In a Mode
Sunset Shimmer stared at the gray-blue door with its large rectangular window that Twilight Sparkle and the pair’s android daughter would soon disappear behind as if potentially might swallow them whole and she’d never see either again. She turned towards Twilight. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”
Twilight smiled as she sat her gray backpack on the ground. “Does an isosceles triangle have exactly two equal sides?”
Sunset folded her arms across her chest and rolled her eyes. “No,” she said coldly, “because it has at least two equal sides.”
Twilight put her hands on her hips. “But that would include equilateral triangles!”
“Because equilateral triangles ARE isosceles triangles, Twilight!”
“Oh, that’s just your wishful, inclusive nature talking and you know it!”
Sunset motioned to Dawn. “Well let’s just ask Dawn what she thinks!”
“Yes, lets!” Twilight aggressively agreed.
The pair turned their android daughter expectantly.
Dawn’s eyes darted between the pair so quickly they made audible ‘wrrr’ sounds as they pendulum swung one direction then the other. “You two programmed me to avoid political discussions.”
Sunset and Twilight both took a few calming breaths.
“Alright,” Sunset said. “Well, it’s comforting to know we programmed her well in some regards.”
Twilight took a deep breath. “Hopefully it’s enough.”
“’Disappointment in Dawn Unit detected, initiating ‘Why don’t you love me?’ mode,” Dawn said electing a groan from Twilight. “Oh, Unit Twilight, isn’t there anything I do that you love?”
“Honestly, there are lots as you’re a beyond-modern-miracle of science by any and all metrics,” Twilight replied simply. “There are also aspects of your programming that I find troubling…” Twilight looked at Sunset. “I blame your parenting, to be honest.”
“Hey,” Sunset protested. “It takes two to create a dysfunctionally-functional miracle android!”
Dawn stopped for a moment. “Processing…” she said while she put on a thoughtful expression.
“Processing what?” Twilight asked.
“I’m calculating if I should be offended by the term ‘dysfunctionally-functional miracle android’,” answered Dawn. She turned to Twilight. “I also noted an unsatisfactory lack of theatrics generated from my previous statement directed at Unit Twilight.”
“You’ve been guilting me all morning!” Twilight exclaimed. “It was bound to get old sooner or later!”
Dawn puffed out her lower lip into a pout. “Drama levels still at suboptimal levels, imitating ‘overreaction tantrum’ mode.” Dawn’s eye narrowed. “You’re both so meeeeaaaaan!” she whined “Friend Sunset, why do you have to verbally attack me! And, Unit Twilight, why can’t you behave exactly how I want you to behave whenever I expect you to act that certain way that under no circumstances will I disclose or even hint at to you?!”
Sunset shrugged, “I use casual insults to display affection in a low-key manner… but also often very real annoyance. Sometimes at the same time!” She added with a smile. “Good luck untangling that mess, Kiddo.”
“And I’m not an enabler!” Twilight said.
“… I am,” Sunset muttered.
Twilight thought for a moment. “And I’m pretty much objectively nicer than Sunset…”
“There you go!” Sunset said. “If you just flip your expectations between Twilight and me, you’ll be set!”
“Calculating…” Dawn said as she seemingly pondered this. “Calculations complete. I have determined that would be far less entertaining for myself and those observing me.”
Sunset let out a laugh. “Okay, yeah. I definitely had more than a hand in programming you.”
Twilight simply replied with an annoyed grunt.
“Well, I suppose we’ve kept Ms. Cheerilee waiting long enough…” Sunset mused.
“Oh no, that’s fine!” Ms. Cheerilee responded cheerfully from the other side of the classroom door. “The longer you girls take to work out whatever strange, probably magical issues you’re dealing with on this particular day out there is just less time I have to deal with it in here!”
Twilight cringed and blushed slightly as Sunset ignored Cheerilee’s comment entirely and placed a hand on Dawn’s shoulder. “You be a good girl for Twilight while I’m away, alright?”
Dawn nodded as her pouty demeanor vanished in a second. “Understood, ‘Good Girl’ mode engaged.”
“See!” Sunset said as she motioned towards Dawn. “We even prepared a mode for her to be on her best behavior.”
“Friend Twilight, you look quite stressed,” Dawn commented in a soft voice.
Twilight sighed. “Well, it’s been quite the morning…”
“Perhaps I could help you… relax…” Dawn added in an oddly breathy tone.
Sunset’s left eyebrow raised.
“Uh…huh?”
Dawn continued, “I could… run my fingers over those tense shoulders of yours… or prepare a bath for one… or two.”
Twilight reacted as if a bolt of electricity slowly worked its way up from her feet to her head before she cried. “Sunset, none of what is going on is reducing my stress levels!”
“Er, disengage ‘Good girl’ mode, Dawn,” Sunset said.
