• Published 13th Jul 2017
  • 4,128 Views, 460 Comments

I Have No Mouth, and I Must Squee ( A Comment Driven Story) - Down with Chrysalis



You, a brony, are sent to Equestria. The problem is, you're now a mute...good luck!

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Episode 4: Don't Dead. Open Inside.

As you and the sun goddess stare each other down you can't help but feel nervous. No one can really blame you considering said pony can easily turn you to ash if she wanted to, or worse have her new mass weapon of rainbow destruction turn you into a lawn ornament. Or both.


So yeah, you have every right to be nervous, which is why you break eye contact with the pony princess to look at the bundle of adorableness that is Woona.

Hopeing luna has not sold you out as the lord of snake mountain you know she will tell He man if she knows you must hide your true Skeletor self ,if she has no clue then your safe.

I really really really hope Luna didn't sell me out on the whole 'Lord of Snake Mountain' thing,


You hold back a comical sneer as you continue to think,


True she only saw a glimpse of my greatness, but competing toy and cartoon franchises must surely have an awareness of each other. It’s only a matter of time now that she's good that she'll tell all the He-Mans in this world and then I'll have to spend who knows how long getting my ass kicked over and over again. I must hide my true Skeletor nature, or at least downplay it enough in order to prevent that from happening. FOR I WILL BE THE ONE TO STRIKE HE-MAN DOWN FIRST MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA-


"Are...are you alright?"


Your eyes widen at Celestia's question as you realize that your face has contorted into a mad grin while you were laughing evilly. Though thankfully without your voice, all it looked like to her was that you were wincing in pain. You quickly shake off the look, much to Celestia's confusion/amusement, before you gain a deep frown.

Denneylaw's Comment

Greatness942's Comment

Alright, inner Skeltor complex, you’ve gotten me in enough trouble already. I have to channel one of my less evil complexes. Something that will show her I'm not a threat. But who?


You gain a thoughtful look for a few moments, before you start to chuckle slightly insanely in a good natured way. Well...you don't really chuckle, its more of your mouth opening and closing while your head bobs up and down as you pet Luna.


Nyeh-heh-heh, I shall make the greatest spaghetti in all the land! I shall become a royal guard after I capture the human!!! Nyeh-heh-heh!


It is as you are doing this that Celestia's look of confusion slowly starts to morph more into amusement. In fact it looks like the side of her mouth is twitching upwards, trying to smile,


Amusement is good, For I am A Cool Dude! Now allow me to capture the human with one of my puz- You then stop and facepalm startling Celestia.


Damn it! I can’t be Papyrus! Then I’d have to capture myself. Curse you Toby Fox, you're next after He-Man!!! *Sigh*


“Are you perhaps gathering your thoughts? There’s no need to feel nervous in my presence,” Celestia speaks up.


Like Hell there isn’t Sun Horsey! Come on, surely I can think of anything other than talking skeletons, right? Come on, think, think!! Perhaps I could Combine the two personalities together?


The mental battle you conjure causes you to silently chuckle, but just as soon as you do this you slap yourself across the face to dislodge the scenario in your mind as you think angrily


Okay, enough with the skeletons already! I cannot be that obsessed with talking bones for crying out loud! Think of something else already brain!!!


Celestia covers her mouth with her hoof trying to cover her laughter.


Crap! Now she’s laughing at me! I need to save face and appear suave and cool!Come on brain, think of something that's not a tall skeleton! Think! Think! Thi-


And inspiration hits you as you suddenly get the urge twirl your none-existent mustache evilly while pretending to hold a rose in your other hand.


And itsa me, Wa-Ha-HEEEEE!!! You mouth.


By now Celestia is full blown laughing at your antics. Little Woona meanwhile appears to be giggling in her sleep.


“I’m sorry-Ha Ha-Please-Ha-Forgive me *Giggle*” Celestia breathes out getting her laughter under control. “It’s just that I have no idea what you’re doing, and your expressions seem whacky.”


