• Published 26th Jul 2017
  • 3,362 Views, 118 Comments

Guardian of Equestria - Armyidiot



When Heaross, Guardian of Battleon, finds himself teleported to a colorful world full of adorable ponies, he makes an unbreakable promise to protect them, especially a certain newly ascended alicorn. Let's hope he doesn't kill everyone first, though.

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Welcome to Ponyville

"Element of Magic?"

"Check."

"Hygiene supplies?"

"Check."

"Archive tomes?"

"They are... Yes, right here!" Twilight held up a small bag carrying a few tomes taken from the royal archives. They were on lend, so Heaross and her had to take care of them.

"That's the last item on the list." Heaross concluded. "I have everything back in the Petverse, and I already checked everything there. We should be all set now. Let's head to the throne room and say our farewells to Celestia and Luna."

Twilight gathered her things in her telekinesis, while Heaross strapped his sword and shield to his back. Finally ready, they set to the throne room, where Luna and Celestia sat, not having to deal with court for once. The alicorns greeted their friends warmly, Celestia continuing by, "My friends, it has been pleasant to have you here. I wish you safe travels and good fortunes."

Luna said her piece by, "Are you certain you can't stay any longer?"

"Unfortunately, we can't, Luna. I'm fairly certain Twilight needs to get back to Ponyville, if only for her friends." Heaross replied. "And, well, I'm going to be staying by her side. Someone needs to give her advice for being a princess."

"Yeah," Twilight pressed, "I need to get back to Spike and the others. While he can run the library for a few days, it's been a bit more than that, and I do want to get home in any case."

"Well, Heaross, Twilight," Luna said, "I wish thou fare luck, both in adventures in friendship, and love."

"Thank you, Luna." Heaross said. "Maybe someday soon we can have that spar. Fare luck to you both as well."

"Thanks for everything, princesses." Twilight said. "It's still going to take me some time to get used to being an alicorn, but you both have done more than enough." She ran up to Celestia and gave her a hug, one she returned happily.

"As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news," Heaross started, "We need to leave pretty soon, otherwise we'll miss the train." He had a thoughtful look for a moment though, before suggesting, "Unless you want to make an impression on returning, Twilight?" Heaross looked almost gleeful at the idea.

Twilight, for her part, didn't seem quite as gleeful, but was open to the idea. "What kind of impression do you mean, Heaross?"

Celestia and Luna had the same ecstatic smile Heaross did.


"I think Spike might be jealous!" Twilight yelled over the wind.

"Maybe, we'll have to see!" Heaross yelled back from on Gust.

Heaross had the idea of him and Twilight coming back to Ponyville on dragon-back, Heaross on Gust, while Twilight rode Artix. Artix had taken an immediate liking to Twilight, not showing his territorial dragon nature. Generally, the light dragon normally was competitive, never letting his guard down, even around Heaross. With Twilight, he was playful, almost like a drakeling. It hadn't taken much coaxing to let her ride him. Gust was still the same, stoic wind dragon leader of the dragons Heaross commanded. He almost had to reprimand Artix for playing around too much.

As they reached Ponyville's town center, Heaross told his dragons to dive. At an almost perfect 90 degree angle, Gust and Artix dropped straight towards the ground like raindrops. Over the roaring wind, Heaross yelled for Twilight to hold on tight to Artix. Both dragons landed without slowing down, hitting the ground at enormous speed with enormous force. Huge clouds of dust rose up, obscuring the crowd and dragons. Already, Heaross could hear whispers and the sound of a crowd gathering.

Returning from the force of the landing, both dragons and riders gathered themselves enough to deal with the crowd. With a mighty roar, Gust flapped her wings, blowing the dust away from the area, providing a clear view of the crowd, and the dragons. The air was deathly silent, until Heaross leaned towards Twilight, and whispered, "I think this is the part where you address the crowd and prevent them from panicking." He leaned back, settling onto Gust's back.

Rising herself up, "Um... Hey everypony. I'm back." For some inane reason, the crowd burst into cheers and stomping, reveling in Twilight's return. Gust and Artix grinned in their dragon way, enjoying the attention. Heaross and Twilight disembarked from the dragons, letting them roam for a few minutes. Heaross let Twilight get swept up in the throng of ponies, though he kept an eye on her.

