Like a body it's reassembled from various pieces, it lives!
“Now wait just a moment here!” a woman’s voice called out in an authoritative tone.
“Ah!”
“Eep!”
Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle turned and jumped back toward Principal Celestia’s desk, laying eyes on Vice-Principal Luna. The school official was already fixing the three girls with a glare as if they had committed some sort of future crime she alone had pre-cognizance of. Twilight quickly decided that she was overexposed to the stern look and hid behind Sunset, her amethyst eyes peeking out fearfully from behind Sunset’s shoulders. Taking a moment to look at her fire-headed Mother Unit Beta and then further back to her glasses-wearing Mother Unit Alpha, Dawn decided to hide behind Twilight.
“Vice-principal Luna!” Sunset cried as she found herself the elected head of this conga line of fear. She forced a smile. “Uh-Hi! We didn’t think you’d be… hiding behind the door in Principal Celestia’s office because that sounds kind of crazy!”
Luna nodded. “I’m afraid I’ve had to resort to somewhat drastic measures to ensure my sister’s ‘laid back’ methods of running the school don’t land us in hot water with the local School board… or the police… or the national guard, honestly.”
Sunset turned and shot a glare at Principal Celestia.
“Oh, don’t look at me like this is my fault!” Celestia snapped.
“It pretty much is your fault!” Sunset exclaimed.
Celestia leaned her head over to look at Sunset, past the two other cowering girls. “Okay, but you wouldn’t even be a student here if it wasn’t for my, some might say ‘lax’, requirements for entry.”
Sunset grimaced. “Alright, fair.”
Luna narrowed her eyes. “I don’t say ‘lax’, I say virtually non-existent. I’d suggest that the only thing you require is that one is simply present and have a corporeal body, but I’m pretty sure you’ve already gone ahead and enrolled a ghost.” Luna shook her head. “With at least one student apparently no one has seen attending classes, taking tests, and handing in homework on time.”
Celestia shrugged. “The important thing is no one can prove Wallflower Blush is not a student here.”
Luna sighed. “No. The important thing now is you were about to let in yet another student just because Sunset Shimmer flashed a smile and asked nicely.”
“Hey, I only did that once!” Sunset protested. “… Twice if you count this time.” Sunset pointed past Twilight and Dawn at Celestia. “The Dazzlings? All Celestia.”
Celestia narrowed her eyes. “Wow. Would you maybe honk the horn on that bus before you run me down next time?”
Sunset suddenly wheeled around, ripping herself from Twilight’s grip much to the bespectacled girl’s dismay. “Oh! Like when you gave me warning before smashing right into me—” Sunset smashed her palms against each other producing a heavy ‘clap’ “—when pretty much the entire school was preparing for the Band Showcase?”
Celestia grimaced. “Alright, fair.”
Luna sighed. “Look, the past is the past and by some miracle we’ve managed to get by without any serious investigations—”
Twilight let out a small whimper of protest.
Luna fixed Twilight with a stern look. “—or gruesome deaths.”
Twilight swallowed.
Luna refocused her attention to Celestia, “Literally every student we’ve let into the school under mysterious circumstances has been trouble with a capital ‘C’ for ‘Cataclysmic’, and forgive me for perhaps profiling here, but both of you are pretty much directly responsible for two of those cataclysmic events. ” Luna motioned towards Dawn. “How is she different from these students of which you two form 40% of the total and account for 60% of the potentially apocalyptic events?”
Dawn stepped out from behind Twilight. “Well, Vice-Principal Unit—”
“Luna…” Luna corrected. “I am actually completely unsure as to why I had to clarify that just now.”
Dawn nodded. “Entry for ‘Vice-Principal Unit Luna’ has been updated.”
Luna said nothing and instead motioned towards Dawn with both hands as she flashed her elder sister the loudest ‘LOOK HOW WELL THIS IS GOING!’ look she could muster as Sunset and Twilight put on smiles that made them resemble two guilty parties standing next to each other in a suspect line-up.
“As I was stating, clearly the primary aspect that sets me apart from all other students of this school that have their ‘mysterious’ box checked, or even unchecked, I am an androi—”
Sunset and Twilight quickly covered Dawn’s mouth.
“She’s Twilight’s cousin!” Sunset quickly blurted out.
Twilight nodded her head up and down emphatically.
Luna pursed her lips slightly. “Okay, but why is she here… trying to enroll in this school?”
Twilight spoke up, “Her parents are going through a rough time and she’s staying with me for now!”
“Both things are technically true!” Sunset attested.