Damn it Personas, you suck! Why can't you be more awesome and be like Samuel L Jackson or Samurai Jack! Seriously wh-


Your rant is interrupted when you feel the pressure around your chest increase. This seems to snap you back into reality as you look down to see Woona cuddling you even more while giggling in her sleep. You heart monitor goes crazy for a bit, but you calm down fast enough before it goes on too long.


Well, at least Woona likes me, so that's something. At least if things don't work out with Celestia I still got cuddles from best princess. Which thinking about it isn't too bad as a last request…Perhaps I could just run away with her before Celestia tries anything? Wait a minute. That’s it! I could use my inner Joseph Joestar again!


After remembering your crazy run, you try to call upon the heroic complex of the great Joseph Joestar...and it almost works! You almost feel like rising from bed, throwing out a ridiculous, yet clever plan, and being a smartass the whole way through. But your nerves are too shot, you’re still injured quite a bit, and the sun princesses has her site directly upon you.


You point at her and think,


Your next line is going to be ‘My goodness I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.’


Celestia stops laughing when she notices your finger and raises an eyebrow.


“Yes? Oh, do you wish me to introduce myself? I am Princess Celestia of Equestria,” she says in regal authority and you scrunch your face in disappointment.


Damn! I was so sure that was going to work. Well I’m out of options, I don’t have Hamon or a Stand…yet…This is a land of magic, maybe I can jury rig one. That is if I don’t get sent to jail.


You shiver as you see her giving you a stoic look as if she’s deep in thought.


Hopefully I didn’t confuse her too much.


Oh how little you knew. For in reality the princess of the sun is already formatting plan after plan to use your...uniqueness to troll every stuck up noble she can find. As well as troll a certain creature of chaos when he eventually gets out...but you can't read minds so you don't know that.


After a moment, Celestia notices that your attention is on her and she coughs into her hoof before saying,

BrownDog77's Comment

“I’m taken to understand that you are mute, is that correct?”


You nod at this info and pat your throat for emphasis.


“Well I guess Luna’s claims are genuine then seeing as your laughter and groans were silent.”


And you give one of those airy groans as if to emphasize that statement.


“Now then, if you’re over your nervous antics, let’s get back down to questioning. Before I begin, I will inform you that it has been a week since I found you unconscious in the castle with my sister. The Doctor’s informed us that you’d possibly waking soon so we came to check up on you. My dear little sister though is still physically weak after being struck by the Elements of Harmony, and it seems she couldn’t stand vigil over you,” she smirks.


A week? Dang, that’s a new personal best for me.


"With that out of the way, I’d like to ask you a few questions. From the correspondence from my student you are said to be intelligent enough to write. Is this true?" After you nod she magics a pad and pencil next to your head.


“Good. So now you can write and explain to me your side of the story.”


You nod as you pick up the pencil and paper and start writing what happened in the castle. But no matter what you write though, Celestia doesn't understand it.


"Odd. I've never seen this type of language before, and yet you clearly understand our language…” she trails off trying to decipher your text.


Dang it. So English words don’t exist here. So what the heck, do I have a Babel Fish in my ear or something?


"Strange indeed..." she mutters before shaking her head.

Greatness942's Comment

"Not to worry, there are still other options.” With a poof of magic, a tray of various putties floats beside her. She then concentrates lifts your pad of paper and begins drawing a floor plan of the castle, before placing both it and the putties in front of you.


"I know you can understand me, that much is certain. So, using these putties on this little map, I want you to re-enact the entire event."


And so, you get to work! Creating a putty Skeletor in your place, which is very poorly done with blue, purple and a bit of yellow putty for the face.


“Odd…” she says in consideration, “Did you perhaps lose these purple and blue garments in the castle?”


You lie and nod.