Some of the ponies came up to him and the dragons, curious to meet them. Heaross let them, intent on meeting the denizens of the quaint rural village. Generally, the ponies were pleasant enough, if a little timid around Gust and Artix. Included among them was Lyra, her nonstop grin at Heaross keeping him thoroughly creeped out. Though she didn't approach him, he had a feeling that she would be watching later.

Turning his attention to the pony poking his greave, Heaross saw a much smaller pony in comparison to the others. The evidently male colt had a pinto patterned coat, with a brown mane and curious reddish-brown eyes. Unlike the other ponies, he didn't seem afraid of the dragons or of Heaross. Said Guardian kneeled down to eye level, or as close to eye level as he could get with the small colt, curious in the pony's bravery. They regarded each other with equal idle curiosity, until they both cracked warm smiles.

Chuckling softly, Heaross asked the young pony, "Well, you certainly don't seem frightened, little colt. What is your name?"

"My name is Pipsqueak!" The youngling excitedly answered. "Who are you?" Pipsqueak returned.

My, this colt reminds me of Dekio. Let's hope he doesn't have the same type of magic, though. "My name is Heaross. Might I ask why you don't seem so scared?"

"I've learned from Spike and Princess Luna to not judge ponies when you first see them." Ah, he met Luna? I'll have to ask her about this little colt, he seems like such a good kid.

"That's a smart lesson. Now, where are your parents? We don't want them to get worried."

Pipsqueak pointed to a couple ponies, evidently middle aged. They seemed like kindly adults to Heaross. "They're pretty cool, though they can be really embarrassing sometimes."

"All parents are like that, even mine. Now could you introduce me to them?" Pipsqueak nodded before running over to the pair. Heaross followed, though without Gust or Artix. "Hello," Heaross greeted when he reached Pipsqueak's parents, "You must be Pipsqueak's mother and father. You have a good son."

"Thank you." His father answered. "We try to make sure he can just live life as a kid. Everything else, he teaches himself."

"Well, you certainly have a brilliant son then. He has a good mind and heart. Nurture that." Heaross ruffled Pipsqueak's mane, only serving to make it more unruly.

"We will." His mother replied. "Whenever he isn't getting into huge adventures, he's normally home or at school."

"So almost everyday?" Heaross joked.

"Yes, it would seem that way." His father laughingly replied. "Well, it has been a pleasure to meet you, Mr..."

"Archer. Heaross Archer, at your service."

"Archer." He gestured to himself, "I'm Scholarly Pursuits." Scholarly gestured to his wife, "And this is my wife, Floral Arrangement."

"It's been a pleasure to meet you both." Heaross warmly bid. He looked over to the dragons, and saw Artix basking in the glory of the ponies a bit too much. "I think it's my time to leave for now. Artix appears to be having too much fun."

"Artix?" Floral questioned.

"The bright sand colored dragon there. The gray one is Gust. Artix may be a dragon, but he doesn't need to be worshiped. Wait, why isn't Gust... Oh, for fuck's sake..." Heaross took a deep breath and exhaled it. "I must go now. I will see you 3 later. Fare luck to you all."

"Good luck Heaross!" Pipsqueaked.

Striding towards his dragons, "GUST WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"


Twilight finally managed to get away from the crowd enough to breath. She sat down at the base of a tree near where they had landed, and looked over to Heaross. He seemed to be berating Gust for something, while Artix shamefully watched. As she watched, Gust seemed to skulk more and more, until her head was almost touching the ground. Curious, Twilight made her way to them, and heard Heaross yelling at Gust. She couldn't make out what he was saying, though he seemed quite angry.

As Twilight finally reached them, Heaross opened the Petverse portal and bid both dragons in. He seemed rather agitated, though she couldn't tell about what. "Um, Heaross? Is everything okay?" Twilight timidly asked.

Heaross took a few breaths to regain control of his anger, though his voice was still rather strained. "One of the reasons I chose Gust and Artix for the flight is because they are a mated pair. They wouldn't fight or compete with each other in the air or on the ground. One thing I did forget though, is that it's Gust's mating season right now."

Twilight gained a small blush as she realized why Heaross was berating her earlier. "So, what did she do?" Twilight asked.

"You don't want to know. Just understand that Artix enjoyed himself." Heaross wasn't blushing, but he did still seem a bit agitated, though not as much as earlier. "I have a rule set for the dragons." The Guardian explained. "Any and all private activities are to remain that way. Don't do anything out of the Petverse. Dragons don't quite understand the concept of shame, so they would be willing to do it practically anywhere." He groaned, putting a hand to his head before saying, "It's honestly much more of a problem than you think. I've lost count of how many dragons came into Battleon during their season and made babies right in the center of town. Twilly will never unsee those images."

