Two hundred years before the reunification of the three pony tribes, it was a curse to be born an Earth Pony. The Unicorn nobility ruthlessly taxes and subjugate them, while Pegasus marauders mercilessly raid towns and villages under the 'protection' of Pegasopolis. However, when a mysterious creature wielding ungodly powers saves a village from a Pegasus raid, the Earth Ponies finally see a way to break free of the vicious cycle and earn their freedom and equality.
Else where, a young man finds himself cast into a foreign world after an encounter with the spirit of chaos, armed with nothing but his newly bought handgun along with two magazines' worth of ammunition. However, he realized that the world he found himself in is far more complicated than he could ever imagine and that he must act to help the oppressed or forever live with a guilty conscience.
An experimental story trying to train my pacing a little, and hoping to create a HiE story with a more meaningful theme than just 'Find Mane 6 and live in Ponyville'. Big thanks to Garzeel_ for prereading! Hope you guys enjoy it! 
Warning: contains a fair amount of swearing.
Edit: Featured 4/08/17! Thank you all very much! 
Reading something out of the normal? I like it. But, I am used to humans having a sort of huge mental problem about the existence of mythical candy-colored horses. I don't usually see "Crap ponies existed, welp ok." I dunno, maybe that just me.
I dunno. I believe this is going too fast, but I could be wrong. Once a person that is teleported into the forest, now all of the sudden a hero that everypony can trust. He is a different species and might cause fear and other stuff. But hey, I'm one person. You most likely want more people's opinions on this matter.
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Good and valid points. Some, such as why his appearance was easily accepted will be explained a little bit later on, but as for the rest, I'll definitely take them into consideration. Thanks for the feedback
So a white man with a gun goes into Equestria and singlehanded saves the whole world?
8343559
Haha, no. More like bringing ideals and inspiring a single, oppressed race/species to rise up. A single handgun (with limited ammunitions) is hardly enough to defeat kingdoms.
8343584
Interesting!
Well, good luck.
8343589
Thanks
I wonder if more humans find their way to where Jason is and help destroy slavery, as an American I feel sickened by such a thing.
This is gonna be good, also, how many bullets does he have left.
8343584
Just try and make sure his intimate knowledge of the U.S. Constitution and The Declension of Independence isn't too dues ex machina.
More please
Waiiiiit... Im not trying to insult the story as i plan to read it in the future, but how did this get the featured box with only 17 likes?
8343958
No offense taken. I'm not too sure either, but I'm pretty sure a story gets into the featured box based on the amount of traffic that goes through within a certain amount of time. It first jumps into the popular stories section, and then gets bumped to the feature box. Then again, attempts to explain the machinations of our Knighty Overlord tends to end in insanity...
I would like to see more, and I wonder if this secret third ability is MAGIC!!!
8344055
Indeed, we've lost many to the mysterious ways of our lord and saviour.
MOAR!!! please?
2 mags worth of ammo? In a revolver?
There are two problems right there. Like, who packs 2 speed loads when you just got the gun, instead of a box of ammo? And if he's got a revolver, I assume it's a double action, so why did he cock it again before double-tapping the centurion?
At any rate, I look forward to seeing where you take this. Others have already raised valid concerns about the story, so I don't need to rehash them. With some work and practice I trust the pace will even out. It is a little Mary Sue-ish right now, but not really. I'll wait to see what the rest of the story has to throw at before giving that terrible judgment.
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Yeah, it's only one chapter in(if you don't count the prologue, but only freaks count the prologue as a Chapter...). Most of the games I love replaying, make me want to end myself for the first 30 minutes of the game.
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From the prologue
" A newly purchased Beretta ninety-six lay within, along with two magazines of ammunition strapped beside it."
http://www.beretta.com/en-us/96-a1/
The author seems to at least have read this page for his gun facts. Methinks the cover art was just a stylistic choice to draw readers in.
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Yeah, sorry for the misleading cover art. The 96-A1 is indeed Jason's handgun. My knowledge on firearms in general is pretty lacking as well, so please don't hesitate to point out any infuriating mistakes that I make.
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I confess to skimming over that first bit and missing the detail about which gun it was. Only 36 bullets, eh? Well, the .40 S&W is a decent cartridge.
Well excuse my initial criticism there.
Still not sure why he'd need to cock the gun if he's got an automatic. AFAIK the only ones that really require manual cocking (if one is in the chamber) is the 1911, and only if for some reason you've lowered the hammer after charging the weapon. Since an automatic only has one hammer position (rather than "2" for a double action revolver), that particular bit doesn't make much sense.But yeah, overall it's interesting. The pacing, as others have said, seems a bit rushed, but not bad enough to make me disinterested.