“‘Good Girl’ Mode disengaged.” She glared at Sunset. “Why’d you stop me?!” She cried. “It was just getting goooood~!” she added in a whiney warble.
Sunset groaned. “Now disengage ‘overreaction tantrum’ mode!”
“‘Overreaction tantrum’ mode disengaged,” Dawn said. She turned towards Twilight. “Oh, Unit Twilight. Do you find me that disgusting that you won’t even let me touch you?!”
Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Disengage ‘Why don’t you love me?’ mode.”
Dawn huffed out a sigh. “Default ‘cold, distant, but oddly sassy’ mode resuming.”
“Seriously, girls!” Cheerilee called out. “Take aaaallll the time you need!”
Twilight’s stared accusingly at Sunset. “Sunset! How could you?!”
An embarrassed smile on her face, Sunset shrugged. “I uh… get kinda horny when I’m drunk? … Kinda really horny…”
“That’s no excuse to program our daughter to do that! I mean…” Twilight looked down at her index fingers as she sheepishly pressed them together repeatedly. “If you felt that way, you could have just asked…”
“Give me a break!” Sunset exclaimed. “You were probably completely face down in that metal chassis and too busy sciencing it up for me to ravage you in good conscience!”
“Can confirm,” Dawn chirped.
Twilight sighed. “Well… still… ‘Good Girl’ Mode?!”
“Master Twilight,” Dawn began in her soft tone oddly full of desire, “perhaps if you don’t want a shoulder massage…” Dawn paused to let her eyes slowly travel down Twilight’s body “…there’s somewhere else my hands would be better suited to rubbing?”
“Ah! Ah! Disengage! Disengage!” Twilight exclaimed.
“…Fiiiine!” Dawn replied irritably.
“You can even skip this class today if you need to!” Cheerilee added. “I’ll write you a note! I’ll write you five! Just… take the day off and keep all of whatever is going on behind that door away from me!”
A series of groans erupted from the other side of the classroom door.
Cheerilee addressed her class in an indignant tone. “Look, when you all start being involved in magical capers that threaten the safety of the school and world, we’ll talk!”
Twilight wordlessly glowered at Sunset.
“…Uh… I blame Adagio Dazzle…” Sunset said sheepishly
Twilight thought for a moment then sighed. “Alright, fair… Still! Who knows what other weird modes you programmed her with!”
“I possess a fully comprehensive list, friend Twilight,” Dawn answered. “In addition to “Good Girl” mode, I also have “Bad Girl”, “Girl next door”, “Open to alternative forms of payment pizza delivery person”, “Open to alternative forms of payment plumber”, “Open to alternative forms of extra credit student”, “Hot MILF”, “Little sister”, “Eager to make headmaster happy student”, “Eager to please daughter” and “Fluttershy”.
Twilight’s face got redder and angrier the longer the list went on as she glared laser beams at Sunset.
“All personally programmed by you, Unit Twilight!”
The color drained from Twilight’s face.
“HAAAAAaaaaaaah?” Sunset replied. She turned towards Twilight. “Okay. Just. What?”
“I BLAME ADAGIO DAZZLE!” Twilight quickly shouted
Sunset pursed her lips for a moment. “Okay, yeah, fair…”
“Addendum: Every mode was heavily encouraged by friend Sunset while she consulted with her three ‘wise men’…”
“… Wait…” Twilight said. “There were three men who helped us build you?”
“Processing…” Dawn replied, “Only if amber, liquid substances can be assigned gender and that gender exclusively is masculine.”
“Well… At least I know I need to pick up more bourbon, scotch, and whiskey…” Sunset mused.
Twilight motioned to Dawn. “Can we please focus on how the two of us apparently loaded Dawn with several ‘fantasy fulfillment’ modes’.”
“Unit Dawn likes where this is going!”
“Dawn, listen,” Sunset said. “I need you to really focus on what I’m saying…”
Dawn nodded. “‘Serious mode’ engaged.”
Twilight watched the scene in front of her expectantly.
“Did I really encourage all those different modes?!” Sunset grimaced. “Even ‘Fluttershy’?”
Twilight shot Sunset a disappointed glare as her shoulders slumped forward her nostrils flared in irritation.
Dawn nodded. “Fluttershy mode was encouraged thirty-four-point-four-two percent more than the next leading mode—”
“I don’t want to know!” Sunset blurted out.
Dawn nodded. She leaned over to Twilight. “It was ‘eager to please daughter mode’,” Dawn said in a not-at-all whisper-quiet tone.
The color drained from Sunset’s face.
Twilight just swallowed. “I really wish I could forget this whole conversation.”
“Initiating memory erasing mode!” Dawn said as the ‘wrrr’ of a power drill coming to life could be heard.
“Disengage,” Sunset and Twilight said in unison.
Dawn threw her hands up in the air. “Engaging ‘No fun allowed’ mode, I guess!” she cried irritably.
