Chapter 1 - Big Iron on His Hip
The rebellion was falling apart right before Tenacity’s eyes.
She picked up a crossbow she had pried from the hooves of a dead pony and clutched it tightly to her chest. She peeked out from her position behind an upturned cart, but immediately ducked down when she thought she saw the bright red cape of a Pegasus raider.
It had been a week after they had refused the expensive ‘protection’ that Pegasopolis offered. Her village simply didn’t have enough food stores to last them through the upcoming winter, especially with the approaching Unicornia army that will surely demand ‘tribute’ as they pass through.
They had trained, and made crude spears out of farm tools and whatever else they can scrape together. The only Earth Pony who had any combat experience, a veteran of Unicornia’s war with the griffons, named Solitude had trained everypony to the best of his abilities. In hindsight, it was never enough, and stupid to think it was.
The retribution from Pegasopolis came swiftly and without warning.
What at first appeared to be a small raiding party of five or six ponies turned out to be a whole cohort of no less than thirty brutally trained and armed warriors. They swarmed over the village and took the Meeting Hall within minutes, suffering only three casualties to a dozen of the villagers. There was never really any doubt that poorly equipped villagers would suffer against Pegasopolisan legionnaires, but even they didn’t imagine how hopeless the odds were.
The building was ransacked after its defenders were killed, and the Pegasi set fire to its roof, burning any injured earth ponies within alive. Coldly, Tenacity acknowledged the cruel efficiency of it all, and she shivered when she remembered the terror the action had inspired..
Fighting from there onwards were spread across remaining pockets of resistance. In fact, it was less of a fight and became more of a deadly struggle to survive against the onslaught of the trained formations of pegasi. Tenacity felt tempted to sneer as she remembered a Pegasopolis representative telling them that the raiders had nothing to do with Pegasopolis’ legionnaires. It was a laughable lie, especially now, but there was still nothing they could do about it. They could be told that the heavens were pitch black and they would have to believe it.
Tenacity, being the curious mare she was, had heard stories of what happened to other villages who dared to rise up against the Pegasi. All the able stallions would be killed, with only a few left to work the farmlands. The mares that could work the fields would remain with them, but the rest would be taken to Pegasopolis, to be sold to rich families or even Unicornia nobility.
Those villages usually didn’t survive the next winter.
Tenacity don’t want her village to become one of them.
She didn’t want to be sold into slavery.
It was during this increasingly depressing line of thought that Tenacity saw something large and bipedal break through the tree lines beyond the village, and for a second her childhood stories of monsters came rushing through her mind.
Panicking and without taking a good look, she hastily loaded in one of her only two crossbow bolts and fired it at the monster that skulked out of the forest. The bolt flew off sharply towards its direction, but Tenacity didn’t prepare for the recoil and fell backwards from the unturned cart. When she got up again, the creature she had seen had disappeared. Sitting back down, she silently berated herself.
Stupid mare, and you just lost one bolt! And what if a pegasus saw that-
“Yaaarghhh!” Tenacity instinctively flinched as she heard the pegasus war cry, and reloaded the last bolt she had into her crossbow as fast as her hooves could work. When loaded, she held it in front of her, ready to fire if somepony charged at her. When no raider did, she realized that the sound had come from behind the cart. Slowly, she attempted a small peek over her hiding position.
A stallion – no more than a colt really – armed with what looked like a pitchfork stood against a maliciously grinning marauder. Standing behind him was another filly with a pale cyan coat and red mane, though Tenacity could not see much more than that from her positions.
“Don’t you dare lay a single hoof on her, pegasus!” shouted the colt courageously. The pegasus replied something in kind in Pegasopolisan and unsheathed his own blade, a pegasus shortsword. With a cry, the colt charged forward straight for the warrior, but was easily parried and knocked to the ground. He got up again, but the pegasus was already within attacking range.
The colt looked down vacantly, almost in slow motion, as the pegasus’ shortsword entered and left his abdomen, before collapsing onto the ground, dead.
The filly beside him rose up, who Tenacity recognized as Rose Scent now that she can see her face, and ran over to the fallen colt screaming and crying. The pegasus legionnaire snorted at the sight as he turned his focus elsewhere. Rose Scent, with tear stained face, glared at the back of the soldier’s helmet. She galloped over to one of the semi-collapsed houses, and picked up a heavy-looking wooden plank. Then, she used all her strength to slam the wooden plank against the Pegasopolisan raider’s back.
Tenacity gasped in horror as the raider stumbled forward, but didn’t seem to suffer any more than that, and turned around with his sword unsheathed. With one flying leap, the soldier knocked the filly down painfully, followed by a sickening crack and her agonized screaming. The pegasus raised his shortsword and prepared to swipe it downwards for the final blow.
Tenacity looked at the scene with a horrified expression.
He’s going to kill her! I need to something NOW!
She glanced at her crossbow, and remembered the bolt still loaded within it. Taking a deep breath, she propped it onto the sideways cart and took aim at the pegasus, adjusting herself better this time so that she won’t be knocked over when she fired. Suddenly, she remembered a piece of advice that Solitude had told her:
Don’t aim for their heads. It’s far too small of a target to hit consistently. Instead, aim for their chest, or even better, their backs and wings.
