Best Pegasus
Spitfire trudged up the dark, narrow wooden stairs, one wing firmly wrapped around the hoofrail to steady herself against the swaying as the train chugged along. Her wings ached even more than usual, but that had nothing to do with why she felt so weary. She pulled her way up to the top and paused there for a second to collect herself, before sliding open the compartment door. The room revealed was low and cramped, with the only light coming from a window that started level with the floor and barely came up to her chest when she was standing. Rather than seats, boxes and suitcases were laid out before her, which her sore body weakly protested at the sight of.
But it still beats sitting downstairs.
Sadly the compartment was somehow not empty of other ponies. The rest of the train was hardly packed, with Spitfire seeing plenty of free seats when sneaking through to get to the upstairs luggage loft of the double-deck carriage. It was technically open for ponies to sit in anytime, but so restrictive compared to downstairs that it was only really used during peak journey times, and most otherwise forgot it was there. Since that made it the quietest bit of the train, Spitfire could understand the presence of the off-white earth pony sleeping in one corner. In the dim light away from the window, Spitfire almost mistook that pony for Soarin, despite the lack of wings, but a second glance confirmed her to be a mare and have a multicoloured musical-themed cutie mark very different to Soarin’s familiar lightning and waves emblem. Thankfully it sounded like she snored quieter, too.
So the sleeping, Spitfire could totally get. But what would have prompted the grey pegasus with the blonde mane to sit up here, staring out of the window, when the seats downstairs were more comfortable and offered much better views?
Spitfire dragged herself into the compartment – not physically dragged, this time (although she did have to half-flare her wings at one point to keep her balance as the train lurched on rickety wheels) – and headed over to a free patch of wooden carriage floor amid the sea of suitcases. She wished it hadn’t been in front of the window, directly opposite the grey pegasus, but it looked like the biggest empty spot of bare floor to stretch out in.
The pegasus finally broke her attention away from gazing out of the window as Spitfire gingerly lowered herself into her newly-found ‘seat.’ Spitfire smiled apologetically as the pegasus met her eyes, not wanting to have disturbed her or to be disturbed in turn. She hoped they could both enjoy the journey by politely ignoring each other, as Spitfire vaguely remembered ponies happily doing from the days before she became a Wonderbolt and had her life changed by the fame that came with it, and as the slumbering earth pony was setting such a good example of.
Except then she got a good look at the pony sitting across from her. That light grey coat and sandy blonde mane were familiar, with Spitfire having seen the pony before during her time at Rainbow Falls. Hadn’t she been among the Ponyville team? Except she hadn’t been on the podium when Spitfire had given Rainbow her Wonderbolt pin; Rainbow had been up there with the shy yellow one Spitfire remembered from the Cloudsdale water transfer in Ponyville a couple of years before, and the monstrous white stallion with the tiny wings. But this mare was a pegasus, and Spitfire remembered seeing her flying, so it wasn’t like she was afraid of heights or something. Could she really be a less confident flier than the other two?
And then Spitfire realised, and felt like an idiot for not guessing it right away. As if she needed more things to feel bad about that day. ...Which wasn’t really how the leader of the fastest team was meant to feel the day she qualified, she was pretty sure. But yes, the pony across from her was surely the third pony replacement for the Ponyville team brought in when they had thought Rainbow was out of action. And that meant Spitfire owed her an apology.
“Hey,” she said, clearing her throat, “you stood in for Rainbow Dash on the Ponyville team, right?” She tried to mask her reluctance with what she hoped was a friendly smile, making sure her voice held some warmth.
The grey pegasus, who had returned her attention to the landscape passing by outside while Spitfire had tried to narrow down her identity looked startled at being spoken to, almost jumping where she sat. A faint blush quickly followed across her muzzle.
“Y-yeah, that was me,” she stammered, clearly still recovering from the shock. Then she squeezed her face into a goofy smile, trying to cover her awkwardness, Spitfire guessed, but it didn’t look insincere. “I’m just hiding up here from all the gawking fans.”
Spitfire grinned back, hoping her distaste at the humbling apology she was psyching herself up for didn’t show through and put the other mare off. First taste of fame? Nothing else like it. She remembered her own experience of the same: occasionally uncomfortable, but mostly so flattering it almost made her feel giddy just thinking back to it, the ghosts of butterflies past fluttering in her stomach.
