13 - What is Love?
Sherbert - 6th of Plantation, 27 AE
Ponyville - Equestria
“Okay,” Kazumi said slowly in Neighponese while she looked up at me with a worried frown. “But.. Just, please run that by me one more time.”
I groaned and ran a hoof over my eyes in exasperation.
I’d been so happy when Kazumi said she wanted to have our wedding in Equestria so she’d be a citizen. It meant she was serious about being with me.
In terms of marriage, Equestria was weird by Neighpones standards. Most other cultures don’t actually marry for life. Heck, if we got married in Neighpone it would be for just twenty years, with a ‘renewal ceremony’ at the end if we wanted to continue.
Not to bash other cultures, but that doesn't quite say love to me. Which is why it meant so much to me that Kaz wanted to have our wedding here, under Equestrian law. She was saying she wanted to be with me forever. Just like how I wanted to be with her forever.
Sure, we were young. Really young by most ponies standards. I wasn't a full legal adult yet. Just two and a half years left to go. But, I was still old enough to marry. Furthermore, we worked well together.
We’d been dating for two years. To most, that would be an insanely short time… But because Kaz had never found an apartment she could afford, we eventually moved into one room at Kōmoriakademī together. We’d lived together as a couple for most of those two years. We worked. We were happier. It felt right.
Unfortunately, Kaz was having the hardest time ever acclimating to Ponyville. I really couldn’t understand why she couldn’t understand why certain arrangements had to be made for our wedding today. It’s really quite simple.
“I’ll do it one more time. But then I have to go and talk to my parents for a bit,” I said as I bent down to give Kaz a kiss on the lips to apologize for getting irritated with her.
Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself to repeat the explanation for the fifth time.
“Okay, so because Princess Twilight is my aunt, she will be attending the wedding,” I said.
Kazumi nodded, instantly interrupting. “Yes, I understand that. But why do they need to-”
I closed my eyes tightly. “Please, just, listen closely, okay?” I asked as I resumed yet again. “I had to invite my Uncle too, and because the invitations have a Plus One so you can invite a friend to go with you- Oh! About that those, Plus Ones have to bring wedding presents too, it’s tradition. Awesome, right?
“Anyways, since my Uncle is coming, that means he invited Princess Luna because they go way back. And since Luna is coming, Princess Celestia will probably come too. I mean, she’s technically invited to every wedding by law as they are all in her name. This means that our wedding has three of the four Crown Princesses attending it.
“Oh! No! Aunt Twilight invited her brother as her plus one, which means that Princess Cadence will be coming with him. So we will have all four members of the Crown, and the Elements of Harmony, all in one spot, which happens to be Ponyville.”
Kazumi nodded and held up her hoof. I nodded, “Go ahead.”
“I get that. I’m not dumb. I understand that when two sovereigns are in one place there needs to be security. But Twilight’s entire Legion is here. That HAS to be enough. Why are your Uncle’s crew installing temporary anti-aircraft batteries, and radar installations, and what I think is a plasma lance turret, at strategic locations all around town?”
“For protection,” I repeated dryly. “Because we’ve got all of the-”
“Yeah! ALL OF THAT, and even more! A whole battalion of your Library Wizards are setting up magical traps, barriers, wards, and defenses to supplement the half a platoon of military hardware your Uncle is deploying. That’s just overkill! They’re alicorns, they can handle themselves, right? WHY!? What could be so bad they CAN’T handle it?” She asked eyes almost unfocusing from her extreme confusion.
I blinked. “Um, because it’s Ponyville. And we’re having a wedding in it. Like you asked,” I answered. “What part of that don’t you get?”
“Obviously the core concept!” Kazumi snapped in frustration.
I sat down to gently hug her to my barrel. “I’m sorry… I just, I mean this is Ponyville. You have to know about the stuff that happens here all the time!”
Kaz hugged me back and sighed into my fur. “Yeah, you have lots of monster problems here because of the everfree, and then people exaggerate them until you have nonsense like ‘One time the town was devoured by parasprites’,” Kaz huffed.
I raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “Um, no. That happened,” I corrected.
Kaz took a step back and blinked. “Really?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Well, okay…” Kaz said with a frown and an accepting nod. “But there’s no way that the mythical spirit of Chaos attacked the town-”
“He did! Twice, actually. He lives here now. It’s okay though, he’s cool. He’ll be Fluttershy’s Plus one. They’re kinda life partners,” I answered casually.
