Unblinking

by Keywii_Cookies55

Eyes Closed.

"Hello," I heard from in front of me while I was reading my latest book. Looking up I saw a smiling, but inquisitive face.

"Hi there," I returned back, not too upset that I'd been interrupted, it was a slow day anyway. I looked at the mare in front of me, recognizing her from town, but not remembering her name. "How can I help you?"

She turned her head away from my counter to look at the shelves behind her and then back to me "I'm looking for a book on carrots. Can you help me find one?" She asked me and I agreed.

"Of course," I replied, placing my bookmark in between the pages of my hardback and walking around the counter. "What is it that you're looking for? Do you want to start a garden?"

She smiled and shook her head, "Oh, nothing like that, Dawn, a friend of mine just needs a favour."

I mentally recoiled for a second before I remembered that Dawn Star was my new name. I thought I'd be used to it, but it seemed not. It was only a year earlier that I was Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship. I was happy. But like with everything good, it was all gone in an instant, a pop and a flash, a simple teleportation spell. There was...there was no way I could have known. Known that I'd end up in a place worse than my most vivid nightmares and be there for over a month. There was no way I'd know that it was my second last spell.

There was no way anyone could have known that on that day, when I landed in a void, a space between spaces, that I'd be gone. That I'd lose a piece of myself that could never be returned. That I'd spend the rest of my life haunted by the terrors that took place the following weeks.

"-Dawn?" the mare asked, concerned that I'd been silent. I hated to admit it, but I'd been zoning out more frequently lately. "Are you okay?"

I smiled at her, grateful to her for showing concern. "I'll be okay," I said before I started walking again, entering the section that had a book or two on vegetables I knew she'd appreciate. "There are two books I think you might like."

My smile seemed to deter her worry and she returned to her previous happiness. "That's great, thank you very much." My bookstore was small, so it didn't take me long to find what I was looking for. Two books, Vegetables: A Farmer's Digest, and Common Roots and Their Uses.

As I reached my hoof out to grab the first, she spoke again. "Are you sure you're okay, Twilight?" but I just lightly nod, I appreciated her concern, but I didn't want her to wor-

But then I realized what she said. "I'm sorry, what did you call me?" I asked, worried as I turn to look at her, but she was gone. Confused, I looked around, not only was she missing, but everything around me was missing as well. My bookstore was gone, replaced with nothing.

Nothing but an empty void. It didn't take very long for it to occur to me where I was. I felt my legs tremble below me as my eyes opened wide. I couldn't be here, I, I just couldn't! It didn't make any sense, I couldn't use magic anymore. And I'd never in my life teleport again even if I could!

My head darted every which way, looking for a way out, for something familiar, somewhere I could escape to. but it was no use, I saw nothing but dark red static void in all directions. I felt tears start to well up in my eyes and I couldn't take it anymore, I started to run. I didn't care which way I was going, I had to get away from there. I had to escape. But just as I picked a direction to move in I spotted it.

I recognized it immediately, no amount of therapy or time could ever erase the image from my mind. The rotting pile of death. My death, my decomposing bodies, many of which have been partially eaten. They were all in front of me. The hundreds of Twilights that had teleported before me. and even my friends occasionally dotting the mountain of horrific terror that lay before me. And just as the image hit me the smell hit me harder. The rotting smell of death and disease I'd never be able to forget.

Before I could even begin running I fell backward on my flank. There's nothing I could have done. No escape. No saving me from this nightmare. I was about to vomit before I heard it again. "Are you sure you're okay, Twilight?" a voice asked me. I didn't know what to say.

I thought that my customer was asking me that. She...sh-she couldn't be here, "I...I don't understand."

Before I heard an answer I saw movement from the pile. Some of the dead Twilight's are writhing and squirming before me. The sounds they made were like a thousand blood-soaked maggots. Slowly I saw it. Several broken limbs piling on top of each other, sickening cracking sounds echoed all around me, flesh ripping mixed with blood spurting, forming the soundtrack of a dozen mutilations. What I saw happening before me was unnatural, something, not even the sickest necromancer's could conceive of.

A creature stood before me, made up of countless different versions of myself. Made of only the worst components. The rotting, disgusting mesh of bone and flesh had no eyes, only soulless sockets staring directly at me.

"Because there's nothing okay with what you've done." It spoke in a voice so much like my own, only wrong, distorted. The amalgamation of my dead selves slowly stepped towards me, flashing me a horrifying smile as it approached me.

"There's a balance to the universe, Twilight, and you've upset it." The sound of a skull cracking could be heard under its hoof, "You were meant to die in here, alone and unloved. You weren't supposed to break the cycle and destroy the latest version of yourself."