You then continue, making 7 putty ponies, one more noticeably bigger than the rest. With the pieces done, you begin explaining. You show how you just appeared, meeting the Mane Six, the Havoc Staff, Beatboxing, the Joestar Family Technique, and how you ended up in the castle. Through it all, she sits attentively, watching it and listening to your...Nyehs. You seem to just be saying noises that are close to "NYEH!" constantly, but the tone's there even though you can't really speak any words or syllables.


After you finish, Celestia says calmly,


"Okay, I know I'm missing a lot of context, but let me see if I got this straight...you woke up in the castle?”


Nod


"Accidentally broke an Element of Harmony and were chased by my student and her new friends-"


Nod


"And you were beaten, before Nightmare Moon helped you-"


Nod


"She gave you the staff of Grogar-"


Havoc Staff! I mean-, nod


"Which you used to knock out one of my student's friends…” she then raises an eyebrow at you, “Was this intentional or accidental?”


You pause and reluctantly wave your hand.


Ehhh, a little of column A, Little of Column B.


"Right…so you then for some reason kidnapped the Pink Mare and brought her to Nightmare Moon, before refusing to hand her over?” a bit of confusion creeps into her voice.


You reluctantly nod as you pick up the Pinkie Pie putty doll and pat it’s head before holding it close to your chest as if you’re snuggling it. This causes her to raise her brow again.


“Ah, it seems you’ve become attached to this Pinkie Pie then. Good to know. Thankfully it seems this infatuation gave my student and her friends the time they needed to save Luna. Well, after your injury that is,” she says a bit bitterly.


You furiously nod at that, before you wince as…

Kazuma Michishige's Comment

DerekGamer's Comment

BrownDog's Comment

A jolt of pain shoots through your and a strangled hiss escapes from your throat as you try to react to said pain.


Celestia's winces in sympathy at your visage. "Please don't move around much. Your injuries were quite severe, and several of the doctors insisted that you should have died from blood loss."


You become rather sober at hearing that.


Crap, I really could have died! I am never jumping at random mirrors again.


A spark of anger appears in Celestia's eyes and you freeze.


"Then there is the matter of Twilight's attack. You must have some innate resistance to magic because from the amount of power she put into that attack should have left a hole in your body.”


But I was kinda her enemy at the time. You slowly mime this out to Celestia, mainly by gesturing between you and Luna, while holding up the Nightmare Moon putty figure.


"I have taught her to be better than that. I shudder to think what would happened had you not shielded Luna as you did…” she responds before shaking her head. “She will atone for this to you, I guarantee it. Regardless, when you leave, I will also send a couple guards to watch over you until you are fully healed. They will be sending reports back to me.”


To this you give a confused expression and her eyes widen.


“Oh right, I haven’t explained how we’ll be handling your unique situation. As it is, since there is no clear way to communicate with you, and we still have no idea where you came from or even WHAT you are, I can't exactly let you wander my country unescorted."


Crap! I'm going to the dungeons!


"But because my sister and my student’s new friend have spoken out for you, I am willing to give you a chance. Twilight Sparkle will be living now in this town with her friends who you've met. Until such a time that we can communicate properly and know your story fully, I will leave you in their care."


What? Am I under house arrest or something?


She sees your outraged face.


"The alternative is more...militaristic in nature..." she warns.


Okay, house arrest sounds nice. I guess Twilight can help me learn their written language, but I'm pretty sure five out of six of them hate me.


Your mental groaning crashes to a halt though, when she says something that takes your breath away.


“Do not fret Skeletor, I will not just leave you in the hooves of antagonistic…are you alright?” she pauses as she sees your face.


Tears flow from your eyes in pure happines. You are in euphoria, the heavens have opened above you and angels are singing.


She called me Skeletor! You weep. I'm so happy This is all I ever wanted. For someone else to feed into my delusions…Wait, how did she know to call me that?


You sit up suddenly, wincing at the pain as you think back to your earlier fears.


Do competing franchises know about each other via osmosis?


