actually a shout out to Xjuan, the FoE IRC zebra character of Keanno (author of FoE:Lines, and animated chewing ponies). A running gag on the IRC channel is that he's often on fire. Still is a shout out so, 10. Since all the Shout outs takes place in the inn, this is the last one you got.

Rivets, PH?

No, just a bad pun.

Given that you keep referencing Pink Eyes, this might be continuity rather than shoutout.

Yeah. Same FoE universe as Pink Eyes, so Solaris exists in that continuity.

Freaking Tommy Ouiseaux. And it came right after we entered "The Room" too. Gah.

The narrator also call the bartender "Bird", which is what oiseaux (phonetic reading of Wiseau) means in french.

Heroes- continuity?

Big time! The narrator's life in Dise is practically a prequel to Heroes.

Couldn't work out which one he was. If it's Jack Black, well, the references are obvious.

It's a brick joke, it will make sense eventually.

Ouch, the puns.

Had to make that one before No_One did.

Reminds me of Homage's messages when she was on the run from the Enclave.

This was just to establish when Tribute made the recording heard at the end of Sounds 9 (voiced by the same VA that is also plays Homage in the FoE radio play BTW).

That's all I've got.

Well you got nearly half with 10, so unless some one else can spot more before I get Souls 10 written, you win.

[kibecrou]

2095974
Celestia's beard you're good at this...