With a sharp twang, the bolt flew across the air and buried itself into the pegasus’ chest straight through the leather armour just before he lowered his blade on Rose Scent. Gurgling slightly, the raider dropped dead on the spot. Tenacity felt sudden overwhelming sense of relief and elation that she had succeeded. Then, the implication of she did rammed into her like an earth pony cart at full speed.
Holy crap, I just killed somepony. I JUST KILLED SOMEPONY! I’m going to Tartarus forever, I mean sure it was a murderous pegasus, but I just… I just killed him!
In her hyperventilative state, she didn’t notice another pegasus approaching her now compromised position until it was far too late. With a sudden gasp, she realized that another pegasus had almost reached her. This one, though, was different from the others. He was dressed in actual metal armour with red insignias imprinted upon them and helmet with a bright, crimson crest.
Before she could react, the pegasus leaped forward and grappled her through the air, before slamming her into the ground. She wheezed as the air was suddenly knocked out of her, and she could taste blood in her mouth. At such a close range, the coldness in the pegasus’ eyes was as apparent as the bright untainted day. With a chill, she further realized that she wasn’t just dealing with a normal warrior, but one of the officers of the pegasus Legion – a Centurion.
Then, surprisingly, the pegasus centurion spoke in her native language.
“That was one of my better legionnaires. You’ll suffer for this, girl,” he said calmly, as if discussing something as casual as the weather. Then he grinned and said something completely different, though this time she didn’t understand him.
So my death isn’t going to be quick, then, thought Tenacity sullenly.
She accepted her death with a grimace, because she knew that this uprising, like so many others across the land, had failed. The pegasus raider, though, wasn’t entirely content on just killing her, and battered into her already bruised sides again and again, sneering at her in Pegasopolisan while he did so. A particularly hard kick caused her to cry out in agonizing pain, and tears finally broke the dam, dripping down the sides of her face. A single, tragic thought ran through her mind.
I’m going to die here, beaten to death on the streets of my village.
It was then that the giant, bipedal creature she shot at before lumbered into view and smashed a rock across the back of the pegasus centurion's head.
“This is stupid, Jason. How do you even tell who’s the bad guys, and who’s not?” muttered Jason to himself with a frown. “What if all of them are the bloody bad guys.”
As he approached closer to the village, he unholstered his handgun and clicked on a twelve-rounds magazine. His hand was trebling slightly, and he swallowed thickly as he gripped the other hand on the pistol for support. However, he noticed that his hand was shaking violently, and he was tempted to put the gun away in fear of accidentally shooting himself in the foot. Sure, he had taken gun lessons, but he felt way too jumpy. That never goes well with guns.
Then, a sudden, terrifying thought came to his mind.
I really hope these guys doesn’t have bullet proof armour.
He sucked in a deep breath, and let it out slowly, letting go of the anxious thoughts.
“You can do this, Jason. Just get the girl, in and out. Simple as that,” he said to himself.
The first thing he noticed when he entered the proximity of the village, was the smell. Never before was there such a revolting stench. It was a burnt coppery scent that wafted everywhere he went, and as he started to traverse empty streets, its cause became pretty obvious.
Bodies of ponies, maybe up to dozens of them, lay on the cobblestone roads. There was no one there to move them, and it was clear that whatever fighting there was here had already concluded. Jason also noted that the bodies mostly belonged to the non-winged ponies, and that he only came across four or five pegasus, maybe even less than that. As he saw more and more bodies, his pace quickened.
This is fucked up. Why the hell did I even come here in the first place? Oh, that’s right. The girl.
He jogged further, heading towards what seems to be the centre of the town, and where the smoke stack he saw before had come from. On his way, he finally came into contact with a living pony.
This was one of the armoured pegasus in front of him, chasing what looked like a harmless civilian. As Jason got closer, he could see that the pony was completely unarmed, and it was clear that the pegasus was going to kill the pony.
“Hey stop!” called out Jason instinctively at the pegasus. The pegasus turned around and upon seeing him immediately rushed towards him with a weirdly shaped dagger (or was it a sword?) gripped within his mouth.
Great, at least I’ve found the bad guy.
The added adrenaline forced Jason into action. He raised his pistol and pulled the trigger, but nothing came out of the gun. It took a fraction of a second for him to realize that the safety was still on, and in his panicked and rather sweaty state, he dropped the gun. With the pony almost within range, he divided to the side, and a moment later a blade cut through where he was.
He stumbled over, and his hand felt something long on the ground. Desperate for anything to defend himself with, raised it up in front of him just in time to block the hostile pony’s sword. It was a spear that he had picked up, and he thanked whatever mysterious force out there that was helping him. Jason raised the spear horizontally to block the second hit, but the warrior pony had learned and went low to slash at him. Jason backpedalled quickly, holding his spear in front of him in a somewhat defensive style.
Shit, I can’t last long in a fight with a trained fighter, pony or not. I need to end it as soon as I can.