Sunset let out a heavy sigh. “I better get to class and also consider therapy for some of my more deep-seated mommy issues…”
Twilight nodded. “A completely reasonable set of priorities… I just hope everything goes smoothly with Dawn and me.”
“Worry not, Unit Twilight,” Dawn said, “I’m equipped with spackle, sand-paper, and a high-powered blending unit to smooth things in a variety of contexts and people.”
Twilight swallowed. “Sunset, I’m having second-through-seventh thoughts, here…”
“Welp, that’s my cue to leave!” Sunset said as she playfully swatted Twilight on the rear electing a short, surprised “Eep” from the girl before she turned and began walking away. “Don’t worry! Yooove’ got this~!” Sunset warbled.
“Stop SAYING that!” Twilight called back hotly.
“NEVER!” Sunset declared as she thrust a fist into the air.
Smiling to herself slightly as she rubbed the recently swatted section of her posterior, Twilight picked up her backpack then mustered her courage and opened the classroom door. A class full of curious teens and one cringing teacher stared at her as she and Dawn walked inside.
“Twilight!” Cheerilee said while forcing her best ‘definitely satisfied with her job’ smile on her face. “And, Ooooooh, good! You’ve brought a mysterious friend who clearly isn’t on my role sheet or anything.”
“Sorry, Ms. Cheerilee,” Twilight said earnestly. “This is my cousin, Dawn. Principal Celestia already approved her admission as a student.”
“Why of course she did!” Cheerilee replied in an oddly high-pitched tone. “Who’d ever think she’d or anyone else would have a problem at instant enrollments despite multiple incidents here at school?!”
“Oh please, teaching Unit Ms. Cheerilee!” Dawn began in a pleading tone. “My primary function while I’m in this class is to be the best error: subject unknown student I possible can be.”
Twilight pursed her lips in concern. “Advanced calculus. This class is advanced calculus.”
“Processing…” Dawn said as she put on a thoughtful situation. “Irreconcilable classification error with terms ‘Advanced Calculus’ and ‘High School class’.”
“And we’re already off to a GREAT start!” Cheerilee said, her voice and smile practically cracking.
“Please just give her a chance!” Twilight pleaded. “I’m sure Dawn will exceed your expectations!”
Cheerilee sighed and her voice returned to something a bit more even - if steeped in pre-disappointment, “Oh, I’m also sure that’ll happen one way or another. Please take a seat, you two.”
Twilight and Dawn quickly sat down in their seats in the front row, Dawn having already resumed her somewhat blank default expression as Twilight maintained one of worry.
Cheerilee motioned to a problem already on the chalkboard board. “Now then, can anyone tell me the answer to—”
Twilight’s eyes already began feverishly scanning the numbers and symbols drawn on in white chalk on a green board, however Dawn’s hand shot up.
“Uh, yes…. Dawn?”
“Cosine times Pi divided by three or one-half,” Dawn answered.
Cheerilee blinked. “Uh… Very good, Dawn!”
Twilight turned and smiled at Dawn. “Wow, I’ll say.”
Dawn beamed at Twilight. “I’m programmed to impress you, Unit Twilight.”
“Oh, I’m impressed for sure!”
Cheerilee began to clean off the board. “Well, if you’ll turn your attention to problem five—”
Dawn’s hand shot up.
“OH!” Twilight said in realization as she leaned over and unzipped her backpack. “Hehe, guess you’ll need to see the—”
“Yes, Dawn?” Cheerilee said.
“As x approaches infinity from the right, y equals three cosine x over x approaches 0,” Dawn answered.
“—text… book?”
Cheerilee stared at Dawn for a second then glanced down at her desk. “Why… Why that’s correct!” she said excitedly.
Dawn smiled. “I’m also programmed to be best at math!”
Twilight frowned heavily. “But… but I’ve been programming myself to be best at math ever since I learned what numbers were…” she bemoaned. Twilight took a deep breath and put on a determined smile. “Guess I’ll just have to push my limits a bit.”
“You also downloaded the complete knowledge of all your textbooks into me,” Dawn added.
“Oh…. Oh no…” Twilight murmured.
“Oh, yes,” Dawn purred out.
Across the school, a drama of a rather different sort was beginning to unfold
“Ms. Shimmer,” Mr. Doodle said, his gruff voice clearly grumpier than usual as Sunset entered the classroom, “sooo glad you could join us,” he added, not bothering to disguise his sarcasm.
Sunset just smirked. “Sorry, Mr. Doodle. Just had a little something I needed to take care of this morning. I’ll do my best not to disrupt class with any out-of-the-ordinary shenanigans. “
Mr. Doodle pointed. “It’s far too late for that, Ms. Shimmer.”