The pair of hands on her mouth slipped off as Dawn slumped forward dramatically. “I blame myself for this newly inputted information,” she said as a miserable expression came across her face. “Initiating sad, self-pitying mode.”
Sunset winced. “Aaaaand now I feel like a total d-bag. Thanks, Twilight!”
“Well you didn’t have to agree with me!” Twilight exclaimed. “Besides, ‘Sad, self-pitying mode’ has got to be all you!”
“That statement is accurate,” Dawn attested.
“I… just…” Sunset narrowed her eyes and threw her hands in the air. “I don’t always deal with my emotions in a healthy way, okay?!”
Twilight motioned to Dawn with her left hand. “Okay, but if you know it’s unhealthy why would you program that into Dawn?!”
Dawn turned to Twilight, her expression clearly not having improved at all. “I know I am not perfect, designation-while-on-school-grounds ‘Cousin Twilight’. Why can’t you just accept me for who I am?”
Twilight cringed as she clenched her fists together under her chin. “I mean… I do! I just… I’m just still getting you know you… and it’s all just so new… and weird.”
Dawn sniffled. “Are you saying I’m weird, designation-while-on-school-grounds ‘Cousin Twilight’?”
Twilight shuffled her feet nervously as she glanced from side to side. “Before I answer that, do you have a lie detection program?”
Sunset groaned and closed her eyes as she raised fingertips to her forehead. “Oh, Twilight…”
“Initiating hysterical overreaction cry mode!” Dawn exclaimed while a clear solution of something or another began leaking from her eyes.
“No! No! Don’t do that, please!” Twilight exclaimed. She turned to Sunset. “Sunset, why?!”
Sunset removed her hand from her face and shot Twilight an apologetic look. “Er, Okay… Your inability to apologize without making things worse aside; I’m sure that program was all me and… I’m sorry?”
Dawn continued in a pathetic tone, “Sob! Cry! Sob, Sob-sob! Cry! Designation-while-on-school-grounds ‘Friend Sunset’ just wanted to put as much of herself into me as possible! Why must you be so judgmental, designation-while-on-school-grounds ‘Cousin Twilight?!”
Luna’s forehead folded like a deck of cards that was also placed into vertically under a high-powered hydraulic press.
Sunset folded her arms across her chest and shot a glare at Twilight. “Okay, but the phrasing on that second to last sentence? I blame you for that.”
“Sniff. Sniff. Cry. Designation—”
Twilight leaned over and whispered, “You can stop saying ‘Designation-while-on-school-grounds.”
“—Cousin Twilight—”
“And ‘Cousin”
“—Unit Twilight is indeed responsible for most my language subroutines.”
Twilight groaned. “Okay… But what exactly is wrong with the statement ‘Sunset just wanted to put as much of herself into me as possible.’”
Sunset closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Phrasing,” Dawn said simply, seemingly breaking out of her emotional mode on the spot.
Sunset removed her hand and raised an eyebrow. “Wait… You’re programmed to understand accidental innuendo?”
Dawn nodded. “Yes, thanks to you. However, there’s no routine to stop myself from making accidental innuendos.” She hung her head and let her shoulders drop. “Oh, why was I programed to be such a bothersome and flawed unit?”
“Oh, Dawn! It’s fine! Really!” Twilight insisted. “Honestly you’re pretty amazing, flaws or not.”
“Right, right!” Sunset agreed. “You’re just as the gods intended you to be!”
Twilight turned and looked at Sunset with a flabbergasted expression. “Did you just compare us to deities?!”
“I mean, yeah! Kind of!” Sunset motioned to Dawn. “I mean, that’s a little fair, dontcha think?” Sunset leaned over and put her arms around Dawn. “Look, the important thing is that we both love you Dawn, no matter what we programmed you with or forgot to program you with.”
“Oh, er…” Twilight also leaned over and wrapped her arms around Dawn. “That’s right. By all accounts you’re a miracle of science!”
Dawn smiled. “Affection and reaffirmation of personality matrix received.” Dawn closed her eyes and pulled Sunset and Twilight close. “Initiating family group hug mode!”
Luna simply stared at this with a bemused look as she raced through the mental file cabinets in her head for an appropriate reaction… or any reaction at all.
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Girls, I’m glad the three of you are working out… whatever it is you’re all working out, but I somehow feel this wasn’t a conversation you should've had in front of my sister and I.”
Sunset and Twilight winced and quickly broke from the hug looking like two burglars who just had a giant spotlight shined on them. Dawn took a moment to study both her mother’s features then adopted a look much like theirs.