"There's a balance, a perfect, fragile balance to the way things are. An order of operations that start with life, and end with death. But not you though. Oh no. You had to be the one to break the cycle. To get the message out and cheat death." It reached the bottom of the pile and stared deeply into my soul. I felt tears sting my eyes, but I was unable to look away. "You were supposed to die Twilight. And every second you're breathing is another second things are uneven."

"Y-y-you're wr-rong!" I yelled in terror, I didn't have anything to say, but my mouth spoke anyway.

There was a spine chilling chuckle from the creature as it's decomposing lips upturned into a smile. "Come now Twilight, you're a scholar, are you not? You can disagree all you want, but in your heart you know it's true. That you're just living on borrowed time. That you were never meant to see anything ever again after you entered the sphere." It raised my chin and wiped a tear from one of my eyes. "The fact that you're out now is meaningless, because one day, when you least expect it, you'll end up here again. And no matter what you do or where you go, you'll never escape it, because this inescapable sphere is your home."

I pushed away from it, having no plan for where I was going to go, but just knowing I needed to get away from it. Finding strength I got to my hooves, turned, and ran. But it was no use as I heard it's voice speaking in my ears.

"How endearing. You think there's a way to escape me. Like I'm just some bad dream. But there is no escape. Not from your fate. You're a cannibal, Twilight. A murderer. And it doesn't matter how far you go, you'll always carry the taste of organs in your memories. You ate the flesh and drank the blood, this place is where sickos like you belong, and until the day you die, you'll always carry the weight of your mistakes with you. You'll be a cannibal until you curl up and die."

'ENOUGH!" I heard suddenly. I turned back, almost afraid to, but against my better judgment I turned my head, and through my tear soaked eyes I saw the most beautiful thing I could ever lay my eyes on.

"Princess Luna!" I called, running toward her now that I understood that this was all a dream. She banished the creature from my head and embraced me as I cried into her shoulder.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner, Twilight, I'm truly sorry." She said to me, but I didn't care, I didn't care about anything, I was just so happy she was there, I held onto her for dear life.

---

I don't know how long I cried for, but when I was finally done, I looked around to find that the scenery had changed, no more was I in a dark void surrounded by my dead bodies, now I was in a colourful meadow with a creak running through, lightly trickling past us, making a nice sound.

She smiled down at me with the same warmth I usually felt from Celestia, and I smiled back, genuinely happy she'd stayed with me for the time she did. She looked for me, she found me, and she saved me.

"But she didn't save you, did she?" I suddenly heard whisper in my ear, I screamed in response, "I may be gone now, but I live inside you head, and not even Luna can save you from me."

Author's Note:

Revision 1: fixed all past/present tense confusion (hopefully everything is now consistently in past tense)

Bluh, the ending could have been better.

Well, I hope I did you guys justice and gave you the "Recovery process" Saved!Twilight has deserved.

Please leave a comment telling me what you think, what you liked, what I could have done better. You know how this goes ^-^ and as always, thank you for reading.

Comments

[Foals Errand]

My approval, very good! I... may steal the name for my own sequel *grins*

[Keywii_Cookies55]

8318876
Is that to say you plan are doing another Blink story?

[Foals Errand]

8318882
Mmhmm, it's being written slowly but will include the after effects of Twilight's experience and the therapy she goes through.

[Haysit T Ganaram]

This was very.... Meh to me.
It got across the immense emotional and psychological wrongness that's tantamount to the series, but providing no forward movement to the actual story.

I feel like a critical error of story writers is that they CONSISTENTLY make the Goldblum error.
You were so preoccupied with doing what you could you didn't stop to think if you should.

Look at it like this, the blink story deserves a place in the annals of short story history as a psychological and literal horror.

Because it did exactly what a short story should do, it blasted us with a situation designed to make us think and to convey intense, profound feeling, rather than telling a story and bringing us for a ride with investment in that world.

Every sequel to blink has both strayed further from that ideal and punctuated exactly why it's so great. Cause it made you think.
Which writers like you express, in part, through writing.

But I'm telling you right now.
You want to write a story on blink? I wouldn't suggest it unless you have something AS profound to expand it upon, as blink is just a fragment of many possibilities in the big picture.

But don't... do.... This...

You CAN'T even get close to the impact of the original short for two reasons, one you're starting with a predefined premise which limits your options and makes it more difficult to have potency than it would have been just to write something as good as the original from scratch.
Add onto that the point that since these are read in order you would have to write something exponentially more intense in order to counter for people going in EXPECTING to be shocked.

