Looking For Trouble

by CoffeeMinion

Bonus Chapter: Original FimFiction Version

SPOILER ALERT!

The author's note below contains the complete original FimFiction version of this story. I've preserved it for the sake of the comments, but the updated version improves on it in a number of ways. Reading this early will spoil portions of the updated version!

Author's Note:

Looking for Trouble: A Postapocalyptic Cowboy Noir

"Postapocalyptic Cowboy Noir" coined by Xepher

Now I can understand y’all might be upset about some busybody poking their nose where it don’t belong, ma’am. But I’d be powerful obliged if you’d just put my gun down and let me tell my side of the story before you pass judgment over what I’ve done.

---

Name’s Troubleshoes Clyde. Yep, hand to Harmony, that’s m’name. Never liked it much, but I reckon it does suit me. I ain’t never been the luckiest fellow around the North Amareican desert. Suppose that’s plenty clear by now, what with these ropes and everything.

Yeah, I get around a fair bit. Turns out there's no shortage of work for ugly-looking dudes who look like they can throw some muscle around. ’Course, I don't actually care much for hurting folks unless there's a good reason. I’m also what you might call a bit klutzy, and between those two things I don't tend to last too long on anybody’s payroll.

Still, I never figured I’d end up in Canterlot. I’ve heard stories about what happened here ten years back, with that fight between the demon-girl who wanted to break the world, and the angel-girl who couldn’t quite stop her. I’ve also heard rumors of weird uncontrolled magic still coming up outta what’s left of Canterlot High. Given my luck, I always figured it’d end badly if I didn’t steer clear.

I mean, what we got here obviously ain’t a case of me following my own advice.

I wouldn’t have come here at all if it wasn’t for the Empire. You’ve heard of those big ramshackle towns up north calling themselves a “Crystal Empire,” right? Leader’s this woman named Abacus Cinch. Speaking personally, she gives me the heebie-jeebies, but her people pay good and they don’t do too wrong by ordinary folk. After some of what I’ve seen out there, that was good enough to get me to stop drifting and see if I could lend a hand. So when the sheriff's office posted up that they was looking for some deputies to help check a few nearby towns for a new lead on an old case, sure enough I volunteered.

Now don’t worry, I’ll tell everything I know about it. Sheriff said he busted some merchant for dealing in stolen goods, and one thing he had was a pocket watch with a compass rose etched on the side. The merchant swore he bought it off somebody down south fair and square, though the sheriff recognized it as belonging to a fella named Blueblood who broke out of the Empire’s jail a couple years back, and he didn't reckon Blueblood would’ve let it go willingly. Blueblood sounded pretty tough; they told me and the other deputies to send word back on the off-chance we found anything, and warned us about facing him one-on-one. Which… again, I ain’t much of a fighter. They made me take that gun, but I figured I’d be just as likely to end up shooting myself as anything if I ever tried to use it.

Just my luck, probably gonna end up getting shot with it anyway.

---

I s’pose the other thing you’ll want to know about is her, though.

The first time I saw her was just after I got into town. She was slight but toned, and had a dress that was a few shades lighter than her grey skin, with a golden straw hat just about the color of her hair. Buncha kids were milling around her by the tin shack y’all use as a schoolhouse, and I remember thinking that with the way she smiled and talked to ‘em she had to be the prettiest creature I’d laid eyes on since the world went belly-up. And speaking of which, I can’t forget those eyes. I know y’all know what I mean: golden, warm, and Harmony bless ‘em if they could both stay pointed in the same direction for more’n two seconds at a time.

Now I don’t want to be ungentlemanly ‘bout how I talk about her, but you gotta understand, I ain’t the type to just go chasing after any woman who walks by. I’ve long since figured I was gonna run off any woman I got near, what with how much of a mess I tend to make of things. But from the moment I laid eyes on her, I could tell that she was different. And it wasn’t just because I saw her trip over a kid who’d bent down to tie their shoes and end up spilling a whole big stack of books outta her arms, though I reckon that might’ve been the thing that got me to work up the courage to go talk to her.