“Me too.” Was there any helpful advice she could offer from experience, if the poor pony was hiding up here already? “You get used to the stares, if it helps,” was the best Spitfire could come up with, filling it with enough bravado and camaraderie to make up for it being a bit useless.
“Yeah,” came the reply, but it sounded downbeat and lost. The mare looked somewhere around Spitfire’s hooves as she said it, and that was when Spitfire noticed her peculiar eyes. She stomped down on her instinct to widen her own eyes in surprise, catching it just in time, and then fought off the contradictory dual instincts both to stare and to swiftly avert her gaze. Trying really hard for it not to be strained or anything she wouldn’t do naturally, she leaned her head forwards slightly, tilting it a little, offering the uninvolved concern of a well-intentioned stranger, and made sure she looked at the mare’s face as a whole, not just her eyes.
Where do you normally look on somepony’s face? What do you focus on, if not the eyes? And how come I haven’t thought about this until it’s important and I need an answer?
“But they still bring me down,” the other pony finished, not lifting her gaze to meet Spitfire’s.
Oh.
The emotional drain she’d already been feeling was suddenly joined by an ache in her throat. Poor thing must get stared at all the time. And that was why she was hiding in what amounted to the baggage car? Retrospectively, Spitfire realised that the bit about gawking fans had probably been a joke, internally wincing at how she’d said the other mare would get used to it.
Spitfire could hardly call herself medically qualified, but crossed eyes were largely just a cosmetic problem, as far as she understood. There’d been a pony in her year at school with the same thing, and the colt in the local music shop had had it much more prominently. Neither of them had ever appeared to have any trouble doing anything as a result, as far as she knew. But then they’d both been earth ponies, and if there was one area where steady vision and depth perception were crucial...
“It affects your flying, I presume?” she asked, speaking softly as if the subject were delicate literally as well as metaphorically. Thankfully the pony didn’t show much emotional reaction to the question: no shock or offence, but no weariness either, so perhaps it wasn’t something she was asked too often, or perhaps Spitfire’s status as a professional flier earned her some leeway in being curious about it.
“There’s definitely a reason Bulk Biceps made the team before I did, yeah.” The mare looked Spitfire in the eye as she said it, but her voice was dull, and after her gaze slipped away again after she’d finished speaking.
Both ponies winced as a blast of the train whistle echoed through the carriage, uncomfortably loud with how close they were to the engine. A petulant groan came from the direction of the sleeping earth pony, but no movement or further sound. The grey pegasus returned to watching the landscape slide by outside while Spitfire tried to work out how to phrase her response in a way that wouldn’t come across as simply patronising.
Once she thought she had it, she said, “I was really impressed with how graciously you stepped down when Rainbow came back.” For a flier so under-confident to have been thrust into the spotlight like that must’ve been nothing short of terrifying, but she’d stepped up with aplomb, from what Spitfire vaguely remembered happening to see of the Ponyville training routine. And then the mare had had it ripped away from her again at the last minute. All that effort, all those nerves, all for nothing. And Spitfire hadn’t heard whisper of a single complaint.
The blonde pony blushed at the compliment, looking off to one side at the floor, but again, her eyes darted to Spitfires’ when replying. “I was just glad to be included.” She gave a kind, genuine smile as she spoke, and had humility in her tone, but also eagerness and gratitude. She really had been glad just to be on the team for a bit, then.
Spitfire recalled the closest she’d ever felt to something like that, when Wind Rider had been set to step down as captain, with herself next in line to succeed him. And then at the last minute he’d decided to stay on another year, giving a speech about a last hurrah. She hadn’t meant to inadvertently put another pony in a similar position, especially not one who’d just got her hopes up from believing it hadn’t ever been possible.
You really screwed up this time, Spitfire.
“I’m sorry you were messed around like that,” she said, feeling the weight of it settling on her, “that was my fault for stealing Rainbow away for Cloudsdale.”
For a brief second, the grey mare looked astounded, frozen in wide-eyed disbelief. But she quickly recovered, softly beaming in her improvised seat, with compassion in her eyes Spitfire had never seen from someone she’d just met before.