"Oh, you're probably wondering how I knew your name?” Celestia exposits and you nod. Losing her confusion behind, she explains.


“Well while you were unconscious, I tried to delve into your mind...but you have unusually strong mental barriers. The only clear image I could receive was a purple clad creature with a skull face dancing, and the word "Skeletor" repeated over and over again. Since that putty figurine you made represents you, I figured that this was your name. Is it?"


Even a strong Memory spell did not work on you. Which in hindsight is probably for the best, considering that if it did work they'd find out their all just made up creatures from some toy company. But of course you didn't focus on that, you focused more on being called Skeletor.


Yes! For all that is holy yes! you 'shout' as you bob your head up in down with enough force to give you whiplash, and cause you to wince again from the week old injuries.


“Please take it easy Mr. Skeletor. You are still very weakened, even if you are being released in an hour.”


I can’t help it! I have others calling me Skeletor, plus I have the staff and…Wait. Where’s the Havoc Staff?!!! You panic as you see no sign of it in the room. You then hold up the putty figurine of the staff and shake it at Celestia.


"Ah the staff of Grogar. Luna said you might ask for it's whereabouts. I have left it in the care of my faithful student for study. Whether she wants to give it back to you is another story I’m afraid."


Curses! I can't be foiled from my destiny...Wait a minute. Princess Celestia is voiced by Nicole Oliver...the same voice actress as...


You look upon Princess Celestia with a toothy sneer and she backs up in surprise.


Curse You Sorceress! You will not be able to keep Castle Greyskull safe from me forever!!!


She then looks upon your arm waving in amusement.


“Getting upset won’t change anything. I’m sure that once things have settled between everypony, then she may be more courteous. We still have to know that we can trust you before giving you such a weapon.”


Great, take away my joy will you? Why don’t you just rip my heart out, it’d be quicker.


As soon as you think that you hear the heart monitor flat line.


AH no I didn't mean that literally! Start beating heart! I am not dying via comedic timing! Live me! Live me damn it!


Your panic only skyrockets when you hear the princess giggling at you. You turn to face her in horror as you 'say,'


Why are you laughing!? I'm about to become the Skeleton part of Skeletor here! Revive my still heart or something Sunbutt or I will haunt you for all time!!


Her giggles subside as she says,


"Oh calm down, all that happened was I unplugged the heart rate monitor,” she levitates the cord to show you before pressing another button shutting off the screech. “I told you the doctors would release you within the hour so I thought I’d help. I didn’t expect such a reaction,” she giggles again and you give her the stink eye. “When the times come to leave the guards outside shall escort you to your place of stay."


You then point at her then back to you in confusion.


“Oh no. I’m sorry but I must return to Canterlot soon. We only came to see you awake, and since that took longer than expected, Luna fell asleep. I have to ensure that her strength and body get back to normal while still attending to my royal duties. I’m sure you understand Mr. Skeletor.”


You sigh at this.


Dang, I was hoping to have you guys around when I get left with the Mane 6, you bemoan as you pat Woona on the head. And on that note…


You then point to the six figurines you made of them and give her a questioning glance, to which she smiles.

Greatness942's Comment

"As I was saying before, I’m leaving you in all of their care, but while the emotions and mistrust are still prevalent, I believe it best for you to stay with the Element of Laughter. From both your account, and everyone’s at the castle, Pinkie Pie seems to be the one to least likely to do you further harm. The rest seem to be particularly spiteful in regards to hosting you as a guest. Does this suit you?”


Living with Pinkie Pie? In a house full of pies and cakes and all other kinds of goodness? Heck Ya! You nod and give her the thumbs up.


“Excellent. However..." Celestia's face goes stern as she says,


"Spiteful or not, Twilight and the rest will be instructed to escort you around town as she learns the value of friendship. I do hope that you won't cause any trouble for them during these times."


You nod to this calmly but on the inside,


Great, that means there's no way for me to avoid screwing up canon if I'm stuck with Pinkie, Twilight and the rest the whole time.