“Need a hand, ma’am?” I asked her, and I offered mine.

The look she gave me was guarded at first, with her mouth in a cute lil’ “o” and her eyes all wide and pointed every which-way but straight at me. The kids all went silent, too; prolly didn’t think twice about having some stranger pass through town until I was right there talking to her. And she was sweating too, though that might’ve just been ’cuz it was hot as Tartarus that day.

But then she smiled. Let me tell you, even if y’all end up shooting me, coming here would almost still be worth it for that smile. It was small but welcoming, and it showed off her right pretty dimples. And then she stretched her hand up and put it in mine, and the warmth of that lil’ hand just made me even hotter under the collar than the day had already done. I met her eyes—more or less—and my heart started thumpin’, and I wanted that moment to last forever.

Then of course I lost my balance trying to pull her up and ended up falling flat on my face right next to her, which got a good laugh out of the school kids. I ‘spose the good news was I caught her name from one of ‘em: ”Miss Ditzy Doo.” It’s pretty, though I reckon it’s about as inauspicious as my own.

But then I felt her hands on my sides, and she rolled me over on my back, and I tell ya, she was looking at me with her face a whole lot closer to mine than I felt was appropriate.

“You okay, mister?” she asked.

And looking up at her, I couldn’t hardly think to put two words together, so I just said, “Yep.”

She said a few things after that, but for the life of me I can’t remember ‘em. I just remember watching like it was a movie as the kids helped her up, and helped her with her books, and they all ushered themselves off down the way, leaving me down on my butt on the cracked road.

Figured it was high time for a drink at that point.

---

“Best steer clear of the schoolteacher if you know what’s good for you,” was the first words I heard walking into the bar a couple streets over. “Berryshine’s Booze,” the sign above the door said.

I looked across the empty barroom, blinked out the sun in my eyes, and caught sight of a woman sitting on a stool cleaning a glass. She had pink-purple skin, darker-pink hair, and just about the craggiest face I’ve ever seen on somebody so young. I mean, I reckon she’s only just my age or yours, but she looked as though she’s seen some things. More’n most, is what I mean.

“I’m just here to have a drink,” I said, trying to keep my tone even.

“You don’t know what you’re dealing with, stranger,” she said. And I mean, in retrospect, there obviously was something to her words. But at the time I didn’t know, and she just looked at me like I was an idiot and shook her head. “Yeah,” she said, “I heard about your little stunt back there. Word gets around fast, especially where Ditzy’s concerned.”

I furrowed my brow. “Now I’ll beg your pardon, ma’am,” I said, “I’m just here looking for a man named Blueblood who might’ve passed through some time ago. Seems like Canterlot here gets a fair few visitors; do you suppose…”

And she just cuts me off, sayin’: “No way, stranger. This here’s Sunset’s town. You want booze, I got booze. You want to talk, you talk to Sunset. But I’ll give you a little friendly advice: she doesn’t hold with thugs who come through looking to make trouble, or to stir up the past. And with Ditzy, that goes double.”

Now we’ve established that I ain’t the sharpest tool in the box, right? So I blurt out: “Who’s this Sunset, and why would she take such an interest in Miss Ditzy?”

Which, of course, was stupid to ask somebody who clearly didn't want to talk about it. Faster than I realize, the barkeep’s right up in my face, and she points a big ol’ finger at my eye. “Sunset runs the show. The rest of it’s none of your business. You just leave the past where it belongs.” And we locked eyes, and I could see up close that what I thought were wrinkles or what-have-you were actually scars. It’s a miracle that both her eyes seemed good considering how bad the rest of her face looked.

I cleared my throat and said, “Maybe I’ll pass on that drink after all, ma’am.” Then I tipped my hat and made myself scarce.