“That’s ok,” the other pony answered, and either she was a scarily good liar, or she really meant it. The reply didn’t brush off Spitfire’s apology as something given or taken lightly, but didn’t hesitate to forgive either.
Hopes raised then smashed, chiefly my fault, and that’s ok? Somehow, the grey pony lived in Ponyville but wasn’t the Element of Kindness. What did that say about how nice the real Element Bearer had to be?!
When Spitfire’s own widened eyes had recovered from the shock of those musings, she noticed that her conversation partner was looking conflicted, rubbing and pulling at one ear. When Spitfire gave a questioning look, she received an apologetic one in return, and the mare’s mouth hung open, as if she wanted to say something but wasn’t sure where to begin.
Spitfire tried her hardest to make sure her own expression was as kind and patient as it could be.
“I... I didn’t understand w-why you needed to do it, though,” the pony began.
Spitfire’s questioning look leapt back onto her muzzle of its own accord, but she managed to stop her eyebrows from drawing down into a frown, even if it would have been from puzzlement rather than anger.
“You guys are Wonderbolts,” the mare explained, still looking like she half-regretted saying anything, “it’s not like you had to worry about not qualifying.” She gave a nervous laugh. “That’s why they had to get me to replace Rainbow – most Ponyville pegasi were competing in other events instead, just so they didn’t have to go up against you guys.”
Though it was impossible over the chugging of the train, Spitfire could have sworn she heard the whooshing noise of the air leaving her lungs. She sat, poleaxed, while her brain tried to get over the stumbling block a random pony on a train had just thrown her way.
The Wonderbolts had chosen the relay, of course, because team flying was their thing. However strong each of them might have been individually, they were better as a unit, with their real advantage of their synchronicity making them greater than the sum of their clichéd parts. And, knowing that, I tried to replace one link in our chain with a newbie we’d never flown with before?
Spitfire felt her stomach hit a whole new low as the impact of that thought sunk in.
Why had she tried to trade an established team member for an unknown one, in a team-based competition? And the grey pegasus was right – it wasn’t like they’d needed the advantage. They were Wonderbolts – they could have won while flying blindfolded! And even if Rainbow Dash had been able to offer some one-pony competition, they both still would have gone through anyway, as the top two teams qualified.
What had she been thinking?
“I don’t know, really,” she said, staring at her hooves, trying to find words – any words at all – and coming up short. ‘I don’t know’ wasn’t an answer worthy of a Wonderbolt, though, when called on to explain her actions, let alone of their captain. They were meant to be better than that. And maybe that was the answer? “You just get locked into the mindset of doing whatever it takes, when your whole career revolves around being the best.”
Oh, that is a depressing truth...
Would she be able to avoid it in future, now she knew of the pitfall? Was that attitude truly inevitable, in her line of work? Perhaps it was necessary, being the thing that pushed her harder than others. Or perhaps her team didn’t really deserve to think of themselves as the best, if those were the depths they had to sink to to maintain it?
Confusion, concern and possibly mild condemnation warred on the mare’s face, with sadness ultimately winning out. “That doesn’t sound nice.”
“It isn’t,” Spitfire shrugged, voicing without hesitation something she knew to be the case, but hadn’t consciously acknowledged before. Not from that angle, at least. She’d overheard the newbies whispering about her plenty of times before, and ‘not nice’ was about the kindest they’d ever described her. She recalled the same response she’d made on those occasions, paraphrasing it to fit the situation.
“Most of the ponies on this train are nice. I’m not. I’m Spitfire. And it’s me they’ll tell their friends about seeing when they get home.”
‘Nice’ was hardly a unique selling point. Anypony could be nice. To a certain part of her, the idea even felt boring in its normalcy. If niceness was what the grey pegasus wanted in a conversant, well, then she’d have been better off spending the journey talking to somepony else. Perhaps anypony else.
As it was, the mare looked aghast, with her brow wrinkled in worry.
“A-and being in the Wonderbolts...?” She left the question hanging.
Spitfire took a guess that the rest of the question was meant to have been something about whether any of them were nice, or whether they were nice to each other or something similar, and so elected for an answer that covered most of those possibilities.
“If your biggest care is friendship, then it’s probably not for you.”