Either that or write a spin off just as powerful with a completely different theme.
Which makes it being a spin off to a singularly set short story... Confusing, but maybe ok?

But in this you provide no increase of the impact, deviate from the use on an ominous, facelessly cruel worldish theme, and don't even write in enough content to make the readers invested in the story.

You stood on the shoulders of giants and so forth.

Don't get me wrong however.
Good writing for the most part, well dictated and coherent.
All things considered nothing I said was relevant AT ALL to this as a standalone piece.
In which category, I give it a pass, would read others like it, pretty good.

Don't mind my big picture naysaying, I am just one of THOSE people.
You know, those annoying people with actual taste.

[Haysit T Ganaram]

8318889
Sounds like a bad idea, can you maybe.... Idk..
I don't want to say not do it because there is 0 consequences and a writer should always try even if they know it will fail *often particularly for that reason.
Maybe put more thought into that though, it CAN be improved it just needs some time to stew a bit.

[Charlie_K]

8319148
You mean something like if the old form of teleportation existed for a reason? Like sating some sort of higher force to keep it from destroying Equestria, and the princesses knew about such but simply refused to speak up and warn their ponies that every time they teleported, they were marching to their own deaths?

[Keywii_Cookies55]

8319148

First of all, thank you for being so honest. I like it when people don't hold back because it means I can improve my writing in future endeavors.

Now, in response to you, I'm not sure anything I would be able to write *would* exponentially expand upon what already exists. By definition, doing a 'few years later' skip to show the recovery process wouldn't be able to do that in such a short amount of time. at least as far as I can imagine. I'd have to devote many *many* chapters. And truth be told, I didn't have enough story power for that. I wanted to get in and out, tell a small amount of what's going on in her mind, and get out. I didn't want to linger longer than I had to, because from the beginning if I stopped to think about what I was doing, I'd never be able to convince myself to post anything publically.

I'm well aware that I don't stand out and if anything I'm just filling a small amount of the void people had asked for at the end of Eye's Open. a small look into what was going on mentally. Originally I had twice as much planned, but I cut it out due to not being exactly required. As an example, I had Twilight waking up from her dream to find she was biting into her hoof, leaving blood in her mouth, and she was going to scream, waking up whoever I'd end up deciding lived with her and go into like this emotional scene. But I felt that, even for this story, that was leaving the formula a bit too much.

When it comes down to it. You yourself said that for the most part, it was a good read, despite all that's been discussed. Which I read as "it wasn't badly done" and I can accept that. I'm okay with being lackluster in comparison to the others because I did everything I could ad this was the result. Hopefully, I'll inspire people to write more and they *can* be everything you want and more. But for now, I wish you a good day and thank you again for taking the time to both read my writing and give a proper critique for it. ^-^

[Foals Errand]

8319170
Well... Considering it was my story that this was a sequel to? And I was already planning a sequel to my own story? And I already told my readers that I was working on a story?

Yeah, sorry i'll be writing my sequel to my story.

[Gavier]

It's nice, but could definitely be better.
Someone in the comments already wrote about that, so I'm just giving a recomendation.
If you liked Blink, read WHITE, it is very good (the first chapter, the second one is not that good, but you can read it if you want the story to have an end)

[NachoTheBrony]

I didn't exactly love this story, but I consider it relevant and I thank you for sharing it with us.
After all, that girl does have one heck of a PTSD.

[NachoTheBrony]

8319148

This was very.... Meh to me.

Well, if you consider that PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) deserves a "meh", I wish you to have one very sheltered, very safe life.

[Keywii_Cookies55]

8320200

It could certainly be better, this much is true. XD I never boasted as being all that good. Thank you for reading though, and I'll give White a read once I get through my pre-existing backlog.

8320707

I've always considered myself at least somewhat good at character strife. Introspection and reactionary stories are things I've done for years. Now obviously I could stand to improve, but I definitely enjoy that aspect of writing.

[Haysit T Ganaram]

8320720
Didn't come across very PTSD, seemed a bit trippy for that take on it.
Of all the responses I got yours is the most concerning.
Simply because keywii basically just showed his process and has proven why hes a classy mofo of an author, probably learned plenty writing this too even if it didn't come out perfect.

I actually cant tell what charlie is saying at all.

But your comment seems to imply that the subjectivity of my viewpoint invalidates it.
No-no sir. Maybe if you have PTSD experience or knowledge about it I don't, and you can appreciate this story in a way I can't because of that then well, fair, and I guess I just have to assume I cannot understand your insight?