The pony stepped back as well, as if to assess Jason’s threat level. They began a circulatory rotation, keeping each other at the same distance. Jason tried to feint, but the pegasus saw through it and lunged towards him at the direction he wanted to go. The two clashed into one another, with Jason trying to keep the sharp looking sword as far away from him as possible.
Eventually, Jason managed to kick the pony away with his superior strength, and he took the temporary advantage he had. With as much strength as he could muster, Jason smashed the blunt end of the spear, into the back of the pegasus’ head. The pony slumped onto the ground, unconscious. The sword clattered harmlessly to the ground.
He panted heavily, trying to regain his breath as his heart performed a circus act within him. He knelt down and retrieved to his handgun, and clicked off the safety. He checked the magazine loaded within and made sure that everything was in working condition.
Fuck me, I almost got myself killed by this.
Calming down slightly, he studied the pegasus he had knocked unconscious. Curiously, he saw that the pony was dressed in leather armour with small plates of metal that protected their legs along with a metal helmet. He poked at them and made certain that they were, in fact, made out of those materials.
Hell, these guys almost look like the Roman Legion.
Shaking his head at the thought, Jason left him for the other non-winged ponies to deal with, and hurried on his way to find where the scream had come from before.
Come on, come on. Where is she?
As Jason found more and more villagers, a sneaking suspicion began to worm into his mind. It was clear that there were two distinct genders of ponies just like the ones of Earth; mares and stallions. What if the scream he had heard before had, in fact, come from a pony?
He tried to approach one of the villagers, a mare (he could tell from the features of her face and body build), but it, or she Jason supposed, backed away quickly looking rather terrified. Jason sighed as he trudged onwards. Soon, though, he came across another scene, one that made him feel sick in the stomach.
A young mare was sobbing and crying while a pegasus, this one whose armour was distinctly styled like the Roman Legion, was beating the life out of her. Even at his distance, Jason could hear the meaty slams of hooves on flesh.
“…suffer for this. Or maybe I’ll keep you alive, so my boys can use you to their liking after they raze the village and kill every, single, bloody earth pony.”
The words had a weird accent to them, but Jason completely understood what he meant. His eyes narrowed and fists tightened in anger, and he regretted not grabbing the dropped sword from the other pegasus, though it was too late now to do anything about that.
The god damned bastard. Shit eating people like him exists everywhere, it seems. Except this time, I can actually do something about it. He glanced at the helmet and armour, before glancing to his pistol. The bullet might not penetrate deep enough unless I shoot him from the front. Unless…
Jason quietly ran over to a big rock he saw at a nearby rubble and lifted it up. After making sure there were no other pegasi nearby, Jason sneaked up on the pegasus stallion – based on build and voice – and slammed the heavy rock into the back of its – or his, as Jason kept reminding himself – head.
To his surprise he didn’t crumple to the ground. Instead, he stumbled forward and shook his head dizzily before gripping his sword in his mouth and faced Jason. Jason himself had opted to stand over the beaten mare, who no looked up at him with surprise and astonishment. The pegasus scowled and ran forward at him.
With no other choice, and adrenaline pumping through his veins, Jason pulled out his pistol and aimed with both hands at the charging pony. He lined the sight with the forehead of the pony and pulled the trigger.
Die in hell, motherfucker.
The muzzle of the gun flashed brightly and a loud, thunderous clap rang out. For a moment, all sounds of activities within his hearing range stopped and was instead replaced by an odd silence. The abused mare lying near him looked at him with fear, shock and awe? Even the pegasus leader himself looked in bewilderment, before glancing down to see the new hole adorning his chest. He took one more step forward, before stumbling and face planted into the ground, unmoving.
It was then that a trio of pegasi saw him and the dead pegasus, who all must have followed the sound. The lead pegasus of the three shouted at him in rage.
“You’ll pay for this, vile beast! You two, get reinforcements and tell them that the centurion has been defeated!” The two pegasus nodded and flew off, with the one who spoke shooting up high into the sky. Then came a loud shout.
“AD HONOREM!”
And out of nowhere, the pegasus appeared and struck Jason with the full force of his body.
Oh crap, I forgot these guys can fly.
Jason whirled around as the pegasus thrust forward with his sword. They met in a clash, and several times Jason felt a glancing cut on his cheek or arms. Luckily all of them were flesh damage, and he chalked it up to his ridiculously good luck that he hadn’t been disembowelled. He landed hits himself as well, with his fists, elbows and knees pummelling his opponent furiously while keeping the lethal weapon away from him at all times.
When he knocked away the pegasus soldier again, he felt a sharp, stinging pain in his sides. He briefly glanced downwards and saw a cut that ripped his jacket and shirt, biting into his flesh. He grimaced as he turned his attention back to his attacker.
That’s going to leave a nasty scar… and hurt like a bitch soon.
He was surprised, though, to see that he did more damage to the pony than he had thought. What happened next, though, was completely unexpected. When Jason advanced on him, the pegasus retreated and flew over to the mare Jason had saved, pointing his blade at her.
