• Member Since 19th Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Penalt


Dreams are where limits die.

Comments ( 69 )
DumbDog
Moderator

I adore the title.

What are the Canary Files?

You should have the "Other" tag to represent Feather Bangs and the mares.

8305018
Ah, thank you. Fixed that.

Wow, you made me like a fic involving bondage. I'm impressed. I mean I'd never seen anything beyond S&M stuff which repulses me but this comes off as a much more caring and delicate relationship between equals and the twist at the end was just perfect!

8305050
Thank you, it warms my heart to read your words.

8305087
Also your grammar's really good, I only noticed maybe 2 places where it could be improved (you missed an m in cumming and this sentence:
All she could do was work herself against the length of flesh filling her, pounding her, filling her with the need to breed.
) which really is hardly worth noting. Props to your editor.

I'd say something along the lines of "don't do it! But then we wouldn't have a story ;p

8305109
Thank you, I've had a lot of good folks beating the rules of grammar into me and doing their best to keep me from reusing words too often. Recently, I've found the Text To Speech feature to be a huge help. Having my story read back to me has really helped me pick out errors.

8304811

I have a series of stories I commissioned from the author that they are referring to them as that. But this story in particular I just suggested Penalt write a story based on the image. Pretty much everything else is their own filling the blank.

8305154
And what a fun blank it was to fill in.

That fanfiction was so great ! <3

I love how careful they were with him and how they pampered him with towels, water and such.

Perhaps they will even mix things up and peg that stallion a bit.

Well, this was a nice read Penalt, I hope you will keep on doing more fun stuff like this.

Story was a complete letdown. I don't care how they dress it up, he's still just a slave to be used how they see fit. Once it got the part of telling him he's basically their slave, this story just put a grenade in it's mouth and pulled the pin.

8306153
Sorry you didn't enjoy the story. I hope you find something enjoyable today. Take care.

>Dear Darling, Swoon Song and Fond Feather
IMMERSION LOST

Slavery is still slavery in the end. At least that's the vibe that's coming from this, after reading it.

That title can be taken out of context in so many different ways...:rainbowlaugh:

“As your stallion now belongs and is bound to you, so too do you three belong and are bound to the Chieftess of the Amarezonian Tribe. I will have Daring Do come by as soon as she is able, to collect her due.”

Wait, what?:derpyderp2:

“Yes, my herd sisters and I all like being bound, helplessly ... All three of us have fantasized about being bred to a strong stallion, and being unable to resist his attentions."

Right there is where the femdom vibe (my only reason for reading this) vanished completely. So that was almost as big of a letdown as the fact that this story isn't about Rarity and the Spa Twins luring Spike into sexual slavery. Unless the male is the one bound and helpless, where's the fun?

8304795
All the Mares get Feather Banged

DumbDog
Moderator

8306976

*shoots finger guns at Shakespearicles*

:trollestia:

DumbDog
Moderator

8306398
Why immersion lost? Those are their names.

Ten downvotes. Jesus, all I did was comment on a bait-and-switch, you little fucks.

8307583 I believe the big problem here is you expected something from the story that it made no claims to.

You can go back to being alone and being afraid of talking to a mare, any mare.

Isn't this technically emotional blackmail?

I mean, I understand saying some thing to drive the point home, but that seems a bit excessive.
Then again, maybe they're just following the script :rainbowlaugh:

Good read though!
That ending though. Seriously, I did not expect that at all :rainbowlaugh:

I wonder if there's going to be a brief epilogue to help build the story and cement the consenuality of this whole thing.
It'd be a nice touch.

That awfully suspicious

8307636
I think he does sort of have a point, though. That sudden revelation doesn't particularly gel well with the three mares' behaviour up to that point - they bind Feather Bangs and drag him into the barn without his consent, strap him into a frame so he can't prevent any kind of sexual attention from them, lecture him on an ancient law that basically says 'we get to rape you now and it's all legal', then... suddenly reveal their biggest fantasy is to be completely and utterly submissive to this stallion they just abducted, manhandled, and strapped into a rape-frame? It's like the story is trying to go in two completely different directions at the same time and I personally find it a bit jarring. If they wanted him to be in charge all along, why go to such lengths to force him into it? Why not just invite him in and ask politely, it's not like he's likely to say no to a proposition like that.

