• Member Since 14th Jan, 2016
  • offline last seen February 27th

TheSnowyNeko


Otaku a muffin, Engi a cake, and I'm a sandvich

T

Abused, and unlovable. Would you accept this? After years of torment, our main character is free. But something tugs him from this freedom. Since he's been told he unlovable, he begins to believe it when ponies see him. He is at the breaking point. But maybe, no one is unlovable.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 9 )

This has caught my attention, good start. But could you make more, i feel rushed

8270648
First Time I have seen someone say Moar on my story

You are unlovable, you will never feel the great substance now as happiness.

Known*

This feels a bit... rushed. What was the purpose of the scientist with those experiments? Who was he working for, himself or someone else? Were there any other test subjects?

The scientist has been doing this for so long, what caused him to be distracted this time? That was a grave mistake, that cost his life. Felt a bit too Deus Ex Machina there.

It's got potential, but I feel it lacks some needed explanations. Keep writing though! That's what sites like these are for, criticism helps us improve. I hope I can help you with this :pinkiesmile:

8270791
Thanks for that error spotting. I'm a novice writer, so expect more of the kinda rushed stuff. I have two other stories that are probably being discontinued.

8270791
I can explain those points in flashbacks, but that sounds too cliché

8276756
Or you could edit those chapters to add more info.

8276895
Good suggestion, but I prefer it this way

8278230
Suit yourself, I'm just the random tips guy =)

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