---

I should’ve skipped town right then and there. I mean, I figured from the way Miss Berryshine looked and talked to me that she might know something, but I got a sense that it’d be like pulling teeth digging it out of her. I suppose I didn’t turn tail because I wasn’t gonna get paid unless I did a proper job of looking. Not that that was my main reason for doing it, but I’m sure you understand… a man’s gotta eat, and the job still didn’t look too big. All the sheriff said he really cared was if I found some sign of Blueblood, either living or dead.

Sorry though, I’m getting ahead of myself there.

So I was standing in the road thinking about what I wanted to do, when I spotted Miss Ditzy Doo again, walking between what was left of some brick buildings down the next street over. Only that time she was just carrying one real little kid. And I knew—I just knew from looking at the way she held that little one, that she had to be her daughter. I mean, they had about the same hair color, and eye color, and a pretty similar bone structure, even if the daughter’s skin was a little more purple. And they both had that same warm smile that lit up their whole face.

Then they passed behind a rusted-out shed and I lost ‘em.

I chased around the corner and ended up following ‘em from a distance as they made their way through the swirling, smoky, loud and bustling tents on your market street. She and her daughter were doing their shopping for dinner by the looks of it, picking vegetables and meats and even a lil’ cheese into a couple sacks they’d brought with ‘em. And I’ll say this for Canterlot, y’all got a big variety of hawkers down your main drag, with some fancy fruits and such that I can’t remember seeing since… before.

And don’t get me wrong, I know the way that makes me sound, skulking around and following a nice woman like her from a distance. But try to understand that as a sheriff's deputy I gotta follow the hunches what come to me. And even if I didn’t find her pretty, the fact was that I hadn’t even been in town a day and I’d already had someone telling me not to do somethin’. If that ain’t some kinda lead, I don’t know what is.

The sun was getting low and the shadows had come thick before they finished up in the market and started heading down a side street toward what I figured must be their house. The crowd was getting thinner too, and I started worrying that it would be more obvious that I was following ‘em. I moved from building to building, keeping out of sight as best I could, somehow managing to not trip over my own two feet in the process.

Of course my luck wouldn’t hold forever, though. At one point I ducked into one particularly dark alley, and judging by the lil’ hairs that stood up on the back of my neck, I had a sense that I wasn’t alone.

“Who’s there?” I called out.

I spotted movement at the back of the alley. It was powerful dark back there, though, so I didn’t expect a woman to call back to me: “This is the only warning you’ll get, stranger: leave Ditzy Doo and Berryshine alone. Consider leaving town too, if you know what’s good for you.”

Now no one ever accused me of knowing that, so I called back: “With all due respect, ma’am, I reckon I’ll be keeping to my business, and I’ll ask you keep to yours. Unless o’course you know something about a man named Blueblood who might’ve come down from the Empire a bit ago…”

She tensed. It was subtle, but I could see her stance shift forward. “I gave you your warning,” she said. “Those two have been through enough. We all have.”

I squinted, trying to make out any details about her. All I could make out was long hair with some decent volume, and shoulders that looked padded, like maybe she was wearing a leather jacket or something. “Now I reckon I ain’t exactly been getting a warm reception to your lovely little town here,” I said. “That’s fair enough. But I ain’t here to make trouble; I just wanna find my man. If you can help me, great; if not, I’m liable to be on my way sooner than later, once I finish looking.”

The woman shook her head. “Don’t give anyone a reason to get rid of you sooner,” she said. Then she turned away, stepped back into the shadows, and I lost her.

“Well that wasn’t the least bit suspicious,” I said to myself.

---

I definitely shouldn’t have thrown a stone up at Miss Ditzy’s window once night fell and she’d put out all her candles but a single one upstairs. I mean, I figured she’d be finished putting her daughter to bed, but I couldn’t be sure from my vantage in a burned-out building near her pretty intact two-story brick house. With my luck, I coulda just as easily roused her while her daughter had come in for a bedtime story.