I really doubt it.
Either way it being a PTSD focused story invalidates nothing i said.
Ignoring all I said but the meh part, I just don't get much from the PTSD aspects of this story, maybe that's my own bias and probably is to some extent.

Either way the trippy parts were.... Not exactly well matched for either impact to the reader or remotely what one would expect from her mental health.
You don't development schizophrenia from PTSD to my limited knowledge.
*Not razzing you keyweii just saying, could have been better.

But I'm arguing out of my comfort zone now so to avoid miscommunication and misunderstanding I will leave it at that.

[Haysit T Ganaram]

8320115
I didn't mean to say not to write it, you should and I look forward to reading it as your continuation, while only derivative of the original, was still a great read for what I assume to be most people.

I'm just concerned because the farther we get from the original concept the more thought has to go into fleshing the story out appropriately and I'd be lying if I said that I thought a further continuation without due consideration wouldn't backfire somewhat.
So yes I'm angsty about further continuation.
That's not to say it won't be or shouldn't be good.
I'm just saying it's just more likely unless it's given serious thought.

[NachoTheBrony]

8321555

Ignoring all I said but the meh part,

And what else did you say? Your entire comment was a pedantic ramble that could be summarised to "You didn't write an awesome enough story, therefore I want to ream your arse". I kind of agree that the story was superfluos: each story coming here was an open-ended short story, thus each one could have been left alone without a continuation. However, your delivery left a lot to be desired.

And yes: I do have some experience with PTSD. Six years ago, I signed a 9-month contract with a floating sweatshop cruise ship company, and experienced a 270-day workweek without being able to sleep more than 6 hours a day. Thankfully, as soon as I stopped having suicidal/homicidal/pyromaniac thoughts, I experienced the mildest form of PSTD: I kept sleeping badly for the next three months, had ocasional bouts of anxiety, and to date I still can't be comfortable watching TV or playing videogames while sitting down. At least I wasn't among the unlucky: no less than twice a month, I would hear that the ship had to disembark some crewmember that had started laughing hysterically in front of passengers, or had broken down and holed up in their cabin, or had attacked a supervisor. I even saw it twice: a Mexican girl on the third month of her second contract, who got a bit too happy, and a Filipino guy who broke down on the second or third day of his seventh contract and holed up.

And yes: ten different persons exposed to the same stimulus can have ten different reactions. That's part of being an individual.

[Keywii_Cookies55]

8321555

8322335

Okay, I think this is beginning to enter argument territory. And regardless of the intent of the words by either of you, I wish to diffuse this situation before it escalates.

To retain civility I will not choose a side. I think you're both right in your own ways. Nacho, I believe that Haysit is right in the fact that as for as writing goes, my particular story as a whole is not the most interesting. However, I agree with you in saying that each person experiences the same thing different ways. Now, if you wish to continue talking to each other, I understand and in fact encourage it, discussion is the best way of obtaining alternate perspectives after all. But if possible, I'd like to please request you take it to PM instead of having it in the comment section here.

[Haysit T Ganaram]

8322335
That sounds extremely unpleasant but yea, probably mild PTSD there.
Definitely worse ways to end up traumatized, in fact if I had to get traumatized I as well would want to be paid well for it.
Also i
In that note, Jesus I hope you WERE well paid.

Otherwise, pedantic would not be an appropriate description of it entirely.
It really depends on which part of it you mean because some, for sure, were nit picking while others were rather blunt.

If you as someone with obvious experience in the field of PTSD feel that this is more accurate or otherwise meaningful than I feel it comes across as, I will defer to your better judgement.

I would really consider this more relevant to the story, but since, from the tone of both keywei and the story, I have reasonable doubt that this take on mental health was intentional, and therefore, even if completely accurate, is irrelevant to point out in a review since it bears no weight on keywei as a writer.

But again if you say it is profound, I'll believe you even if neither I or *probably* keywei understand.

[Haysit T Ganaram]

8322809

Sorry read and replied in order.
I think everything relevant to say has been, but i hope at the very least if nacho does have something more vitriolic to say that it's done in PMs.
Otherwise I think the topic will come to term likely within a post or two.
Also again proving to be as cool under fire as that Avatar.

[naiad]

this is v reminiscent of the nightmares i had every night for several months after torture camp

thx

[Keywii_Cookies55]

8382842

You're welcome, I'm sorry you've dealt with such an experience, and I hope you've been able to move on. If my story helped you though, then I'm glad I could have written this for you ^-^

Please have a pleasant day.

[darklight731]

Well then, she is taking it remarkably well.

[Keywii_Cookies55]

11378542
She's certainly trying her best.