“Move and she dies,” declared the pegasus, miming the blade against the cress of her neck in a slicing motion. The mare had tears running freely, and she gasped in pain when he pressed against her harder. She clearly thought that she was going to die, then and there.
Looking at the sobbing mare, something snapped within Jason.
Not today.
Moving like lightning, he leapt at the pegasus with a snarl. The pegasus, too surprised to anticipate the move, went along with Jason’s momentum as he took him to the ground, far away from the injured pony. A hard elbow across the face abruptly stopped the pegasus from rising up. Pinning the pegasus with his knees, he cocked the pistol and fired two consecutive rounds into the creature’s head, splattering blood onto his clothes.
The bloodlust still roared in Jason’s ears, and when he stood up he saw that what looks like the remaining pegasus were all collected some distance away, completely stock still in disbelief. If he had a mirror at that moment in time, he would see wild, hungry eyes staring straight back at him.
Standing over the dead body of the shot pegasus, Jason raised the gun into the air and fired one last time into the air at the pegasi. The shot went wide, but served its purpose in intimidating the pegasi, who scrambling moved away from where he was aiming at. He sucked in a huge breath, and shouted at the top of his lungs.
“My name is Jason Faust, and this village is now under my protection! YOU, AND YOUR KIND WILL LEARN TO FEAR ME!”
Holy shit, that was way louder than I thought it would be.
The voice literally sounded as if it could bring down the very heavens themselves, and the pegasi collectively lost any and all motivation to keep attacking. Without fanfare, they fled with their tails between their legs. He took a few seconds of silence to rebalance his heavy breathing, before he turned back to the frozen non-winged pony onlookers with a triumphant grin.
Well, that turned out better than I- Ow, ow ow ow OUCH!
The adrenaline that had kept Jason going had finally stopped flowing through him, and immediately he felt the pain flow over his body like a tidal wave. His chest wheezed as he felt the pain of what was likely a broken rib or two, as well as numerous cuts and bruises he had.
Ah fuck, that hurts like a bitch!
“That cut looks deep. Are you okay?” asked the mare that he had saved earlier as she limped towards him, wetness still on her face. Now that he had time to observe her, he saw that she had a clear with a sky-blue coat and charcoal and ruby coloured mane, definitely not staple colours for horses or ponies back on earth. Compared to the pegasus soldier he had knocked out, her figure was much slimmer and curved, with her facial features softer and gentler as well.
However, the question caused Jason raised an eyebrow. Shouldn’t you be more worried about yourself? However, the sharp red-hot pain that shot up from his sides suggested that she might have a point. Still, though, he shook his head and he replied to her.
“Yes, I’m fine. Just some bruises and cuts is all.” The mare frowned, and then shook her head and pointed to her ears to signal that she didn’t understand him. Jason frowned as well as he thought what he did wrong.
Huh, damn. Alright, let’s try again. I sure hope that Discord didn’t fuck up one of his ‘gifts’.
This time, he recalled the sound of her talking, and tried to imagine him doing the same, using her dialect. Instantly, he felt some sort of understanding between English and the new language, the name of which roughly translated to ‘Common Earth Speech’, or just Common Speak. Clearing his throat, he drew the attention of the mare and tried again.
“Thank you, but I’m fine,” said Jason smoothly in a completely and utterly foreign dialect, with only slight stutters due to his current condition. He imagined this was what it felt like to be one of the ‘bullshit pros’ you see on comedy skits. The mare gasped in surprise and then words came rambling out of her.
“You can speak common?! Stars, I have so many questions! What are you? How come I’ve never heard of you before? Where do you come from? Oh, oh! What are those strange clothes on you? Why do you have so little fur? What was that thing you did before and how did you use it to defeat the pegasus centurion?”
Suddenly feeling overwhelmed, Jason took a step back while making what he hoped was a placating gesture with his hands. After he was sure she wouldn’t bombard him with any more questions, he looked at all the destruction in the village, and the dead ponies that were being carted off by solemn looking ponies. Those who weren’t solemnly mourning were looking at him, some with fear and trepidation while others with awe and gratitude.
“Why did all this happen?” asked Jason, though he regretted the question a little when he saw the slightly pained look on the mare’s face. Jason quickly apologized. “I’m sorry for bringing it up, it must be painful.”
“No, no, it’s fine. After all, the worst of it is over for now. Those who attacked the village were part of Pegasopolis’ army – The Pegasi Legion-”
Aha! I knew these guys looked like ancient Romans, thought Jason, though he didn’t say it out loud.
“-and they raided us because we refused to pay the remains of our food stock to Pegasopolis for protection. Not that it had stopped the raids even when we had it before.” The last part the mare had said with acid and bitterness, and Jason could understand grimly. It was extortion and murder on a massive scale.
“Well, I’m glad I was here to help,” said Jason with a smile, prompting the pony to look up. “Name’s Jason. Jason Faust.”
The mare brightened and extended her hoof.
“My name is Tenacity Blues.”
Jason hesitated at the outstretched hoof for a slight moment, before shrugging and balling his hand up into a fist and bumped it as if giving her a knuckle. Tenacity looked slightly confused for a split second, and then retracted her hoof, giggling. Jason almost felt a little light-headed at the sight.