It sounded miserable, phrased like that. It wasn’t to say that it held no friendships at all, just that they weren’t necessarily always given the highest priority. A race was a race, and in those moments it didn’t matter how close you were to the other racers; they were your opponents. Even if it was just the smallest of derbies. The rest of the time might be spent bonding as a team, but the competitiveness could test whatever friendships formed. Not that Spitfire wouldn’t have considered most of her team friends, and in Soarin and Fleetfoot’s case, best friends, but still: that environment didn’t put friendships first, and as a result could sometimes tax them.
Evidently it sounded miserable to the grey mare as well. Her eyes held nothing but pity; Spitfire wasn’t sure Wonderbolts had generated that response before.
“But if it’s winning?” the pony said. “That’s what matters most to you?”
Not what matters most, but... It did come across that way, didn’t it? She’d always strived to win, of course, always felt the thrill of it, but was that really the most important thing to her now? She’d sometimes found herself in the past looking down on those who lived only to win, unimpressed by the co-dependence of their self-worth being tied to how they stacked up against others. Was that who she’d become, too?
That wasn’t why I joined the ’Bolts. That’s not why I lead them.
Her first ever race, back in flight camp. First race as a reserve. First as a full recruit. First show as captain. In every case, winning wasn’t the part she remembered.
“Flying’s what matters most to me,” she breathed. Her gaze sank. How did I get so lost? “Winning’s just something I got used to.”
“It sounds trite to say it,” the grey mare responded, “but there’s more to life than winning.” Her eyes drifted to the view rolling past the window, and she added almost to herself, “For some of us, there has to be.”
In Spitfire’s head, the words were echoed in Soarin’s voice. It was just the sort of thing he’d have said, and so it cut all the deeper. If she hadn’t listened to... No, I can’t blame Fleetfoot. She’s an individualist and I’ve always known that. Spitfire could usually predict which ways her friends would lean, with Soarin going towards team play and Fleetfoot personal glory. Ideally she herself sat somewhere between the two. Much more importantly, though, she was the team captain, and that meant the responsibility was hers. It didn’t matter who she listened to for advice: what advice was heeded was her decision.
She’d made the wrong call, put winning first, and been blind to the consequences – including those that they were competing in a team event, where their familiarity with Soarin would have helped them more than Rainbow Dash’s speed.
Spitfire mentally kicked herself. Again, she was focusing on winning, and on how having Soarin on-side would have helped them as a team. That mentality had done enough damage for the day, with the strain it had put on her friendship with Soarin, with Rainbow, and even with Fleetfoot, since they’d probably both feel too guilty to comfortably look each other in the eye for the next few days.
And the grey pony in front of her? What had she done to deserve what Spitfire’s competitiveness had wrought?
“I’m sorry,” she said for the second time, and her voice cracked. “You shouldn’t have had to suffer for that.” She passed a hoof over her eyes for a moment and shook her head to herself. “Nopony should have, but least of all one I hadn’t even thought about being connected to it.”
“It’s ok,” the mare said immediately, “everypony makes mistakes.” Her kind smile was back, and again there was no doubting her sincerity. The effect was reassuring, sure, but also disarming.
Despite all the galas, the press appearances and the fan meet-and-greets, Spitfire hung out with her team almost exclusively, and everypony she knew closely was a Wonderbolt. And this behaviour would be unheard of from any of them. There was no promise of later ridicule, and no suggestion of a forfeit to make up for failing.
“How are you so forgiving?” Spitfire asked, dumbfounded, looking at the other pony as if she were a puzzle to be solved.
The grey of the mare’s ears flushed with a tint of red, and she smiled bashfully, almost as if she felt guilty for being worthy of a compliment.
“I don’t exactly always get things right myself,” she said, more cheerfully than Spitfire would have expected. “As we’ve said, I don’t fly so well, which makes me kind of clumsy, and I end up breaking stuff.” There was a little bit of shame evident in how the pony’s ears drooped, but not nearly as much as might normally accompany that kind of admission; her shoulders no more hunched than before. “I don’t want ponies to hold that against me, so I try not to hold things against others.”
