A Collection of Fables intended for the Enlightenment and Entertainment of young Mares and Stallions, and to instill Respect for our wise Rulers by pointing out sundry Follies of previous Ages.
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KrisSnow
Joined 24th Jun, 2012 ·
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Very good! I like this very much!
This was well written and featured nice vocabulary. However, I hope you won't mind a little creative criticism. The story was far too wordy and not very exciting at all. While I see how you were trying to have the story be presented as a fable for young colts and fillies ( that's at least what I got), it felt monotone. I hope I don't offend you, I really don't intend to. If the story had a little more conflicting elements I'm sure it would be a great read
Eh, the stories are so-so. But I do like the metafictional twist with "The Invader From the World Beyond".