But of course, given my luck, what really happened was I put that stone right through her window. The sounds of shattering glass got half the dogs in that part of town to start barking. Then she slid the window up and stood gazing out with a pinched look on her face.

I figured I was done for, so I cleared my throat and stepped out into view. “I’m right sorry ‘bout the window, ma’am,” I said. “I got more’n enough bits on me to make that right for you.”

She squinted hard and leaned out further from the window, then gave me a little smile and leaned back as her eyes pointed somewhere in my direction. “Oh, it’s you,” she said. “Mister…?”

“Clyde,” I said, and my heart started pounding again. “Troubleshoes Clyde.” I’ll confess I gave an extra flourish with my hat, too.

Her smile didn’t change much, but her shoulders relaxed. “Well, what can I do for you tonight, Troubleshoes Clyde?”

I glanced around me, feeling a crawling itch down my spine from blowing my cover like I had. Heck, for all I knew, that woman from the shadows could’ve been watching me. So I looked up at Miss Ditzy Doo and said, “Truth be told, ma’am… if it ain’t too forward, would you mind if we discussed it away from prying eyes?”

“Sure!” she said, a good bit more brightly than I’d expected. And I mean, nothing against her judgment, but I’d never really figured that a pretty woman like her would give me the time o’day, much less letting me—a total stranger—into her house. I guess maybe in some ways I’d wanted to ask her just so she could shoot me down. Y’know, so I could be sure my luck was going back to normal.

Some luck, though, ending up the way it’s done.

---

We sat at her dining room table. It was wood, and circle-shaped, and she’d set a single candle in a saucer in the middle of it. Darn thing guttered pretty badly in the drafts that blew through Miss Ditzy’s old house. The light looked real pretty on her hair and eyes, though. And on that smile.

“So, what brings you by the old place?” she asked.

I bit my lip and watched the light play across her golden eyes a bit longer than I probably should’ve. After a while she gave a musical little laugh, and all at once I felt like I could wait forever to say anything if only she’d continue.

“Cat got your tongue?” she asked, winking.

“Powerful sorry, ma’am,” I said, shaking myself. “Seems like all the words I wanted to say just turned into a ten car pileup in my head.”

She giggled. “I don’t think we’ve had ten working cars in Canterlot these last few years.” Her smile faltered. “Sorry. Sometimes it still doesn’t seem real, even though I was right there when it all happened.”

I raised my eyebrows, and I asked, “You were?”

And she nodded, saying: “It was during a school event called ‘The Friendship Games,’ which was just supposed to be a fun time for us. We’d seen a little bit of magic earlier that school year, but we never knew what it really could do. What someone was planning to do. If it wasn’t for Sunset, I can’t imagine how much worse things might’ve been.”

I nodded, then scratched my chin. “So this Sunset… played a role in stopping the demon-girl I’ve heard about? I mean, was there even a demon-girl, or an angel?”

I remember her nodding. Then she said, “Yeah, Sunset was the angel. For a little while. Long enough to save me and some others who were close to the fight.”

“Well I’ll be darned,” I said. “I ‘spose it’s for the best that she saved a teacher, then; reckon there are lots of places that could use a good one like you.”

She shook her head at that one. “No, I was a student back then. Berryshine’s older sister, Miss Cheerilee, was our teacher for a long time, until…” And Miss Ditzy trailed off, frowning, and it was a few moments before she spoke again. “After… she died, Canterlot needed a teacher. And after I had Dinky, I needed a job. And if there was one bright spot in everything that happened around the time I had her, it was finding out how much I love kids!”

And she gave me a lil’ smile, and I nodded some more, and I felt like we was really starting to make a connection, so I went for broke: “Well, to give you the whole story, I’m just in town looking for a man who might’ve been through here some time back. I’ll be honest, I don’t have a lot to go on about him.” I paused, ‘cuz I wanted to give her a chance to speak if she wanted; but she didn’t, so I kept going. “Fella had a strong build, white skin, blond hair, square jaw, and a compass rose tattoo right on…”

And as Harmony is my witness, she started shaking right then and there. I stopped talking in a hurry, then leaned close to her and put a hand on her arm and asked if she was all right. “No,” she said, pulling her arm away. “I don’t know what happened to… that man. I’m sorry.” And she said it with a little pause in there and everything.

