- Member Since 1st Mar, 2016
- offline last seen Apr 7th, 2023
Dead Gods Dream
Sin does not waver with time, it only accumulates.
Dead Gods Dream
Joined 1st Mar, 2016 ·
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YEEEEESSSS
Bacon.
Huh... my mother's maiden name is Licht
Doing good so far. Definitely some grammar mistakes.
As well has a space between the words as and well, it's not a joined word.
Also you used know as now in a few sentences. Otherwise just some smaller mistakes, loving the story.
Can't wait to see just how far you take this adventure and to what extent.
8280632 Thanks for pointing out the mistakes. I'll be sure to correct them when I can. Have to do some research on animals for their wonderful genetic trails.
You are very pretty.
I can dig or I can now dig might fit better in this case.
Any other errors that I noticed have been mentioned by Star ShaDe.
these abilities are terrible, except for blacklight.
here's an example of what gravity can do.
man walks up to guy wearing suit
guy wearing suit doesn't like random man, so he makes a gravity well in his head.
his head explodes instantaneously.
i've had joke characters without this ability, and they get destroyed by anyone who has it.
it's more op than possibly anything else. don't like someone or something? make a blackhole to get rid of it!
8282612 That is true. I wouldn't say the abilities are terrible though. Out of every ability that exists, sure they aren't all that special, but definitely not terrible. Now that I think about it, I can just get him to learn gravity magic, gorge on magical creatures to increase his mana pool and then, there you go, supercharged gravity magic. Remember, as long as it is remotely biological in nature, Blacklight can do it.
Have you considered getting an editor?
I like what you're doing but some of the mistakes might turn some people away.
8282797 A fair point. I'll look into it.
Ohhhhhhh s***s about to go down .... his attitude a little off putting hopefully when he eats a changeling that'll change..and that timberwolf orders gonna get fluttershy and the CMC hurt ....there screamers.....get your minds outta the gutter..lol..he should stop by a hospital or bloodbank good way to get samples especially in a canterlot one were there more likely to keep foreign samples for testing.
There ar some mistakes but the story is nice so dont stop!
I like your story. I dont care much for the grammar but the pronunciación could be a problem for some. But other than that I love it.
8282834 His personality is like that for a reason. My version of Blacklight subconsciously encourages the infected to get as strong as possible so it can survive anything. Blacklight is, in a way, a virus (Pretty sure the correct term is Evolutionary Chimeric Mutation.)" so it will go after living targets rather than samples for the sake of gaining the memories as well. However, Blacklight cannot get the infected to kill if they are crippled with guil, so I actively suppresses or just flat out removes empathy and remorse so I can mutate undisturbed.
I am aware the timberwolf orders are liable to kill screamers, but whatever. As I said, Chris is literally unable to care enough to give a shit.
Nice!
Ohhhh please I hope that blueblood is in the next chapter so he gets his ass handed to him big time! Or maybe blueblood is not an ass in this story?
8284615 Have to get magi DNA somehow.
8284622
Why do I have a bad feeling about this?
Let me guess: Discord.
So you decided to bring in a few different universes in this chapter. Not a bad start, should be interesting to see how our little enemy reacts to all their plans being torn to shreds.
Although one piece of info you never specified our glorious main character learning was any knowledge about the Princesses. So him knowing Luna is being rehabilitated to modern day society after 1000 years breaks the fourth wall into him knowing MLP:FiM's timeline and such.
I like how you're not blending our culture with there's and showing differences. It really helps to flesh out a stories own universe.
Also with Chris being the Avatar, is this after or before Legend of Kora? Cause if it's after he won't have access to all the previous Avatar's lives because of the events that happened in Legend of Kora. But along with that do you plan on him learning each element at a time or are you going to "help" him learn with say finding other benders if there are any. (Mass murder may or may not ensue) (God, I may have doomed us all)
Kinda interested just what path you want to send him on to earn his full power as the Avatar.
