• Published 31st Jul 2017
  • 4,763 Views, 107 Comments

Self Help - Tyro



When Applejack and Rainbow are sent to the Equestria Girls universe to solve a friendship problem, it seems the ones with the problem to solve are...themselves?

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Amuse Yourself

The atmosphere was quiet. Tension hung thick in the air. And the awkward silence. Oh, the awkward silence! Rainbow didn’t like silence at the best of times, but this was the worst type. In fact, this might have been the worst of the worst type! It was such an alien concept! How does somepony deal with meeting an alternate version of themselves, who’s in love with an alternate version of their best friend, and then work with their best friend to get the alternate versions back together, all because a stupid map told them too??

Well obviously, step one was to break the tension.

“Heh. So I guess the other you just couldn’t resist the other me, huh?” Rainbow casually folded her arms across her chest, pretending to not notice the blush on Applejack’s face and the growl in her voice.

“That ain’t funny Dash!”

“Uh, Rainbow? Hello, we’re supposed to be using first names, remember?” Rainbow chuckled as Applejack growled again. Hey, at least the silence was over, right?

“Whatever Rainbow. Let’s just...let’s just get this dealt with.” Applejack exhaled sharply through her nose, the same way she always did when she was annoyed. So easy to push her buttons.

“So what’s the big deal?” Rainbow shrugged. “Just tell ‘em they have to kiss and make up so we can go home.”

Applejack pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t think it’s that simple Sugarcube. We ain’t never solved a friendship problem just by tellin’ folks they gotta get over themselves because the map said so.”

“Well maybe we should try...”

“I’m thinkin’ the point o’ this is to get the ponies-”

“People.”

“Whatever. We’re s’posed to get whoever it is to learn the lesson for themselves, not fake it just to make the map happy.”

Rainbow groaned. “Ugh, fine! So how do we do this?”

Applejack scrunched her mouth, face going redder than before. “When I asked A.J why she never got back together with Dash, she wouldn’t answer. Just said somethin’ about it bein’ ‘complicated’.”

Applejack was clearly getting too embarrassed to focus. Luckily for her, Rainbow knew just what to do! Step one: break the tension again. “Pfft, what’s complicated? The other you is hot for me.”

Applejack spluttered at Rainbow’s directness. “She ain’t! She’s hot for the other you!” Her eyes widened as realised that didn’t sound much better. “I mean, she’s got...feelin’s for you...the other you! Consarn it!”

At this point Rainbow was doubled over in hysterics. Applejack was so much fun when she was all worked up. More importantly, Rainbow no longer felt awkward about the situation.

SMACK

OW!” Her laughter came to an abrupt stop when Applejack suddenly backhanded her across the head. Some ponies just couldn’t take a joke...

“Don’t know what you’re laughin’ at, buttercup!” Applejack grinned despite herself. “Sounds to me like the other you is pretty gaga ‘bout the other me too!”

Aaannnd it was awkward again. Suddenly Rainbow’s mind was once again filled with images of Applejack and her doing...things. Try as she might, she couldn’t fight the red coming back to her own cheeks.

“Okay, okay, okay!” Rainbow pulled the hood around her face a little more to try and hide her blush. “No more joking around, how do we get this over with?”

Applejack leaned back against the statue in thought. “I ain’t sure. Seems like neither one wants to admit they still like each other. Maybe it’s like a competition? First one to say ‘I still like you’ loses?”

Rainbow threw her arms in the air in irritation. “Ugh! We don’t have time for this! I have a big air show in two weeks and if I don’t show up to practice, Spitfire’s gonna swap me out!”

“I ain’t exactly got buckets o’ time neither! Mac’s always whinin’ about the time I take off from the farm to go on all these adventures! Keep tellin’ him it ain’t my choice...”

Suddenly, Rainbow pumped a fist in the air. “I’ve got it!” Applejack looked at her inquisitively. “We gotta make ‘em get back together, but neither one wants to admit it? Well then, why don’t we do it for them?”

