• Member Since 7th Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Evictus


Born on 1997 Became a brony August 2014

Comments ( 78 )

What a load of pony poop.

Pretty much you and your stories:

Have you forgotten our deal? :twilightangry2: You agreed that the possibility of getting better was tempting but I guess you decided to do the same thing again. :unsuresweetie: Now nobody gets to see me smoke a salad ciggie :fluttercry: I must ask you though. Why? Why do you seclude yourself to only using a small handful of different characters and sucking so hard when you have literally hundreds at your disposal which could make substantially improving your work that much more easily achievable? What is your hard on for Twilight, Rarity, Sweetie Belle and Spike about and why do you refuse to change a thing? It's not that you don't know how, it's that you don't want to. I want to figure out what goes though your head when you do this shit. I feel compelled to learn about your psyche as I can't help but find it fascinating.

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/92/ba/82/92ba82be4fc7eede29b2567bc01890c9.jpg

8303081
First like! :pinkiecrazy:

Edit: No, not on the story, on the meercat comment!

8303090
Like goal complete! 2 likes to meerkat! :pinkiecrazy:

It could be the alcohol talking, but this was really funny. :rainbowlaugh: Take a like. Question. DId Spike still end up leaving, and can you do a Trixie story.

She see's Twilight for the last time, goes home, writes the letter and sends it. Then she waits for a response; and waits, and waits, until she finally surrenders and moves on to another town. All while swearing that she'll yell at Twilight for being so heartless at her meaningful letter next time she's in Ponyville?

Why so much dramatic stories. Please, go back to cute stories.

8303107
You're feeding the troll. :(

Only three more stories before he reaches the 200 mark.

8303229 :facehoof: I didn't even realize who the author was. I misread the name.

8303279
It's cool. You get a free pass for the booze. ;)

8303047 It does not!

8303060 I don't know how to write other characters

8303081 It did get more likes

8303107 Spike left but they are on good terms as they had apologized to eachother

8303226 :/ I switch back and forth sometimes relax

8303263 That's right!

8303302
The amount of dislikes tell me otherwise... Anything else to add?

Evictus, I expect an answer to every question I leave here.

1.) Why didn't Twi notice the door was open before she entered the castle? Was she looking at the ground while walking?
2.) Why did Twi even want to know who left door open? Is it so important to her? Why?
3.) How the fuck did she use the map to answer her question? THIS MAP DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT!
4.) Why does she want to have a list of ponies she helped? This seems completely pointless...
5.) "Served Sparkle family"? Um... What? He is Twilight's assistant, not entire family. Also, he's not serving them. And also: Spike's greatest fear is Twilight telling him to leave. So... WTF?
6.) " Are you saying that you quite? " No comment. Terrible typo is terrible.
7.) Why does Spike insist on Twi getting into a relationship? What do her friends have to do with anything? This just shows up out of the blue lol.
8.) Oh, so apparently Twi and Trix were together... OK?
9.) ... OK, what the fuck? You imply that Spike knew about the letter, he did read it, and got rid of it before Twi could see it,
... This is so wrong on so many levels that it would need an analysis on its own. Just gonna say: Spike wouldn't do that.
What made you think that this is a good idea??
10.) Huh... I guess that kind of answers why Spike would want to leave.
STILL MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!
11.) "Twilights body was wrecked by heart wrenching sobs" ... What?
12.) Rushed apology. No comment, this is usual shit in your stories.

8303305
Well you clearly don't know how to write these characters either

Comment posted by VirtualCipher deleted July 17th

Someone, please, explain.

Comment posted by Shadowmane PX-41 deleted July 17th

:moustache: Twilight I'm moving out and you're not going to convince me otherwise

:twilightoops: But Spike was it anything I did?

:moustache: No it's something I did

:twilightsmile: I'm sure we can crack that egg together

:pinkiegasp: Don't say eggs!

:twilightblush: Why?

:duck: Why? Twilight dearest you ask why? Precious Scales tell her why

:moustache: must I?

:flutterrage:YES

:moustache: Cause Rarity laid at least a dozen...

:facehoof:

:pinkiehappy: What came first the dragon or the egg?

:rainbowlaugh: I'm sure Rares came first

:ajsmug::fluttershysad::pinkiecrazy::rainbowhuh::raritycry::twilightangry2:

Comment posted by erias velam deleted July 17th

"Twilight was walking home to her castle after a day of helping a few ponies with friendship problems, she had a very productive day as she got home she sighed as she knew that she didn't have to do anything else that day, once when she got inside she noticed that the door was open."

First off this is just one long sentence when it doesn't need to be. This goes for most of your paragraphs, try splitting them up a little.

Now try this instead

"Twilight arrived home after a long but productive day of solving friendship problems, grateful she had nothing else to do that day. So exhausted she failed to notice the door was already open until getting a few hoofsteps inside."

"She became annoyed as she went inside and closed her door as she knew that one of her friends forgot to close it, she decided to find out who it was so she went to the map table, when she entered the room with the map she found that Spike was there she tossed a book to Spike"

Instead try

"She was a bit annoyed that a friend had left her door opened, but shook her head assuming they must have had something important to do and left in a rush. She then went in search of Spike, finding her number one assistant looking over the Map."

See? It's not great but it's a little bit better than before.

8303349 No I don't have anything else to say

8303512 I'm not trying hard enough...hey at least I'm honest

8303593 Ive tried to learn

Comment posted by Evictus deleted July 17th

8303756 What do you mean

8303952 How the hell can I be permanently banned if these are approved by the moderators! Ive told you this twice

8304055 That does sound a bit better

8303644 I know I always have trouble rushing

8304055 That does sound a lot better

Comment posted by VirtualCipher deleted July 17th

8304135
What was that? Why a meerkat has a lot more likes? Is this story fueled by typos? Why did I read a story with a 1/10 likes/dislikes rate?






(I'm not trying to offend you, but this surprised me in a very bad way)

8304167 Sorry about that

8304171
Nah, you don't need to be sorry. I am the one that should be apologizing. I was shoked, this is the first time that I encounter someone with a lot of bad stories in fimfiction.

I used to read in fanfiction.com, you know... the stories cuality there is a lot worse than fimficton's ones (I mean, a LOT worse). And well, when I first came here, there wasn't any bad story, the worst ones were the standart in fanfiction. I mean, I was surrounded by diamonds! And I got used to good stories. That's the reason of my surprise.
So I apologize again. I get that maybe you write just because you like to write, even if what you write isn't good, and maybe english isn't your mother language (it isn't mine, either, I talk in spanish), maybe you are still young, or maybe the reason is something else. Anyways, from someone that used to read very bad stories, you simply can't write something bad and then say sorry to everyone. The edit button is there for that, and I'm sure that a lot of people would be happy to help you improve, not just this fic, but in your writing itself. A bad story always can be better, and even when perfection is impossible, a simple slice-of-life story with some humor and few typos is better than most fanfiction's fics.



(you don't have to actually do nothing, but at least think about it)

8304280 I will think about it

8303311
you're right, I'm sorry.

8303060 Hmm... I'll take you up on your "challenge". Of course, I have my set of conditions that cannot be broken. A)No M rating. B)No clop(A T rating version will do but note it will be very tame due to it not being my cup of tea). C)No insane violence or swearing. Beyond that, I'll take a challenge. Just note that the less restrictions I have, the easier it'll be to write.


8303081 Wow... your comment has more likes then 95% of my stories... that's a bad sign for me and that's saying something.

8304472 That's okay

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