EDIT: Nevermind. It seems that when racked the 96A1 has a double action trigger on the cocking hammer. Not sure why you'd cock an automatic in the heat of battle, but my previous concern is hereby invalid (entirely). Carry on....
Oh man you might be the first person to have my nations Independence and ideals for the ponies hear, learn, and believe in the freedom in America.
I would actually love to see references to my nations history in the story and actually would be pretty sweet!
Also, I wonder if Equestria is just like America?
My reviews are blunt. Nothing personal meant by them, I just point out things that need to be said.
-safe to assume that the handgun is newly purchased and he hasn't learned it yet. Better hope he doesn't have any jams or has to do failure drills. The 92/96 series kinda sucks for those IMO, especially if your hands are wet, sweaty, etc.
-when he first meets Discord, you previously described the pistol as having the magazines secured outside of the pistol. So it is unloaded when he points it at Discord. Also the most useless way to carry a firearm for self defense.
A newly purchased Beretta ninety-six lay within, along with two magazines of ammunition strapped beside it.
-Your OC likely now has giardiasis or other pathogenic illness. Never drink unfiltered/unpurified water in the wilderness. That's how you die. Honestly, same thing with the berries a few sentences later. Never just randomly eat wild stuff, unless you are 100% certain of what it is. A lot of things have nearly identical versions that are toxic as hell.
Once, he even came across a small stream, and he gratefully drank his fill
-The 96A1 is not a small handgun by any measure. Pretty well identical to a 1911 size wise.
Subconsciously, patted the small handgun in his holster, an action that made him feel a little bit saner and safer.
-horrible decision. Attacking an obviously armored and armed creature at arms distance while having the advantage of reach. Personally, I'd have just not risked it and shot the pegasus. Then again, I'd probably get in trouble for cooking and eating him as well. Old habits as a big game hunter die hard.
It was then that the giant, bipedal creature she shot at before lumbered into view and smashed a rock across the back of the pegasus centurion's head.
-could be written better. Inserted a magazine and chambered a round, or if he already had a magazine in and round chambered, press checked it. (basically pulling the slide back a tiny bit to see if a round is chambered, then letting it close) The safety on the 92/96 series flips up btw. Weird and annoying IMO.
As he approached closer to the village, he unholstered his handgun, clicked on a twelve-rounds magazine and slid off the safety. His hand was trebling slightly, and he swallowed thickly as he gripped the other hand on the pistol for support. However, he noticed that his hand was shaking violently, and he put the gun away in fear of accidentally shooting himself in the foot. Then, a thought came to his mind.
-To be blunt, no. New gun, new holster, unfamiliar with it all, just a big no. 21 feet for a human is considered the 'oh shit' distance to where someone has 1.5 seconds (bare minimum) to unholster, sight, and shoot. Doable for people that know what they are doing though. Considering he's at 'smack him in the head distance,' there's no way in hell unless he's a world class shooter.
Let alone that you make him sound like a kung fu master in the next paragraph.
To his surprise he didn’t crumple to the ground. Instead, he stumbled forward and shook his head dizzily before gripping his sword in his mouth and faced Jason. Jason himself had opted to stand over the beaten mare, who no looked up at him with surprise and astonishment. The pegasus scowled and ran forward at him.
With no other choice, and adrenaline pumping through his veins, Jason pulled out his pistol and aimed at the charging pony. With a split second of hesitation, he pulled the trigger.
Die, you motherfucker.
-same thing with the Pegasus and hostage. Takes a fraction of a second to slit a throat, and far far more time than that to close the distance. A trained and pissed off soldier would be expecting that, so the pony would get killed.
-if you're hit by a sword, even just a tip that gets dragged, it's not a small wound. Knife fights are some of the most brutal wounds out there, putting gunshots to shame IMO.
Anyhow, you get my point. Good luck with the story, but it isn't for me. (no up or down votes btw)
. So is the zebra a male or female? Or both, I won't judge?
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Actually crossbows do have recoil, but they go forward instead of backward, so I absolutely derped that one up. Maybe if I just swap it out with a high powered sniper rifle no one will notice... As for my use of English, eh, I'm a Chinese who migrated to Australia and reads too much Fanfiction written by Americans.
8344458
The zebra shaman who passed by was male. Nothing too special or significant about that particular fact.
8344427
Thanks a bunch for taking the time to write this! I really appreciate it, doubly so for its neutrality. All the points you raised are fair, and I would say that I'm still quite raw at describing combat with or without guns. I'm will likely begin small edits (and small segments of rewrites) for the two chapters so I'll definitely take your points into consideration. Once again, thanks!
