• Published 18th Jul 2017
  • 16,810 Views, 109 Comments

Critical Condition - KR Chrome



Based on 2014’s My Little Pony: Equestria Girls Holiday Special, aka the infamous Anon-a-Miss story. Anyway, this is an alternate retelling of the story. What if something happened to Sunset Shimmer as she went out holiday shopping?

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Epilogue

Sunset Shimmer was released from the hospital today. With her leg still broken, she would need a crutch to help her get around.

As she was wheeled out, Vice-Principal Luna was waiting for her.

“Vice-Principal Luna?” Sunset Shimmer questioned.

“I’m here to pick you up, Sunset Shimmer.”

Luna helped Sunset into the car and drove her away from the hospital.

Sunset Shimmer looked out at the street as Luna drove. The drive was short and Luna pulled into a familiar driveway.

“We’re here.”

“But this is Pinkie Pie’s place.”

“I am well aware of that, but your friends insisted I bring you here.”

Luna helped Sunset Shimmer out of the car. The girl took slow steps toward the front door with Luna beside her. The vice-principal opened the door for her and they entered the living room.

“SURPRISE!”

Sunset Shimmer jumped out of her own skin.

“MERRY CHRISTMAS SUNSET SHIMMER!”

All her friends were present. The living room was decorated. There was a Christmas Tree with presents underneath, some which she recognized.

“A party? For me?” Sunset Shimmer gasped.

“Pinkie insisted, and you know there is no standing between her and parties,” said Rarity.

“And I know Sunset misses my treats!” added Pinkie Pie with a face-splitting grin.

“Glad to see you out of that hospital bed, Sunset,” grinned Rainbow Dash.

“Glad to be out of the hospital. If it weren’t for the flowers and cards, I’d be depressed,” replied Sunset Shimmer.

“We also got ya something, girl,” said Applejack as Fluttershy carried a present for the Guest of Honor. It was a box wrapped in colorful wrapping paper that matched Sunset’s hair.

“Merry Christmas, Sunset,” said Fluttershy. “Do you need help opening it?”

“I’m good,” said Sunset as she took the gift and found a place to sit. She put the gift on her lap and unwrapped it to find a new phone.

“Your old phone got busted in the accident, so we pooled all our money together and got you that,” Rainbow Dash explained.

“Girls, thank you,” Sunset Shimmer smiled.

The matter about Anon-a-Miss was never brought up, which was for the best.

It was a Merry Christmas for Sunset Shimmer as she spent it with family.

THE END

Author's Note:

So, this is just a short story with a basic concept. I decided to do something that prevented Anon-a-Miss from running wild. The thing was to remove Sunset as the prime suspect and I had to do it in a pretty tragic manner. Yeah, she survived, but she could have very well died. But it still worked out and Anon-a-Miss died before it could ruin more people’s lives. But still the Crusaders don’t go unpunished and the Rainbooms hopefully managed to figure out the real culprits. How were the Crusaders going to keeping pinning Anon-a-Miss to Sunset when she’s in a coma. So, their idea died and they get discovered posting the embarrassing stuff they had on the Rainbooms. And finally, Sunset has a happy ending.

No need for extra drama. It’s a simple short story.

Norm�~����

Comments ( 57 )

8305451

Just a short story, with short chapters/segments.

CSC

8305458 Still, quite interesting. :moustache:

8305489

Yeah, but my fic sort of cut off its chance to soar.

It's a nice twist to the story, simple but effective.
I like it thumbs up.

8305678

Well had to do something that removed any suspicion from Sunset.

A short, but nice read.

Was hoping that it be longer but still a nice read. Have anymore ideas for Anon-a-Miss stories? Any crossovers?

8305692
This could been more tragic if she got hit after being rejected by the Rainbooms.
The posts keep coing but she in a coma then they realized theyw ere wrong.

8305822

Thanks for the honest critique

I have to agree with someone else's comment. You get a like for the concept. Sunset being removed from the equation before s:yay: hit the fan. However, I can't fav this because this story was basically a long summary.:pinkiesad2:

8305959

I guess you have a point there, but it is the type of story I wanted to write. Still I might come back to this someday to polish it up.

This is a nice story. Just as others said, it has the potential to be written into a longer, but I don't really mind the way it is now since I enjoy it still.

I do have one thing to say about it though, and that's the issue of the hospital informing Sunset's family that she is in the hospital. They found out who she was and it should have been their job to call her family, right? But, what did they do when they realized that Sunset has no official family record in this world?

8306105

Well, I feel Sunset has Canterlot High and Celestia as emergency contacts. I mean, living for many years there, she probably found a way to get records so she could use the hospital. Although you have a point, it has plot holes there.

I may come back to flesh out this story later.

8305674 Jeez dude, calm down. Its just a story.

Not a great story but you definitely get points for the idea. Frankly I'm sick of Anon-a-miss stories that just demonize her friends so I always appreciate when someone tries to do something different.

This story is too simplistic. The characters are hardly even that, they're just cardboard cut-outs of the girls. I get you wanted it to be a simple story but it so simple it's hardly a story. I want to give feedback but theirs nothing there. Your choice of making Applejack religious could've been fine if it had contributed to anything. You could've had her pray for Sunset or even used her religious views on christmas to contribute to the story. I liked the one thing you did with Rainbow Dash getting into a fight for Sunset, but the part about Rarity offering to cover up her bruise feels unnatural. You could've made her apply some basic first aid or something similar. For her to tell Rainbow Dash that she can help cover up a bruise sounds to vain for the circumstance.