That little pause spoke volumes for me.

“Now look,” I said, “the truth is that I been told not to talk to you. I don’t rightly know why, but given that there might be someone dangerous involved, I gotta take everything suspicious into account. And folks telling me I absolutely ought not talk to you after finding out who I’m looking for is powerful suspicious, when you couple it with how you seem to feel about Mr. Blueblood…”

She stood up, making her chair squeak against the wood floor. Then she turned away from me, still shaking. “I’ll thank you to go now, Mr. Clyde,” she said.

And truthfully, under the circumstances, what else could I do? I tipped my hat, left her a few bits for the window, and made my way outside. I was pretty flustered, though. I felt as though I’d done wrong by a good woman, and done my usual job of ruining my prospects with a pretty woman. And worst of all, the trail that I’d thought I was following seemed to have gone cold.

Wasn't until I was ten-fifteen minutes deep into aimless wandering and feeling sorry for myself that I remembered I’d heard the name Berryshine before.

---

It struck me as odd that I’d find a place by the name o’ “Berryshine’s Booze” closed during what I figure had to be its peak nighttime hours. In the time I spent casing its outside, I saw no shortage of working men try the door and come away cursing about her being closed. Figured it was best to keep to myself and just watch, though; didn’t seem like I was bound to find much welcome in Canterlot one way or another. And she didn’t leave a note or anything on the door, so there wasn’t much for me to go on there, either.

Except another hunch that started brewin’.

See, while I was snooping around the place, I got to thinking that there was some commonality between the way Miss Ditzy Doo and Berryshine had acted when I talked about Blueblood. And then there was the way Miss Ditzy talked about Berryshine’s sister Cheerilee being dead, and how Miss Ditzy ended up getting her job… and it made me wonder if Berryshine’s scars might be a link between those. Like maybe Blueblood did some right ungentlemanly things to Miss Ditzy and Miss Cheerilee, and Berryshine got hurt trying to put a stop to ‘em.

Which brought me back to thinking about Sunset. I’ll tell ya, it changed my whole conception of Canterlot when I realized that the angel-girl who tried to save the world was still hanging around, trying to keep her town orderly. And if there was one thing I could tell about Blueblood, it’s that he wasn’t gonna mix too well with “orderly.”

Figured he and Sunset would’ve had a few words for each other, if he passed through.

---

With Sunset being such a bigwig, it wasn’t too hard to find someone willing to tell me where she’d likely be.

Didn’t expect it’d be the site of Canterlot High, though. With all due respect, there’s less to look at than I’d expected for someplace where a demon fought an angel and magic’s still supposed to run wild. There’s just that real big crater on one end of a sandy hill, and lotsa broken-down ruins on the other end. Though I will say someone’s put some effort into building that nice ranch house next to the ruins. Simple but tasteful, if you don’t mind my sayin’.

’Course, one other nice thing about ranch houses is that there’s only the single floor, so it’s not too hard even for a klutz like me to get right up next to a window from the outside and just listen. The insulation must’ve been pretty good, all things considered, ‘cause I still couldn’t hear too much. I certainly didn’t dare take a peek through that window. But I could tell that one of the voices from inside was Berryshine’s.

I strained hard listening for details while they talked. I heard a couple that sounded like landmarks, and I heard the word “cave” come up more’n a couple times. I didn’t want to push my luck trying to get closer, though, and I didn’t know the area well enough to go poking around for a cave without more info. So I hightailed it outta there once it sounded like the conversation was winding down.

Sleep was sounding pretty good by that point. And even if I didn’t have a decent place to lay my head, the ruins promised a whole cornucopia of options for a man willing to keep his expectations low.

