• Member Since 22nd Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 25th, 2013

kaidanXD


E

Twilight manages to coax Rainbow Dash into going to Canterlot museum, surprising her with the treat to an exhibition all on the Wonderbolts! Spitfire gives a talk on what it means Wonderbolt, causing Rainbow Dash to leave in tears, worried for her friend Twilight investigates, and discovers what the dream of being a Wonderbolt really means to Rainbow Dash.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 13 )

This was beautiful.
Unique story and written very well in character!

damn great story. the only big thing you could do was finding a picture. let's just say that pictureless stores rarely get clics.

you earned 6 spikes :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache: and a fav. great work:pinkiehappy:

Nerver give up! Never give in! Keep attacking! YOU WILL WIN! :rainbowdetermined2:

It was a little difficult to read as the paragraphs had no space between them. Hit enter twice before each new paragraph and it will look loads better. I assume you wrote this on a word processor like microsoft which is why you never noticed this problem so as long as you fix it you should be fine.

Next, when your going through thoughts italics or quotation marks or both is most effective explain that its a thought. I got a little confused with the thoughts of the characters but anyway.

Finally, it seemed a touch rushed and a little choppy. A thing that can help that is make a new paragraph every time someone new is speaking.

Example is

Pony A walked through the garden at the local park to get a breather from a hard day work. Not paying attention she found herself running into another pony.

"Oh my I am sorry!" Pony A said frantically "I hope you are not hurt!" She worried.

"Oh no I am fine, are you alright?" asked pony B "I didn't see you there so I apologize," she smiled.

It looks really skin and bony but of course that is where Detail comes in and I was too lazy to actually write it out properly, I just wanted to explain a point.

Of course this is only my way of doing this and you may have your own personal way of doing things, so long as the story flows then it should be fine.

Also Good job.

Needs paragraphs. Not walls.

914807

Would love to answer your question, however I don't understand it. Please elaborate a little more

914882 You know, double spacing, where there a line a space between each line. It's a default word format on Microsoft Word.

915018

I don't believe it translates well here. I have that setting and it doesn't work for me but that might just be me. I just say play it safe and hit enter that one extra time.

Oh, wow. Yeah. That's impossible to read.

:yay: Thanks for comments, no longer giant wall of text either :derpytongue2: a story with a picture gets more clicks? Unless someone would like to make one, I may end up using a random picture from google :twilightblush:

I don't think this should be tagged as crossover...:unsuresweetie:

Either way well written and a great read. And the ending was hilarious :raritydespair::rainbowwild:

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