And Wash Away the Rain
"Princess Celestia?"
Celestia looked up from her book to find Princess Cadance, the newest alicorn—what delight to even think that thought!—hovering uncertainly in the door of her study.
"Call me Celestia. Or just Tia, if you like. We're family now," said Celestia with a warm smile.
Cadance ducked her head just a bit, shyly. She was still in that awkward, late-adolescent stage, all legs and hooves and uncertainty. "I guess. It sounds strange though, to just say Celestia without a title."
"You could say 'Aunty Celestia' if you need a title."
Cadance blinked at her, then suddenly smiled, her whole face lighting up with it. "Aunty Celestia. I like that."
"What brings you here today, Cadance?"
"I had a question. Maybe two questions."
Celestia nodded and beckoned to her "niece" to enter the room. Cadance had been an alicorn for less than a month now. It was hardly surprising that she might have questions. "Come, sit with me," she said with a gesture towards the second couch in the comfortably appointed room. Cadance took the offered seat, tucking her hooves up neatly beneath her as she did. Even in this awkward stage she was more graceful than many ponies. Celestia's smile covered a bittersweetness. Luna had always been more graceful than should be possible too. Even in the heat of battle, or drunk half out of her mind, her lost sister—nearly a thousand years now, so far away and yet so very close—had always been elegant and composed. Even the thing she had become had been elegant...
The princess banished that thought, as she had a thousand thousand times before.
"So. You have questions about being an alicorn, I assume?"
"Sort of. I..." Cadance frowned faintly, as if searching for words. She looked up at Celestia, sitting across from her. "Do you... see things differently from other ponies?"
Celestia's lips quirked. "I suppose I could answer that after my long life, I see things very differently indeed. The years provide a perspective that others lack, and it makes it easier to think of things in the long term, whereas most ponies tend to be very much mired in their immediate concerns. But that's not what you meant, is it?"
Cadance rolled her eyes just a little, daringly, and shook her head. "No. I mean literally, do you see things that other ponies can't see. Things that aren't really there, but are... real in a way."
"I do, yes."
"You see the glows around ponies, then?"
Celestia chuckled and shook her head. "No. I see the celestial mechanism, and the way it interacts with the primal forces of the universe. It is very rare for a pony to impinge upon that."
"Oh."
"What is it that you see, niece?"
"I see... colors, I suppose is one way to put it. Auras. Glows that surround each and every pony. They can change a little, and it seems to depend on a pony's mood, but mostly they stay the same. They have something to do with a pony's essential nature, and feelings? It's hard to put into words. I first noticed that love has a color." She smiled a little shyly. "It's the same pink as my coat, so it was easy enough to make the connection. The other colors I'm still learning."
"Ah." Celestia nodded. "You see a pony's base emotional self."
"I think so. I started seeing the glows when I got my cutie mark, but they've gotten much more clear and obvious since I became an alicorn."
"Alicorns gain a number of peculiar talents, I've found."
"Yes. But... Aunty Tia?"
"Yes?"
"You..." Cadance paused, marshaling her thoughts. "I really don't understand what I'm seeing sometimes. Many ponies surprise me, their inner natures seem to have little to do with their outer selves, but you..."
"Ah." Celestia let out a soft sigh. "My aura has a lot of black in it, doesn't it?"
Cadance blinked. "Uhm. Yes. Why...? What is it? Is something wrong? Are you alright? I expected..."
"You expected a perfect golden glow of warm, happy sunlight." Celestia smiled a little bit wryly.
Cadance shifted, folding and unfolding her wings, and glanced away from Celestia. "Well, yes?"
"I could wish it were that way. It probably was, once upon a time."
Looking back and meeting Celestia's eyes, Cadance said, "What happened?"
Celestia turned away from her and was silent for a time. Cadance said nothing, waiting. She was young yet, but she already knew this lesson. Ponies would talk or wouldn't talk, prying would accomplish nothing. But giving a pony space to speak in often drew them out.
Finally Celestia said, softly, "Family is very important to me. That's why I'm happy to have you call me your aunt. I have been without family for a very long time. But..."
"But?" The single word was careful, gentle.
"But once, almost a thousand years ago, I had a sister. I... lost her, mostly through my own inattention and carelessness. And such things seldom leave a pony unmarked."
"You miss her, even after all these years."
"Yes," said Celestia simply.
"I'm sorry."
Celestia sighed again. "So am I."
"So that's why..."