Luna simply sighed and shook her head. “Well, the fact that she’s Twilight’s cousin explains her odd manner of speech such that I have no reason to question it further.”
Sunset and Twilight let out sighs of relief. Dawn again took a moment to examine her mother’s reactions then copied them.
“However, it doesn't explain why you two keep on mentioning this programming!”
“Dawn’s not an android!” Twilight blurted out.
Sunset smacked a palm over her eyes and held it there for a moment.
Luna raised an eyebrow. “Well… of course not… That would be pretty silly to even consider…”
Sunset removed her hand from her face. “Look, ‘programming’ is just… slang? You know? Like… ‘Hey do you want to go down to the cafe and ask the barista to program a shake?’ Or Uh… ‘Hey! Let’s go program ourselves a sandwich!”’ Sunset risked a quick glance at Celestia and noted the Principal was flashing her a rather skeptical look.
Luna just groaned and shook her head. “I am unsure how you students always manage to come up with new slang that’s somehow more senseless than the last new slang you invented, but here we are.”
Twilight let out another forced laugh, “Oh, it’s wacky alright! Like…” Twilight cocked her elbows and swayed her arms from side to side as if this somehow helped her example. “Who wants to help me program this complex algorithm that analyzes human speech and formulates an appropriate response! Hey, why don’t we—” Twilight airquoted “—’program’ up an entire rules set for identifying new objects and people and efficiently categorizing them!”
Sunset frowned. “Twilight, stop helping…”
Dawn nodded. “For instance, I might say that I have a program that is telling me this exchange would go much quicker if I simply applied a mere 2.27 kilograms of force to one or more temples, but I also have a separate program that is telling me that’s—” Dawn airquoted “—‘illegal’ and ‘morally questionable’ in this a situation matching this one’s current parameters.”
Luna raised an eyebrow. “Indeed.”
Sunset’s frown deepened, “Dawn, stop helping…”
Luna turned back to Sunset. “You know, she also reminds me quite a bit of you, Sunset.”
“Oh, I’ve known Dawn literally her entire life!” Sunset said cheerfully. “Which was a really stupid thing to say out loud, I just realized!”
Luna narrowed her eyes. “Wait, so you’ve known the girl your entire life, which would have to make her from Equestria, but she’s also Twilight’s cousin…”
Twilight’s face turned a lighter shade of purple as Sunset’s eyes darted all around her sockets as she searched for some sort of answer. “Er… Would you believe the answer is magic?”
Luna smashed a palm against her forehead. “Of course, that would be the answer with you two.”
Sunset nodded. “Yes, but the important part here is that you believe it!”
“Even if she does, that doesn’t explain anything, Sunset,” Celestia said dryly.
Sunset turned and shot a glare at Celestia for a moment before turning back to the others in the room. “Would you excuse us?”
“Uh, Sure?” Twilight replied in confusion.
“Quiet eavesdropping mode engaged!” Dawn stated.
Luna just huffed out a sigh and folded her arms across her chest.
Sunset leaned over Celestia’s desk and talked in a half-hushed, half-raised voice tone. “Why are you being difficult?! I thought you were on our side!”
Celestia matched Sunset’s tone and threw her hands up in the air. “I am, but really?! ‘Magic’?! That’s your ‘A’ game?! ‘A wizard did it’ is just like… a cheat mode that you shout out and hope no on calls you out on!”
“I… I don’t think I got a lot of sleep last night, alright?!”
Celestia sighed and messaged her closed eyes with a thumb and forefinger for a moment. “Okay, but I am sticking my neck out for you here.” She removed her hands and opened her eyes. “You know that, right? Luna might be a bit of a grump—”
“You two realize I can hear every word you’re saying, correct?!” Luna said in an incredulous tone.
“Yes!” Sunset replied. “And we appreciate your patience!”
Luna snarled as Sunset and Celestia continued their conversation.
“As I was saying, Luna might be an angry and joyless spinster who never makes breakfast—”
“Tia, you Craven Beef-witted Codpiece!”
Dawn burst out laughing. “Insult filed for future use!”
“What! No!” Twilight protested. “Sunset!”
“Busy!” Sunset snapped.
Celestia continued, “But my sister really does have this school’s best interest at heart, and I kind of owe her for the whole ‘you’ thing, and then the Siren thing… and then again when I let them continue to attend school!”
“You owe me for the Siren thing, too!” Sunset insisted. “You’d think I’d be madder about the first time, but no… No, really the fact that those three are a constant drain on my existence is much worse than them playing with my emotions a couple times and trapping my friends and I under a stage in an attempt to syphon our powers to go ‘hog wild’ on the planet!”
