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Twilight Sparkle has been obsessing over Celestia's upcoming visit. What happens when all her plans fall apart?
As a heads up, no shipping occurs within these chapters.This is my first released fanfic, so comments and constructive criticism are welcome. Thanks go to Ananse for prereading for me.
The story image is based off vectors from StarshineCelestalis, lexty, and Kwa, with a bunch of editing by me in Gimp.
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Interesting, I'll read it after finishing off chapter two of my own story, although maybe you shouldn't have released everything in one go, it would have lesser viewers this way
edit: first!
A very underrated story, probably, as stated by Meowy, because you decided to release it all in one go you. that can cause you to lose the chance to reach a few possible readers, you may want to add your story to some related groups to promote it.
Speaking of the story itself, it's based on a good concept, and I haven't really noticed any mayor mistakes, thought I have to say I don't agree with the idea of making a randomly named magic scale and add an equally random number to the amount of energy needed to move the sun, specially considering that moving the celestial bodies seems like something limited to only the sisters and Discord. Kind of hard to measure without the means to do so. Lastly while Twilight might consider prolonging her life thinking of Celestia's loneliness and to feel closer to her she doesn't seem bothered it would mean to outlive her friends and brother, there is only a complete lack of internal conflict. There might be some other issues but nothing more that really caught my attention.
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Thanks, guys.
You're right, it probably would have been a better idea to release it a chapter at a time. It was a fairly small fanfic, and I wanted it to be available to read in its entirely when I released it at the time. Having it accepted around 2 in the morning probably wasn't the best timing, either. I've added it to a few groups (besides my own) at this point, so hopefully that'll help.
And, DthWalker, thanks for the feedback. Let's see what I can address:
With the random unit of measurement for magic, it's actually just that what it stood for didn't make it into the fic. I should probably add it as a footnote on that chapter. EMU actually stands for "Equestrian Magical Unit", and is meant to be analogous to the BTU (British Thermal Unit). Over 9000 isn't exactly a random number, either, though it's a bit of a silly reference.
As far as where the numbers came from for how much magical energy it takes to move the sun and moon, Twilight read it in a book, and has a tendency to trust information in books. Whether the book was accurate is another question entirely.
It's quite possible that Celestia may have cooperated with a researcher at some point to get an accurate reading, though.
And with extending her life expectancy, she isn't really close enough to the point where she'd significantly outlive her friends yet to have put too much thought into it. Also, she's not exactly thinking normally at the time, as Pinkie commented on in the next chapter.
Edit: I went ahead and added a footnote about the EMU unit of measurement to the first chapter.
IMHO Luna would have said YES!
In the tradition of sisters everywhere there is nothing more fun than spreading gossip about an older/younger sibling.
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You don't know how tempted I was to have that letter accidentally end up in Luna's hands, too. Especially since I agree with you on Luna's reaction. It didn't fit my plans for the fanfic, though, unfortunately.
D'AWW!
Both realistic in the context of the show AND adorable. Good work, sir!
Good story, have a thumbs up and a
984745
Yeah, I knew about halfway through that I had to end it that way.
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Thanks! A lot of this came out of my thoughts about their relationship, given how seldom we see them together, and that in "At The Gala", all Twilight's hopes and dreams were about her spending time with her mentor.
986075
Thumbs up and mustaches always appreciated.
A good read, very sweet and it is satisfying to see these two spend time together given how little they seem to in the show. I'm still curious as to what was going on with Pinkie Pie though; was she sad to see Twilight and Celestia leave because she was lonely that day or was she feeling bad for Celestia? Also what did she and Celestia talk about upstairs, did she just catch onto what was going on with Celestia faster then Twilight?
990717
Yeah, I'd really like to see them actually spend time together and develop their relationship in canon...
As far as Pinkie Pies behavior, she was mainly sad to see them leave because she had been feeling lonely and depressed[1], and helping Twilight was keeping her spirits up. That's also why the phoenixes weren't sure whether to stay with her or accompany Twilight. However, she also knew how much Twilight had been looking forward to having Celestia spend time with her, and felt the two of them spending time alone was more important then her own mental state.
My version of Pinkie also often notices things others don't, when she isn't following tangents. In this case, she correctly assessed both Twilight and Celestia's state pretty quickly. The chocolate in with the groceries wasn't a coincidence. As far as what they talked about, there would have been a bit about what Twilight and Pinkie had been studying, a bit about Celestia's current state, and also a bit of Pinkie letting Celestia know exactly how her cancelled visit had been affecting Twilight.
