A magical and amazing experience
Jack: “So this is all I have to do? Drink that potion and then I’ll be a Pony? That seems to be so… so trivial.”
Doctor Snaketongue: “Don’t worry Jack, most human are afraid of the ponification. That’s normal but you’re live will be so much better under Princess Celestia. Trust me!” (Hehehe! If you only knew, you fool!)
Otto: “Stop Jack! Don’t drink it!”
Jack: “Otto? What are you doing here?
Doctor Snaketongue: (Dammit! That Christian freak will ruin everything!)
Otto: “I’m trying to stop you from making a terrible mistake. If you drink that potion Satan will get your soul.”
Jack: “Satan? But Doctor Snaketongue says that it’s just myth used to scare little children.”
Doctor Snaketongue: “That’s right Jack, it’s just a myth! Don’t listen to that fanatic!”
Otto: “Jack, let me tell you about a man that isn’t myth. His name is Jesus…”
…
* Jack rejected Jesus and drank the ponification serum. In the same night he suffered a heart attack and died.*
Jack: “Where am I? This place is so hot and full of flames.”
Celestia: “You’re in my home Jack! Welcome!”
Jack: “Ce... Celestia? This place is your home? But I thought you’re living in a magical castle full of wonders?”
Celestia: “Say Jack, do you like bananas?”
Jack: “Bananas? Uhh… yes. Yes I do.”
Celestia: “That’s sad, because you’ll spent the rest of the eternity in hell and there’s not a single banana.”
*Celestia transforms into Satan. The story ends with Jack screaming in horror.*
- Excerpts from the internet cartoon strip “Pretty Ponies”
Once I was just an ordinary human living a meaningless live without a true purpose, like many of you. But I didn’t care as long as the money was flowing and I had enough drugs to keep the reality away.
I was lost without even knowing it. Until the day the Goddess showed me my true destiny.
I still remember it like it was yesterday: I was lying on my couch, drinking beer, watching TV and wasting my life as suddenly the lights went out. At first I thought it was just another blackout, so I threw my beer at the screen frustrated that I couldn’t watch some meaningless crap on television.
Then the room started glowing in a dim green light and a large black hole appeared in ceiling .It was so surreal I was unable to move or even scream. All I could do was starting at the ceiling.
Suddenly I heard a voice in my head, the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard in my whole live.
The voice said: “Fear not!” And I no longer feared.
I watched in awe as SHE appeared, flying through the hole and landing on the floor of my apartment. She was so beautiful, even more beautiful than one the pictures in the newspapers. She was a goddess… my goddess. Immediately I sank to my knees, not daring to look into her eyes.
My reaction must have pleased Princess Celestia because she walked towards me and one of her hooves touched me head, stroking through my hair.
.
“Andreas Vogel, I want to show you something.”
Her horn touched my forehead and then… Well even now I can’t really describe what happened at the moment. It was like she was cutting me into a thousand beautiful pieced and turned that pieces into a new, better me.
I remember that I had hooves and wings and a horn. I was flying through the space, dancing with talking sheep, eating candy-colored clouds, sliding down a giant slide that ended in a lake made out of rainbows and saw things so beautiful that I can’t even describe then.
Later I woke up in my apartment, the TV was running and the light was back on. I looked down at my body and realized how ugly and imperfect I was and a deep sorrow overcame me. But then I heard the voice of the goddess again.
“You’ve witnessed the beauty of Equestria, now go and share it with the world.”
And so I did.
- diaries of AndreasVogel, “martyr” of the PER
***
You’re probably wondering what the first thing was that I felt after my pontification. It was queasiness, a very strong queasiness.
I’m not kidding.
You see, most people think ponification is no big thing. All you have to do is to gulp down that serum and voila, you’re a Pony. Sure the process itself is quite simple but there are some side-effects and the loss of memories is only one of them. There’s is also the fact that the serum basically changes your whole digestive tract. Now guess what happens if you suddenly turn into an herbivore with a stomach that isn’t used to meat and your last meal was a rare steak?
Exactly!
No it wasn’t rainbow colored.
Doctor Heartbeat wasn’t that happy about the mess I made on the floor, especially since he had told me not to eating anything right before the ponifcation. What can I say? My old human-self didn’t seem to be that kind of person that followed the advices from doctors very closely.