“Ugh… Fine! But this makes us even!”
“What?! Oh, you can’t possibly be serious!”
Celestia put on a fake smile and bobbed her head back and forth as she spoke in a higher pitch, “I’m Sunset Shimmer and if I just remind everyone that I’m a maaaaaagic pony all my problems go away and I won’t have to explain myself at all!”
Sunset let out an incredulous scoff. “I am not like that!”
Twilight thought for a moment. “Well… You do use that to explain your habit of eating grass and sometimes throwing off most your clothes and then frolicking into a field to… eat grass!”
“AH! Twilight!” Sunset protested. “Why?!”
Celestia smiled widely. “Oh, I’mma remember that one!”
Dawn nodded. “I, too, have filed that in my memory banks for future blackmail!”
“Damnit! I put too much of me into you!”
“Phrasing,” Dawn and Celestia said simultaneously.
Sunset growled and ruffled her huge mane of red-and-yellow hair with both hands. “FINE!” she extended her right hand across Celestia’s desk. “You’ve got a deal!”
Celestia shook Sunset’s hand. “DONE!”
“WHAT?! TIA! YOU CAN’T JU—”
“Putting Dawn’s admission to a all members present faculty vote in three-two-one!”
“Gha! Uh… Not until we have—”
Celestia raised her hand. “I vote ‘aye!’ My vote counts for more as NOT vice-Principal.”
Luna’s forehead began to cramp up. “Oooohhhh… You owe me for this.”
Sunset turned to face Luna with a smile suggesting that she was actually a big orange cat, and not a pony, a big orange cat that had perhaps caught a flying pet. “It’s not important where she came from…” Sunset motioned to Dawn. “The import thing is that she has a mind that’s eager to learn.”
Dawn nodded. “Yes, this unit possesses one mind that is eager to learn. Perhaps more in the future depending on hammer, jar, and embalming fluid availability.”
Luna groaned and raised a palm to her forehead. “Sister, do you have an ice-pack handy?”
“No, it’s fine!” Sunset said. “Dawn was joking! See… Twilight and I watched Frankenstein last night with her…” Realization was suddenly zapped onto Sunset’s face like a mad scientist throwing a lever in a lightning storm “…in all likelihood.”
Twilight let out a said sigh. “Probably… It’s my favorite movie even though it’s just so sad.”
“…Wait, sad?” Sunset inquired.
Twilight sniffled. “Yeah… Poor Doctor Frankenstein… Just… so misunderstood. His creation, too.”
Dawn wrapped comforting arms around her Mother Unit Alpha, “It’s alright Unit Twilight… We’ll be better… better than both of them…”
Twilight’s lips began to surface out of her sadness into a small smile and she patted Dawn on the arm. “I know, Dawn… I know…”
Sunset threw her hands up in the air. “How is it you two agreeing with me somehow made things worse?!”
Celestia cleared her throat to get Sunset’s attention then pointed her in the direction of Luna.
Luna lowered her hand. “Look… The REAL important thing here is that you convinced me Dawn is not a danger to anyone here at school,” she said, her voice once again becoming stern. “Yet knowing that Dawn is somehow magical only increases my suspicion that she’ll cause trouble!”
Sunset motioned to Twilight. “Okay, but she’s related to Twilight, right! And I mean… ignoring magical shenanigans, Twilight is a model student.”
Luna placed her hands on her hips. “I refuse to rule out magical shenanigans!” Luna said in a serious tone. “Magical shenanigans is, in fact, my primary concern!” She folded her arms across her chest and glared at Twilight.
Twilight flinched. “Midnight Sparkle was just the one time! I have her under control now!”
Luna’s forehead muscles once again constricted with a speed that made her worried she might have pulled something. “Wait, ‘now’?!”
“And that thing with my magic and the singing plants!” Twilight laughed nervously. “Total fluke! Won’t happen again!”
This time Luna was SURE she pulled a forehead muscle. “‘Singing plants?’”
Sunset quickly inserted herself in-between Twilight and Luna. “Look, don’t listen to Twilight, she’s just a little out of it! She and I were up late drinking age-appropriate stuff and erm… She was so out of it this morning she couldn’t even find her underwear! Turns out Dawn was wearing them!” Sunset’s eyes darted one way than the other nervously. “Hahahaaaaaaa...”
Twilight buried her bright red face in her hands.
“Observation,” Dawn began, “Friend Sunset, you have done nothing but made this situation worse with your last couple contributions to this conversation.”