Oh, and as far as I'm concerned, after Celestia's visit is over, Twilight does, in fact, go back and have more studying/baking sessions with Pinkie Pie, and they become closer friends because of it.
[1] Actually, in the universe of this particular fic, I decided Pinkie Pie was a manic depressive who is usually in a manic state, and that she was in one of her depressive cycles when Twilight came by. But then, I tend to operate on a "all the ponies in this town are crazy" mode of thought...
The Pinkamena Crisis has been averted. No back to our regularly scheduled programing.
A sweet story, short, and modest. Nothing on the scale of an epic that shakes the boundaries of your worldview, but still... something very touching.
I half-wish it was longer, but if it was, what could possibly be the plot expansion? If anything, this story seems like a segway into something more, but that's up to you 991114 . You are making a good point with this though, and that's Twilight's relative isolation in terms of family ties as depicted in canon. Maybe the Hasbro guys need to look at this eh?
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Yeah, Pinkie may not be the stablest in this universe, but she isn't Cupcake's level crazy.
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Thanks. That's about what I was trying for.
As far as the length goes, this actually grew out of something that was intended as a oneshot to get me a bit more comfortable with writing. Obviously it morphed rather beyond that. ^_^
Where it ended was about where I wanted it to end, though. Detailing the rest of Celestia's visit seemed a bit unnecessary, and almost a bit of an invasion of privacy, as it were. And I was pretty happy about where I left it.
I do see a few plot hooks dangling for followups:
Celestia trying to delegate her responsibilities out, and unscrupulous ponies trying to take advantage of this.
Twilight and Pinkie Pie's further studies on baking, and the magic of pastries. ^_^
How Effervescence managed to cause a major diplomatic incident in the Griffin Kingdoms.
An expansion on the story of Aurora from the last chapter. I sped over that one a bit, and it could have used more time.
Twilight's life growing up with her parents.
Now, mind you, I'm not saying I'm necessarily writing any of that, but there obviously are a lot of other things that could be written in the same universe. In fact, I started taking notes at one point while writing this on background information, since I figure any other mlp fics I write will probably be in that universe. Of course, then I started writing about Fluttershy for some reason...
( I'm a little leery of writing much about Effervescence anyways, as she could easily skirt the boundaries of Mary Suedom just for who she's related to. Which is a pity, because I kind of like the personality she acquired in my head while I was writing this fic...)
To be honest, family ties are missing in a number of places, but, yeah, Twilight's family ties really do need work. After I suddenly found myself writing her parents relationship with her in the last chapter, I then went reviewing all the relevant clips I could find of her childhood and parents. I was a bit sad not to find much contradicting it.
Lets see:
Filly Twilight attends the Summer Sun Celebration in the middle of a crowd of adults. None of which seem to be Shining Armor, Cadence, or her parents. Who's watching her here?
She then stays up way past her bedtime reading lots of books, again without anyone checking on her, or making sure she gets some sleep. Or even helping her learn how to use magic. Though her parents do come in and enroll her in Celestia's academy, at least. (And they inform her of this in the middle of the night?)
Then that whole fiasco of an entrance exam occurs, and Twilight turns her parents into potted plants. Somehow, I don't think that was entirely random.
And next time we see them is the wedding scene, which Twilight's already expressed her feelings about. ^_^
It's not many scenes to base an impression of their character on, of course, and it'd be easy enough to write off. Season 3 looks like it'll have more of Cadence and Shining Armor. Maybe we'll see more of Twilight's parents as well, and I'll be off base on this one.
"With Celestia's high level of interest, Twilight was she there was more to pastries and cakes then she had believed," I think the she needs to be a sure, or some such. Only thing I could find. Interesting start so far: cake as related to immortality. Also: Twilight's breakfast...amusing.
It's a sweet story, some little grammar/spelling mistakes, but hardly noticeable. I wouldn't have gone for Twilight's absentee parents, but it works in this context. Celestia actually sounds and feels like a long-lived pony, if not an immortal one. She seems to have the tired nature of a long life, but not the omnipotent acceptance of eternal life, if that makes any sense. It's a nice touch, and so much of the story being about food and drink is pretty original.
Makes me wonder what else you'll come up with
1061956
Wow, I'm amazed with as many passes I made looking for issues and revising that that one made it through. Fixed.
And I had a lot of fun with Twilight's breakfast. I sort of think of her as an eternal bachelor who never has to cook for herself. So when she does, things don't go well.
1062086
Thanks. I'm glad Celestia came off with the tone I intended. And, sadly, Twilight's parents don't seem to be the worst of the main 6 in my universe, judging from some of what I've been writing recently.