But Spitfire felt she did rather deserve to have it held against her. If not by this stranger caught up in the events, then at least by Soarin, who’d been at the heart of it, and hurt by her directly. And while she hadn’t wanted that, it had been an unavoidable consequence of the decision she’d made, one she’d known would happen when weighing the options. And sure enough, she’d chosen to go ahead with it, and he’d suffered, and nothing else had worked out in her favour and that was that. Which felt like something one ought to feel guilty for.
That must’ve shown on her face, because the grey pegasus spoke up again. “Look, beating yourself up over it won’t achieve anything.”
Nothing at all? That couldn’t be right, or surely ponies wouldn’t do it. There had to be some purpose for why ponies felt remorse, and acted accordingly, didn’t there? Obviously it was an internal feeling, and wouldn’t affect the outside world; but it could colour how you chose to act in future.
“What if it drives you to make amends? Or to try harder not to let it happen again?”
The look Spitfire received was patient with a touch of exasperation, but the voice the mare replied with was still calm and upbeat.
“If I get something wrong, then sure, I try to fix it as best I can. But I don’t hate myself for messing up. It’s natural.”
But I’ve always pushed myself to be better than that, to be something more. Boundaries imposed by nature were things to slam yourself against until they broke, not to be seen as hard limits. Messing up might be natural, but so were established pegasus flight agility capabilities, and Spitfire had smashed them into smithereens in front of paying audiences. How could one strive for perfection but be so unaffected by falling short?
And, it was kind of morbid and masochistic as a thought, but, in a way, suffering for doing something wrong felt like making up for it. It felt more like the forgiveness, when it did come, had been earned. Otherwise it was a bit like getting something you’d normally buy for free – it was great, everypony loved free stuff, but you never quite felt like you deserved it as much as something you’d paid for.
“How do you just accept that?” she asked, looking at the grey pony but with her eyes only half-focused.
The mare gave the happiest shrug Spitfire had ever seen, a carefree gesture the complete opposite of a helpless admission of defeat.
“I am just a pony. I make mistakes from time to time.”
Was that it? Could the answer really be that simple? Could a pony make mistakes, in the way that an idol on a pedestal never could? And if that pedestal status had previously been her defence, did that mean she had to make an effort to be nicer sometimes?
Soarin thought of himself as being just a pony, she’d be willing to bet. Fleetfoot anything but. Soarin was probably the happier of the two, and certainly the easier to get along with. But he’d also been the one left behind in the hospital bed, because others hadn’t been as kind. And Fleetfoot was undoubtedly the faster flyer, though how much of that was down to her attitude was debatable.
‘Pushing ourselves in the right direction’ had seemed like such a straightforward platitude when she’d said it to Rainbow Dash the year before. But the reality, she now realised, was a constant balancing act. Pushing the team to do better without pulling them apart. Too much competitiveness here, too little camaraderie there. But go too far, and she’d find too much friendship here, too little flying there.
Will I ever know where the right equilibrium is? Or will I always be feeling it out as I go? And accepting that sometimes I’ll get it wrong?
“Thanks,” Spitfire said, with a soft smile, “that’s really good advice.” It wasn’t often you sat down on a train and had a conversation that saw a merging of philosophies and changed your outlook, especially not when you sought out the emptiest car in an effort to be alone. “I’m sorry,” she brought a hoof to her mouth, blushing, “I didn’t catch your name.”
The grey pegasus blinked, stationary for a moment, and then snorted in amusement and shook her head. The old rule about the time limit on asking for somepony’s name during conversation existed for good reason.
“I’m Derpy,” she said firmly with a grin. “Derpy Hooves.”
“Hi Derpy,” Spitfire answered with a grin of her own, able to put a name to the pony at last, “I’m Spitfire.”
I am just a pony. I make mistakes from time to time. Well, I definitely have the second bit covered; I can work on the first. Behind her, the off-white earth pony whickered in her sleep, and Spitfire glanced to the window where the world sped by, feeling the train start to slow for the next station.
I think everyone’s written stories about Spitfire dealing with the aftermath of her actions at Rainbow Falls; I chose to because the train ride home seemed the most likely time in the series that she and a certain somepony might have a quiet chat.