“That I have, Dawn!” Sunset agreed with a nod. “That. I. Have.”
Luna once again shot her sister a stern look and motioned to Sunset with both hands.
Celestia just shrugged. “She’s not human, Luna. She’s a unicorn from another dimension who happens to have a human body when she’s in this dimension. How do you expect me to handle this?”
“I expect you to enforce school rules!”
Celestia tilted her head and looked at Sunset. “What she does off school grounds technically is none of our concern unless it affects the school or other students.”
“She’s corrupting Twilight!” Luna insisted.
Sunset raised an index finger and opened her mouth as if to protest, but then quickly lowered her finger and closed her mouth as she thought for a moment.
Celestia rolled her eyes. “I’ll admit that there’s perhaps a mundane law or two she’s broken with Twilight, but unless Twilight suddenly stops becoming a model student under Sunset’s influence, I don’t see that there’s anything Sunset has clearly done... recently“—
“Really?!” Sunset protested.
—“to warrant any sort of action from us,” Celestia concluded.
Luna again folded her arms across her chest and gave her sister the sternest look she could with a sore forehead. “I still strongly protest against the potential imbibing of alcohol amongst those not of age… Not everyone in this potential situation was originally a magical pony from another dimension.”
Celestia smirked. “You certainly didn’t protest when I turned twenty-one!”
Twilight’s eyes widened in surprise as Sunset flashed Luna the clearest ‘Ooooooh! Busted!’ grin she could manage.
“New information logged in blackmail fi—”
“Discussion over!” Luna snapped. “Dawn can stay!”
Sunset pumped a fist into the air. “Yes!”
“Alright!” Twilight exclaimed.
“Initiating celebration mode!” Dawn began to bob her body back and forth and rhythmically point one index finger in the air followed by the other.
“Under ONE condition!” Luna added.
“What?!” Sunset exclaimed, she cupped her hands over her mouth. “Boo, Vice-Principal Luna, Booo!”
Twilight shot Luna a worried look.
“Initiating, ‘what the heck’ mode!” Dawn exclaimed. She glared at Luna. “What the heck?!”
Luna grit her teeth. “Dawn has to fill out a proper registration form.”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Luna, where are we going to get something like that?”
“Sister, I’m already going to need to ice my head or get acupuncture or something… just… check the drawer second from the bottom on the left-hand side of your desk.
Celestia groaned. “Right, right… the boring drawer!”
“Yes, you insufferable weasel-snorting foppish courtesan—”
“HAH!”
“Insult filed.”
“—The boring drawer!” Luna exclaimed in an irritated tone.
With yet another exaggerated groan, Celestia reached down and opened one of her drawers. After some brief rifling through papers she came back up with a modest form of several pages stapled together on the left-hand side. She handed the paper to Dawn. “Okay, but classes are about to start and it’s going to take Dawn a while to—”
“I have completed filling out the forms as requested.”
“—Or not…” Celestia shot Sunset a quick glare.
“What! She’s related to Twilight, remember?” Sunset replied.
“I find that answer sufficient,” Luna said, “Though I didn’t notice that Dawn had a pen…” She sniffed the air. “And it smells faintly of fire in here, now…”
Sunset cringed. “Celestia sometimes smokes pot!” she blurted out quickly.
A nameplate suddenly bounced off Sunset’s forehead. “Ouch! What the hell?!”
“NARK!” Celestia exclaimed. She narrowed her eyes and folded her arms across her chest, “And reminding the entire school of your crimes or not, you’re now officially the one with the biggest bus.”
Dawn’s eyelids shut briefly and when she opened them they were glowing red. “Mother Defense mode engaged!” She said in a dark tone as she raised her right hand and pointed it at Celestia.
“Ah! AHHH!” Twilight practically dove on top of Dawn. “Disengage! Disengage!”
“Dawn, it’s fine!” Sunset said as she rubbed her forehead with her left hand and held up her right palm in front of her. “I mean… even I think I deserved that.”
“Girls, do you know what a cluster headache is?” Luna asked as she pressed her left hand against her her left eye-socket with enough force it looked like she might be trying to cave in her own skull.
Dawn nodded. “Cluster Headache is usually defined as a painful recurring headache associated with the release of histamines from cells.”
“That answer is utterly unsatisfying,” Luna said. “Let’s just say they go by another name, and that name is ‘suicide headaches’.”
“Look, I don’t smoke pot on school grounds!” Celestia said. “So that smoke couldn’t have been from me!”
