• Member Since 6th Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen 12 hours ago

NightmareTRXY32


Just another guy passing the time creating stories and artwork. Im into headcanon and backstories of characters. and i cant wait to see what season 6 has in store for our favorite ponies. Live long :D

T

Rainbow Dash was gonna make sure Spitfire understand why Dash hated the name " Rainbow Crash". And she wasnt gonna be nice about it. Spitfire needed to hear this as far as Dash was concerned.

She needed to understand that Dash had been a victim of bullying, just as friend Fluttershy had been. But Dash handled hers very very differently. It wasn't just those 3 male colts that had bullied her. A Certain mint green pegasus had been one as well. And that Dash defended not just herself and Flutters, but another Pegasus filly.

One that loved to have Muffins everyday.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 4 )

This has been a rather interesting start, though I have to say, as the chapter progressed, I got utterly lost :twilightsheepish: A good thing to remember is that if there are more females in one scene, jumping from one to another and referring to all of them just as ‘she’ gets confusing really quickly. Also, it’s good to add a line break or such when you need to signify a transition to a flashback. And why were the thoughts coloured? It was really hard to read. Furthermore, watch out for some random capitalisation of words and also for recurring incorrect placement of commas in direct speech. There should be no comma following after the closing quotation marks, and neither should the speech end with a punctuation mark (a question mark, for example) and a comma. The first punctuation mark is more than enough. I can explain more in this regard if needed.

To sum it up, it’s a rather bumpy read that’d deserve proper polishing to convey your idea clearly. I don’t think I’ve seen a story with a similar, slightly AU premise before, so if this got some tender loving care to remove the confusion and bits of exposition, I reckon this could be a good, original story :twilightsmile:

10195990
Thanks, im slowly updating this and a lot of other stuff I've written. Multitasking is a pain in the ass, between updating my stories, my Youtube channel and uploading my art to Deviantart and Patreon.
If interested, i do SFM animations, Starcraft 2 content, Skyrim, Fallout New Vegas and recently The Witcher 3.

10233019
You’re welcome. I understand, so many things to do, so little time. It’s like a curse of all creative people.

I’ll make sure to check your channel out! I’m running low on mobile data at the moment, so I just glimpsed at the video’s beginning. It looks pretty decent :twilightsmile:

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