---

I was plenty stiff the next morning, what with my humble accommodations. But I set out for the market once it got good and light. Figured I could grab some breakfast while I figured how to follow-up the lead I’d got the night before.

Didn’t figure I’d run into her again.

“Hello there, Mr. Clyde,” Miss Ditzy said.

I noticed that her mouth was pulled into a tight lil’ frown and her eyes looked misty, so I asked, “Something wrong, ma’am?” Then I cocked my head and asked, “I reckon that you must be missing school by now, aren’t you?”

“I am,” she said, nodding. “But I asked my substitute to cover for me. I… I wanted to come find you, if I could. To apologize for how I clammed-up last night.”

“That’s all right,” I said. “I understand some things ain’t easy to talk about.”

Then she got real quiet and looked around before leaning close. “That man was here about three years ago. I… knew him better than I wish I had.”

“Well hot diggity,” I said under my breath. “If it’s been that long though, you wouldn’t happen to know how his pocketwatch might’ve just recently ended up with some merchant, would you?”

“I do,” she said. “It was all he left me with when he… did what he did. Well, almost all. Much as I… I hated him afterward, I couldn’t bear getting rid of it. Probably never would’ve, but I came up short a couple months ago when Dinky needed medicine.”

I nodded real slow, ’cause it was all starting to make sense. Then I said: “Last night I dug up a lead on a place where he might’ve been. I’d rather not say how I dug it up. But if you’re willin’, I could sure use a hand piecing together what I know and figuring out where it is.”

And she just looked up into my eyes, and hers got all big and teary, and she asked one question: “What are you going to do if you find him?”

I swallowed hard. Truth be told, I definitely should’ve gone back and reported things by that point. I didn’t have a real arrest warrant. But I know that sometimes, out here in the desert, doing the right thing ain’t always the same as doing what you’re supposed to do. So I went for broke again: “I’m gonna bring him in for what he’s done, ma’am.”

And she nodded, and smiled, and we left the market in a hurry.

---

We were mostways to the cave when I looked at her and told her how awfully lucky I felt that she’d come looking for me, and how she’d been able to find a substitute on such short notice.

That’s when she told me her substitute was Miss Berryshine, and that they’d talked about things briefly that morning, and that Berryshine had had her run a note past Canterlot High before she headed for the market.

And even though I felt my blood run cold for hearing it… what was I supposed to do? I mean, other than running, of course, which I wasn’t gonna do with Miss Ditzy right there next to me.

I suppose this all is my own fault, letting my heart get in the way of my good sense.

---

I reckon y’all probably know what happened from there better than I do, ma’am. I mean, we got down into the cave there easy enough, and found… what’s left of Mr. Blueblood. Right useful marking the spot with his compass rose, it was.

Then o’course it must’ve been you or someone with you who jumped us on the way out, and I… I heard Miss Ditzy scream, just before I got clocked pretty good.

Look… I… I think you have Miss Ditzy. And I certainly don’t want what I’ve done here to bring her any more harm than she’s already been through. She’s beautiful, and way too trusting. I get that now. Please, whatever you do to me… just promise me you’ll let her go.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d like to make it outta here in one piece, too. By now you oughtta know what kinda man I am, and what I came here to do. I don’t know for sure what Blueblood did, though I can make an educated guess from how she talked about him, and from the way that everybody else just wanted me to leave her alone. And I want you to know that I wanna see justice done, whether that’s bringing his remains back to the Empire, or trying to make things right by Miss Ditzy, or… well, figuring out how exactly Blueblood ended up in that cave.

Of course, under the circumstances… I reckon that might be your doin’? You look strong enough, and right tough in that leather jacket, and your eyes look like you’ve seen about as much as Miss Berryshine has. Maybe even more. I mean…

Well, shoot.

I think I just figured it out. You’re… Sunset, aren’t you? And you were the woman who approached me in that alley, too?