Applejack gave her that same old look. The one that said ‘I’m not convinced’. “Do I even wanna know what you have in mind?”

Rainbow flashed her a winning smile. “Listen to this!”


THWACK

Rainbow grinned as she smashed the tennis ball back towards Applejack and A.J’s side of the net. To her left, Dash whooped in victory as the two cowgirls failed to reach the ball in time.

“Hah! Thirty to nothing! Getting worried?” Dash crowed. Rainbow smirked. It was the perfect setup. They needed Dash and A.J to go on a date, right? Remind the two of how much fun they had when they were together? Well what could be more fun than a pulse pounding sports game?

“The score ain’t thirty to nothin’!” A.J was red in face, either from exhaustion or irritation. “It’s called thirty-love!” Dash’s eyes widened and an awkward silence followed. “I-I mean...well that’s what it’s called!”

Rainbow face palmed as A.J spluttered through her explanation of the scoring system. The point of the game was to get the two back together, but bringing up the “L” word this early was only going to make things worse.

As the silence worsened, Rainbow spotted Applejack across the net, stomping her leg on the ground twice.

Twice. Right. The signal for “Phase Two”. Applejack had the right idea, Rainbow figured. Distract the humans from their awkwardness and move onto the next stage.

“Uh, hey!” Rainbow dropped her racquet on the ground. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m parched! I’m gonna go get us some drinks. Applejack, you wanna give me a hoof?”

...

“HAND! I mean hand!”

Perfect recovery.

Rainbow and Applejack left the court and ducked behind the nearby concession stand. Inconspicuously as they could, they peeked their heads out to spy on the soon-to-be happy couple.

“That sure was awkward for a moment there.” Applejack muttered.

“Yeah, well obviously that was the other you’s fault.” Rainbow shot back. Applejack should have known that you don’t just throw the “L” word out there unprepared! And if Applejack should have known, then A.J should have known too!

“It ain’t her fault that’s how scorin’ works!” Applejack hissed at her, trying not to draw too much attention from patrons of the sports centre. “Why did you have to pick tennis, if the other you was gonna be so sensitive about hearin’ somepony say the word love?”

“Somebody”.

“Whatever!”

“It’s all good! Maybe using the “L” word will give them a push! We got them alone together, all we have to do is hang back and wait for them to remember how much they like each other!”

“I hope you’re right...”

“Pfft, I’m always right.”

“Uh huh.”

After a moment’s silence, a thought came to Rainbow’s mind. “...Betcha the other me makes the first move.”

Applejack spluttered in offence. “Are you serious? The other me ain’t never gonna wait around to be asked out! She’d totally ask out the other pony first!”

Rainbow gave her a sly look. “Yeah right! I bet the other you has been moping around just waiting for the other me to come and sweep her off her feet!”

“Oh yeah?” Applejack’s eyebrow was raised as ever. “And just how would a bone head like the other you even figure out how to ask somepony out?”

“Well obviously she’d think about how much she likes A.J and...”

Rainbow paused. Trying to think like Dash should be simple. She would just have to think like herself, right? So if she wanted to know how Dash would ask out A.J, the way to figure it out would be to think how Rainbow would ask out Applejack. But to do that, it would mean asking another question.

What exactly would she see in Applejack to want to ask her out in the first place?

Immediately Rainbow tried to get all of those kinds of thoughts out of her head. This wasn’t what they were here for! More than that, thinking about Applejack in...well in any way at all was just weird right now!

Unfortunately, Applejack was still waiting for an answer, giving her that smirk. That stupid, irritating, smirk. That bossy, all-work-no-fun-times-to-be-had smirk. That cute, funny, pretty-

Rainbow’s eyes widened and shook her head. Okay now things were getting really weird. Stupid Applejack, putting thoughts in her-

“Still waiting for an answer Sugarcube.”

Rainbow gave Applejack a shove. “Aw shut up! It’s probably already done anyway. I bet they’re over there making out already!”

Trying (and failing) to dispel the mental image she’d given herself, Rainbow peeked around the concession stand. Applejack followed suit.