8306250

Thank you. I may return to this and apply changes to flesh it out.

8306231

Believe me. I like doing these what-if short stories. I mean, I had an idea that the Anon-a-Miss thing was a stage play they put up, like the Heart's Warming Eve pageant.

Anyway, thanks for the support. I might come back to this to give it more substance. It is meant to be a simple story, but it can be more.

8306231

Honestly, if it was before Rainbow Rocks, with the whole idea of Sunset being good still questionable, I can understand the anger. But this is AFTER RR and Sunset was the one who ralied them together. And honestly, to me, this is basically not canon for me. Anon-a-Miss is just something like a what-if scenario. And since it was never mentioned ever again, even in passing, it stays that way. If it is ever mentioned in the show, then it becomes canon for me. So, comics and novels...they are just the alternate canon.

8306162
When it's a Anon-A-Miss story, opinions about the girls get... heated so to speak as I've noticed.

Honestly, I have to agree with what pretty much everyone else is saying on this story. It takes a nice twist to this tired genre, but to be honest, everything happens so fast it's barely even a story really.

Well, this was a nice little story. A little simplistic in the writing and events, but a good start.

This feels really bare bones. Don't get me wrong, they are good bones, a well constructed skeleton on which more story can be placed. I like the concept and what is here is excellent, however it could do with fleshing out. Just to really be fantastic.

Happy writing :twilightsmile:

This. I can get behind this. I am okay with this. This was good story. Thanks KR.

I don't normally get drawn to Anon-A-Miss stories but overall this was pretty good. One my concerns was that as short this was, it could have been a one-chapter deal and still gotten the point across. I do like how in the end Anon-A-Miss was made into a "don't ask, don't tell" topic. I'll give it 4 out 5 horseshoes due to the lack of meat on the bones. :twilightsmile:

8306328 It's triggering so many people, it's sad

I like this story, unlike a lot of other stories about Anon-A-Miss it seems more focused on healing and less on punishing.

I hope the Rainbooms never tell Sunset they suspected her of being Anon-A-Miss, nothing good would come from that.

I like how in the end, they agree to hide the bullying and social abuse instead of address it.

But still the Crusaders don’t go unpunished...

That's a blatant lie. They served no punishment, they were never exposed as the culprits to the school, they never even had to apologize, despite Applejack's demands to the contrary. After all, how could they apologize if...

The matter about Anon-a-Miss was never brought up, which was for the best.

...is true?

Also, "for the best"? It's "for the best" that the Crusaders face no consequences for their actions? It's "for the best" that Sunset remains ignorant to the fact that her so-called "friends" are willing to ignore everything she's done to atone for her pre-Fall Formal actions and blame her for any incidents that may arise if they can find even the smallest possible connection between her and it? What's the message supposed to be here? "Ignorance is bliss"? "Ignore the problem and hope it goes away"? "It isn't wrong if you aren't caught"? "Better a toxic relationship than no relationship"?

8306625
:trixieshiftright:Yeah, give me a break, all these stories with their chapters and story telling. Give me bare bones facts, with all the transitions cut out, and that don't even pass over 1000 words per chapter over story telling any day.:trixieshiftleft:

In my experience you need 2000 words minimum per chapter to tell a great story. Anything less and you can feel the story suffer from the authors lack of patience and effort. There are exceptions for feel pieces, and some chapter stories can survive between 1000-2000 while still being good, but not great. You can feel the work suffer for the lack of effort.

This is...alright. It does what it needed to do, and that's good enough, I suppose. I can happily add a 'thumbs up' to this.
However, I would've liked it to be a bit longer - a few more details, a few more events, et cetera - because I'm used to reading novels and 'novelettes', not actually-short 'short stories'.

8308367
Yes, I do know - my warning is for people before they imbibe alcohol.

I'm a curious guy, so I want to know what appropriate length the Crusaders' grounding time should be for that Anon-a-Miss incident.

This wasn't horrible, but it feels really bare-bones. If you ever get the chance, maybe some time in the future you can expand upon things a bit and build on what you've got.

8305784
I am working on several anon-a-miss stories and one of them is where Sunset Shimmer does get into an accident by saving one of the ones of anon-a-miss. But she had already lost her cellphone or it was still stolen and they rejected her. I got several stories to upload but I can't decide on which one should be first.

8325419
Go ahead and show us what you got.

KR chrome you done it again, can i give you an idea if you making another anon a miss story?

I'm a bit curious about what happened to the crusaders after the party was over

How much money is Berry Punch going to lose after getting busted for DUI?

8551790
Well, I bet Berry Punch is gonna be paying a lot of dough because her DUI bill is gonna be quite expen$$$$ive when everything is all said and done.

This story is good, but way to dang short.

I'm curious, why did Luna pick Sunset up?

Full review here, but in brief: unfortunately, even as someone who quite liked the comic, this didn't do it for me. The culprit seems reasonable, but their motive is too harsh for that character. The pacing is breakneck, too; the setup has potential but it's just too fast.

8306372
Yeah when I came across that and AJ thinking about God’s involvement I couldn’t help but think of that terrible Christmas Shoes song.

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