"It's what began it. The simple fact of the matter is that I am depressed. Losing my sister... I think I spent the better part of a century barely living, practically comatose with despair. Equestria can go on without me, I discovered. I wasn't sure I could go on without my sister. Eventually I did. But it changed something in me. I can never be the carefree mare I once was."
Cadance looked baffled. "You? Depressed? But you don't seem sad."
Celestia gave a little shrug. "I learned to hide it long ago, and to go on with my life in spite of it. I do what must be done. Yet I do little more. Long ago I played such wonderful games, and had such fun. With dear Luna at my side we could venture anything. Now... now I do what I must. No more, no less."
"Oh Aunty Celestia." Suddenly Celestia was wrapped in a warm, pink embrace as Cadance wrapped forelegs and wings around her. "I'm so, so sorry. You've been so sad, for so long!"
For a long time Celestia simply leaned into the embrace, gently wrapping her own forelegs around Cadance in return. After a moment she folded her wings around Cadance too, hugging the smaller alicorn close. It was good, it was so very, very good to be able to do such a simple thing as hug a pony without reservations again. There was always a space between her and her little ponies, her subjects. She always had to seem strong, to seem without sorrow or fear. But now she could simply rest her head against Cadance's shoulder, however small it might be, and let the tears flow.
"Thank you," she said when she finally leaned back from Cadance's embrace.
"I just wish I could do more."
"You have done much, niece. By simply existing you have done more than you know. I have family again. And..." She thought then of the movement of four stars. Of a prophecy. Of the centuries of careful preparations that were just now beginning to show the first signs of fruition.
"And?" Cadance tilted her head in curiosity.
Celestia smiled gently. "And if all goes well, I will have more family soon. That thought alone is enough to lift the blackness for a time. When the day comes perhaps I can finally banish it forever."
"I hope so, Aunty Tia."
"So do I, my niece. So do I."
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Trick Question · 2.2k words · 295 15 · 5.4k views
- SPark · 1.6k words · 300 10 · 5.4k views
- naturalbornderpy · 1.8k words · 1,028 12 · 12k views
- Lighthawk · 3.8k words · 430 17 · 4.9k views
- CoffeeBean · 4.5k words · 310 5 · 4.4k views
- sunnypack · 1.7k words · 289 20 · 4.3k views
- Lightwavers · 1.7k words · 11 0 · 318 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.26 seconds
Total duration
998 users online
1,905,674 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Great title :)
8322777
8322767
Thanks. It's one of my favorite songs. It doesn't really have much to do with the story, but it seemed to fit all the same.
8322779
And considering what happened with Chris and the topic of depression. Really fits.
Aww, this was beautiful. Nicely done.
Ow. Just... Nice work.
~Skeeter The Lurker
I’m guessing Chris Cornell succumbing to depression had something to do with this?
8322835
No, that was just one of those weird things. I wrote this two or three months ago, when my current slump started up again.
8322795
8322794
Thank you.
8322785
Yeah. My original working title was "Dark Sun," actually. The idea for this one popped up just today as I was getting ready to upload it.
8322846
Oh, so it ended up being incidental.
Wow. That was... yeah, I suppose this hit me hard because I've been there... many times, and for far too long. But the sad truth is that most people want you to hide it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6RD6mjiIZE
Posting this, then reading while it's playing.
Even if you know the song, listen to this cover version. It's beautiful.
8322993
Yeah. And sometimes even if you get sympathy the first time you bring it up, eventually it turns into "Are you still going on about that? Why aren't you over it yet?" As if. I've had depression for well over ten years now, it isn't going anywhere. There are just good days. Though I like to think Celestia having Luna back will make things a little easier for her. But then again, maybe it actually won't...
There's probably a sequel kicking around in that thought. Maybe next time I really need to vent about it I'll write one.
8323007
Oh yeah...
This was really sweet. Nice to focus on Celestia's relationship with Cadance, since it gets so little attention. Also, I think Cadance is the only one who could have had this conversation with Celestia, due to her special talent and the timing of when Celestia took her under her wing.
8323079
I want to write more about Cadance, she's potentially very interesting. My big epic focused on her got nerfed by the show before I'd even finished writing a chapter, though!
Aww. A nice little story! It's certainly both shocking and yet somewhat humbling to see figures you look up to be just as human (er, as pony) as the rest.
What exactly implanted this idea that we have to hide our depression from others? That's a question I've always looked for an answer, but never did.
