A Place That We Call Home

Home is where the heart is. But where exactly is your heart? Is it with your family? Or is it with the person you believe to be the one?
Silver Spoon faces these questions and more as complications at home lead to her life changing forever.

Not edited by my sister but personally reviewed by a good friend of ours.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 10 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 10
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Frankie2

Frankie2 #1 · Jul 27th, 2017 · 1 · · Chapter 1 ·

I was shocked to see no Diamond Tiara tag. At first, I thought Silver Spoon would call her best friend when she got thrown out. Then I remembered who Diamond's mother was. The next family get together with the Belles is going to be one that won't soon be forgotten.
I'll keep an eye on this.

Erina Tail Yellow

Erina Tail Yellow #2 · Jul 27th, 2017 · · · Chapter 1 ·

8327307
No, it will not.

overlord-flinx

overlord-flinx #3 · Jul 27th, 2017 · 1 · · Chapter 1 ·

Very interesting. You have my attention.

Flufux

Flufux #4 · Jul 27th, 2017 · 1 · · Chapter 1 ·

I do love the premise to this, but please slow down the pacing just a tad. The grammar and spelling is fine, but the story still feels a bit rushed so far. We need to get a greater feel for these characters and events through descriptions and a general feel of what is happening, not just throw us into a scene and say 'this happened, on to the next one'.

For example, the disowning scene in the beginning could have a LOT of emotion put into it, especially from Silver Spoon's side, given how traumatising of an experience such a thing is. Here it feels a bit...underwhelming.

Now, to be fair, you haven't skipped over these things completely, and this is fairly good quality all things considered (especially compared to a lot of other stories I've read on this site), so I have faith in you!

Peachy Keen

Peachy Keen #5 · Jul 30th, 2017 · · · Chapter 1 ·

I like the premise you have set up here! I think this could make for one interesting ride. I'll be keeping on eye on this to see where it goes!

Also, just a few minor edits needed:
" It makes though. "
'sense' is missing.

"She gently lied it on top"
'laid' would be correct here.

" Sweetie Belle at the messaging app"
'looked' is missing.

Otherwise, a well made chapter with some good ideas! :D Thank you!

Erina Tail Yellow

Erina Tail Yellow #6 · Jul 30th, 2017 · · · Chapter 1 ·

8332815
thanks for the edits. I swear I am such a dunce sometimes

Peachy Keen

Peachy Keen #7 · Jul 30th, 2017 · · · Chapter 1 ·

8332892
Happens to the best of us!

Dusk Melody

Dusk Melody #8 · Sep 10th, 2017 · 1 · · Chapter 1 ·

Interesting.

I haven't seen much EG Silver Spoon and the CMC. Certainly there's nothing wrong with the spelling and grammar, so well done there. As others have noted though, it does move a little bit too fast, especially the whole disowning scene.

You could easily double it in size and explore the feelings and emotions a little more, that said though, it was easy to read and the flow was pretty good. Plus, it kinda mirrored my own experiences, so it was easy to put myself in Silver's position.

All in all, you've earned a tracking, and I look forward to more!

Peachy Keen

Peachy Keen #9 · Oct 23rd, 2017 · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

Nice chapter! Crazy that Sweetie and Silver nearly did themselves in on accident on the very first night there! That could've gone badly. Looking forward to more! Good work.