“I wouldn’t be so sure o’ that Sugarcube.”

Over on the court, A.J and Dash were standing face to face, either side of the net, apparently in the middle of a shouting match. Applejack and Rainbow gave each other a look and moved up closer to see what was going on.

“I’m tellin’ you, that ball was out, Rainbow Dash!” A.J was leaning over the net, gripping her racquet in a white knuckle fury.

“Are you serious?” Dash threw her racquet on the ground. “You need glasses or something? You don’t need to throw a hissy fit just because you’re losing!”

“I ain’t losin, I’m tryin’ to make sure you play fair!”

“Oh please, you just can’t handle being second best, Applehack!”

Applejack and Rainbow could only watch, jaws hanging open, as their doubles each spun on their heels and stormed away from each other.

Applejack rubbed a hand over her eyes. “Well, I guess they sure are a lot like us.”

“What are you talking about?” Rainbow pointed to her retreating twin. “That Rainbow Dash is a total jerk!”


“Ugh! I don’t get what could have happened!” Rainbow shouted as she lay back on the grass. She and Applejack had managed to catch up with their doubles in order to get rides back to their houses. Figuring it was best to let the two cool off for a while, Rainbow had returned to the portal. Sure enough, Applejack had had the same idea and they had spent the last half hour discussing the failed plan.

“Well o’ course it didn’t work.” Applejack was calmly lent against the portal statue. “We’re s’posed to be gettin’ them back together, not just hangin’ out.”

Rainbow threw a fistful of grass at Applejack, ignoring how the blades fell limply to the ground instead of hitting their mark. “My plan was awesome! They needed to be friends again! It’s not my fault they were too busy thinking about some stupid game!”

Applejack bit back a comment about Rainbow’s hypocrisy before replying properly. “They were already back to bein’ friends because o’ what Twilight did when she was here. We gotta help ‘em take it to the next level. If we’re gonna do this, we need to put them in a more...romantic-like settin’.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

Applejack went quiet as she thought. It should be simple enough, right? Whatever A.J liked, Applejack probably liked the same things. So if they were trying to think of what A.J’s ideal romantic moment with Dash would be, all Applejack had to do was think of what her ideal romantic moment with Rainbow would-

“Uh, Applejack? You feeling okay?” Rainbow was sitting up, looking concerned.

“Huh?”

“Your face is bright red dude! You getting a fever?”

“I... just...shut up.”


“Oh this is so freaking lame!” Rainbow groaned as Dash and A.J were getting flashlights from A.J’s truck.

“Oh what now?” Applejack growled at Rainbow’s whining. “We tried it your way, now we’re tryin’ mine! Least my idea is a little romantic!”

Rainbow folded her arms and regarded the cowgirl with half closed eyes. “A moonlit walk in the woods? Seriously? You get that from one of Fluttershy’s sappy romance novels?”

Applejack refused to answer, settling for muttering under her breath. “Nothin’ wrong with a nice walk in the woods...”

Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea she had ever thought of. Ever since their conversation at the portal, Applejack had been racking her brains to think of a romantic setting. She had to admit, she wasn’t the most...experienced pony when it came to relationships, so she had come up short. Instead, she remembered Granny Smith telling her stories about how Dad had proposed to Mom out in the farm’s northern orchard one night, under the moon. She always remembered being spellbound by the story as a little filly and so she had always considered it as the standard romantic setting.

But now, between Rainbow’s grouchiness and A.J and Dash still acting a little cold to each other after the tennis match, Applejack was starting to think maybe it was just the way Granny told the story that made it sound nice.

Still, A.J had been determined to be a good host when Applejack had suggested the four of them go for a romp in the forest together, so here they were. At the very least, A.J appeared to be enjoying herself.

“Ain’t quite the same as bein’ back on the farm,” she was saying, “but it sure feels good to get outta the city once in a while! Nothin’ like the smell o’ pine trees!” A.J punctuated her statement by sniffing deeply through her nose.