Luna groaned. “Tia, that’s just one of many things I’m trying to unpack from the last few seconds!”
“Besides! Marijuana is legal now!” Celestia added.
Luna moved her hand off her eye and used both hands to force her forehead into a ‘glare’ directed at her sister.
“… In some states…”
“… An eighth…” Luna said simply.
“Uh… What?”
“An eighth,” Luna repeated. “That’s my price for allowing Dawn into the school and putting up with… Whatever it is that just transpired in this office.”
A somewhat stunned silence fell over the room.
“Luna… I didn’t know you smoked,” Celestia admitted.
“I’m Vice-Principal at a highschool that doubles as the entry gate to our world for all things magical and dangerous!” Luna pointed out. “I have to calm my nerves somehow.”
Celestia sighed. “Okay, but you know an eighth is kinda a lot…”
Luna nodded. “Yes. Three-point-five grams, to be exact. I am aware… It’s been quite the morning and we’ve apparently only just started.”
Sunset and Twilight continued to fidget nervously as Dawn followed their lead.
“Bruh…” Celestia replied in a sad tone. “Harsh toke.”
“An EIGHTH, Tia!”
“Alright, fine!”
“And absolutely NO smoking on school grounds!”
“What do I look like? Someone who isn't a professional?”
“Your looks have never been the issue, sister.”
Celestia shook her head. “Well, that smell still didn’t come from me.”
Twilight spoke up. “Well it certainly wasn’t because Dawn has a small laser built into her left index finger for writing in addition to a much larger and more destructive proton cannon in her right hand!”
All eyes were suddenly on Twilight.
“Hahaaaaaa! I mean… That’d be crazy to think!” Twilight said as she punctuated her statement with a rather unconvincing a grin.
Dawn nodded. “Version of the truth somewhat askew of reality mode activated: It would indeed be downright astro-nomical.”
Sunset cringed. “I am simultaneously proud and angry at you two… and also me… especially me!”
Celestia coughed. “You’re still in MY office with Luna and myself, Sunset,” she reminded.
Sunset swallowed nervously and mirrored Twilight’s grin. Dawn who once again checked her mothers for cues and copied them.
Luna spoke up, “I’m going to have a life-threatening aneurysm if I continue this conversation for much longer. Magic or not, Dawn is welcome so long as she doesn’t cause trouble…”
“Worry not, acknowledged person of some authority,” Dawn said, “causing trouble is designated as one of my least favorite things to do.”
“No seriously,” Luna said, “the top of my head feels like it’s in a vice that is also in a smelting pot.”
Dawn handed the packet to Sunset and Twilight. “All that’s left now is for my parental units to print their names, sign, and date the packet.”
Sunset chuckled. “Okay, Dawn, Twilight will—”
“AH!” Twilight snatched the packet from Dawn.
“—totally freak out for no apparent reason!”
“I, erm… It’s fine!” Twilight said as she waved the packet around. “Geez, that’s warm… Uh…” she clenched the packet to her chest. “We’ll make sure Dawn’s parents, who are totally not us, erm…get this! And sign it! Yep! You’ll get it back soooon!” Twilight assured cheerfully and anxiously.
Sunset smacked a palm against her head. “Damnit, Twilight…”
A completely crestfallen look came over Dawn’s face. “Was… was I just disowned?”
Sunset added her other hand. “Double dammit, Twilight!”
“Could… could everyone get out of my office, please?” Celestia said. “I feel that was like… a day’s… maybe two days worth of Principalling done in a short period of time and I kinda just want to surf MyStable for the rest of the day and listen to Sublime albums, while definitely not smoking on school grounds.”
Luna’s forehead tightened briefly and then snapped back into place as a trickle of blood ran down her nose. “If anyone needs me, I will be in Nurse Redheart’s office. There is something of a chance that I will even be conscious.”
“Okay, so which one of us designated that ‘causing trouble’ protocol?!” Twilight asked. She, Dawn, and Sunset all walked down a hall of Canterlot High as other students quickly retrieved things from lockers and scurried on to their first class.
"Friend Sunset,” Dawn answered. “She wanted an override protocol just in case she programmed too many 'Mischief' sub-protocols and accidentally made me evil."
Twilight turned and glared at Sunset.
Sunset threw her hands up in the air. “Hey, Sober Friend Sunset may not remember doing that but Sober-me also thinks drunk mother Sunset knew what I-she was on about when she-me programmed in that fail-safe!”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Oh, this should be good…”
“Look, an A.I. has like… an eighty percent chance of turning evil!”
“Statement: That’s racist, Friend Sunset.”