Another thing you need to know is that your whole body needs so time to adjust after the metamorphism. You can’t jump trotting out of the door. In the first minutes after the change most Newfoals can’t even stand.
Doctor Heartbeat had probably told me that, too. However try to remember that if your head feels dizzy, your stomach hurts and you’re having a sore taste in your mouth. So my first impulse was to jump from the table and gallop straight to the next restroom. It was a bad idea, a really bad idea: As soon as my hooves touched the ground they gave in and I found myself lying on the floor.
Some people describe their first moments as a Newfoal as magical and amazing experience. To say that I didn’t felt very amazed our magical would’ve been an huge understatement. The only positive thing was that I didn’t land in the not-rainbow-colored mess.
***
Doctor Heartbeat and two other Unicorns levitated me back on the table and used some kind of healing spell. Don’t ask me what kind of spell it was all I know is that it worked since I felt no longer like I was about to die.
After ten minutes I had mustered enough courage for another attempt at standing one my hooves without falling over. This time I was smart enough to actually inform the Doctor about my attempt, so that they had a chance of catching with a levitation spell before I hit the ground.
Slowly I placed the first leg on the floor and then, after nothing bad happened, another one. After taking a deep breath I moved my rump from the table and was now standing on all four legs. Still a bit shaky but standing nonetheless.
“I did it. I did it.” I cheered. “This is amazing. I’m…”
Suddenly I realized something. I lifted my right front hoof right in front and looked at it in disbelieve.
“I’m pink.”
Doctor Heartbeat nodded: “Yes you are. The serum turned you in an Earth Pony with pink fur, yellows eyes and dark blue mane and tail with a pink stripe.”
“I’m pink. I’m a pink stallion.”
“And that’s a problem because…?” This time Doctor Heartbeat had noticed the disappointment in my voice.
“It’s a problem because it’s the color pink.”
Doctor Heartbeat, knowing that he was in for a long pointless discussion, sighed: “A lot of ponies have pink fur.”
“But I’m male. Males aren’t pink.”
“That’s not true. I know that some humans think that it’s a “girly” color but there are a lot of pink stallions. It’s nothing unusual. ”
“Ok, fine, there are pink stallions, great. How can I change my fur color?”
“I’m afraid there’s no way…”
“You are a Unicorn. Can’t you use some magic stuff to change my color?”
“No.”
“If I gulp down another serum would it change my color?”
“NO! FOR CELESTIAS SAKE, NO! THERE’S NO KNOWN WAY HOW WE CAN PERMANTENTLY CHANGE YOUR FUR COLOR.”
“Oh, ok. I understand.”
“Oh thanks...”
“So do the Conversion Bureaus sell any dyes?”
Nowadays I know that Doctor Heartbeat was absolutely right and I feel rather silly. There’s nothing wrong with a pink stallion. At that time however, I was sure that I my masculinity was gone forever because of my new color patterns. Funny isn’t it? I couldn’t remember my name or the reason for my conversion but man’s natural dislike of the color pink was literally burned so deep into mind that even a pontification couldn’t remove it.
I’m sure Doctor Heartbeat would have strangled my with his stethoscope If not somepony had entered the office and told me that the Newfoal consultant was ready to see me.
***
Most of you probably don’t even know that such a thing as a Newfoal consultant exists, despite the fact that they are doing a very important job.
You can’t just turn someone in a Pony tells him or her to have fun and move on. Sure the PER believes that’s how it works, but they live in their own little fantasy world where ponification is the answer to everything.
In the real world Newfoals need time to adjust and deal with the results of the ponification. This is an important decision that will change your whole live. Sadly many people still believe that the transformation into pony solve all their problems. Most of them are in for a nasty surprise when reality hits them.
And then there are the people who never wanted to become a pony in the first place. The people who were just at the wrong place at the wrong time when Johnny PER blows up his ponification bomb, walks home and gives himself a pat on the back while his victims have to live with the results of his actions.
Nutjobs!
Sorry for going off topic again, but this really bothers me. Personal experiences.
Anyway, it’s the job of a consultant to help the Newfoal adjusting to their new live. Most of the time they only have to help them with their paperwork or talk with them about their experiences and future plans. Some of them, however, are skilled psychologists that help forcefully convicted people to recover from the traumatic experience.