These ponies are strangely adorable, despite the horrible bloodshed.
“Come on, let’s get out of the open. You can come to my house, and I’ll make sure we don’t get an infection,” said Tenacity, motioning for Jason to follow her.
“Sounds like a plan to me,” he said, though frowned worriedly when he saw that she still had a slight limp and wheezed slightly when she walked too fast.
I sure hope she hadn’t been hurt too seriously. I like her, thought Jason.
Soon, they stopped at a small cottage not far from where they were before. Tenacity opened the door casually and stepped through, motioning him to do the same. Once inside, it was quite packed, with shelves of weird objects and in some cases, glasses of dubious liquids.
They settled down in the living area, and almost as if sensing Jason’s unspoken question, she explained the multitude of bizarre objects.
“Years ago, when a Zebra shaman passed through our village, I studied under her for a while in medicine and herbs. Many of these were left by him as a souvenir, or were made by myself,” she said matter-of-factly and went to retrieve a bowl of water along with a small, white cloth. “Here, if you want wash the blood off yourself.”
Jason accepted them gratefully and dabbed the cloth in water before slowly wiping off blood from his face and as much of it from his clothes as well. He watched with interest as the mare took a bottle of pale green cream and tipped some onto her hoof. Then, she began to ease it into her coat, over where her injuries were. She gave a slight hiss of pain, but it was so brief that Jason almost thought it was his imagination. For the seriousness of her bruises, it was quite impressive.
She definitely isn’t some delicate flower, that’s for sure.
“Come near me so I can dress your wounds,” she instructed, and Jason complied. He took out an offered stool that was a little too small for him, and sat down heavily. He took off his jacked and shirt, drawing a curious glance from Tenacity. When he looked at his bare torso though, Jason started in surprise. The muscles on him were way more pronounced than they ever were no matter how hard he worked out.
I wasn’t exactly unfit but when did I get this muscular? Maybe Discord did something to make me buff? Or maybe those berries I ate had steroids in them?
“Wow, um, is your species always so muscular? And furless?” asked Tenacity. Jason felt his face heat up a bit and he shook his head no. A small ‘Oh’ was her reply. Jason couldn’t tell whether that was a good thing or bad thing. He chose to believe it was the former.
For a hooved creature, Tenacity worked with surprising dexterity, cleaning the cut carefully before applying the mixed cream she had used on herself. Almost instantly, a coolness settled over the pain and Jason let out a sigh of relief. She took some bandage like materials and wrapped it around his wound, further pressing the soothing cream into his skin.
His tranquillity, however, did not last long as the door to the cottage burst open and a olive coloured pony stumbled inside.
“Tenacity! Are you in here? I heard from ponies that-” The olive mare coloured mare stopped and stood stock still in the open doorway, gawking at Jason, who suddenly had the strongest urge to dress himself (and he did). Luckily, though, the mare continued what she was about to say, albeit a little shakier. “T-The new village elder has an announcement to make.”
Tenacity stood up immediately.
“Amber, what do you mean the new elder? What happened to Anvil Horseshoe?” The downcast look on the mare named Amber was clear enough for even Jason to understand.
“Alright, let’s go,” said Tenacity, and she beckoned for me to follow her as well. The other mare, though, looked confused.
“You’re taking…uh, i- I mean, um…” Jason was extremely amused by the mare’s efforts to call him something without offending him, and at last he ended her awkward suffering.
“Him. I’m a he,” said Jason as he pulled his shirt over his head.
“You can speak- I mean right, uh, thank you, I suppose? Tenacity, you’re taking him to the announcement? You might start a panic if other ponies saw him!” Tenacity shrugged in response and packed up her medical tools.
“So what? Enough ponies had seen him during the fight anyways, especially when he drove off the pegasi.”
“Oh! You’re the one who saved the village! I’ve heard about you, but I… well, I didn’t realize! It’s such an honour to meet you!” Jason nodded, a little flattered as well as confused. He held out his fist to bump her bump her hoof like he did with Tenacity, but the mare instead wrapped him in an embrace. When she parted, she timidly said “Thank you.”
Oookay, that’s sort of weird. Do heroes around here get a free-hugs status or something?
Jason followed the two mares, and saw that many others were also heading towards what he assumed was the village centre. When they arrived, a big crowd of perhaps up to a hundred ponies were already there. At the very front was a small elevated wooden stage, with a raised podium upon which stood a mare with a silver coat and hazel-coloured mane.
“Ponies of Spring Edge, I have an announcement to make!” she called out.
The crowd became silent as all eyes fell upon her, who Jason assumed must be their town mayor or something equivalent to that.
“The late Elder Seed had unfortunately passed away during the intense fighting at the Meeting Hall, along with many other senior councillors. Therefore, the handle of responsibility for this town now falls to me, Hearty Spirit. Today, we were too close to the precipice of destruction under the cruel hooves of the pegasi, but no more! From now on, I’m taking a stand, and we will stand against the oppressions of both the unicorns and pegasi!”
