Pinkie's Time Machine

When Pinkie builds a time machine to go back in time and learn more about her past, Twilight warns her against it because it could possibly change Equestria as they know it.

Chapters (8)

Chapter 1 · 8th Jul 2017 · 423 words
423
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Chapter 2 · 9th Jul 2017 · 410 words
410
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Chapter 3 · 9th Jul 2017 · 414 words
414
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Chapter 4 · 17th Jul 2017 · 400 words
400
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Chapter 5 · 22nd Jul 2017 · 221 words
221
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Chapter 6 · 24th Jul 2017 · 374 words
374
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Chapter 7 · 25th Jul 2017 · 312 words
312
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Chapter 8 · 25th Jul 2017 · 247 words
247
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Comments ( 4 )

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Astral Drift

Astral Drift #1 · Jul 25th, 2017 · 1 · · Chapter 8 ·

Your time machine story Oml that's an awesome story!!!

Dream Seeker

Dream Seeker #2 · Jul 25th, 2017 · 1 · · Chapter 3 ·

While the ideas behind and in story is awesome, your writing ability leave much to be desired. Everything is so... flat, and bland. It's more of a summary of each scene than a scene itself. You have to give details, describe what's going on as it happens, and slow down.

Instead of saying Twilight notices her wings are gone, describe Twilight going about her day, then going to do something that requires her wings, only to find them missing, for example.

terrycloth