Well, I hope you’ll forgive my saying if you don’t quite look the part of Canterlot’s guardian angel… t-though looks can be deceivin’, and I sure understand—please put the knife down! I—

Oh.

Well, I’m… powerful obliged that you’d undo those ropes, ma’am.

Uh… do ya reckon I could see Miss Ditzy now?

Comments

[Jake The Army Guy]

This story appeared in the June 2017 Writeoff, "Under the Sun."

Wait, this is a re-purposed story? I don;t know if I can accept this...

[CoffeeMinion]

8266986
Ooo, bummer.

...At risk of being "that guy," I'm pretty sure there are some other stories from the recent Writeoff that have been submitted as well...

[diablo4000]

This is a pretty cool story really liked it.
But can i ask what happen at the Friendship games?

[CoffeeMinion]

8267408
Thanks, and absolutely!

In the prime universe, Sunset talked to Sci-Twi at the end of Friendship Games, and managed to convince her to accept friendship instead of channeling the raw dimension-shattering power of Equestrian magic that she'd discovered.

But in this universe, at the end of Friendship Games, Sunset failed to reach Sci-Twi with her message of friendship, and the two ended up fighting in their ascended forms instead of reconciling. Sunset managed to defeat Sci-Twi and used her power to re-seal the dimensions, but the fight had been huge; words like "epic" and "catastrophic" come to mind. By the time they were done, stray bursts of unchecked power had wreaked havoc on the planet and messed-up its orbit. Note that one thing working against Sunset during the fight was that she channeled a great deal of magic into protecting the CHS students who had been unlucky enough to be present to watch the Friendship Games--including Ditzy.

But once the dimensions were fully sealed, Sunset found herself cut off from the Equestrian magic that she might've used to heal the ruined planet. So she did all she could think to do: rebuild Canterlot into a relatively safe bulwark against the savagery that rose amid the new North Amareican desert.

[diablo4000]

8267447
Wow! That so sad,,,,What about Sci Twi and how Cinch become relr foa empire?

[NicLove]

Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?

[CoffeeMinion]

8267971
The overall setting of the AU is (obviously) postapocalyptic, and Troubleshoes is after a guy who's implied to have done some Very Bad Things. He also spends the whole story with a proverbial sword of Damocles hanging over his head, which is introduced right in the opening paragraph. But IMO there's really nothing too bad that happens during the story itself.

8267729
Cinch was another survivor of the Friendship Games, but rather than being grateful toward Sunset for saving her life and trying to work together, she fled north and sought to establish her own defenses against both Sunset and the rest of the desert.

Sci-Twi is just gone. Sunset doesn't know if she died during the Friendship Games fight, or if she was de-powered and fled into the desert, or if she ended up falling through the multiverse when she re-sealed the dimensions.

[diablo4000]

8268164
Will there be a sequel and Sci Twi's fate? could see she lived and fled too ashamed to face anyone after that.

[Moosetasm]

It's an AU... of an AU!

AU-ception!

I liked it, it had an interesting premise and story. I just thought Trouble-Shoes would be a bit more... unlucky.

He seemed to have regular PI/Detective bad luck. I always see Trouble-Shoes as having Rube Goldberg style levels of bad luck. A scenario I imagine would begin with him taking precautions against his own luck, like say he carries his six shooter around unloaded. But then he trips, the gun falls in such a way that the cylinder pops open, the bullets fall out of his pocket, one bounces into the cylinder, which then snaps shut again due to the gun's own bouncing motion. The gun also manages to cock itself during the fall and then it fires, sending his hat flying. In front of the children. But then, I'm a huge fan of catastrophe.

[CoffeeMinion]

8268681
I'm flattered that you would ask about a sequel, but to be honest I don't have one planned. I'll tell you what though, if you liked this and would like to read something similar that deals with Sci-Twi's fate, I can point you to the story that very much inspired this whole thing: Sunset's Rest by Oroboro. I hope to see that migrate over from the Writeoff site to FimFiction one of these days...