“Very well then. I will take my leave now. I will explain to my student and her friends the arrangements made. I look forward to speaking with you again Skeletor, when complex communication becomes available.”


She then begins to leave, but not before magicing Woona off of your chest, much to the tiny Princess’s and your dismay as she grasps thin air. She mumbles something you can't hear, which only causes Celestia to chuckle.


"No matter what your intentions are or were, you have given something my sister has lacked in thousands of years. A friend..." Suddenly you feel the glare of a thousand suns as Celestia narrows her eyes at you. "If I find out that you did or will do anything to harm my sister, then not even the Elements can stop me from hunting you down. Understand?"


You nod your head frantically in fear that the princess might just melt you from her gaze. And just as quickly as it came, the glare is gone replaced by a simple smile.


"Good, have a nice day."


She opens the door and exits before closing it behind her. Alone in your room, you’re glad the heart rate monitor got unplugged because otherwise it would attract the whole hospital’s staff right now.


Okay note to self, never piss off Celestia if I want to continue to have a healthy existence. Also looks like I'm BFF with best princess...yeah that's awesome!

Sunbro4life’s Comment

But still, not-yet-transformed princess and her friends are going to be watching me like a hawk, And she has my freaking staff! You groan as you sit back in bed.


Ugh, I’m going to have to get in good with them if I want the Havoc Staff back. Once I have that, I can look for Beast Man to berate him for his faults, find myself an attractive Evil-Lyn, and rule Snake Mountain! Nyeh!


With these thoughts you calm down and begin to relax as you wait for the doctors to allow you to leave.

AN HOUR LATER

We now find you being escorted out of the hospital accompanied with two guards. You are using a cane, because while you apparently heal fast (the Doctors harped on it) your back still feels like crap so they gave you a stick. The fact that it’s a awesome one made out of mahogany helps make you not feel old. You also carry the pencil and pad of paper Celestia gave to you. You can at least draw to communicate somewhat, and you might have some notes to make for later.


You are still wearing your moon poncho, which is to be expected considering ponies don't exactly have any human sized clothes for you to wear, but you still have no socks or shoes.


And considering how pissed off almost all the Mane Six are, I highly doubt Rarity will be in the generous mood to make me some clothes...unless she can't stand the sight of my poncho… but then I might just have to pay for it.


You look at the guards at your sides. Both of them act just how they do in the show, stoic face and all. Except for the fact that the one on the right is a mare, not a stallion. Which is weird since the show only ever showed stallions in the Royal Guard, but hey different isn’t necessarily bad.


So far you've just been referring to the two ponies as Guard 1 and Guard 2 since they refuse to give you their name...or even talk to you for that matter. You’ve tried everything at your limited disposal, but they don’t even bat an eye at you.


This must be what Rainbow Dash felt like when she was trying to get a reaction out of these guys. At least if I get minions they’ll have some personality! Stupid Robot Unicorns.


You sigh again in frustration as the three of you approach the front of the hospital. You stop just before the door and take a deep breath.


Okay, going into the most judgmental town ever...Poor Zecora. Hopefully no one decided to buy eggs today.


With that thought you take a step out the door...only for a pink puffball to slam you into the ground


“Hiya Mr. Skeletor! Princess Celestia says you’re going to crash at my place! Are you excited? Because I’m excited! OOH! This is going to be so much fun!”


As you stare at the bright blue eyes and huge smile of Pinkie Pie, you can't help but think,


Whelp, I guess being glomped is better than eggs getting thrown at me...also ow!


WHAT DO YOU DO?

Author's Note:

Time to begin the MADDNESS! Release the Pinkie!

Once again the time needed to write this chapter wasn't much thanks to all your guy's comments. One day we'll hopefully actually need five days to write this story.

Now, for the moment you've all be waiting for. The first ever question for this story for you all to answer in the comments is...

What episode are you looking forward to messing wi-I mean participating in?

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