Kaz blinked.
“What?” I asked with a frown.
“So um, when Nightmare Moon returned from the moon… Also true?” Kazumi asked, wide eyed.
I nodded. “Yep!”
“So… I know that the whole Tartarus gate thing happened, and that Tirek happened… But um… What else?” Kaz asked, her ears flicking nervously.
“Let’s see…” I said, sitting down and tapping my hoof to my chin as I tried to recall a few dozen history lessons. “Spike once went mini-kaiju. Um, that time Pinkie cloned herself! Everypony says that was really devastating to the town. Then there’s the time my Aunt Trixie was possessed by King Sombra because she put on his phylactery and he took over the town via slowly corrupting her.
“There’s the time Rarity was possessed by dark magic which drove her to transmute half the town into fashion vomit. Oh! There’s the time a cute donkey couple got married here, that involved a bugbear attack and apparently somepony jumped a shark. So I guess there were landsharks too. Which is pretty scary.
“We had some Yaks try to start a war here, but that barely counts. We’da atomized them. But shortly after that Princess Luna accidently let some kind of dark magic based dream power having creature loose and it attacked Ponyville.
“Then there was the time Chrysalis attacked Ponyville to get revenge on Aunt Twilight, and wound up kidnapping my mom and her friends. The time it was besieged by a colossal book eating worm. Ummm… There’s a LOT more.”
I shuffled my hooves on the wooden floor. “Thing is, I just don't remember the specifics. But I could tell you about my parents wedding.”
Kazumi shook herself once, then blinked. “Okay. Hold on. What you’re telling me is that MOST of the completely horseapples sounding stuff about this town actually happened!?”
I nodded again. “Yeah! Heck, there’s a hiveless changeling living in town who actually managed to calculate the statistics behind Ponyville Disasters enough to get a fairly accurate weekly forecast going. We can flip on the radio if you want to know about the wedding preparations. The disaster forecast channel is Ninety-three-point-six FM.”
“T-that channel wasn’t a joke?” Kaz asked, seemingly shellshocked.
I nodded and looked around the room for the radio I knew had to be in out hotel room someplace. Spotting it by the bedside lamp, I quickly tuned it and then switched it on with my telekinesis.
“-vening,” a stallion’s voice said, tone indicating the closing of one story. “This just in! Due to today being a Plausible Disaster Day, Iron Shod’s Hardware will be selling all wood based construction materials, and drywall, at sixty percent off starting tomorrow morning at five sharp.
“For anypony not in the loop, today’s Plausible Disaster is the marriage of Orange Sherbert and Kazumi Hattori. Given Sherbert’s lineage, our resident Forecasting Master, Meep of Amber, pre-recorded the prediction for all of you wonderful ponies last night.”
Kazumi’s ears drooped as the familiar low buzzing changeling mare’s voice took over for the stallion.
“Tomorrow’s wedding is between one of our own, Orange Sherbert. As the daughter of a retired adventurer and Wizard, and with a member of the CMC as her mother, with blood ties to two of the Elements, her getting married alone carries a Risk Factor of seven.
“As her bride to be is a foreigner from a far off land whom she met while training to be a ninja, yes really, that ups the factor to a nine. Further complicating matters is that her bride, one Kazumi Hattori, is a doctor, as well as a little little-pony, who is by all accounts adorable but totally a Tsundere. Since that’s very tropey, we have a Discord factor of point three.
“Finishing off the union specific details, they seem to have a true love thing going on. Not quite a Cadence-Shining level factor, we’re talking several steps down, but within the same order of magnitude. This gives us a final Initial Risk Factor of nine point seven five.
“As many of you are aware, the Elements of Harmony will be in attendance at the wedding. What’s more it seems that all four Princesses are attending. Seeing as how the last time those nine ponies attended a wedding here, the town was attacked by a rogue griffon war band- Oh, wait that was Sherbert’s Father's wedding. Better make that a nine point eight.”
I turned down the radio volume. “Huh, that’s right. Yeah, this one should be about a nine point eight,” I said with a half worried half proud nod.
“I have no baseline for that number,” Kazumi squeaked.
“Tirek was a ten, Tartarus was a fifteen,” I explained, turning the radio back up.
