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Rarity's Eco-Spa: Natural beauty for all!

Rarity, a famous designer in Canterlot, likes to help all ponies find their favorite outfit but, she realizes that this isn't what she wants to do. She wants to do something different, and something helpful. When her friend asks Rarity to take over her spa for a little while, Rarity realizes that this is her big leap of faith. for the first time ever, Rarity is creating a spa. Not just any spa, but an eco-spa! Will these bring in customers, or did she just give away everything?

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Princeling

Princeling #1 · Jul 31st, 2017 · · ·

This fic could certainly use some work:
1. Coco Pommel is a fashion designer from Manehattan, not a spa owner in Canterlot.
2. There are a ton of spelling and grammar errors.
3. Each time a new character talks, you have to start a new line.
4. You said that Rarity is holding items in her hooves, but she could have levitated them easily. You're forgetting that if she was holding something in both hooves, she'd have to stand on her hind legs for a prolonged period of time. That's not how pony anatomy works.
5. Rarity's whole purpose in life is fashion and her dream throughout the show was to have a boutique in Canterlot. She wouldn't want to let go of that.
6. This is just a little nitpick: You said that decorating wasn't Rarity's field of expertise, but she was literally seen decorating for the Summer Sun Celebration in the first episode.
7. You're talking to the audience as if it was a first person story. Don't use the parenthesis so often.

Seeing as you aren't that experienced as an author, these mistakes are understandable, and you'll get better with practice.

LunaLuvestoRead