Twilight just wanted the subject to change at this point. She didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night and start thinking of Spike doing it in the center of town. Oh right, Spike! He should be at the library! Has Heaross met him yet? He was at the coronation, holding the crown, but I don't think he ever met Heaross personally. Voicing her inquiry, "Heaross, have you met Spike yet?"

"Spike, as in the baby dragon?" At Twilight's nod yes, "I do remember seeing him a few times, though I haven't yet talked to him. Shouldn't he be at the library?"

"As far as I know."

"Isn't he also purple, with a green fan?"

"Yes, why?"

"Because he's right there." Heaross pointed over to crowd of ponies who hadn't dispersed yet, where a small purple drake was among the throng.

"We should probably get him." Twilight said.

"Alright, then." Heaross opened the Petverse again, calling out, "Flare! Come on out!" A large red hawk type of bird flew out of the portal to perch on Heaross' outstretched arm. "There you are. Twilight, this is Flare, my pet Phoenix." The Phoenix clicked his beak a few times, nuzzling Heaross' cheek. "Okay, Flare. See that purple drake in the crowd?" Flare clicked his beak twice, which Twilight took as a yes. "I need you to grab him and bring him over here. Gently, I may add."

Flare clicked his beak a few more times before flapping off towards Spike. In one quick motion Twilight almost didn't catch, Flare managed to grab Spike in his talons before flying off back towards them. The Phoenix set the drake down before returning to his master's arm. Heaross lightly scratched Flare's neck and beak before grabbing a dead mouse out of the pocket around his waist. He twirled the mouse a few times by the tail before launching it sky high, to which Flare took off, quickly grabbing the flying mouse and diving back towards the still open portal. The fire hawk flew into the portal, shouting it's cry, after which Heaross closed the portal. The entire spectacle happened in only a few seconds.

Turning her attention to Spike, who seemed rather unsteady on his feet, Twilight snickered a small bit, seeing his dazed expression. "Spike?" She called out.

"Whuzza... What happened?" Spike drearily asked, to Heaross' amusement.

"You were grabbed by a Phoenix and brought here." Heaross rather obviously explained.

"Philomena?" Spike guessed as he shook off the confusion from being carried through the air.

"Nope." Heaross answered.

"It couldn't have been Peewee, he's too small." Spike guessed again.

"Phoenixes are actually exceedingly strong." Heaross said.

Spike finally managed to clear his eyes and saw Twilight and Heaross standing before him. "Oh, hey guys." Taking another guess, "Do you have a Phoenix?" He asked Heaross.

"Bingo." Twilight answered for him. "Hey Spike." She came up to the drake and gave him a hug, which he excitedly returned. "How did everything go while I was gone?"

"Just fine." Spike replied. "The others came by everyday to make sure the library wasn't on fire, but it still stands."

"Just how much of it still stands?" Heaross cheekily asked.

"About 98 percent of it." Spike didn't seem quite so amused by the joke. "Rainbow Dash broke a window again."

"Of course she would." Twilight complained. "Everything else is good though?"

"Might need to pick up groceries in a few days," Spike answered, "But otherwise, everything's in order, Twilight."

"That's a relief. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed again." Twilight almost had a dreamy look before dispelling it. "That reminds me, we need to pull out the other bed for you, Heaross."

The Guardian in question raised an eyebrow, before asking, "You do realize I can just buy a house, right? Or build one for that matter."

"How would you get the bits or the resources for that?" Twilight curiously asked.

Heaross laughed before answering, "Being a Guardian pays extremely well. Back at my estate, I currently have 200 million gold stored, while I have around 40 million on me, give or take a few thousand." Twilight gawked at him before thinking about conversion rates and possible discrepancies in currency exchange. That is, until Heaross said, "Celestia and I already worked out conversion rates and exchanges in money. The conversion rate is almost one-to-one, meaning I essentially have 40 million bits, if I so choose. I exchanged about 2 million to bits, so I don't think money is a problem."

Twilight was stunned, both at how prepared the warrior is in regards to living in Equestria, and how his world would be like. "Well, l-let's go buy a house then!" Twilight nervously exclaimed.