Ever since I read Firedance, I was rather fascinated by the interaction between Spitfire and Derpy. They occupy the polar opposite ends of the pegasus spectrum, like an even more extreme Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, but each seems reasonably happy with her place in the world. And I think I read another Derpy shipping story somewhere, though I can’t now find it, which had her on a train, so the idea stuck with me for her meeting Spitfire on the ride back from Rainbow Falls.
Thanks to NaiadSagaIotaOar for proofreading, and for the helpful critique on the problem with stories not involving the Dazzlings 
Fear not, there will definitely be sirens in the sequel!
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Really loved the development Spitfire here, the way that she tries to be as non offensive about Derpy's crossed eyes was touching as was Derpy's speech about life not being all about winning was great. Each of them are as happy as they can be with their places in life.
8327936 Thank you very much, that's very kind of you to say.
And that's exactly what I was going for in the story
I'm particularly happy you mentioned liking Derpy's line about life not being all about winning; I nearly scrapped that one as I just couldn't get away from it sounding like some cliché platitude, and even lampshading it as one didn't quite solve that for me, so I'm glad you felt it worked in the story.
Oh, now this was a great story. I have to admit, I've never imagined Spitfire and Derpy interacting before Parental Glidance, and I think you're the first person I know of to write a story with them as the leads.
8327969 Thanks very much
When I first watched FIM, I wasn't keen on the Wonderbolts; to me they were representative of the worst side of Rainbow Dash's brash ego. But then, after ploughing through all the Dazzling fanfiction, I read most of the Derpy stories out there, including the one I think best, Firedance. And that made me notice Spitfire for the first time as a character, and in one night she went from somepony I hardly knew the name of to somepony I had to read every story about. So for me, Derpy and Spitfire have been linked from the beginning, and it feels natural.
I have strong feelings about that scene in the otherwise-excellent Parental Glidance. Would you like to hear my rant?
8327990
No thank you, really. I'm really not in the mood for long rants, most of the time. One thing I find interesting about Spitfire, character wise, is because we don't see her off-duty that often, we really don't know what she's like when she's not on the job that much. That means we can get quite a bit of freedom to explore her character in other types of situations.
8327967
I'm glad that you didn't and while it is a cliche, it could still work in the right context like it did in this story.
8328004
Yeah, I'd definitely say it did work quite well here.
8328000 Of course, thank you for saying. In brief, I think it causes so many problems with continuity that I prefer to think Rainbow was just telling Scootaloo a story and chose to populate it with characters Scootaloo already knew, rather than having to introduce a whole new set of colts and fillies Rainbow went to flight school with.
So in my mind, the only other time Derpy and Spitfire interact (besides this story) is when they're both charging at Tirek a few weeks later, which gives this tale a slightly sad edge.
8328004
8328025
Thank you both!
I am glad I left it in then.
I guess the post-Rainbow Falls Spitfire story is hardly original to begin with, so a smidgeon of dialogue to match doesn't hurt too much
I know I already said it, but I just love that ending
Regarding the platitude dilemma, I think that line about winning would have sounded trite in a bad way if it were coming from a different character, but I feel it’s extremely appropriate for Derpy; it’s not the most eloquent way of expressing an idea, nor is it particularly clever, but it’s true, it’s simple and it works, and for someone like Derpy that’s really all she needs to think it’s worth saying.
And, of course, Derpy being so true to her own name would naturally make her quick to forgive the earnest errors of other ponies. So, from the broad strokes to the finer details, I think you’ve captured her character quite well here.
8328196 Thank you!
That is a very good point about it being different because it's coming from Derpy, though now I wonder in the opposite direction if it was too sophisticated of her to mention that is sounded trite
I think you're right, those are exactly what she'd see as requirements to say something, and not much else would figure into it.
I think so
The very existence of the screenshot that she comes from in the title image (which I only found after writing the bit about her giving the happiest shrug ever), which has Bulk and Fluttershy looking upset over not being able to compete in the Equestria Games and Derpy just accepting it, strongly suggests that I think.
This was an admirable effort, and I loved the dynamic between Spitfire and Derpy. Their different personalities, especially with the former feeling guilty about what she'd done, make for an interesting conversation that strengthens their characters in the context of the story. Better yet, it manages to focus on Spitfire's failings without bashing her character too much and having someone as an obvious mouthpiece like so many fics about Rainbow Falls end up doing. By extension, a kindhearted and understanding mare like Derpy was the perfect choice in character for this kind of story. I can definitely see her acting this way.