And the funny thing is that when I started writing this, I had no idea where it was going to go, and just had Twilight and cake in mind. By the end of the first chapter, I knew how the first half of the second chapter would go. Once I was done writing that, I knew the rest of the story, and went back, doing major revisions to what I'd already written to give it the right mood, properly foreshadow things, and so on.
And I'm actually in process of writing a multi-chaptered fanfic and a oneshot. The first is a bit cliched, and seems to have the drama level stuck at nine for everyone's background, but I'm enjoying writing it. The oneshot, I started writing yesterday, and, according to fimfictions tag system, would feature other and other, with other, other, other, and other as supporting characters.
1063365
I can relate to that, actually. Most of the time I just get these epic scene ideas and the story just flows naturally from that. It's usually pretty obvious which scenes were planned and which ones came spontaneously, I guess.
And hey! Other, other and other sound like great characters to flesh out.
1066358
Yeah, on the multi-chapter fic I've got a few scenes written hanging around waiting for a good place to put them that I felt I had to write out. Though in one case, it was a conversation about Fluttershy's childhood that I had to write out so I had exactly what happened straight.
And I'm enjoying the fact that the oneshot that doesn't give anyone with a character tag any lines. The actual current cast is Raindrops, Roseluck, Daisy, Lily, Dr. Stable, and Nurse Redheart, btw.
I'm sorry but for the one person who didn't like this story should be shackled to Trixie and banished to the moon. You sir have a wonderful story, please bring us more.
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Yeah, you always end up wondering about that one person who thumbs down your fic and doesn't leave any comments. I wouldn't mind as much if they'd say what they didn't like about it...
And thanks. As far as writing more, the oneshot I mentioned in the comment before yours is finished... sort of. I got to the end, but I've been reworking it, and rewriting pieces a bunch since then. I probably won't do that as much as I did for Taking Time, though, as that got pretty silly.
Of course, none of the characters in Taking Time, or indeed, in the main cast, appear or are even mentioned in that oneshot.
Hey, it's me, I decided to bug you about your story.
Overall, seeing the development of Celestia and Twilight's relationship was a wonderful experience that I thoroughly enjoyed. I'm a bit of a sucker for the characterization of Celestia as a wise and kind ruler that sometimes makes mistakes and is able to admit that fact. I do have a minor complaint, though it didn't ruin the story for me.
It's about the inclusion of Starswirl the Bearded and, well... I'm not sure if you just forgot about the Hearth's Warming Eve episode or went the Anthropology route and excluded it entirely, though it does raise a few questions. In Hearth's Warming Eve, Clover the Clever (the character Twilight's playing, anyway) said that she was the apprentice of Starswirl the Bearded, and since that story would take place long before the reign of the Celestia and Luna, that would mean that, if they had met Starswirl, they wouldn't have been rulers yet. Again, it's kind of a minor point that's more about a continuity hiccup than anything else and didn't really disrupt my enjoyment of the story. Good work, sir.
1317376
Thanks, always glad to have feedback on it. Twilight and Celestia's relationship was pretty much at the core of this fanfic, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. And, yeah, obviously that's a characterization I like, too.
As far as Star Swirl goes, I may as well give you several explanations. ^_^
The actual explanation, naturally, is simply that I didn't recall Clover the Clever being Star Swirl's apprentice at the time I was writing this. Star Swirl always brings Merlin to my mind, and Merlin advised King Arthur, so that gave me Star Swirl advising Princess Celestia. That said, here are my thoughts on it.
As far as the play in Hearth's Warming Eve goes, it was written a long time after the fact, and the author may have had to make up a lot of the details in the play to fill in blanks in the historical record. One thing I'd point at here is their use of a flag showing Celestia and Luna on it in a play set before they were rulers. Clover the Clever's teacher may simply not have been recorded, and I doubt Celestia would bother to correct the writer of the play on minor details like that.
It's even possible that the events and characters may not have happened, or happened, but in a much different form. It was essentially the Equestrian version of a Nativity play, which has similar problems.
Another wrinkle is that there may have been many notable magicians named Star Swirl. There could very well have been more then one known as "Star Swirl the Bearded", even. At that, Clover the Clever's mentor may have just been noted down as "Star Swirl" originally, and somepony along the line assumed they meant Starswirl the Bearded, and their correction was all that survived. When you are talking about several thousand years ago, it's hard to know if ponies actually existed, let alone if details about them are correct.
Of course, the latter case would beg the question of why Twilight immediately connected "Star Swirl" with "Star Swirl the Bearded". My answer would be that she is a fan of Star Swirl the Bearded, and jumped to that conclusion despite knowing that several important magicians have had the name.
