I'm questioning your age for this chapter. Eh

8287296
Oh really? How much of a problem would it be?

i like it
i.imgur.com/DQwdZKJ.jpg

stayclassy

8287334
Not a problem. Lol overreact much?

8287678
Heheh, honestly I was just joking. I'm glad you like the story so far though. And I saw your comment about a halo 4 reference. I haven't played halo 4 in years so I have no clue on what reference you're talking about.

8287693
There's a part in the game where someone says to chief "thought you'd be taller" kinda an insult lol. I also love your fucking profile pic xD

8287814
Okay I'm defiantly gonna have to reread my story then, you've got me curious! Also thanks! Its honestly one of my life mottos tbh.

8287847
No problem mate!

Tasty

This is an interesting story. I can't wait to see if there is a scandal as a result of an Alacorn in a sex shop.

Keep up the great work.

The Monk

8288153
Thank you so much! And there just may be the possibility of such scandalous events being brought up in the future heheheh. And thank you for your support by the way!

8288063
Omfg xD

8355967
Hey thanks for checking out my story and yeah I know the opening wasn't the best. And yeah I've also read far far worst stories before. But thanks again for reading it.

8356086
Well, I've finished, and I can say a few things.

1) You're in desperate need of an editor. You should think about making threads in relevant groups to see if anyone's willing to help. Conveniently, this guy made a thread just before I started writing this comment. Try talking with him.

2) Your prose is fond of wandering. IE, you go off on a lot of tangents. It's not bad enough to be unbearable, but it is a bit distracting. You should try to work on that. Don't cut them out all together, though. Some tangents can add to a story; just make sure they're directly related to what's actively happening at the time.

3) Your protagonist is a wimp. He lets people walk all over him. Rainbow could have killed him with that staircase "prank", and yet there's no indication that he even got mad at her. His entire relationship with Angel boils down to her demeaning him in public for her own amusement, and him taking it all without a backwards glance.

I get that some people have different tastes in characters, but this is definitely not to mine. If you like it, keep going ahead with it. But I think you should have him stand up for himself more often. Especially with Angel.
(Is there something about the name Angel that makes people evil?)