There were a few problems with the story in terms of prose. A few words could've been swapped out, such as changing feet to hooves, and there could've been more instances where the characters' emotions were described by mentioning just their facial expressions or gestures as opposed to what they meant. It's nothing major, but something to consider for the future. However, you've got the hang of character relationships and personalities.
Anyway, this was an enjoyable story, and while there's room for improvement, it's a refreshing take on one of the more controversial episodes of the show. Thank you for bringing this story to my attention, and I wish you the best of luck on your future writing projects.
8352010 Thank you very much, that's lovely of you to say
I'm really glad to hear from someone I know is a Spitfire fan that the story didn't bash her too much, I was worried around the time I mentioned switching a new teammate for an old one in a team-based challenge that I wasn't giving Spitfire enough credit and was criticising her from too many different angles, so that's good to know. I think she'd probably see things a little more balanced if she weren't on a bit of a downer during the scene. But the worry was that she herself would come across as an author mouthpiece, in the 'I've done wrong, punish me!' vein, which was the complete opposite of my intention, and it is good to know that's not how it sounded in the story. I guess the one thing I do have to say about Rainbow Falls is that Derpy did get yanked around a bit, being drafted onto the team and then kicked off again, which I don't think many other stories have mentioned, from what I remember reading.
It totally did say feet, didn't it?
I noticed a couple of mouths in there too, reading it back - would you say it's ever ok to say mouths rather than muzzles for ponies? When you mention letting their expressions or gestures speak for themselves without saying what they mean, is this the kind of thing you're talking about?
Which is a good point, and now you mention it I do do that from time to time, I'll have to keep an eye on it going forward.
No problem, thank you again for such a detailed comment and your kind words
8352145
No problem! Since you asked, you can use mouths and muzzles whenever it fits. As an example of gestures indicating a character's mood, things such as blushing can show embarrassment without pointing out that the character is embarrassed, but a little extra detail doesn't hurt whenever it's necessary. It's primarily used whenever the meaning isn't clear with just the action, or if a character's thoughts or reaction can add more to the scene. As for the passage you quoted, I'd remove the part about feeling guilty, but everything else looks good. Of course, that's just my opinion. Anyway, I'm glad I could help, and I wish you the best on your future projects!
I'm a sucker for unusual character pairs, romantic or otherwise. Making one of then Best Pony only makes me more intrigued. This was a fantastic dual character study, allowing opposites to bounce off of one another in a philosophical discussion free of the accusations and recriminations others bring to this episode. Well, other than the ones Spitfire lays on herself, and who can blame her for doing so?
Also, nice touch with Coloratura in the background and setting the stage for her turnaround.
Thank you for this.
8499936 Thanks very much, that's very kind of you to say
I don't know if the two ponies have quite enough in common to become close friends, but I like to think they'd at least get on well when they did see each other. I'm working on a sequel at the moment, but have only published the first part so far, and Derpy hasn't shown up yet; I'd like to see how they're doing when they meet again a few years later.
Awesome! Really glad you got the Coloratura thing, I think you're the first person to put that together
Thank you; I am glad you liked my take on everyone's favourite mailmare, I hadn't tried writing her before.
Nice little introspective piece, shows some great insight into Spitfire and her motivations. I think you handled her character pretty well, especially after this episode. She's a fascinating character and I love learning more about her every time she shows up on screen.
I'm surprised how well her and Derpy got along, it was a neat concept and good development.
8515382 Thanks very much!
And thanks for giving it a read even after I so shamelessly messaged you to promote it
I think, in a way, Spitfire and Derpy would be so different that they wouldn't clash on much, because they'd have so little common ground to begin with. Rainbow argues with Spitfire more than she does with Fluttershy, I'd say, and I think this would be taking it even further. Like a chocolatier and cheesemaker having a chat - what each does is so different to what the other does that there's very little overlap for them to disagree on, it's just, 'Well, that's what that guy does, he seems happy, I wouldn't know much about it either way, so, cool?'