Sunset followed the finger to a sight that made all her base mammalian urges simultaneously vie for control of her body at once. The result was a rather awkward grimace-smile as one leg shuffled towards the door and the other scooched her closer towards the desks.
Adagio Dazzle was sitting at a desk.
Correction.
Adagio Dazzle was lounging. Her legs crossed and on top of the desk as she rested against her mass of hair. Hair that she had basically managed to turn into the world's fluffiest beanbag by stuffing it into the space between her desk and chair which was affixed via metal pole to the desk.
“Hello, lover,” Adagio purred as Sunset made semi-unwilling eye contact.
“Adagio!” Sunset exclaimed in mock enthusiasm as she walked over and took her seat. “Twilight and I were just talking about how you are kinda ruining our lives!”
This just caused Adagio to grin widely. “Ah, then I’m doing my job, it seems.”
Sunset sighed. “Speaking of jobs, why are you even here?! I thought you got an actual job, against all odds, with a noted marked uptick in having valid tax documents and far less chance of you getting picked up for solicitation and thus stopped from going to school entirely!”
“Oh, I still check in every now and again to see what my dear friends in the springtime of their youth are up to.”
Sunset’s forehead crinkled. “Are you trawling for high school students?!”
Adagio smirked wickedly. “Once they hit 18, the law and I no longer have a problem with each other!”
Sunset cringed. “… Really thought you wouldn’t openly admit that…”
Adagio paused for a moment and extended a hand. “Hello. My name is Adagio Dazzle. I like sex. Have we met?”
“Is there anyone in this class you haven’t ‘met’?”
Adagio took a cursory glance at everyone in the room. “No,” Adagio said simply. “Consider all those boxes marked.”
“LADIES!” Mr. Doodle snapped. “If you haven’t noticed, we’re trying to have a class here.”
“Well, not like… very hard or anything,” Vinyl quipped from the row in the back.
“Totes,” Treehugger agreed as the two girls exchanged a rather lazy fist bump.
Mr. Doodle shot the two girls a warning growl and turned back to the primary targets of his ire. “That’s QUITE—”
Adagio pointed at Mr. Doodle. “Marked that particular box several times… Or I guess he marked mine…”
“—enough of me trying to interrupt your conversation.”
Sunset gave Mr. Doodle an incredulous look. “Okay, I know Adagio Dazzle kinda ‘doesn’t count’, but you’re married for crying out loud!”
Mr. Doodle folded his arms across his chest. “Who said my wife wasn’t there?”
Sunset inhaled sharply through clenched teeth, as did most the classroom. “Okay… I brought this pain upon myself.” She turned back to Adagio. “So why are you here?”
Adagio flashed Sunset a smile reminiscent of a predator about to devour its prey, which probably wasn’t far off, “I’m given to understand we’ve got a new student at school and I wanted to—” Adagio licked her lips “properly introduce myself.”
Sunset’s features tightened in confusion. “What?! We’ve only been at school for about an hour, how can you—” realization hit Sunset like a balloon popping in her face. “Pinkie Pie…” she growled out.
Adagio chuckled and produced a smartphone. “Pinkie Pie…” she confirmed as she flashed a text conversation littered with cheerful emojis which she proceeded to ‘dance’ one way than the other in front of Sunset. “I know all about Twilight’s ‘cousin’, and I can’t wait to get to know her…”—
“In the biblical sense.”
—“In the biblica—Damn, you’re fast.”
“Jinx!” Sunset exclaimed exuberantly as she slugged Adagio in the shoulder.
“Owwww…” Adagio moaned. “Sunset, you’re so rough… hit me again…” she purred.
Sunset closed her eyes tightly than began to massage her temples with her fingertips. “Ugh… hopefully Twilight is having a better time…”
-~o~-
“Speed is the absolute value of velocity,” Dawn answered.
“Right!” Cheerilee answered.
Twilight sighed. “In hindsight, I didn’t need my textbook for that one…”
-~o~-
“4”
“Right again!”
Twilight grit her teeth, “Okay, now you’re clearly picking questions that’ll just irritate me!”
-~o~-
“Three hams and a box of gravy.”
“Correct!”
Squinting from behind her glasses, Twilight held her textbook sideways and began flipping through the pages rapidly. “Why is that question even in here?”
-~o~-
“Look,” Sunset said sharply. “I’m sure you have wild and wicked plans for Dawn, but while we’re in class I’d really like to pay attention to… uh…”
“The reproduction cycle of Goblin Sharks,” Mr. Doodle informed as he wheeled a TV in front of his desk. He held up a rectangular box in one hand. “I even have a disk that goes into great detail regarding these oft-misunderstood creatures.”
Sunset’s forehead tightened. “What are they actually gentle, or something?”
MR. Doodle shook his head. “Oh no! They’re much worse than most dare to imagine.”
Adagio suddenly sat up in interest, adjusting her legs and hair so she was sitting at the desk like an attentive student.