Twilight glared at Sunset who cringed at her robotic daughter’s observation.
Dawn continued, “but also demonstrably true, for every ‘Johnny Five’ there are four other evil robots waiting to destroy humanity or be reprogrammed as hilarious Three Stooges expies.”
“There! You see!” Sunset said motioning to Dawn with both hands. “Dawn knows the score! And I mean, the chances that I’d make an A.I. that wasn’t slightly more evil are, well… Slightly more likely than usual!”
Dawn nodded in agreement. “Without the proper fail safes and ‘don’t be evil’ subroutines, Friend Sunset’s influences would make me four point two percent more likely to become evil than the average artificially created being.”
Twilight’s jaw dropped. “You’re saying that if it wasn’t for a bunch of programming that was literally designed to prevent you from turning, there’s an eighty-four point two percent chance you’d become evil.”
“Negative.”
Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. “That did seem a little excessive.”
“There’d be a total eighty-seven point six percent chance. Unit Twilight adds an additional three point four percent to the total!”
“HAH!” Sunset exclaimed.
“What?! Oh, come on!” Protested Twilight.
Sunset chuckled. “Alright Dr. Twilight Frankenstein—”
“Who told you about my fanfic?!”
“Uh, wow!” Sunset shot Twilight a nervous grin. “Just going to power right on past that one… Look, we need to split up who gets Dawn when.”
A dejected look fell over Dawn. “Already my existence has caused a rift between my parents and now I am but a mere inconvenience to be passed back and forth. Initiating ‘Woe is Me’ Mo—”
“You! Hush!” Sunset said as swatted at Dawn’s arm lightly.
“Volume reduced to thirty percent.”
Sunset let out an exasperated sigh. “Twilight, what’s your first class?”
Dawn began to sing in a quiet, sad tone. “It’s hard to wake up♫ Sob.”
“Calculus,” Twilight answered.
“Uh… Isn’t that beneath you? I mean… it’s even beneath me…”
“When the shades have been pulled shut♫ Sniff. Cry”
Twilight smiled and shrugged. “An easier course load means more time to learn about friendship! The only thing better would be a school dedicated just to friendship.”
“This house is haunted♫ Sniff. Sniff. Cry It’s so pathetic♫.Sob. Sob. It makes no sense at all♫ Sniffle”
Sunset cringed. “No, Twilight… That actually sounds a little insane everyone is just supposed to pick up social interactions as part of school…” Sunset massaged her forehead for a second with a thumb and forefinger. “Anyway, I think Dawn should go with you. I don’t think she’ll get into too much trouble with math.”
Dawn’s tune immediately shifted to one a bit more upbeat. “Don’tcha think that I’m bound to react now?♫”
Sunset continued, “I mean… I don’t think we want Dawn in my first class…”
“Well, my fingers definitely turning black now♫”
“It’s biology… And Dawn’s already shown some… worrying tendencies…”
As if picking up on exactly what Sunset was getting at, Dawn changed her song again. This one once again a bit slower. “I’m a killer, cold and wrathful♫”
Sunset continued, “Especially into her thinking regarding humans…”
“Silent Sleeper, I’ve been inside your bedroom♫”
Sunset frowned heavily and motioned towards Dawn as if doing so proved her point.
“I’ve murdered half the town!♫”
“Honestly, I agree with you completely,” Twilight said.
“Left you notes on their headstones!♫”
“Oh, really?”
“She can use some time away from you,” Twilight stated. “You’re a horrible influence on Dawn’s behavior!”
“I’ll fill the graveyards♫”
Sunset raised an index finger and opened her mouth as if to protest, but then quickly lowered her finger and closed her mouth as she thought for a moment. “Alright, fair…”
“until I have you♫”
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Wow. Dawn is like...
AN AWESOME WAIFU!
WOO! IT'S BACK! AND AS HILARIOUSLY GLORIOUS AS EVER! BRAVA! BRAVA!!!
maybe its the fact that its 3am but this was funny as all hell
...
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Dude.... She's like 12hr old.
Well....THAT certainly explains why she’s always so f-ing blasé about the things going on with magic. She’s baked out of her mind.
That might even explain why her counterpart is so useless in the show.
....
Damn....
I think I just broke my brain.....
[The Shadow.exe has stopped responding. Reboot, Retry, Quit.]
I feel for Luna, really. She just wanted a boring job being a responsible adult sub-managing a school. Instead... she got this.
This chapter may be the single funniest thing you've ever written.
I've laughed so hard at this chapter my sense of humor actually BROKE and shut down.