My Newfoal consultant was a brown Unicorn mare with glasses and a Cracker Cutie Mark. She greeted me with a warm smile as I entered her office
***
A few minutes later I stared in disbelieve at the file in front of me. It contained my whole live from my birth up until the day of my conversion
Attached to the file was picture. It showed a man in mid-thirty’s, with brown hair, blue eyes and a mustache. It could’ve been the picture of a perfect stranger as well.
And below the picture was the name of the stranger.
John Smith.
My name.
My old name.
My old human man.
My old stupid human name.
Why couldn’t I remember it?
“And? Any memories?”
The voice of Miss Cheesy Cream brought me back to the now.
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Like this person had never existed. “
“Believe me, I know that feeling.” she said in her the warm, comforting voice. “I went through the same after my conversion. Most Newfoals do. Sooner or later all your memories will come back.”
Now I was surprised.
“You are a Newfoal?”
“Are you surprised? It’s not like we have huge tattoos on or foreheads that separates us from native Equestrians.” she giggled and drank a slip of coffee before she continued. “My conversion took place three years ago. It wasn’t a voluntarily one. There was a PER bomb on my train, right under my seat.”
For a second the happiness in her face was gone, overshadowed by sad memories.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know”
“Oh doesn’t worry I’ve accepted my new body a long time ago. And I admit being an Unicorn has some benefits. Now I can do stuff like THAT.”
Suddenly she lifted her coffee mug in the air and turned it up-side down. Following the rules of gravity, the coffee inside immediately move towards the ground before it was stopped by levitation magic. Then within a blink she turned the mug around again and putted the coffee back inside.
Then she took another gulp. “My children always love it when I do that.”
“Nice party trick.” I admitted.
“The Conversion Bureaus was a great help after the incident. They offered me psychological support and helped me to adjust. I’m not sure if I would’ve made it without them. That’s why I’m here today. Because I decided to give other Newfoals the same kind of help I received. But enough of that, there’s still something I have to show you.
He suddenly disappeared under her table and showed up a few seconds later with a brown box in her mount that she placed on her desk.
“A shoe box?” I started at it in disbelieve.
It was obviously not a shoe box because Miss Cheesy Cream started giggling and shaking her head.
“Oh no. This box contains all the belonging you had as you entered the Conversion Bureau. Sure the cloths will no longer fit you but they are still yours Future more it contains your personal messages.”
“Personal messages? To whom?”
“To yourself. Since memory loses are inevitable, we ask people if they want to leave some personal message that help them to adjust or provide useful information’s about their pasts. Letters, video tapes, pictures, keepsakes, almost everything is possible. One young boy once draw a picture of himself and his parents. It was very sweet.”
Now I was curious. What kind of message would I’ve left form myself? Maybe a sappy video in which I had told myself to be strong or some pictures from a photo album?
Hastily and a bit clumsy I opened the box. It was almost empty except for a set of cloths, a single key and a small sheet of paper with only three words on it.
“New name: Flashlight. That’s it?” I starred at Cheesy Cream in disbelieve. It had to be a prank . Certainly they pull that off with every Newfoal.
Haha, you should’ve seen the look on your face. It never gets old. Don’t be mad, I had the same reaction.
That certainly couldn’t be all right?
Sadly my hopes were immediately crushed by Cheesy Cream
“I’m afraid it is. Normally people provide more information, but it’s not mandatory.”
I felt betrayed. What kind of dick was my old human self? Would it had cost him so much time to put in a simple note with some useful information?
Disappointed I looked up. “So that means my new name is Flashlight?”
“That’s your decision. Most Newfoals perfer to change their name, but it’s no law. Princess Celestia herself stated that she do not want to force Newfoals to abandon their past. So if you don’t like the name Flashlight you still can keep your old human name or choose a completely different one, although you probably had a good reason for picking that one.”
Choosing a different name? Yeah, I would totally do that. I would come up with a cool and amazing name, just to spit myself in the face. And he would be so much better than “Flashlight”. That would show him… me… my old me that I don’t play by his… my… whatever rules.
I looked around in the office, for some kind of sudden inspiration. Sadly my imagination wasn’t that good. Coffee mug? Large Desk? Time Clock? Potted Plant? Manly Pink? Curse my lack of creativity.
“Flashlight is as good as any other name.”
“Alright, Flashlight it is. Keep in mind that you can always change your name if you wish so. Even some Equestrians do change their names after they received their Cutie Marks.”