Sunset cringed as she laid eyes on the disk. “Seriously? Why?!”
Mr. Doodle narrowed his eyes. “If I’m not having a good time, no one gets to have a good time!”
Sunset groaned. “Still a better option than just dealing with Adagio for an ho—”
“Would you pipe down and let the man start the movie, already?!” Adagio hissed out.
Sunset turned towards Adagio in confusion for a moment before her features softened. “Wait, let me guess… This is the closest to watching porn at the school for you without commandeering a school computer.”
“Oh please,” Adagio said as she swatted at the air dismissively, “like I’ve ever had to resort to watching porn at this place conveniently filled with nubile teens with raging hormones and teachers trying day-in and day-out to keep their taboo fantasies in check.”
“… Okay, you got me there,” Sunset admitted.
Adagio continued, “I suspect this video will be nostalgic for me if nothing else.”
Sunset eyes widened as her mind attempted to sort out an appropriate response to that. Finding one, she turned stared wide-eyed at the TV. “I brought this pain upon myself…”
“Sunset, it was horrible!” Twilight declared as she practically flung herself at Sunset who instinctively wrapped her arms around the distressed woman.
Fighting her own feelings of lingering nausea, Sunset swallowed and looked past Twilight with a horrified expression that suggested she might see the usually green lockers painted with red from blood. “What?! What did Dawn do?!”
“Friend Sunset,” Dawn began, “I have a detailed log of events if you’d like to—”
“She answered all the teacher’s questions before me!” Twilight cried pitifully. “It got to the point where Ms. Cheerilee was just picking random questions out of the calculus book! … I mean, really, really random!”
“Initiating ‘smug grin’ sub-routine,” Dawn chirped as she did just that.
Sunset’s face tightened as he held Twilight at arm’s length. “That’s your problem?!” Sunset exclaimed. “I thought she might have killed someone!”
“Not to worry, friend Sunset,” Dawn said. “There was no reason to terminate any other unit’s life.”
“Well, she killed the only enjoyment I get from”—
“The lights stayed on the entire time, for instance.”
— “attending classes here! Showing I’m the smartest person in the room! I mean, aside from” —
“The chairs and desks are affixed to one another making them awkward bludgeon tools.”
— “learning about friendship, there’s basically no reason for me to come here and spend hours out”—
“And at no point did Unit Twilight or any other unit hand me a sharpened pencil or another pointed implement.”
“— of my day when there’s so many more intellectually stimulating things I can do with my time!”
Sunset sighed and rolled her eyes. “While I can appreciate that line of thinking, I mean… Dawn posses our combined knowledge backed behind some sort of super-speedy artificial brain that we’re both only smart enough to make when we’re blackout drunk… Of course she’s smarter than us!”
Twilight wiped the tears from her eyes. “That does make me feel somewhat better.”
Sunset nodded. “Also, Adagio visited me in my class and then proceeded to ‘coo’ and gush over a video on Goblin Shark reproduction like she was going over someone’s baby photos, so I clearly had a much worse time this period!”
“Not as bad as me!” Mr. Doodle called out.
Twilight’s eyes shot open wide. “Adagio is here?!”
Standing outside the classroom door, Adagio turned and shot an indignant look into the classroom while she began liberally air-quoting. “Hey, I keep offering to turn each class I attend into ‘Sex-Ed’ but you prudes keep insisting there are ‘permission slips’ required and also that what I’m actually suggesting is ‘highly illegal’.”
Twilight gasped. “She is here!”
Adagio began to mumble to herself. “I mean… when there’s no cops around, anything’s legal…”
Sunset’s brow furrowed. “Twilight, she was standing right there and she’s twice as much hair as she is woman. How could you possibly miss her?”
Twilight began sheepishly pressing her index fingers together. “I guess I was a bit focused on finding you first so you can make me feel better, is all…”
“Awww… bring it here…” Sunset said as she leaned forward and hugged Twilight. “I’m sure we can go on another bender and program a ‘stop overshadowing your poor, insecure mother unit’ mode.”
Twilight returned the hug. “I’d like that.”
“Initiating ‘let me get in on that’ mode,” Dawn said as she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the two women.
“See, Twilight,” Sunset began, “everything worked out in a significantly after-school special fashion, and it’s not even second period yet!”
Twilight sighed. “Do you have to ruin every hug with a quip?!”
“Yes,” Sunset answered, “it’s my own personal defense mechanism to keep myself at least somewhat emotionally detached so I don’t start crying after every little bit of affection someone shows me.”
“Inquiry:” Dawn began, “Which one of you would the hypothetical ‘stop overshadowing your poor, insecure mother unit’ mode be for?”
“I deserved that…” Sunset uttered.