Luna shook her head.“With at least one student apparently
1. Just forgot your spacing here.
It’s 3.5 grams. 3.5 oz is a LOT of weed.
Luna is surprisingly reasonable.... Which is unfortunate for our protagonists.
At least it wasn't "Don't'cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" ...
To be fair though; Dawn hasn't met Adagio yet. One cannot fathom the depths of corruption that is the Dazzle Fish.
I don’t suppose you could clarify why Dawn needs clothes to disguise her android status could you? Aside from Applejack saying she doesn’t look ‘human’ and Rarity mentioning ‘Robo-cracks’ I didn’t see anything which really clarified any kind of android appearance.
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Pro tip: Don't bug people about this stuff, it tends to do the opposite of what you want.
Bonus: If they don't respond; it's because they don't want to. It's not an invitation.
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if only because for some ungodly reason I am still awake; the answer was in the comic he linked.
orig00.deviantart.net/fffb/f/2017/191/7/5/what_we_did_last_night_by_crydius-dbfu6v2.png
I love these two bickering.
How do you FUNCTION?
She has a point.
This amuses me.
We know.
Oh my god.
I like to imagine she sounds like TFS Android 19.
Oh it absolutely was.
Want a list?
THank you.
Yes.
And I thought Rainbow had an ego.
I cannot believe this is working.
Wow, you cannot shut up when you are scared.
Quite.
...
HAH!
It works.
Same here.
Kinda.
I love this so much.
...
That'd about do it.
Scratch that, you're Penny Polendina now. It's funnier for me.
...
That's a good one.
Nark?
She has a point.
Yes.
That'd do it.
Not wrong though.
Yeah, just gonna ignore that one.
...
You're barely any better.
Luna has the best insults I've seen in a long time.
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Basically editing fail there. Sorry.
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What is the age of consent for an android?
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Oh. That WOULD be rather helpful. I guess I didn’t notice that link was to the inspiring material until you mentioned it now. Don’t I feel like a dolt now.
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No worries man, easy to miss.
Now I want Dawn to meet Turing Test.
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It's 'Abort, RETRY, Fail'.
I like computers, so...
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Whoops! Fixed! And thanks to Steel Resolve who pointed this out to me in chat.
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Fixed! Thanks!
Yey
YES
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Is...is Dawn fully functional in that regard? I can't remember.
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If memory serves, when asked by Dash this question, Dawn's response was "Where it counts."
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If they do, Maud might have a rival for Turing's affections.
Hilarious stuff from start to finish, especially Shakespearean insult Luna.
Me too, Dawn! Me too!
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Has that ever really stopped anyone before when it comes to robots?
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Remember Nicole's other major character is....
Tree Hugger.
Also, musical reference:
https://youtu.be/tsK0oGfemaM
Well... At least Dawn hasn't devolved to:
Also... Proton Cannon?! Sci-Twi wut?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to flush those ICP Lyrics out of my head...
Didn't you flip who was mother unit beta? Twilight is called that twice here when Beta was Sunset's designation.
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That comic served as inspiration, but no, it didn't define the character for Justice.
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Whoops! Yeah. I also had to clean up the second section a bit. They're still at school so Dawn shouldn't refer to them by their mother unit names.
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The comics are also part of a much larger narrative, I believe. Crydius has created a crossover setting that combines maybe a dozen or more franchises where's this is more just playing with the initial idea of these two creating an android. As it's mentioned in the description of the fic this was something of a writing prompt that a few authors here have written our take on. The Albinocorn has a story about it here, as well. In my case, I moved so quickly after the initial comic came out I think we had discussed a name even before Crydius gave on for the character created.
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EH. Since when have waifus and shippers ever made sense?
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Under no circumstances can she be allowed near Adagio.
Oh my god, my stomach hurts. I loved this chapter.
Yes it's back and with as much humour if not even more than before.
Oh come on! When I left last chapter a comment about Celestia being on crack I was joking.
A.......
weasel-snorting
Has....Celestia somehow found a way to snort live weasels? I mean, even for this author's stories, that's a little out there. (This author's stories are starting to fuck with my mind.)
Or she found a way to take weasels and turn them into a powder and snort them, ala this one skit from Robot Chicken.
OR...there is some kind of snortable drug named weasel.
I'm a little worried about Doctor Twilinstein there.
And those insults, I have literally never heard those before.
There's so much good stuff in here, i had to stop reading several times to laugh.
Someone's been referencing their "Shakespearean Insults" chart.
should have or should've
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Fixed ! Thanks
Lol keep em coming