A right the Cutie Mark. I stared at my blank Newfoal butt. Maybe my special talent would be operation a Flashlight? Wouldn’t that be great?
Flashlight, the pink stallion with the amazing special talent of operating a flashlight.
A magical and amazing experience, my flank!
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Hurray, the Chapter 1 is complete. It took me more than a month to write it, mostly because of the last part.
In many TCB stories the conversion itself is portrayed as a rather simple thing: You enter the bureau, take the serum and then you leave. In some stories it makes sense, in others not so much but I tried to take a different route. After all it’s a live changing experience, so a professional organization like the Conversion Bureaus has to offer some kind of support for the Newfoals. Something more than just: “Congrats, you’re a pony now. Here’s some free candy.”
I also wanted to show the difference between the Bureaus who respect the free will of their patients and really care for their fate and the PER who are basically: “Zap! You’re a pony now! Be happy!”
Those are the reasons why I wrote the last scene between Flashlight/ John and Cheesy Cream. And since I wanted to do right, without bothering the readers with a lot of unimportant stuff that serves no purpose I just took so dam long.
I hope it was worth the waiting. So please don’t hold back and give me your honest opinions and tell me where I can improve.
I like this story. Why? Because it takes a PRACTICAL side to things.
It had BOTH extremist groups be exactly that: extreme.
One side treating Ponification as the second coming, the other as a plague.
It doesn't have the focus on wars or political struggles.
It shows how a change in species WOULD have several practical sides to it to consider if it was going to be used en mass in a civilized manner.
good story so far, but please. Get someone to preread it. I like the storyline so far, but the constant grammar/spelling errors are rather immersion breaking for me.
Hah, this is fun. You really need an editor to go through and fix homonym abuse as well as flat-out mis-words but it's fun.
981863
Hrmm...The Taste of Grass by Chatoyance?
I had hopes that the grammar wouldn't be that bad, but yeah I really need an editor. So if someone knows somebody who's willing to edit an error-riddled TCB story, please tell me.
1085610
I’m pretty sure that it wasn’t a story from Chatoyance because it was a less positive one. Never really read it, but as far as I remember I took place after the whole earth was converted and showed that being a Pony wasn’t as great as some people thought.
1085783
"Still Human"? It wasn't positive, at least in few first chapters.
The premise is good, the progress solid, the quotations and opening propaganda pieces set the mood well, and the physical discomfitures do a good job of adding verisimilitude to the experience presented. Overall, very interesting, and I am tracking.
That said - the grammar and spelling is very poor at times, to a level that severely compromises readability. You desperately need either an editor or to make a few editing passes on your own work.
One technique that works very well for me is to read, out loud, my story to my lover. As I read the story out loud to her, I easily catch grammatical and other errors because the process itself illuminates the errors as my reading stumbles. I correct as I go, because she is very patient, and very willing to help me. I would suggest that you might try this with a significant other as a means to prepare your chapters for publication.
The work here is good. It is just in fairly terrible shape. It needs to be fully cooked before serving. You have a good, interesting tale to tell.
Give it the polish it deserves.
1085959
Yes that’s the one I meant, thanks.
1087169
That’s a good suggestion, but sadly the only other person in my surrounding that speaks English is my father who doesn’t know anything about FiM or the TCB universe so I don’t want to bother him.
Future more I’m not a native English speaker which means that my pronunciation is far from perfect. I probably wouldn’t even notice obvious error while reading aloud.
1610081
Hopefully you realized that this guy isn’t supposed to be a likeable character and has a rather narrow view of the world. His sole purpose is to give the readers an insight into the mind of PER terrorist. How did he become what he is? How does he justify the things he did? There’s no need to disprove his arguments. If I’m doing my job right, they story itself will do that.
If you still want to write a response, feel free to do so. It can’t promise anything but maybe I’ll use it as quote or excerpts at the beginning of a future chapter. Just make sure that it actually sounds like a speech or a text from someone living in a TCB universe.
Any thoughts on the rest of that chapter? Or did you just read that part and clicked on thumbs-down?
I cannot say much about the language as English is not my first language, and you even have not shown what plot you want to play yet. Some ideas look interesting, but I cannot say much more.
Yep. However, the real answer has to be written. Hopefully, it will give some idiots an idea what human really need in life.