Plus when they start having sex while both strapped into frames all I could hear in my head was CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK.

Elu

This feels more like a rape, the character interactions seem to be completely unrealistic, and it seems like the author tried to fit everything into the story without much connection.

I know it's clop, but damn, slavery isn't right even if you're treated well. Bound to one place isn't a very nice thing, especially if it lasts more than a couple dozen minutes.

8308414
It's a story about pastel-coloured ponies in a fictitious world. The perfect place to explore darker fantasies without real life consequences.

Elu

8308461
I don't agree with you. Rape and slavery should be kept out of the world of pastel colored small equines. It's just sad when people bring arguably the worst two kinds of things humanity has. There's no need to bring them to a happy world.

Comment posted by Whinifree deleted Jul 19th, 2017

Deleted last post cause holy crap autocorrect stupid.

That twist at the end... :derpyderp2:

8308162
That's one of the, if not the, most straightforward and decent criticism of my story I've seen so far. Thank you for that, and I'll try to take it into account in my future writings.

8308493
It's fine if you don't like such things, and there are plenty of stories on this site more to your tastes.

Freedom of thought is important to explore all aspects of life, positive and negative. Even the official show has explored slavery (abduction by Diamond Dogs, slavery under Sombra, Starlight Glimmer's Village, etc).

Elu

8308652
Well, I suppose I didn't word my sentence properly.

What I meant is that slavery and the like shouldn't be used in the positive sense to sate one's dark desires.

8308162 Bingo. Penalt promised one thing, then changed directions halfway through, unlike what Damaged seems to think.

(Comment made upon reading title and seeing cover only. I haven't read the story.)

I can't help but look and think of our own world's justice system, and how a guy in the position that Feather Bangs appears to be in would be expected to pay child support should any of them get pregnant from this, even if he resisted the whole way. So while I get the joke... I just can't bring myself to laugh at it personally (of course I realize that's probably not where the story is going.)

I listen to instinct

the cover art makes me think of a death by snu snu situation by forcing the stallion through the door to his sexual doom

you can say ‘no’. We’ll stop everything, let you go, and you will never get to see — or touch — us again. You can go back to being alone and being afraid of talking to a mare, any mare.”

Yeah, bully him into saying yes, that's not horrid at all. To the author, I love the breeding aspects of this, but you didn't think that part through, did you?
Also, it's virile seed, not fertile. Virility is to men as fertility is to women, see.
8307583
And now you got ten more!

No, repeat no, foalcon, implied or otherwise is in this story.

Boo! :rainbowkiss:

8309865 coercion into sexual intercourse counts as rape in most countries, and it's also a pretty dick move.

So... sequel?

8309911
Well. Can you say "lawsuit leading to the overthrowing of Princess Luna and cancellation of Daring Do?"

8317110

8309865

8308770

8308162


Welp, now that things have died down, time to try to address the unintentional controversy without seeming like a self-serving ass.

Swashbucketlist, when you first commented it really did seem like you were just being an ass and complaining because you weren't getting a Spike foalcon story. Which, I will admit, generated a "well, fuck you too" attitude in me. It wasn't until Macharius made their comment that I was able to make the objective step back and see things from your/their perspective.

I didn't promise anything, but I did build an expectation that they story would progress in one direction and stay in that direction until the twist at the end. What I tried, and failed, to do was to show that the mares like being on the receiving end of the ropes as well. They're switches, and I rushed through that and screwed it up.

I'm not going to edit the story or rewrite it. I'm leaving it as is, as a constant reminder to myself to do better and to take my time a bit more. Also, that even a story that hits #3 in the Featured box can have some fundamental flaws.

One last note though, there is no planned sequel or epilogue, except for perhaps a bit where Luna has a chat with Daring Do about her new tribemares.

Edit: I wonder what The Villain in Glasses was going to say....

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