8344320
Well the author lives in Australia, so maybe not. And Equestria is a monarchy, something you Americans fought hard to be free from. EDIT: just read he is fascinated by America's history, sorry
"Our communities have something in common... we all serve The Saviors..."
I haven't seen a story quite like this in awhile. To be fair, I would have liked to see romance in this... You could find love through the hardships, or suffer a great tragedy... Sometimes being a romantic sucks, but that kind of decision is obviously yours to make.
All in all good start so far. I had no trouble reading or keeping up with the story so Good job!
This is one of those fics that SCREAMS "insert political stance on pony world" fic.
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That is the nerdiest way to say, "eh, sure. Why not?" I have ever heard. I love it! XD
Yeah... being cast into a primitive world of magic and talking ponies and dragons by a weird interdimensional spirit who's CLEARLY an analog of the Devil... and he decides to intervene without knowing the whole story or considering how dangerous meddling in another world's history could be.
See, the Federation has the Prime Directive for good reasons...
And frankly, you ALWAYS suspect the weird guy who flings you into another dimension of possessing an ulterior motive. I mean, this Discord isn't even TRYING to hide who or what he is! At least in other HiEs, the Discord turns humanish enough and pretends to be at least a little benevolent. No one in their right mind would listen to one word THIS Discord tells them!
Genre savvy this guy is NOT!
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Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Baltimare, Los Pegasus/Las Pegasus, Applewood
8344580 Well, it's a tribal oligarchy with two ruling classes and powerful figurehead leader who derives power from the support of the two classes (aristocracy and an almost independent military leadership)... more akin, though not identical. to Imperial Rome than a simple monarchy of the traditional European Middle-Age setting. It might be a perfect parallel for the current situation in Venezuela, though, with a rising dictator dependent on his small class of elites and the military which could easily oust him if it wished to.
I suspect Platinum would have been stabbed in the back eventually by Commander Hurricane had the whole windigo thing not happened. Platinum, "Et tu, Hurricane? Bleh! I'm dead!" Slumps over dramatically onto fainting couch.
Ok, he has one gun... probably no idea how to make one... and a very limited supply of ammo... yeah.
Also, this setup would never lead to the unification story. EVER. Consider this already a totally alt-questria.
In the original tale, the tribes gradually became more selfish and self-serving. There was no 'slavery' and 'brutality' anywhere close to this degree.
I don't know what Discord's point is in any of this, but it's abundantly clear he can't mess up the future of this Equestria since it would turn out quite different from happy pastel pony land anyway. I'm shocked these ponies even have bright colors and Cutie Marks in the first place! And they sure as HELL won't call them Cutie Marks!
What was that old saying?
'God made men, but Samuel Colt made them Equal.'
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You'd eat a clearly sapient creature?! YOU'RE HANNIBAL LECTER!! IMMA CALL THE FBI!!
8343799 And then he unloads them all into a dragon... which just smiles. Then bites him in half.
Dragon skin is basically body armor. And their internal organs are so tough they can digest DIAMOND SHARDS. A regular handgun might as well be a water pistol. Nothing less than heavy artillery would even phase them. Or Saitama. On second thought, always call in Saitama.
8345005
I think you replied to the wrong comment :/
8343799
Just going by the cover art it's a revolver with 6 bullets and it said he had 2 clips or whatever so I guess 12?
8344981
Forgot that this story was set before Princess Celestia and Luna.
Ok, this actually looks kind of interesting. Following for now.
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He said he was wielding a Beretta 96 in the 1st chapter, and a quick cursory Google search says it holds 12, assuming there are no add-ons or modified mags. From what I read, he fired 4 shots (?). Either way, just subtract that from the 36 rounds he had. Though he might be able to get someone to forge more bullets. If he can find gunpowder that is.
Edit: New info, the gun was not originally loaded, so only 24 bullets.
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Thanks
8345005
If he was smart he would go for the old aim for the soft spot strat
Great story. Hope the updates come soon
8345024
... Ok, I have GOT to ask. Is your username an actual shape, or intentional gibberish?
Ponies, Guns, Revolution! WELP PUT IN FIRESTARTER AND ENJOY IT.
Hello Mr. Engine. Just wanted to let you know, that so far, your story has potential. You've done well in creating a hook and I can truthfully say I am curious to see where your story goes. I hope you have something either planned for the story or some kind of general idea of where you want it to go. Because I wish to see you succeed, I have logged all the grammatical errors I have found and a couple of sentences that i'm unsure of but thought you should see in case they were intentional and not errors. Good luck and may you be blessed with inspiration.
Should be "in" I believe.
*I believe there was supposed to be something here at the end of the sentence but I am not sure what.
This sentence seem to have been changed but the changed words were not removed.
Pretty sure this should've been "had".
* I think you meant to add "he" before patted.