• Published 2nd Jul 2017
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Wonka Vs. Applejack - MrPeaches



When the legendary candy-maker shows up in Equestria, a simple business proposal turns into an adventure that could change apple-farming in Equestria forever!

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Chapter 4: Wonka 2: Wonka Harder

“No!” Applejack stamped a hoof.

“But-” Wonka stammered.

“Nope!”

“It would only-”

“Uh-uh!”

“If you'd just-”

“Nothin' doin'!!!” Bright afternoon sunshine spilled down in between fat gray clouds, and Applejack picked up her egg collecting basket angrily – the basket she'd dropped when Wonka had gallivanted up the road with Twilight in tow and made the most ridiculous request she'd ever heard in her apple-picking life. The bits of dirt on the handle just made her more irritated. “Look, I'm sorry the zap apples ain't growin'! I truly am! We Apples all want to see more orchards! But there ain't no way, no how that I'm gettin' into that flyin' contraption to come and look!”

“Ms. Applejack!” The chocolatier persisted, face flushed. “I knew full well that the zap apples might not grow, but I simply can't abandon the attempt before I'm sure that I've tried absolutely everything!” He dodged out of the way as Applejack trotted by huffily with the basket. 'Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure!'”

“Don't go quotin' quotes at me!” Applejack retorted. “I'm sorry the zap apples aren't blossomin', but I ain't crossin' between worlds and stars and all that just to look!”

“This may be for the best, sir,” Twilight Sparkle offered, hovering at Wonka's eye level. “I don't think the princesses really had live plants in mind when you said you were after ingredients... and I might not have thought that all the way through. After all, we have no way to know what the effect of an escaped zap apple tree might be to your world!”

“Nonsense, dear lady, that's absurd!” Wonka gesticulated wildly. “Every care and precaution is taken – the strictest care! Zap apples pose no more danger to the world than the hat on Applejack's head! And fair Applejack, I'm not asking you to do this uncompensated!”

The apple farmer scoffed as she put up the basket in a shed, Wonka and Twilight following her like a sad parade. “There ain't enough bits in Equestria!”

“What about... this?” A book descended in front of Applejack's face, open to an illustrated page. After her eyes refocused, Applejack saw that it was a picture of an apple tree, but its fruits were perfectly round, and shining gold. The leaves of the tree were polished gold in hue, shaped like a half moon. The trunk of the tree, too, was gold, patterns in the bark making an angular labyrinth of maddening complexity.

Twilight fluttered over and peered over Applejack's shoulder. “This is the book that you wanted to bring from the library? I admit my knowledge of fruiting trees is less than it could be... Applejack, do you recognize it?”

Of course Applejack recognized it. In hushed and reverent tones amongst orchardfolk the world over, once in a blue moon, when the nights ran long and otherwise practical folk turned their minds to the mystical, talk would invariably turn to-

“The Golden Apple tree,” Applejack said. “An old apple-folk legend – a ponytale. They say the tree is older than the Princesses themselves, and the fruit cures every manner of hurt, malady, hex or curse – cures everythin' 'cept gettin' older. On top of that, they say the flavor of it is so grand that nopony could describe it. They say that any pony that eats one can never be truly unhappy again, because they always have the memory of that flavor to hold onto.”

Willy Wonka moved in front of the ponies, still holding the book before them. “So what I propose, Ms. Applejack, is this: you and any of your friends you'd care to bring join me in the Great Glass Elevator for one day. On that day, we'll fly all around Equestria to locate the Golden Apple Tree and bring it back to your farm. (You have to come with, you see, because you'll be able to verify the tree's identity, and will know how to transport its fruits back without harm.) If Golden Apple fruits or saplings are on your farm by the end of the day, you'll come with me to my factory for a short time, to see if anything can be done with the zap apples. And if not, I shall bid you adieu and depart, and shan't darken your doorstep anymore.”

Applejack pondered this, holding a hoof up to her mouth to hide her smirk. “One day?”

“One day.”

“To find a tree that nopony's sure is real?”

“Indeed!”

“And if we don't find it, you'll stop tryin' to get me to hop into a box and jump to another world or whatever?”

“Just so!”

The orange pony's eyes narrowed. “How can I be sure you won't just whisk us off to your factory once we're inside?”

“Good heavens!” Wonka exclaimed, mortified. “You lot are the magical horses here. Cast an enchantment on the elevator – tether it to Equestria for the journey, jinx me so that I turn into a newt if I try anything funny! My word is my bond, madam; whatever protections you decree, I will endure gladly!”

“Hmm...” Applejack smiled. He did have a fair point. He didn't seem to have much magic about him at all, and if Twilight came with, what could possibly go wrong?

A peal of thunder crackled overhead. “Sorry!” Ditzy Doo cried.

“Hold on a minute, you two!” Twilight cried, jumping in between Wonka and Applejack. “We're talking about sending an Equestrian citizen across dimensions, here! There's... well there aren't rules written for this yet, but that doesn't mean there shouldn't be! The Princesses should have to sign off on this! We have to think of the ramifications! What about immunizations! We need to-”

“Deal!” Applejack cried.

“What?!” Twilight gasped. The apple farmer pulled her alicorn friend aside. “Look, Twi, there ain't no need for rules or, uh, immunizations – my pigs'll sprout wings and fly before we find a Golden Apple tree! Er... on their own, that is. You probably have a spell for that.”

“I feel like whenever we say things won't happen, they become more probable,” Twilight protested, glancing nervously at Pinkie.

“Look, come with us, and you can study his flyin' box, and when we don't find nothin' we can all get on with business! The Princesses won't even have to lift a hoof.”

“Hmm...”

“And heck, if by some chance we do find this tree, that'd be good for Equestria, right?”

“...Okay, fine,” Twilight acquiesced, turning on the grass to face Wonka. “But the 'inter-dimensional travel' part is officially 'pending royal approval!'”

“'The safety of the people shall be the highest law!'” Wonka quoted, nodding his head. “That sounds just fine. So... tomorrow morning?”

“Tomorrow morning?” Twilight turned to Applejack.

“Tomorrow morning!” Applejack agreed.

“Tomorrow morning!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed joyfully. “By the way, I'm so coming with you! Mr. Wonka! I didn't get to finish showing you around Ponyville! We still gotta visit Zecora, and the schoolhouse, and the bowling alley, and the dance school, and the cinnamon nuts stand, and...”

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