At this sudden announcement, both excited and concerned murmurs started to spread on like wildfire. When they were all gently shushed, the pony Elder went on to list the feats of heroism (that more often than not sounded like pure luck or desperation to Jason) that defeated a few pegasi. During the speech, many eyes had also fallen on Jason, as no doubt rumours had begun to circulate about who he was and what he did. Some fell upon Tenacity as well, who had opted to sit next to him through the entire thing. At last, the mare’s speech began to wind down, and Jason regained his focus.
“And finally, when we were beaten down and at our weakest, the gods themselves sent us a saviour that drove away the pegasi. His name, is Jason Faust!” exclaimed Hearty, pointing a silver hoof straight at Jason. He froze at the mention of his name, but was even more shocked by what followed.
A loud applause and cheer went out, from ponies hollering excitedly and stomping their hooves on the ground. Even Tenacity was joining in, looking absolutely elated all the while. Several ponies had started to chant ‘Jason’, and others quickly joined in.
How the hell did she even know my name? I wasn’t exactly spouting it around before-
“My name is Jason Faust, and YOU, AND YOUR KIND WILL LEARN TO FEAR ME!”
Ok, so that’s not exactly true, but still…
Before he knew it, Jason was bodily lifted by several earth ponies as he essentially crowd surfed to where the new Elder was standing at. He looked back at Tenacity with pleading face, but the traitorous mare just stuck her tongue out at him.
“And now, he will give us some words.”
Hearty Spirit swung around, and gave him what he swore was a flirtatious wink before she hopped off the makeshift stage and mingled in with the crowd.
Suddenly in the spotlight, Jason froze. He looked over the crowds at all their expectant faces, and paled even further when he saw that Tenacity’s was among them, if not the leading force. He struggled to resist the temptation to find Hearty and glare at her.
Screw you woman, what the hell am I supposed to say? They’re all expecting me to say something profound, aren’t they? Then another thought interrupted rudely. Am I going to say anything profound?
Once again, Jason looked over the mass of ponies with hopeful smiles on their face. He swallowed thickly. How was he going to tell them that he only happened by due to pure chance and a certain bastard? That he was not their godsend and only salvation?
Do you have to escape from everything, Jason? These ponies, no, these people need hope after being denied it for so long. Hope that you can provide them!
Sighing a little on the inside, he cleared his throat and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they shimmered intensely, bright enough to pierce the hearts and minds of all the ponies watching. He strained to remember the Declaration of Independence he had studied during high school, and when the first trickling of his memories started to flow, he silently smiled.
Alright, I think I can work with this.
Turning his attention back to the ponies, he started to speak with as much clarity and confidence as he could, with the only sign of nervousness being a small, almost unnoticeable quiver in his voice.
“Where I come from, we have a saying: That all beings are created equal. They are bestowed upon by their Creator with a certain set of inalienable rights; among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness…”
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I dunno. I believe this is going too fast, but I could be wrong. Once a person that is teleported into the forest, now all of the sudden a hero that everypony can trust. He is a different species and might cause fear and other stuff. But hey, I'm one person. You most likely want more people's opinions on this matter.
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8343520
Good and valid points. Some, such as why his appearance was easily accepted will be explained a little bit later on, but as for the rest, I'll definitely take them into consideration. Thanks for the feedback
So a white man with a gun goes into Equestria and singlehanded saves the whole world?
8343559
Haha, no. More like bringing ideals and inspiring a single, oppressed race/species to rise up. A single handgun (with limited ammunitions) is hardly enough to defeat kingdoms.
8343584
Interesting!
Well, good luck.
8343589
Thanks
I wonder if more humans find their way to where Jason is and help destroy slavery, as an American I feel sickened by such a thing.
This is gonna be good, also, how many bullets does he have left.
8343584
Just try and make sure his intimate knowledge of the U.S. Constitution and The Declension of Independence isn't too dues ex machina.
More please
Waiiiiit... Im not trying to insult the story as i plan to read it in the future, but how did this get the featured box with only 17 likes?
8343958
No offense taken. I'm not too sure either, but I'm pretty sure a story gets into the featured box based on the amount of traffic that goes through within a certain amount of time. It first jumps into the popular stories section, and then gets bumped to the feature box. Then again, attempts to explain the machinations of our Knighty Overlord tends to end in insanity...
8344055
Indeed, we've lost many to the mysterious ways of our lord and saviour.
MOAR!!! please?
2 mags worth of ammo? In a revolver?
There are two problems right there. Like, who packs 2 speed loads when you just got the gun, instead of a box of ammo? And if he's got a revolver, I assume it's a double action, so why did he cock it again before double-tapping the centurion?
At any rate, I look forward to seeing where you take this. Others have already raised valid concerns about the story, so I don't need to rehash them. With some work and practice I trust the pace will even out. It is a little Mary Sue-ish right now, but not really. I'll wait to see what the rest of the story has to throw at before giving that terrible judgment.
8344180
Yeah, it's only one chapter in(if you don't count the prologue, but only freaks count the prologue as a Chapter...). Most of the games I love replaying, make me want to end myself for the first 30 minutes of the game.