I'm rather saddened by Rarity being the least popular of the mane six, but I like the counterargument of her fanbase that she's the only one nuanced enough to have mature, realistic flaws in addition to her positive attributes. I think something similar is true with Spitfire. I really like her mostly-good-aligned status. I've even thought of her as comparable to Adagio Dazzle before; the difference being that Spitfire happens to be in a profession where competition and wanting to be adored as the best are seen as pretty much normal, rather than villainous.
Now that was nice. I am kind of annoyed at myself for not noticing that was Coloratura until Derpy gave her sage advice. I now wonder if she thinks the lyrics came to her in a dream.
Man, this was a really nice read. I don't know why I put it off so long, I guess I just wasn't in a Derpy mood
I'm still kind of lost on how the King of the Stingers fits in here
8571377 Thanks
If it helps, you weren't meant to notice, so it's good to hear that that slipped by until it was crucial. Describing a bystander's cutie mark without drawing too much attention to it (especially when Derpy's own cutie mark is left unmentioned) was tricky; I had to go back and rewrite that bit at least once as it was unclear. And then I realised that all the reference shots for Coloratura I'd been looking at were under stage lighting, where she's pretty much white, when in normal light she's a pale blue, and so I'd been describing her wrongly all along
Yep, that was pretty much my thinking with Coloratura. I don't think she'd have done anything with them in a song until it came to the personal crisis of her episode, so she might have remembered them upon waking here, then forgotten them again until she was wracking her brains to write a song expressing how she felt. Or they could have been dragged from her subconscious at that point, having lain there dormant ever since first being heard. But I really like the idea that Derpy is responsible for a song that might have sold millions of copies, and brought joy, hope, and self-acceptance to half of Equestria, and she has no idea.
8636379 Thank you, there's something about this one that's just rather pleasant
Probably that no one is allowed to be nasty to Derpy, ever. Yeah, just by virtue of its characters this one is quite different to most of my other stories. It's kind of like the Chrylestia one if both the characters were on the same side, sort of the lost villain approach from that and TSTMYLI.
Did the Christmas blog post I saw you commented on make it any clearer how they fit together? They're both prequels for Haunted Wasteland, and that's the work that binds them, but they're independent of each other as stories, just existing within the same universe (if you want them to).
8639674
Haha, yeah, I read that blog after this story, so I kind of answered my own haha. Still, I think you can list Haunted Wasteland as the sequel for both of them, if I'm not mistaken. It's probably not necessary, but that might save some confusion for future readers.
Putting two characters like this is bound to lead to unique results, it's true.
8639900 I'm not sure you can, I think it has to be one then the other for the link to work. I did originally have Haunted Wasteland linked directly to this one as a sequel, but I was concerned it put people off. I can understand not wanting to read the sequel if you haven't read the original, and I doubt this story would appeal to many siren fans (the sirens being the focus of Haunted Wasteland). So I left it off
8639977
Oh, yeah that makes sense. I guess it's the other way around, because I swear I've at least seen stories with multiple listed sequels. But regardless, there's always going to be some confusion linking multiple stories haha.
I love how you rolled in everything from the enhanced third (second?) season opening to Mane Attraction. :D
9581323 Getting Coloratura in there took a bit of wrangling, but that centrepiece statement of her song is the most Derpy thing I've ever heard, so I had to find a way
9581396
An interesting parallel to make. :D
Wow...
I can't even...
Just two ponies on a train. Talking.
And from that, one incredible story.
I was there, listening. Dust tossed into the air where the rails didn't quite match perfectly. The motes in the air, as they floated in the light of Sun. All the truck the passengers brought with them; and was that the smell of oranges here, and turnips there?
The blare of the whistle, because some tenant heifer for a nearby farm was grazing too close to the right-of-way, and paying no attention whatsoever to the big, noisy machine she's seen a thousand times before. The head, coming bolt upright, startled into a trot away from the shiny tracks, leaving the best grasses near the ballast and ties for another time...
Just talking.
Now, I know them both a little better...
10621660 Thanks, I'm glad to hear you liked it that much
This has got to be one of the most evocative comments I've ever received!
There's a danger that too high a percentage of the scenes I write are just two characters talking, but it does work wonders as a setup
10695156
Not if the two are handled properly...
Most of the time, our conversations are between two individuals. At least these two had things to say...
Well done!
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