Given all that, I think my official explanation is that Clover the Clever's mentor was, indeed named Star Swirl, but was not, in fact "Star Swirl the Bearded", but a distant ancestor of the Star Swirl the Bearded who created the Omniamorphic spell.
And, yes, I enjoy world-building.
Though now I'm finding myself thinking of discussions Gil and Ingold had about history in Barbara Hambly's Darwath series. I really need to reread that trilogy...
1317715 World-building is fun. I did it a lot for The Starlit, though some will be done in Stolen Fire mostly to explain the nature of the creature's existence, but I'd better stop myself before I start rambling.
I'll just end with the idea that I actually play with the idea of historical information getting steadily corrupted over the years to explain why no one thought of the explanation that turns out to be correct sooner. And I suppose the accuracy of these sorts of things would have to depend upon the diligence of those who recorded history at the time and the ability of present-day ponies to accurately translate and interpret which they find, which could work with... Mixed results.
As for the flag thing, I always imagined that they just used it because it's the current Equestrian Flag, and raising the old flag might confuse some of the younger members of the audience since, well, they probably wouldn't know what it looked like quite yet. I guess putting up the Pre-Princess Equestrian Flag might have had the same effect as someone raising the "Don't Tread On Me" Flag while yelling out that the land they found would be called "America," though that's just my assessment and I might be overthinking a fairly silly plot point.
Anywho, awesome stuff, look forward to more, and I will more than likely be calling upon some of your other skills sometime soon. 
1317770
Yeah. Reason why I was thinking of the Darwath trilogy is this. In the fantasy world in that series, the Wizard Ingold tries to warn everyone that the Dark, an ancient enemy of humanity that once brought them back to the dark ages, is about to return. He's largely ignored and ridiculed because historical information about them has degraded to the point that they are essentially the local equivalent of the boogeyman. And last time, their main weapon against the dark was fire, so there isn't much in the way of records. He has a great conversation with Gil, a historian from our world, about how much historical information degrades over time. Good series, actually.
And, yeah, the flag might be because people wouldn't recognize it. It does bug me that there was no mention of Celestia or Luna, and when they took over as rulers, though.
I also actually took a bunch of notes about things that are true in the version of Equestria in "Taking Time" when writing it. Though I may recant some of it, simply because I may have given too many of the main cast dysfunctional families.
I will say that I don't think any of what I've written since Taking Time is as good, but then, I haven't managed to get most of it preread much either. Anyways, let me know when you have more for me to look over...
I have some issues with this story. Especially this chapter.
1st Celestia doesn't behave like a princess who was around for 1000 years: if she doesn't want to be greeted by bows, why she doesn't say so? "Hear me, villagers! All of you! Call me Luna!" - even canon Luna can say how to address her.
2nd, even if we forget that she can actually ask ponies to stop bowing, it's not her first day of being a princess. Not even 300000th. And she still didn't get used to this form of greeting in thousand years? That's hardly believable.
3rd. Twilight is too patronizing to such extent that roles of mentor and mentee are basically switched here.
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Lets see:
As far as the bowing is concerned, not only is it rather ingrained in most of her subjects to bow to royalty, it makes them rather confused and unhappy to be ordered to stop. So she puts up with it. However, it wasn't really bothering Celestia that much here. That's just the conclusion Twilight jumped to. The trembling was because she was about ready to fall over from exhaustion, and wasn't in condition to be walking even short distances. But she didn't want to reveal that to Twilight.
As far as being patronizing, and switching the roles of mentor and mentee, well, the latter was deliberate, to an extent. Twilight is having to take the lead in the relationship due to Celestia's condition. And some of her being patronizing early on was from irritation. I may have overdone it, though.
Oh well, this was pretty much the first story I'd written in years, and I was way out of practice at the time. I suspect if I wrote it now, it'd be better. The whole "delegation of authority" scene would get a fair amount of changes, for one thing...
Historical anecdote.
Cake back then in France was another name for the dough that got "Caked" to the bottom of the oven from bread makers. It was then handed out to the poor so that they had food to eat. So the saying "Let them have cake!" wasn't a slight, or a cruel term. Rather she was saying, "Let them have food!" But with history being escued and misinterpreted like it has been with a lot of famous events in history.
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That is interesting to hear. Of course, I was deliberately warping it even more here. Of course there weren't mass beheadings in Prance in the mlp universe. ^_^
Very cute and sweet fic. I especially liked Pinkie Pie and Twilight's study session. Very cute fun. That said The thing with her parents supposedly being distant was very jarring to me. I don't feel we've really been given any suggestion that her parents are distant so it really sort of soured me n the fic. No thumbs down, but no thumbs up either/
3362209
Well, I could make a case for them being distant, given the few scenes we've seen: not saying goodbye to her family when leaving Canterlot, not being at her birthday party, not being in the crowd when she saw Celestia raise the sun for the first time, letting her stay up majorly late when studying, and such.