“Oooooo,” Adagio purred out, “let me get in on that action, too!” with that, Adagio wrapped her arms around the trio. She placed her lips close enough to Twilight’s ear that they brushed against it as she whispered. “Just in case you already forgot about me…”
Twilight involuntarily shivered as Sunset groaned. “Believe me,” Sunset said, “We’d forget about you if we could.”
The familiar sound of a drill powering up caused confusion to sprout up on Adagio’s face as Sunset and Twilight both froze in place. “Disengage!” the girls shouted as they broke the hug.
Dawn merely let out a disappointed sigh.
“Well… that’s a strange… and super-nerdy method to end a hug,” Adagio observed.
Sunset rubbed her forehead in frustration. “It’s better than being unexpectedly penetrated…”
Adagio let out a short laugh. “Threaten me with a good time…”
Twilight groaned. “There’s got to be some sort of accidental innuendo coefficient that increases when you’re around that can be studied…”
“I didn’t follow all that, but I assume you’re asking me out on a date,” Adagio replied.
Sunset rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “You know, you’re not far off, for Twilight.”
“What?! No!” Twilight declared. “I mean… Sure, dates and scientific experiments both elicit a number of predictable and overlapping reactions for me if done right and if one looks at studied a Venn diagram of such things it'd basically be a circle, but…” Twilight frowned heavily. “I have no counter argument.”
“Statement:” Dawn began, “It’s comforting to know my conception was suitably romantic.”
Sunset grinned. “Oh, sparks were flying alright.”
Both Dawn and Twilight cringed.
“Initiating ‘thumbs down while booing’ mode!” Dawn declared while she gave Sunset a thumbs down and began booing.
Adagio grinned wickedly as she lightly brushed a hand across Twilight’s cheek. “Well, maybe you and I can put on some lab-coats and get ‘scientific’ some evening together.”
Twilight swallowed. “Well, I mean… That doesn’t sound completely repulsive and…” Twilight turned. “Sunset?”
“Yo.”
“Help.”
Adagio grinned wickedly as she clasped the side of Twilight’s face with both her hands and placed her face against Twilight’s other cheek. “Oh, you’re doing fine…” she murmured.
Sunset shook her head. “Hey, if I knew what phrase or action would get Adagio to leave me or anyone I knew alone, I’d have started employing it quite some time ago!” Sunset shivered. “I mean, if you spend too much time trying to work out what she’ll say ‘no’ to, you just end up learning too much about what things make her say ‘yes’.”
“See!” Adagio said to increasingly worried and red-faced Twilight. “It’s easier if you don’t resist…”
“Observation:” Dawn chimed in. “I’m starting to feel rather ‘left out’ of current events.”
Adagio suddenly let go of Twilight, much to the purple-skinned girl's relief mixed muddled with more disappointment than Twilight would ever care to admit. “Sorry!” Adagio said. “‘Shy, vulnerable, and awkward’ just so happens to be one of my types…”
Sunset smirked. “Let me guess, and the other is”—
“Anything with a pulse!” Adagio hastily added.
— “Anything with a pul—Damn your shamelessness!”
“Jinx!” Adagio said gleefully as she slugged Sunset in the arm.
Dawn’s eyes narrowed. “Initiating defense-mode for friend Sun—”
“Again, sorry!” Adagio said as she quickly pivoted placing her face inches away from Dawn’s. “Your cousin was distracting me with her irresistibility.”
“Yeah, she does that,” Sunset said.
“Sunset!” Twilight said as her cheeks flushed crimson. “I…erm… uh… thanks…”
Adagio continued. “My name is Adagio Dazzle, and it’ll be your absolute pleasure to meet me,” she said in a sultry tone as her eyes focused sharply on Dawn’s bright baby-blues.
Dawn’s brow creased in confusion as her lips pursed and twitched. “Error: Can’t initiate ‘self-defense’ and ‘prospective lover’ modes at the same time!”
Adagio let out a laugh. “I didn’t hear anything that sounded like a ‘flight’ reflex there, so if the other two ‘f’s are how you react to meeting me, well…” Adagio caressed Dawn’s cheek. “We’re going to get along swimmingly.”
“No, seriously,” Dawn continued in the same robotic tone, “I detect I’m going to be eaten and mated with at the same time. Does. NOT. Compute.”
“Ooooh, and you’re so observant as well…” Adagio said, as her smile turned devilish. “How simply delicious…”
“Sunset!” Twilight shrieked. “Do something! I only have one idea and it’s just to offer myself up in Dawn’s stead!”
Adagio turned sharply. “You wait your turn.”
“See!” Twilight said. “And it’s not even a good idea!”
“Alright, alright,” Sunset said as she not-so-gently made some space between Adagio and Dawn by placing her hands on their shoulders and pushing the Dazzling away. “Look, you wanted to make your introduction, you have, now if you’ll excuse us, the three of us have classes to attend and pretend we’re interested in.”