“Ugh.” Dash wrinkled her nose in disgust. “I can smell something alright, but I’m pretty sure it’s not trees. Is there a dead animal somewhere around here?”

“Either that or some animal’s been doing something else out here!” Rainbow spoke up, sniffing the air as well. “Smells like Pinkie’s bathroom after taco night!”

Applejack growled as the two multi-colour haired girls began giggling immaturely. She elbowed Rainbow sharply in the ribs. She was supposed to be here to help set a romantic mood, darn it! Time for some damage control.

“Gotta love that autumn air.” She spoke a little louder than necessary, but she needed to drown out the still chuckling Dash. “Just the way I like it. Not too hot, not too cold. Crisp, but cozy!”

“Speak for yourself.” Dash muttered, rubbing her hands against her bare arms. “It’s freezing out here!” Suddenly, the brown leather jacket A.J had been wearing was flung at the girl.

“Heh, I think you need that more than I do, Sugarcube.” A.J winked at her as she strode on, clearly not bothered by the cold. “Looks to me like you’re turnin’ a mite blue over there!”

Dash groaned at A.J’s pun (Applejack didn’t know why, she thought it was funny), but slipped the jacket on all the same. Applejack perked up. Perhaps this might just work after all. She nudged Rainbow and motioned for the two of them to hang back a little. Perhaps all A.J and Dash needed now was a little privacy.

“This is perfect!” Applejack beamed. “I told you, all we needed was somethin’ a little more romantic!” She turned to grin at the other girl, but whatever words she had next, died in her mouth as the clouds parted away from the moon.

Applejack never had the chance to ask her parents about that night in the orchard. But now, here, in an unfamiliar pine forest in a different world, as she looked at the face of her best friend bathed in the moonlight...Applejack decided she finally had some idea of how they might have felt that night.

As Rainbow looked back at her, she wore a smile that was...well, it was Rainbow. It was cocky, confrontational and childish. Within the next second or two, she was bound to say something immature or snarky. But at the same time her smile was...beautiful. The way the moon lit her face was mesmerising. Applejack had never given much thought to the physical appearance of Rainbow, or any of her friends, or...anypony really. But between her own good mood, the atmosphere of the forest, the light of the moon and Rainbow just...being there...

Then, instead of the stupid remark Applejack was sure would come, Rainbow instead nudged her shoulder against the taller girl. A simple gesture. Nothing special.

And it lit Applejack’s heart on fire.

It was a perfect moment. How could it possibly go wrong?

SQUELCH

“Eww!” Dash’s voice rang out. “What did I step in-oh gross!”

Naturally...


The night went downhill pretty swiftly from there. As Dash had whinged about stepping in something, A.J had not helped matters by making fun of her. Dash had then responded by wiping her shoe off with A.J’s jacket. A.J had retaliated by giving her a slap that was probably harder than necessary and before long, Applejack and Rainbow had had to pull the two off each other before things escalated further. After that the four had returned to civilisation and parted ways for the night in rather downbeat moods.

The next morning, Applejack and Rainbow once again met at the portal.

“So...” Rainbow began the conversation. “How mad was A.J last night?”

“Not great.” Applejack idly kicked her leg against the side of the portal. “Things got worse when it was time for bed. Don’t know why, but she threw one heck of a fit just cuz I didn’t feel like wearin’ the pyjamas she offered me.”

“Really? The other me didn’t seem to care...”

“Anyway, we gotta work harder.”

Rainbow snorted. “That’s your solution to everything!”

Applejack sighed. “Not today Rainbow. Ain’t there been enough fightin’ already?”

“Alright, alright. Sorry.”

That was a surprise. Getting Rainbow to apologise for anything was usually like pulling teeth. Applejack smiled despite herself. It was kind of nice that Rainbow was willing to co-operate. Well, if she could back down, maybe Applejack could too.

“Maybe you were right yesterday.”

Rainbow perked up instantly. “Of course I was! ...Right about what?”

“When you said that we do this for ‘em.”

TO BE CONTINUED...