Following quote is written from POV of former computer scientist, who is now working for a wing of HLF with main motto "Leave us alone or we will force you to do this. Buy any means necessary, including, but not limited to, our death and your eternal torture." He is ready to work with ponies and other equestrians of any kind and is willing to perform things that will make normal people run crying their eyes out with bloody tears, but he has little needs to do so and consider pointless violence impractical and below his honor.
Feel free to use the quote any way you want.
BTW, I'm watching you.
1613762
Sorry but there’s no moderate wing of the HLF. Almost all of them believe that the ponies are responsible for the barrier in one or another way and that the serum is an attempt to brainwash humans and turn them into soldiers for Celestia cause. From them its war and everything is allowed: Blowing up Conversion Bureaus, murdering famous “collaborators” (people who are working with ponies) or assassinate Pony VIPs.
However, the HLF isn’t just one big organization it works more like a Franchise company: There are several paramilitary groups that operate independently from each-other and a “command-center” that supplies them with equipment and plans the large-scale operations.
While any group can claim to be part of the HLF only those acknowledge by the command-center really belong to them. Since working with ponies is a no-go for the HLF this group would be HLF in-name only.
1616612
And then work with ponies also falls into definition of what is allowed, or something is wrong with your wording. Of course, precautions are absolutely necessary in this case.
What I meant is that probably there is a wing with motto 'Kill them all' and a wing with motto 'Drive them out'. They will be different in means and goals, but share some interest. And wing with motto 'Kill them on sigh' will be marginal and very ineffective one.
1618755
Ok what I really meant with everything is allowed is hat there are no civilians: Every pony is considered as enemy combatant and every human working with them is a possible collaborator.
Groups that kill them one sight are indeed very ineffective and don’t last long, which is why they normally aren’t belong to the HLF. Most of the HLF leaders are former militaries; they know that they aren’t achieving anything by shooting random ponies in the streets and that it’s stupid at best.
1619955
So what, they do not do use pony agents and cannot make alliance or share info with group with similar interests only because they are ponies? It is nonproductive and restrictive approach.
BTW, polite word and a pistol can make much more, then only polite word or pistol alone.
1619987
That's as likely as a Jewish member of the a Neo Nazi group.They don’t trust ponies at all.
Even a former HLF member that would get ponified by accident is no longer trustworthy. They sincerely believe that the potion turns you into a caricature of your former self that only pretends to be your friend until there’s opportunity to ponify you. Kinda like in The Thing.
In that matter the PER is actually a bit more pragmatic and reasonable. They know how important it is to bleed in with the crowd. The members of their group include humans as well as new foals and even a few Equestrians.
1620293
>That's as likely as a Jewish member of the a Neo Nazi group.
If you want this analogy, think about Jewish agent, whose loyalty comes from hostage, kept by said Nazi group. Is it more believable ?
>They don’t trust ponies at all.
So what? One don't have to trust a doll, he has only to have strings attached, pardon me for such metaphor. One don't have to trust enemy when predicting his moves.
1620314
Ok that’s something the HLF would do. They aren’t above hostage taking or black-mailing if it serves their cause. But that’s hardly what I would call cooperation.
Of course it’s hard to kidnap family members of important ponies since most of them live in Equestria and humans can’t survive in Equestra.
Anyway, we should continue this discussion at another place. We’re basically talking about the world-setting and not the story itself. So feel free to send me a PM, if you want to continue our little chat.
1620373
\
I think we will end soon, so I don't think it is good to tear thread. It is relevant to your story, since the setting include HLF somewhere on horizon.
Are they above other kinds of manipulation, like deception ? Probably no. So, why not to do what human military should know ho to do? A tension between pony races could be a great advantage for humans. However, one have to know his enemy to do so, and most members of HLF will not like it, probably. And some will try to utilize unconventional tactics as well, because everything is allowed.
This is strictly in the will of the writer. Your story, your rule. May be it is not Equestria itself, but only barrier and teleportation or hole in the barrier will work (like in Chat's Mankind Triumphant). Maybe other types of serum will emerge.
1610081
There are so many things I could say about that, but out of respect to the author, I won't.
As for the story, I'll have to read it when I'm on my desktop and not my cell.
Funny, I didn't know he was being made Pope...
In all seriousness, the word is 'Ponification'. You've used it properly in other instances; maybe a re-read and edit is all that's needed.