8344180
From the prologue
" A newly purchased Beretta ninety-six lay within, along with two magazines of ammunition strapped beside it."
http://www.beretta.com/en-us/96-a1/
The author seems to at least have read this page for his gun facts. Methinks the cover art was just a stylistic choice to draw readers in.
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8344201
Yeah, sorry for the misleading cover art. The 96-A1 is indeed Jason's handgun. My knowledge on firearms in general is pretty lacking as well, so please don't hesitate to point out any infuriating mistakes that I make.
8344201
I confess to skimming over that first bit and missing the detail about which gun it was. Only 36 bullets, eh? Well, the .40 S&W is a decent cartridge.
Well excuse my initial criticism there.
Still not sure why he'd need to cock the gun if he's got an automatic. AFAIK the only ones that really require manual cocking (if one is in the chamber) is the 1911, and only if for some reason you've lowered the hammer after charging the weapon. Since an automatic only has one hammer position (rather than "2" for a double action revolver), that particular bit doesn't make much sense.But yeah, overall it's interesting. The pacing, as others have said, seems a bit rushed, but not bad enough to make me disinterested.
EDIT: Nevermind. It seems that when racked the 96A1 has a double action trigger on the cocking hammer. Not sure why you'd cock an automatic in the heat of battle, but my previous concern is hereby invalid (entirely). Carry on....
Oh man you might be the first person to have my nations Independence and ideals for the ponies hear, learn, and believe in the freedom in America.
I would actually love to see references to my nations history in the story and actually would be pretty sweet!
Also, I wonder if Equestria is just like America?
My reviews are blunt. Nothing personal meant by them, I just point out things that need to be said.
-safe to assume that the handgun is newly purchased and he hasn't learned it yet. Better hope he doesn't have any jams or has to do failure drills. The 92/96 series kinda sucks for those IMO, especially if your hands are wet, sweaty, etc.
-when he first meets Discord, you previously described the pistol as having the magazines secured outside of the pistol. So it is unloaded when he points it at Discord. Also the most useless way to carry a firearm for self defense.
A newly purchased Beretta ninety-six lay within, along with two magazines of ammunition strapped beside it.
-Your OC likely now has giardiasis or other pathogenic illness. Never drink unfiltered/unpurified water in the wilderness. That's how you die. Honestly, same thing with the berries a few sentences later. Never just randomly eat wild stuff, unless you are 100% certain of what it is. A lot of things have nearly identical versions that are toxic as hell.
Once, he even came across a small stream, and he gratefully drank his fill
-The 96A1 is not a small handgun by any measure. Pretty well identical to a 1911 size wise.
Subconsciously, patted the small handgun in his holster, an action that made him feel a little bit saner and safer.
-horrible decision. Attacking an obviously armored and armed creature at arms distance while having the advantage of reach. Personally, I'd have just not risked it and shot the pegasus. Then again, I'd probably get in trouble for cooking and eating him as well. Old habits as a big game hunter die hard.
It was then that the giant, bipedal creature she shot at before lumbered into view and smashed a rock across the back of the pegasus centurion's head.
-could be written better. Inserted a magazine and chambered a round, or if he already had a magazine in and round chambered, press checked it. (basically pulling the slide back a tiny bit to see if a round is chambered, then letting it close) The safety on the 92/96 series flips up btw. Weird and annoying IMO.
As he approached closer to the village, he unholstered his handgun, clicked on a twelve-rounds magazine and slid off the safety. His hand was trebling slightly, and he swallowed thickly as he gripped the other hand on the pistol for support. However, he noticed that his hand was shaking violently, and he put the gun away in fear of accidentally shooting himself in the foot. Then, a thought came to his mind.
-To be blunt, no. New gun, new holster, unfamiliar with it all, just a big no. 21 feet for a human is considered the 'oh shit' distance to where someone has 1.5 seconds (bare minimum) to unholster, sight, and shoot. Doable for people that know what they are doing though. Considering he's at 'smack him in the head distance,' there's no way in hell unless he's a world class shooter.
Let alone that you make him sound like a kung fu master in the next paragraph.
To his surprise he didn’t crumple to the ground. Instead, he stumbled forward and shook his head dizzily before gripping his sword in his mouth and faced Jason. Jason himself had opted to stand over the beaten mare, who no looked up at him with surprise and astonishment. The pegasus scowled and ran forward at him.
With no other choice, and adrenaline pumping through his veins, Jason pulled out his pistol and aimed at the charging pony. With a split second of hesitation, he pulled the trigger.
Die, you motherfucker.
-same thing with the Pegasus and hostage. Takes a fraction of a second to slit a throat, and far far more time than that to close the distance. A trained and pissed off soldier would be expecting that, so the pony would get killed.
-if you're hit by a sword, even just a tip that gets dragged, it's not a small wound. Knife fights are some of the most brutal wounds out there, putting gunshots to shame IMO.
Anyhow, you get my point. Good luck with the story, but it isn't for me. (no up or down votes btw)
. So is the zebra a male or female? Or both, I won't judge?