[CoffeeMinion]

8268719
Ha, insufficiently unlucky. I get what you mean though. The original version ended more ambiguously and left more things not-spelled-out, so it was less clear how things turned out for him, which was more thematically consistent with him being unlucky. But the feedback was that it was too unclear and I was losing people on key plot points, so I had to dial it back. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

If I can ever get that other one with him that I'm working on in the Pony universe done though, that should hit more at the level of unluckiness that we'd all like to see.

[CoffeeMinion]

8267971
Still better: I've received a suggestion that I remove the dark tag because the background is dark but the story really isn't. I've now done that.

[Just_Me123]

You do come up with the most amazing and random topics to write on. I selfishly hope you keep at it for a long time, they are such fun to read. Hmm, would Troubleshoes fit into a pony-verse version of "Cowboy Bebop" do you suppose? Yeah, I know, I'm just being silly...

[CoffeeMinion]

8277744
Thank you much for the encouragement!

[FanOfMostEverything]

Not the deepest mystery in the world, but still a gripping read. I admit, I'm a sucker for the catastrophe couple, and you manage to fit in a good amount of world building in a format that doesn't justify a lot of it. After all, there's little room for "as you know" here, especially given who Troubleshoes is talking to.

In all, this was a very enjoyable spark of light in dark times. Here's hoping they can keep rebuilding. Who knows? Maybe one or more Twilights are trying to restore access to this world.

[CoffeeMinion]

8278971
I'm glad it worked for you! The perspective definitely limited what was possible, but it was (if nothing else) a heck of a writing exercise.

As for the mystery: it's interesting (at least to me) to compare this with the original Writeoff version, which preserved a lot more mystery by virtue of being a lot less clear about the who and the what of certain elements of the story. But I'll tell ya, I got an absolute thrill from the two or three people who were able to piece things together from the sparse clues that were there (one of whom was my non-Brony wife, who finally consented to read a pony story of mine without my needing to file off any serial numbers). But unfortunately, the preponderance of other feedback indicated that the story was opaque to the bulk of other readers.

Now, had I realized this was destined to receive a rather small group of "other readers," I might've chosen to leave it closer to the way it started out. But sometimes ya writes ya stories and ya takes ya chances.

Also, I am content to headcanon that at least one Twilight is out there somewhere, doing what she can.

[Starlight Nova]

You know, I'm surprised that this story isn't longer.

[CoffeeMinion]

8291624
I'm actually going to re-release an expanded version of this in the next few days. The core ideas are still there but it should deliver a more satisfying payoff.

[Fernin]

This story doesn't seem to have a lot of views / votes, and that is unfortunate. I enjoyed it immensely. It had a very good hook in the opening chapter, the narrative 'feel' of the story remained solid throughout, and the climax and denouement delivered nicely.

Well done.

[CoffeeMinion]

8530755
Thank you for your very kind words! This story had a rocky start, as the original FimFiction version didn’t put its best foot forward. I wrote this at a time when I was rather ill, and I didn’t realize quite how rough it was turning out. Since convalescing, I’ve gone back and revised it as you see here, and I feel much more satisfied with how it looks now.

But hey, if praise for this one is less frequent, it’s that much more appreciated when it does come in. Have a moustache, good sir or madam:

[Shadowsnake89]

Okay, i just have to say: This was something special. A light read but still extremely engaging and kept me wanting to know exactly what was going to happen. Truth be told, I'm a sucker for a good Western and i don't too often find one so to see this performed as well as it was is a real treat. It also had a shade, to me, of New Vegas. If there was ever a continuation to this i would certainly be up to reading it.

[CoffeeMinion]

8540663
Thank you so much! I love hearing that this did it for you. New Vegas influence is probably present, but my true overt influence was Sunset’s Rest by Oroboro (linked in the description), which you should definitely check out if you want to see more of this sort of thing.