Hmmm, just had a thought. Maybe Chris should keep his full potential (Him being the Avatar) from higher powers until he actually needs them. He's already Op as fuck without them. But that little detail is like an assassins blade just tucked away, never seen, but always ready to kill.
Anyways enough ranting, I don't care how much time you really take with each chapter, the more time you ponder over each chapter the better they can come out. Especially if edited, nothings better then a good crisp story that flows well.
8285588 He is aware that he's in the show, but since it's an alternative universe he isn't using his knowledge until he is certain everything is the same, or as close to as possible, because a random character might have a different name or personality. All he is doing is assuming everyone is who the look like.
It is from before legend of Korra. I never found the time to watch it anyway. I was planning on him only using the Avatars skills in moments when they are needed or when an opportunity presents itself.
He already has somewhat basic knowledge of earthbending as you seen in earlier chapter but all he can do is pillars of stone. Since Luna is going to be sending him on spying and/or assassination mission around the world in the future he might just discover something that may push his progress further.
Random question: How do you feel about genocide? Just saying it might or might not happen. Depends how I feel when writing. Shouldn't be anything important either.
8285023 it's not Discord. It's actually an OC I made. If you think Chris is OP then this guy is off the charts. If you want to know more about him feel free to ask.
8285957
Well you never explained the fact that he knows where he is to the reader when writing the story. Instead you just assumed we all would extrapolate.
As for genocide, well, we'll see
I'm finding this story to be extremely funny, also, if you wish to screw with the denizens of this world, I think it would be fun to bring them a true 'Nightmare'
just a suggestion.
8289104 Wot. Seriously, what, are you talking about people like Nekros and Decay or a different type of nightmare. Please elaborate, I'm rather confused.
8298167
A new one, go OP if you want, screw it, unless you don't want more power?
8299386 Time think of a name. On another note, did you say you were getting Destiny. You also may or may not get a random, surprise visit today. I got stuff to talk about.
Ohhh~ yes! Cant wait for more. Also blueblood Lost his nuts! Ha!
8300353 Silver lining, no one can call him Blueballs anymore.
Minor spelling mistakes, but still, Blueballs, is no more!
8300371He still lives. Chris wasn't given enough time to kill him, but our good prince will be forever traumatised and imprisoned for his crimes in the slave pit.
8300383
A Second of Silence for The Lost of bluebloods bluesballs.
...
OK now let's celebrate!!!!!!!
Jajajajaajaja!!!!!
banana pudding?
8309531 All the pudding.
I don't need to point out the incorrect spellings in this sentence, Do I?
*Dermal. Durmal isn't a word.
Good story so far, keep the good work
Archer's bow
Smart pistol from titan fall
A bolter
Your story has been awesome so far but I think the story could have been better without the versatrix but that's just my opinion.
8333152It was an idea I had and since I could I added it. It isn't going to be used often either aside from when he wants to experiment in a fight.
First off, i didn't see the gender switch coming, which had me in stitches. Secondly...I'M GOING TO PUT MY PAIN INTO YOUR SOUL!!!
It is a good story but alot of errors just sayin
The Mysterious Magnum from the Fallout series.
(the one the stranger uses, not the one you can get from the Drifter)
8329027
Holy crap I hate getting killed by tht
Love the story it reminds me of don't get cocky
8371318 It's quite a shame it ended. Funny thing is, I made this a day before it finished. The idea was also similar (I say that loosely) because the idea was to give guy overpowered powers and see what happens from there.
8371554
I have read nosferus story about 7 times and made notes of every little thing that has happen or possible event for the future . I might try to take over it or help some one who plans on doing it. I'm reading it again to make sure I miss nothing.
Love story's where human is op or a god
8371747If you do take over you can be sure i'll read it.
You can also be certain Chris isn't even near full power. You'll understand why when I delve into the story of the guy who gives him all his power. If you want to now more about this person ahead of time, just ask.