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8344489
Actually crossbows do have recoil, but they go forward instead of backward, so I absolutely derped that one up. Maybe if I just swap it out with a high powered sniper rifle no one will notice... As for my use of English, eh, I'm a Chinese who migrated to Australia and reads too much Fanfiction written by Americans.
8344458
The zebra shaman who passed by was male. Nothing too special or significant about that particular fact.
8344427
Thanks a bunch for taking the time to write this! I really appreciate it, doubly so for its neutrality. All the points you raised are fair, and I would say that I'm still quite raw at describing combat with or without guns. I'm will likely begin small edits (and small segments of rewrites) for the two chapters so I'll definitely take your points into consideration. Once again, thanks!
8344320
Well the author lives in Australia, so maybe not. And Equestria is a monarchy, something you Americans fought hard to be free from. EDIT: just read he is fascinated by America's history, sorry
"Our communities have something in common... we all serve The Saviors..."
I haven't seen a story quite like this in awhile. To be fair, I would have liked to see romance in this... You could find love through the hardships, or suffer a great tragedy... Sometimes being a romantic sucks, but that kind of decision is obviously yours to make.
All in all good start so far. I had no trouble reading or keeping up with the story so Good job!
This is one of those fics that SCREAMS "insert political stance on pony world" fic.
8344555
That is the nerdiest way to say, "eh, sure. Why not?" I have ever heard. I love it! XD
Yeah... being cast into a primitive world of magic and talking ponies and dragons by a weird interdimensional spirit who's CLEARLY an analog of the Devil... and he decides to intervene without knowing the whole story or considering how dangerous meddling in another world's history could be.
See, the Federation has the Prime Directive for good reasons...
And frankly, you ALWAYS suspect the weird guy who flings you into another dimension of possessing an ulterior motive. I mean, this Discord isn't even TRYING to hide who or what he is! At least in other HiEs, the Discord turns humanish enough and pretends to be at least a little benevolent. No one in their right mind would listen to one word THIS Discord tells them!
Genre savvy this guy is NOT!
8344320
Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Baltimare, Los Pegasus/Las Pegasus, Applewood
8344580 Well, it's a tribal oligarchy with two ruling classes and powerful figurehead leader who derives power from the support of the two classes (aristocracy and an almost independent military leadership)... more akin, though not identical. to Imperial Rome than a simple monarchy of the traditional European Middle-Age setting. It might be a perfect parallel for the current situation in Venezuela, though, with a rising dictator dependent on his small class of elites and the military which could easily oust him if it wished to.
I suspect Platinum would have been stabbed in the back eventually by Commander Hurricane had the whole windigo thing not happened. Platinum, "Et tu, Hurricane? Bleh! I'm dead!" Slumps over dramatically onto fainting couch.
Ok, he has one gun... probably no idea how to make one... and a very limited supply of ammo... yeah.
Also, this setup would never lead to the unification story. EVER. Consider this already a totally alt-questria.
In the original tale, the tribes gradually became more selfish and self-serving. There was no 'slavery' and 'brutality' anywhere close to this degree.
I don't know what Discord's point is in any of this, but it's abundantly clear he can't mess up the future of this Equestria since it would turn out quite different from happy pastel pony land anyway. I'm shocked these ponies even have bright colors and Cutie Marks in the first place! And they sure as HELL won't call them Cutie Marks!
What was that old saying?
'God made men, but Samuel Colt made them Equal.'
8344427
You'd eat a clearly sapient creature?! YOU'RE HANNIBAL LECTER!! IMMA CALL THE FBI!!
8343799 And then he unloads them all into a dragon... which just smiles. Then bites him in half.
Dragon skin is basically body armor. And their internal organs are so tough they can digest DIAMOND SHARDS. A regular handgun might as well be a water pistol. Nothing less than heavy artillery would even phase them. Or Saitama. On second thought, always call in Saitama.
8345005
I think you replied to the wrong comment :/
8343799
Just going by the cover art it's a revolver with 6 bullets and it said he had 2 clips or whatever so I guess 12?
8344981
Forgot that this story was set before Princess Celestia and Luna.
Ok, this actually looks kind of interesting. Following for now.
8345024
8343799
He said he was wielding a Beretta 96 in the 1st chapter, and a quick cursory Google search says it holds 12, assuming there are no add-ons or modified mags. From what I read, he fired 4 shots (?). Either way, just subtract that from the 36 rounds he had. Though he might be able to get someone to forge more bullets. If he can find gunpowder that is.
Edit: New info, the gun was not originally loaded, so only 24 bullets.
8345202
Thanks
8345005
If he was smart he would go for the old aim for the soft spot strat
Great story. Hope the updates come soon
8345024
... Ok, I have GOT to ask. Is your username an actual shape, or intentional gibberish?
Ponies, Guns, Revolution! WELP PUT IN FIRESTARTER AND ENJOY IT.
8343584 am going to be that one guy. i hope he can make muskets soon or the very less an air gun
airgun
sentex.net/~mwandel/cannon/marble_rifle.jpg
8345202
Ah ok I must've missed that
8345583
Clickity here boi
8343853
He has a gun just do what he says ok?