• Member Since 10th May, 2016
  • offline last seen 32 minutes ago

SociallyAwkwardPegasus


College Student, Prepper, Survivalist that enjoys ponies and human x royalty. You have been warned!

T

Two humans find themselves thrust into the unfamiliar world of Equis, separated since their arrival. As one human finds love and comfort from the deity of the sun, the other finds purpose and love from a more unlikely alicorn. How will each human react when they discover that they are not in fact the only human in Equestria? Only time will tell.

(Hey everyone, just a story idea I thought of. Not sure if I'm going to continue this one or not or if it will stay a T rating. There will be some dark parts of the story as well as implied sexual situations. As always, feel free to criticize my work, but make sure it is actually constructive criticism.)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 12 )

*Shrugs*
Well, there's always a lack of Nightmare Moon stories, so I'll track this one to look where it will lead.

As for feedback bits, a few things to consider:

- actually removing the text in brackets from the annotation would make it better. It may not be the best, but it should work for now imao and mentioning something like *i'm bad at summaries* in the actual summary has more chances to annoy/aggravate potential readers than anything else. If you really want to keep that part, it would belong more in the 'author's comments' at the end of the chapter.

- focusing on using more descriptions rather than just 'Name' and 'Human' can probably help. A few more pronouns (esp. in the latter part) perhaps?

- If Twilight's adoption is a plot point - it needs more exposition (she had her family in canon after all), otherwise it can (and most likely will) aggravate/annoy readers as a mistake or fanon on your part. If you do not want to provide said exposition in this chapter, the 'adoption' part can be left for the more appropriate moment.

GLHF!

8276803
You are right about the description thing. So thanks for making me think about it a little more. As for the other part about Twilight. I will expand on that later on, which is one of the reasons why I sometimes hate writing stories, chapter by chapter. Since you can't read ahead and find out if it was a mistake or actually worded that way on purpose. Oh well, that is just something that comes with the territory of updating, chapter by chapter.

8277068
Partially so, yes. The whole point is a little bit complex though. You see, while 'AU' tag surely allows you to introduce any changes to the canon, the main issue is to introduce those changes to help the story-flow and avoid both 'overwhelming exposition' and 'lack of details issues'.

Generally, while adding relatively small, but still crucial details concerning the key characters (supporting cast and occasionally even just important figures of the setting included) you want to either expand a bit upon them (a few sentences may be enough till the more focused scene) or reconsider the use of such details at this point once again.

Perhaps it adds something to the scene, that would otherwise be missed? Is it logical to for it to come into a focus of IC perspective? And at this exact moment? If not, it may just seem as an unnecessary cliffhanger that may (or may not) disrupt the story-flow without adding anything.

Sure, as an author you have a final decision on it, I just focused on something that I consider important. Hope it helped.

Is this going to be updated?

8389320
I honestly don't know. It might be, but it doesn't seem like a lot of people are interested in it like some of my other stories. So I will focus on those more.

8389623
Crap. I was interested in seeing where this story goes. Well this and another story

8390100
Was it another one of my stories?

8390207
Aye. Though i think it was last updated in march

8390228
Which story is it, if you don't mind me asking?

8390241
The best of friends

Is this story dead?:pinkiesad2:

8784220 I hate to say it, but most likely yes. May update in the future, but no plans for now.

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