"Later." Heaross said. "We just got here, and I would like a chance to stretch for a bit. The landing left my armor in a few... Undesirable places." Twilight inwardly cringed at the thought of hard metal grating her that way. "So, where do you two live?"

"The library." Spike said.

"The library? Do you have a separate room you sleep in?" Heaross surprisingly asked.

"Yeah, we also have a nicely sized kitchen to go with it." Twilight answered.

"I suppose that's good then. Even in my world some people who owned shops lived in them." The Guardian looked around the square and at the slowly dispersing crowd. "We should head to the library then. You need to unpack your things, Twilight."

"Right." Twilight responded.

Spike led the way to the library while the trio chatted about various topics. When they reached the library, Heaross noticed it was the same one that he had seen on his initial exploration of Ponyville when he first came to Equestria. He also noticed the door was a bit smaller than he stood. Curious, he asked Twilight, "Are all doors in Ponyville this size?"

"Yeah, most of them are. Why are you asking?"

"Because I'm taller than the door." Heaross immediately started thinking plans up for a house he could build. Spike opened the door, leading the way in while Twilight and a bent Heaross followed behind. Heaross noticed the ceiling was only a few inches taller than he was, and doubled his efforts on house building.

Twilight explored around the library for a couple minutes, checking the books places and the broken window caused by Rainbow Dash. While she was doing this, Spike came up to Heaross and asked him, "Are you and Twilight dating?"

Heaross was stunned for a moment before asking Spike, "Where did you hear that?"

"Rainbow Dash. I mean, if you are it's cool, I just want to know." Spike didn't seem rude, only curious. Even with that fact, Heaross still wasn't quite the happiest person in the world right then.

"Yes, we are dating. If you don't mind, do you know where Rainbow Dash is?"

"As far as I know, she could lounging on a cloud right now."

A sudden knocking at the door let them know that guests had arrived. Heaross opened the door to see 5 mares, the other Elements of Harmony. Speak of the devil... Bidding them a good day, Heaross let them in, but not without grabbing Rainbow by the tail and holding her in the air, and bringing her to Twilight. "Guess who isn't quite as tight lipped as I thought?" Heaross startled Twilight with. The others didn't stop Heaross, if only because they had warned Rainbow to not tell other people, but she did anyway.

"Rainbow Dash, what is he talking about?" Twilight asked the pegasus.

"I don't know!" Rainbow countered.

"Maybe it has something to do with our relationship, Twilight?" Heaross poked Rainbow in the side, making her squirm.

"Did you tell ponies about him and I dating?" Now Twilight was mad, and for good reason.

"Neither of you said to keep it secret!" Said a frightened Rainbow Dash.

"Darling, we warned you against it. It was rather heavily implied they didn't want this to get out." Rarity interjected.

"Yeah, silly, they didn't even tell us at first, and we're their bestest friends ever!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

Twilight heavily sighed, while Heaross poked her again, still holding her by the tail. "Alright," Twilight started, "Who all did you tell about us?"

"Umm... everypony in town?" Dash curled up into a ball as much as she could in the air.

"Hey, Twilight?" Heaross asked.

"Yeah, Heaross?" She responded.

"How mad are you?"

"Completely livid right now."

"Good. I'm feeling the same way."

"What do you propose we do about it?"

"How about if I take a couple feathers off of her wings?"

"Mind if I help pick out a couple?"

"It would be my pleasure."

Rainbow Dash tried to back away from them as much as she could while being held in the air, but it was a fruitless venture. Pinkie Pie had popcorn.


Half an hour later, Rainbow Dash sat on the couch in the library, completely featherless. Spike had already cleaned up the mess caused by the mass molting done by Heaross and Twilight. She would regrow all of them in time, but for now she was flightless.

Heaross and Twilight felt much better, having spent their anger on taking her feathers out. They were also enjoying some tea made by Spike. The silence pervading the air wasn't uncomfortable, but it did feel rather stale.

The silence was broken by Heaross, who finally said, "So, the secret is out."

"Yep." Confirmed Twilight.

"And it's only a matter of time before it reaches everywhere in Equestria, including your parents."

"Yep." Confirmed Twilight.

"And we'll have to deal with it for the weeks to come."

"Yep." Confirmed Twilight.

"If you had to take a guess, who do you think is going to be the first to come knocking?"

"Either my parents, or my brother. Whoever gets here faster." Knock, knock, knock! "Speak of the devil."

