Pipsqueak's Big Brother

by Nightspawn

Changelings and Mistletoe Don't mix, or The Infamous John Micheal rant Reenacted by ponies

It was the 394^th Royal Heart’s Warming Ball.

Doodle-Doo was introducing Pipsqueak to Arthur Mathias, while shooing the occasional Changeling away from the Mistletoe.

Nopony was exactly sure why changelings wanted to eat mistletoe, most assumed it had to do with the tradition of kissing under it.

What was for certain was that: 1) Mistletoe made changelings extremely hyper, As in Pinkie-Pie after Drinking 5 Red-Bulls, and 2) After the inevitable Sugar Mistletoe Crash, there would be extreme indigestion and other things you drink pepto bismal for unpleasant things. 3) When Changelings saw mistletoe they were more hypnotized than a cow listening to a fat, yodeling, rustler.
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Later in the night, Doodle-Doo took to the stage and atempted stand up.

“People love to recommend their doctor to you.I don’t know what they get out of it, but they really push them on you.Is he good?He’s the best. This guy’s the best. There can’t be this many “bests.” Someone’s graduating at the bottom of the classes. Where are these doctors? Is someone somewhere saying to their friend, “You should see my doctor, he’s the worst. He’s the absolute worst there is. Whatever you’ve got, it’ll be worse after you see him. The man’s an absolute butcher.”
And whenever a friend refers a doctor they say, “Make sure that you tell him that you know me.” Why? What’s the difference? He’s a doctor.
“Oh, you know Bob? Oh, okay, I’ll give you therealmedicine. Everybody else I’m giving Tic Tacs.”
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Sometimes you go to a nice restaurant, they put the check in the little book. What is this, the story of the bill? “Once upon a time somebody ordered a salad.” There’s a little gold tassel hanging down. Am I graduating from the restaurant? Should I put this on the rearview mirror of my Camaro?
==================================================================================================== There are many different jobs for cops these days. It seems to me that Chalk Outline Guy is one of the better jobs you can get. It’s not too dangerous, the criminals are long gone - that seems like a good one.
I don’t know who these guys are. I guess they’re people who wanted to be sketch artists but they couldn’t draw to well. “Uh, listen Johnson, forget the sketches, do you think if we left the dead body right there on the sidewalk, you could manage to trace around it? Could you do that?”
I don’t even know how that helps them solve the crime. They look at the thing on the ground, “Oh, his arm was like that when he hit the pavement, that means the killer must have been..........Jim!”
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The one movie ad I don’t get is this one:
“If you see only one movie this year.......”
If you see only one movie this year, why go at all? You’re not going to enjoy it. There’s too much pressure. You’re sitting there, “All right, this it for 51 more weekends, this better be good!”
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Just when he was beginning to wrap up the night, Doodle-doo was heckled by a changeling in the audience, “Boo, You Stink”

To this Doodle-Doo, responded with “He’s a bug, He’s a Bug, Throw him out.”

The changling said “Thats uncalled for”

Doodle-Doo, lost it at this point. “Fifty years ago we would’ve had you hanging upside down with a fork up your tail.”

The Changeling Heckler replied with “Don’t speak to me like that you Gary Stu.”

“Well Then don’t interupt the alicorn, you bug.”

Author's Note:

Doodle-Doo's stand up bits are copypasted seinfeld monologues,
Thought you ought to know