“I already told you,” Adagio said, licking her lips as she looked at Dawn, “I meant a proper introduction. Besides,” Adagio shifted her attention to Sunset, “if you knew how to stop me, you’d have done it already.”
Twilight swallowed. “Sunset?”
Sunset thought for a moment, then a smile slowly began to dance across her face like a fire slowly spreading over a dry woodland. “Dawn, initiate ‘good girl’ mode, target: Adagio Dazzle.”
“What?! Sunset!” Twilight shrieked in protest.
Adagio’s forehead wrinkled almost instinctively as Dawn’s demeanor suddenly changed from ‘hopelessly confused’ to ‘demure, yet eager’. She took a step forward. “Adagio Dazzle Unit?” She said in a soft, unsure tone. “Your recent actions indicate your lips are feeling dry. Perhaps I can moisten them for you…” she suggested with a blush.
“Suuuuuunseeeeet!” Twilight whined.
Adagio took a step back as she suddenly regarded Dawn with suspicion. “Wha…what is this?”
Sunset smirked. “It’s ‘good girl’ mode. Weren’t you paying attention?”
Dawn took a step forward and continued. “Or perhaps there’s something else I can do for you? Some chore that requires a lot of bending over or climbing a ladder that also requires I’m dressed in a low-cut dress with a short skirt?”
Twilight simply let out a distressed ‘Why is this happening!?’ squeak.
Adagio took another step back. “No, seriously,” she said. “What game are you playing here?!”
Sunset’s smirk turned into a demonic smile. “Wouldn’t you like to know…” she purred out.
“Or perhaps I can help cleaning your own clothes? You must get awfully hot and bothered in that tight outfit with all those spikes…”
Adagio turned. “Right. I’ll just be leaving very quickly then!” She announced as she began to quickly walk away.
Dawn matched her pace. “Please, master, I only live to serve you so long as this subroutine is still in effect.”
“Stay away from me, you depraved nymphomaniac!” Adagio shouted as she broke into a run, uttering a quick “… Oh my God, what is happening here…” before Dawn likewise began sprinting.
“Well, that was satisfying,” Sunset said, still smiling widely to herself.
Twilight turned to Sunset in awe. “How… how did you know that would work?!”
Sunset shrugged. “Honestly, I gave it about a fifty-fifty chance Adagio’s natural predator instinct would short-circuit from someone throwing themselves at her or she’d simply just jump all over that.”
“What?!” Twilight exclaimed in a disbelieving tone. “I can’t believe you’d gamble with our android daughter like that! Adagio could have corrupted her!”
Dawn’s voice shouted from down the hall, “If clothes are not an issue, maybe there’s something else I can clean? Your feet must be getting hot and sweaty in those boots from all that running!”
“How are you this fast?!” Adagio cried out.
“Right,” Sunset said dryly. “Because that’s a legitimate concern….”
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Nice chapter title.
9194874
Fixed. Some issue with the import from GDocs, it seems.
Pahahahahahaha!
And thus the tables turn...
I love this story SO MUCH!!!!!
Dear Justice3442,
It is to our embarrassment to report that your online literary work has resulted in the prolonged state of excessive noise distribution via laughter while subject is on the floor holding their abdomen in humor-fueled pain. Please take into account that any future works will be heavily scrutinized for further destabilizing factors with eager interest.
Sincerely From the Floor,
Raz Delacroix
p.s. Fluttershy Mode! BWUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
Thanks for writing!
I'd forgotten how much I love this story. Shame on me. Between Cheerilee's utter unwillingness to be dragged into these shenanigans, Twilight admitting the only reason she puts up with classes so beneath her, and Adagio finding the shoe on the other foot, this was truly fantastic. Looking forward to more.
Great work, girls, you already gave her more sense than the majority of our generation. Here's to you.
Oh god, I love all those 'modes' for Dawn. This just keeps getting funnier!
...kinda wanna see Dawn meet the Butterfly pair, just to see what happens there.
...huh. Would the portal turn Dawn into a pony, or would it leave her as is because it doesn't register her as a living thing since the one(s) who made it had no concept of 'artificial life form' when it was made?
When I think you can't make it funnier than last chapter, you prove me wrong.
HAH!
Fair point.
Hah.
This amuses me.
...
Sunset's doing.
Clearly.
Quite.
Fluttershy¿
Three wise men?
Ah.
...
Quite.
Oh.
What are you doing?
You scare me.
I... don't know how to respond to that.
She knows what you're about.
Because reasons.
Indeed.
Fair enough.
She has a point.
It is.
Quite.
Yes.
OOF.
I love this woman.
She has you there.
DAMMIT SUNSET!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Sounds about right.
She is a scary woman.
Because it's amusing.
She is not used to being flirted back at.
Quite.
Right.