Heaross went and opened the door, meeting a gold sword at his throat. Taking it, he bent the sword in half, turning the point on the owner, before handing it back to Shining Armor. "Your brother got here first." He called back to Twilight. "Come on in. Spike just made tea."

Shining Armor and Cadence entered, to which she and Twilight did some weird dance together with a rhyme. Heaross took it in stride, noting how they seemed comfortable around each other. Maybe a childhood experience. Just as Heaross was about to lean back against the wall, he found another sword at his throat. Taking this one too, he bent it as well before handing it back to Shining Armor.

Cadence and Twilight started talking about relationships and how to deal with males, while Heaross just kept bending Shining's swords. When the male unicorn finally ran out, he tried summoning one with magic, to which Heaross just took it and slammed it against a wall. Shining's magic fizzled, before dissipating into a headache. Defeated, he went and laid his head in Cadence's lap, groaning at the pain in his horn. Twilight and Cadence just laughed about it.

"So," Heaross started, "I take it you don't have a problem with us?" He asked Cadence.

"I am the Princess of Love, you know." She countered. "If I didn't support you guys, I'd be a pretty lousy Princess."

"Then Shining is supposed to be the one who doesn't support it?" Twilight asked. Her brother groaned in response.

"I think he made that pretty clear." Heaross said with a small laugh. "I eventually lost count after 20 swords."

"Yeah, the royal armory's swords, too." Cadence poked Shining on the horn, making him moan in pain.

"Gold isn't a very strong material to use for weapons and armor." Heaross spoke. "Generally, my world uses steel for equipment, due to it being much stronger and less valuable." Looking at Shining with a smirk now, "And not so easy to bend in a fight." Cadence laughed at that joke, though she did check the pile of bent swords on the floor. Quite a large pile lay there, practically useless now.

"So, why is Rainbow on the couch, and where are her feathers?" Cadence asked.

"Her feathers are in the trash." Twilight answered. "I'm not sure why she's still here, the others left earlier." She thought of Spike for a moment before adding, "Spike is in the bedroom right now, he's reading a comic book."

"It's because my house isn't on the ground!" Rainbow all but yelled.

"You could have just said that." Heaross replied. "Let me get the Sphinx to help you out." He opened up the Petverse, calling out the Sphinx, to whom he gave some orders to help Rainbow Dash. They left the library together, and when Heaross looked out the window, he saw Rainbow on the back of the Sphinx, not seeming very ecstatic about it. He had a small laugh about it.

"So," Twilight said, "Is there any particular thing we would need to know?" She asked Cadence.

"Not especially." The Princess of Love responded. "Besides some adversity from bigoted idiots about dating other species, I can't think of anything." She had a thoughtful look before saying, "That, and you can't have babies." Twilight was stunned for a moment while Heaross looked away. "Don't look so surprised, Twilight. You know members of separate species can't procreate, and even if you could, the hybrid species wouldn't survive." Cadence gained a small smirk before adding, "That doesn't mean you can't have some fun. Live life, Twilight."

Shining rose his head just long enough to say, "Heaross, if I find you bucking my sister, no alicorn in any world would be able to save you."

Heaross laughed at his statement, before countering, "You'd never even know it happened, Shining." Twilight laughed at that, before Cadence's husband tried to get up and face Heaross, only to find he couldn't move. "Cadence, grab right there. Feel the nerve in the scruff of his neck, and pull up on it." Shining found he could move again, only to lose that privilege again. "Just like that. He can't move now."

"Does it do anything painful to him?"

"Not that I know. It just keeps him immobile."

Cadence had the most evil smile before thanking Heaross for the advice. Shining Armor tried to gulp but couldn't.

Author's Note:

Oh my fuck, did I really just finish a chapter in less than a week? What is this madness? Take it as a double update then! Also, because I am very lazy, I won't be doing a huge chapter just for Heaross exploring Ponyville. Just as the actual show had to have things going on in the background between episodes, take it as that happening here too. Mostly, I'm just trying to save time in writing and keep the chapters relatively short. If you guys have any questions about what happens with certain ponies or events, just ask in the comments and I'll reply about what happened. Also, ask me stuff about Heaross! I know him, having created him, but you guys don't know him, so take this as your chance to ask him a question.

Thanks for reading, everyone! Leave a review and tell me if I made a mistake. Battle On!