8323136
Thanks!
.....*starts a slow clap*
The yeas provide a perspective that others lack
Uhm, do you mean years?
Apart from that, this was a nice story. I suppose Alicorns would gain all kinds of powers like aura detection. Nice story. Since I get bad days every once in a while, I can tell where Celestia is coming from.
8323136
I think a lot of the time, even the most well-meaning people just don't know how to deal with it. They don't know how to react, and they often kinda flail around and react badly. And when you're already down, it only takes a few bad reactions to make you completely unwilling to risk any more. So hiding it comes pretty naturally, pretty quickly.
8323243
There's always a typo that sneaks by, no matter how much I edit/get it edited.
A fine piece.
8323338
Thank you.
*hugs*
(The “Hugging face” emoji is far too twee, I think.)
Good story. Thanks for writing and sharing it.
8323362
Aww. Thank you.
Absolutely need this to be continued, maybe in other parts, such as Celestia first interacting with Twilight, or Celestia, Candance and Luna talking together once she's back, or even Twilight's ascension to join them as an Alicorn. Maybe even everything. Good headcannon that through all of Celestia's trials she's only a mask and with Cadance's own ascension she can help her.
This is very sweet.
I very much hope you're feeling better.
I happened to be a bit more than half way through this when my niece called to talk with me (she's 23). This story helped to remind me to try my best to listen to her better, and I like to at least hope that I helped her in some way just by doing that. Her call wasn't all about rainbows & kittens... (No worries: she's good).
Anyway, thank you for sharing this.
8323404
Aww, that's kinda adorable.
8323403
I might do more! There's certainly more to say, though I'm not sure exactly where I want it to go. Add it to the pile of projects, I always have more to write than I have time to write.
Nice fic.
Not really sure what else to say, so here's the Unsung War:
8323452
That was a pretty dang good song!
8323512
I can sing along with the whole thing. It's a great song. I'm admittedly not familiar with most of their catalog, though.
8323495
If you think that's good you should check out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhdNjzX4waA
^ Is in my opinion one of the best tracks in video game history.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZBoiW460nU
^ Although this one is a close second.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80XAJKqRU9k
And just to tie this in with MLP:
Spark, I have something very important to say. Incredibly important. World shattering importance.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/63/87/50/6387505871390dc6230949515309eaa0.jpg
I hope you feel better soon. If it keeps getting worse, talk to someone about it.
8323654
Just sometimes it helps to express things via story.
He he he. Thank you. I'm coping.
A sad fic done right! HUZZAH! Kudos to you for making such a beautiful one-shot!
-hugs- I hope you find your light SPark
8323779
8323780
Thank you.
Aww, that was a sweet story.
This is a nice story. Have a fave!
While not as badly as Celestia, I can honestly say I've been there. 10/10, made me cry.
when I first saw this stories name and chapter title i had to give it a like before reading. Now that i read it, i wish i could give it a second like.
A nice little emotional tidbit.
I understand this
Been there for a while and even more, In school I had a roommate like this.
When I started school and moved to dorm, I have seen him lying on a bed doing nothing. He didn't even respond to hello. Juust frowned and turned away.
First I thought he was just an asshole, but for nearly whole first week he just slept and every few hours got up, went out and smoked whole package of cigarettes, and then went to bed.
At friday I came feom chool and he greeted me, was all smiles, offered beer cigarette and we went ouside to talk where he spilled the beans and apologized.
He was fighting it as I've learned later on, but he was prone to these sudden bouts of depression, from hours to week straight.
So yeah, for me upvote
8323427
I know it's a completely different headcannon than what I mentioned, but maybe this could be a different AU? ... What if this blackness held too strong?... Would we see Daybreaker? I know I already commented on story, but as soon as I read your reply, it popped into my head. ^^; ...
A small, beautiful, important story. Thank you for writing this!
Beautiful. As someone who's battling Depression everyday I really do appreciate you writing this.
8323791 8323838 8323866 8323871 8323923 8324028 8324163
Thank you.
8323937
Yeah, depression can lay you out pretty flat sometimes.
8323998
Huh. That's actually a very interesting idea. Though she would probably behave differently than the Daybreaker in Starlight's nightmare. Snapping because of despair doesn't quite look the same as the sort of tyrannical "I've had enough being nice" snapping that the dream heavily implied. Though perhaps if she's manic-depressive, what we say from Daybreaker's not entirely inconsistent with mania.
Beautiful