Of course, the fact remains that said case should be made in the fanfic. This was actually the first mlp fanfic I wrote, and I didn't actually have a story idea in mind when I started it, then started doing a major rewrite of the story when I had about a chapter worth of text.
I still like it, but I actually consider it one of my two weakest fanfics. Usually if I'm recommending fanfics of mine, I recommend Making Friends, Just Winging It, and Cubic Zirconia, really, because I consider myself to have gotten better as an author since then.
The first is a oneshot, and looks like you're already reading the second. The third actually seems to be the most popular thing I'm writing at the moment...
3362646 Ooh, good points1
I hadn't thought of those in that fashion though mainly because I see them a bit differently. Which birthday party are you referring to? If you mean the one at the castle I sort of got the feeling that was a very small party for just her friends. In my family we usually do a family dinner/family get together and then I go have a party with my friends later.
As for the Summer sun and staying up late; She's pushing her way through the crowd so I sort of saw it as she got away from her folks to get a better view
and I felt that study scene was a bit ambiguous. It could've been late or her room could just be dark colours too.
I don't think it's weak at all!
I think it's a cute fun fic and feels very natural. Just because I happen to agree to disagree on that point (Which to me was a big point but in hindsight I think I let it affect me more than I should've. Lack of thumbs up corrected.
) I won't deny part of my thumbs up is the fact you're willing to have a polite debate over differing opinions without degenerating into a fight. *swoons*
I did enjoy both so far and definitely looking foward to seeing how they continue. I'm hesitant to read Zirconia, not for thinking it'll be bad but because I don't really like dark/sad fics. Your blogs are slowly convincing me to give it a shot though...
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I was thinking of the one in the castle, but that was partially because it was in Canterlot and so were they. I can see your point, though. Another issue was the Canterlot Wedding, though. They attended the wedding. You would think they'd have something to say about Twilight not being there. And about the whole fight between her and her brother.
It also sounded like Cadence foalsat her a lot, so I thought her parents may not have been around much.
Of course, I realise a lot of this is most likely just scenes cut for time... (Or, in one case, because Shining Armor hadn't been created yet.)
And weakest is subjective. I may see more flaws in it simply because I wrote it. The other one I'm counting in two weakest fanfics is "On A Rainy Day", btw. Of course, the one that's really my weakest fanfic is the one I completed, and then got stuck in an eternal editing loop and eventually just cancelled without releasing it.
The funny thing is that I actually had more background for the unicorn that delayed Celestia, Effervescence, then I put in this story. Think lots of power, unable to perform a single spell without botching it, always wants to help, and always wants to use magic to help. And never learns from her mistakes...
And, yeah, I have no problem discussing things people didn't like in my fanfics most of the time. If this was an ongoing fanfic, there'd be a good chance I'd work more detail about Twilight's parents being distant into a future chapter after this comment, but I'm less likely to alter completed fanfics other than for grammar and spelling.
Cubic Zirconia, well, if you don't like sad stories, I can see where you might not want to read it. I've hardly had a chapter go by where Diamond Tiara isn't depressed or having bad things happen to her.
I'm finding writing the version of her I have for that story fascinating, though. She's very naive, spoiled, and sheltered, and she's been thrown to the wolves. So you end up with a rather flawed character that's still sympathetic. I knew I was doing something right when my first chapter ended up basically with a lynch mob for Filthy Rich in my comments...
This is cute and I should have read it sooner. Let's see if we can get maybe this in a few more groups, shall we? (Just as a side note, there are some mentions of Spike's this and Spike's that in the first chapter that are missing apostrophes, though.)
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Well, this and 'On a Rainy Day' are probably the stories I promote the least of mine, anyways. It was the first mlp fanfic I wrote, and I've improved enough as an author that I'm always a little hesitant to put it forward. It's also one of the only ones I actually had preread.
I am fond of the premise, though. And every time I bring up magical exhaustion, this is the story I think of.
I honestly should keep in mind that if InsertAuthorHere favorited it, it probably isn't that bad...
--arcum42
Very amusing in parts, but I feel bad for Twi.
Ponies are just...better than we are.
Twilight bringing Peewee along was a nice touch. The scenes with Pinkie were funny and sweet.
I like the role reversal here. I enjoy Twilight caring for Celestia.
Heartwarming.