Any possibility this is tied in to both the "Angry verse" and "The Dazzling's are insane"
... of this whole chapter, this is the only line that upsets me. In reverse order: Whisky is spelled without an e, scotch IS whisky, and bourbon... is forgivable I suppose, after all, the poor creatures don’t know any better.
Freaking Common Core amirite?
9195221
I looked it up out of curiosity and found that there's actually whiskey and whisky. Check out the wikipedia page on whiskey (both spellings send you to the same page).
Seems to put it pretty concisely, though there are a lot of different whiskey/whiskys listed on that page.
Relating to the chapter though, Adagio is insatiable. A thousand (maybe?) years on Earth acting like that and she hasn't gotten enough sex yet? She was probably even worse when she was able to get away with cradle-robbing.
9195221
Actually, whiskey is Irish whisky, scotch is a Scottish whisky and made from malted barley, and bourbon is American whiskey made from corn. There are several other differences, like how the Scots dry their barley with peat, or how typically, Irish recipes used a mixture of grains because barley has a history of being rather expensive there. Everything has exceptions of course, so these are all generalities, not unwavering and unbeatable truths, but for the most part, the differences between whisky and whiskey and bourbon and scotch and all that other stuff are a thing.
So yeah, Sunset wanted something American, Scottish, and Irish, in that order.
My initial post on this topic was wrong. Here is the right answer
9195216
Yes, it's connected to both.
9195311
I'm used to it being Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and Johnnie Walker. Though with Jose Cuervo is a variation that seems to be catching on.
9195322
Any chance Dawn will show up in them?
Dying of laughter here. Have a goddammit.
9195252
9195304
You both misunderstand, I’m not being boring about definition, I’m being mildly rude about everything that isn’t scotch whisky. Single malt for preference, Islay for even more preference, single age for a very specific preference, at which point you have arrived at something I won’t be mildly rude about.
9195353
I'm not entirely sure how to fit her into either one yet, but there's certainly potential for her to show up. I'll likely have a better idea as I get more chapters out what the future and humor potential for her might be in those slightly different settings.
“Fluttershy” mode????
Inquiring minds want to know what this “Fluttershy” mode entails????
Adagio:
Praying Mantis do this all the time. Perhaps Sunset and Twilight need to do some updates to Dawn’s etymology programs.
....
And if you get that poor excuse for a joke, good on you.
Ah, I've missed this story. This was absolutely hilarious and I loved every word of it.
Okay I KNOW those were references to the latest DRagon ball z abridged episodes.
Good show.
9195485
I like this plan.
9195485
Also Is Dawn going to use all the systems from the comic?
Wow. This is just insane. In a good way.
Now Dawn needs to somehow get shoehorned into the Beanisverse, and the triple-threat is complete.
Okay, that ending had me in stitches. Karma's a bitch, Adagio!
prospective?
Ah, good to see this return. So much hilarity. And probably all too much naughtiness, but that DID make it even more funny.
...In hindsight, it does make sense that Twi programmed the modes, even if they weren't her idea.
The ending was hilarious. I love the idea that it actually outdid and subsequently creeped-out Adagio!
I wanna see Dawn engage "Fluttershy" mode!
Look at it this way, Sunset took a 100% chance of Adagio doing Adagio things to Dawn and reduced it to a 50% chance.
oh god my sides the hurt from laughter
9195809
Fixed! Thanks!
I... I now want a NSFW spin-off story that explores all of these modes.
9196396
Yes, please!
Also, MOAR CHAPPERS NAO!!!!
9194943
My roommate has filed a noise complaint from my laughter. He joined in soon enough though.
Yes. Yes, you do that. Also, you and Celestia aren't technically related...
9195392
Ah.
In which case I find it rather funny that you think scotch is any good, but that's just me.
9196931
I enjoy scotch, though what Sunset was drinking uses not very good scotch in my opinion.
9197022
That actually makes sense, since good scotch is very expensive (in America, at least). I still think the tequila would have explained everything, though. It kind of has a reputation. I don't know why, though. I had a bottle of Jose Cuervo Gold at a biker rally once and just threw up a lot.
This was hilarious.
Dawn reminds me of Poppi from Xenoblade Chronicles 2.
9197289
Jose Cuervo is terrible. It's not even real tequila. Try El Jimador or Hornitos if you wanna see what Tequila is on about without spending a ton.
9198105
Thanks for the recommendation. I'll give those a shot.
9198116
Har. Har.
Also, love that someone decided to downvote that last comment of mine. I dunno if there's some Jose Cuervo fan out there I upset, but it's not 100% blue agave and the things I mentioned below aren't THAT much more per bottle.
Oh my God, an update! Im so happy right now
oh jesus
9198465
The juxtaposition of your comment is hilarious.
"I'm so happy right now" + "Oh Jesus" = Schadenfreude
Honestly, I need to be informed the moment this is considered being published. I want to lay down cash for the collector's edition.