• Member Since 9th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 56 minutes ago

little big pony

Remember kids, eat your veggies, go to school, and murder all your enemies.... I murder all my enemies....


When a certain drake find himself leaving home for a life of adventure, Twilight Sparkle finds herself in need of an assistant. While most would consider it the highest of honors working under any other princess, there's a problem with the newly-anointed alicorn.

She's absolutely, unapologetically, absurdly crazy.

Here are her adventures, as well as the adventures of her new assistant, who desperately wished he had ignored what father's advice and went into the profession of stripping.

Artists is Paradigmpizza

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 58 )

I am sorry......but this seems oddly appropriate for this story....


“You know, I didn't believe in this story at first” I thought.
“I have too many questions about history before the happenings in the first chapter and much more stuff.”

Twilight smiled, looking deep into the 4th wall. “Science,” she simply said, her tone adopting an almost religious reverence as she said it.



“Twi, you can’t just—”


¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and then I liked and tracked it.
It's just too silly for me not to like it. ......and the actual scene with "science" was waaay too cute in my imagination.
Just dark and silly humour. That the stuff.

Is this the real Nero, or an idiot named after Nero? And if so, who names their child after the full name of one of the worst Roman emperors?

*+1 sin*

Looks like we found the long lost sister of Agatha Heterodyne.

I can get Twilight 10 gallons of blood easily.

*eerie silence, Alondro just stares... staring...*

I can get Twilight a lot of fresh bodies, easy.

*more eerie silence with Alondro staring*

“Science,” she simply said, her tone adopting an almost religious reverence as she said it.

The reason that's disturbing, is that anyone using the word "science" in place of a rational answer has rejected the scientific method.

I must say, this story was better than I was expecting. The introduction did a wonderful job of establishing the two main characters, especially in how it communicates that this version of Twilight Sparkle isn't exactly the same pony we're familiar with from the show. Naming her assistant Nero immediately made me think of the infamous Emperor of Rome, and while he doesn't play the fiddle whilst a city burns, the name is fitting enough for the story's comedic tone.

Speaking of which, there were some parts that had me chuckling, such as Nero echoing the reader's thoughts when Twilight mentions getting a book on necromancy from a flea market and the part about earth ponies' blood being used for rituals in the past being presented in a dark yet humorous tone. The wholesome conclusion of the second chapter was nicely done, and it was great in showing why Nero still worked alongside Twilight despite their differences and the latter's zaniness.

This is definitely one of the better HiE stories on the site, and the story's tone is silly enough to where the strangest moments become engrossing. I don't have any specific suggestions at the moment, but I guess the reader's enjoyment of the story depends on whether they can get behind Twilight's new personality in this tale's universe, which is one of those subjective things. Of course, I actually like this particular incarnation of Twilight, and I guess I'll be tracking this one. :twilightsmile:

Waitaminute, ACTUAL dark comedy without stupid gore stuff? Sign me up! I'll even forgive that disgusting human tag just this once.

Your comment is outdated. THIS feels more appropriate for this story, my friend.

Twilight, what are we going to do tonight?

Same thing we do every night, Nero; try to take over the world!

Hail Hydra.

why did i read this and why do i want to read more of this

This Dr. Twilight Sparkle I can deal with

the one from "The Experiments of Dr. Twilight Sparkle" however...


There we go. Perfect music for the underpaid and underprep'd minion.

Really a cricket bat no no no you want to use a metal bat makes tooth removal much easier and quicker. That and Nero would have no soul at this point as Twi would have used it in a experiment or ten.

"If you really thing about it"? Might want to fix that.

This sounds like something I would pull in a d&d campaign.

I honestly love the dynamic between Nero and Twilight. It just meshes so perfectly!

For some reason, I was imagining pac-man style ghosts up to the end. Oh well :unsuresweetie:

Mob rule: Politeness increases by 2000% to ensure all are accommodated.

Are we reading the same story? No way he'd get out that easily.

He'd die a slow painful death, just because that will be his fate.

He needs to get paid more for this.

Paid in pony snuggles.

Wait, wait. Does this mean Ponies would be eldritch abominations in our universe? :pinkiecrazy:

8304609 There's got to be some reason he's still working for Twi, and I think you found it.

I think it's that he has no choice. No one else would hire him

Twilight’s eyes widened in alarm. “Time in a half?”


No one else would pay him in snuggles, you mean.

8300050 Which was no problem for Twilight because at last she got to turn him into a lich! :twilightsmile:

“He stole one of my ribs while I was sleeping!”

Alondro munches on a rib... then quickly stops... "Uhm, yeah! It was totally Nero who did it! Get him!"

8304743 Nah, they'd still be helpless against bunnies and vines. And snow. Aaaand probably angry butterflies.

Now we're getting less than a quarter step away from full-on Hannibal Lecter... I may have to destroy this universe for the sake of all realities.

I'd guess Starlight had impaired function in her frontal lobe, actually.

She's not particularly known for impulse control.

No last time you said that I had to spend 50 epochs fixing everything YOU broke after you destroyed that universe with all the eldrich horror ponys with the orgy pit. More so I'm not sure I got everything right you have no idea how hard it is keeping everything straight in a multiverse. *facepaws* so no destroying universes besides there are a few all ready where Twi is a full blown cannable.

8314605 Alondro whistles and sidles up to a particularly nasty universe bubble filled with nothing but countless Adolf Hitlers... which he pokes and pops it. "Whoops! How clumsy of me!" :trollestia:

*left eye and right ear both twich* You do know that was the place Death was going to send SJW's to when they died right............you might want to hide.

8315689 I always thought SJWs were going to be sent to the "Food Fight" universe. You can't get more inhumane than that! :rainbowlaugh:

Oh I can assure you that there are FAR WORSE fates if you truly emprace the darkness within one can see them.

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