“- all factors considered, we have an eighty two point three percent chance of a nine point eight IRF Disaster occurring tomorrow, with a spike in probability to eighty six percent when they kiss. Probable disasters include-”
I clicked the radio off. “Let’s leave that a surprise,” I said with a nervous giggle.
Kazumi looked at the radio, and then at me. Back to the radio, and then once more to me.
“I just realized,” she said, the fur on the back of her neck standing up. “You turned on the radio, and it just instantly played something that is actual exposision for what we are doing right now!”
I nodded. “Yeah. I mean, we wouldn’t have had to listen for long. They repeat the day’s forecast every fifteen minutes.”
Kazumi shook her head. “No! No you turned it on and INSTANTLY the thing we needed was said. That only happens in stories!”
I raised an eyebrow. “Um, Kaz-”
Kazumi's tail stood bolt upright. “Those calculations! She was factoring in narrative tropes. This town works on book-logic!”
I frowned, then sturged. “Um, I wouldn’t say so, but… Yeah? The level of drama does factor in to-”
Kazumi jumped up and ran over to her suitcase, throwing it open and practically ripping her saddlebags out of the case, immediately removing her two Hoof Cannons from their concealed holsters.
“What are you doing?” I asked worriedly.
“I’m going to field-strip and clean these to ensure they can’t jam! Then find a way to conceal the holsters under my wedding dress!” Kaz replied with a semi-panicked swish of her tail.
I rolled my eyes and facehooved. “You don’t need to do that kind of stuff anymore. Not like, since I was eight. Aunt Twilight finally cracked down and put up good defenses so citizens don't really have to fight or anything. Besides, Ponyville has the lowest death rate of any Equestrian city.”
“Yes, but that myth that this town is cursed to work like a fictional story is clearly true, and under that assumption, you have the leaders of your nation along with everyone who would be considered a main character in your nation’s story all in one place!” Kaz replied. “It doesn't matter how safe the place is made, there’s going to be... I- I don’t know. Sombra reforming in the middle of town. Or something!”
I bit my lip to stop from saying something along the lines of ‘That would be awesome!’ Nopony got to see Twilight take on Sombra last time. A rematch would be badflank!
Poor Kaz was already having enough problems adjusting without realizing that we peasants watched the monster fights for fun. No need to let her know about the club that turned the disasters into movies to watch later. Or how at this point everypony in town could rebuild faster than most professional construction workers, so it wasn’t a problem for things to break, just an annoyance.
“Look, if it does work like a book, that means the good guys always win and-” I paused trailing off for a few seconds. “Huh… They do. Well, that aside, it’s really nothing to worry about.”
“I’m still carrying these,” Kazumi said adamantly.
I shook my head slowly. “It will be fine, but if it makes you feel safer, go ahead. Will you be okay? I need to say hi to mom. I promised I would before the ceremony. Cuz you know. Parents tagging along on a honeymoon sucks.”
Kaz nodded twice as she produced a small tool kit from her saddlebags and took out a screw driver. “Yes. I’ll be okay as soon as I’ve disabled the safety locks and slaved the magebane modification to the armor piercing incendiary rounds so they both apply to the same shell, and enabled select fire functionality.”
I rolled my eyes. “Why don’t you ask Sky for a forcefield generator belt while you’re at it?” I teased with a grin.
“That’s a good idea, actually,” Kazumi said, giving me a grateful smile. “Thanks for helping. I’ll meet you at the altar in an hour. Does your uncle make armored dresses?”
I rolled my eyes. “Kaz, you come from a nation where building sized monsters climb out of the sea to eat you. Come on...”
“Yeah, RARELY! And that’s never happened to my city in my lifetime. And we have hundreds of Mechs with allegedly a quarter of an Alicorn’s power on standby at all times to deal with them! This is a rural village in the middle of nowhere protected by infantry. And not even Mobile Infantry.”
I nodded and gave her one last kiss on the cheek. “Yeah. It is. But seriously, don’t worry. If it were really dangerous, there wouldn’t be a whole town of people living here,” I pointed out as I turned to leave. “See you in a little while!”
“Actually it’s BECAUSE it’s dangerous that people live here! Don’t you read fantasy novels?” Kaz called after me as I left the room.
I shook my head slowly and smiled. She’d get used to it sooner or later. Whatever it was, if it happened in Ponyville, it wasn’t a real problem.
I quickly left the hotel and headed for my parent’s house. It was weird to be in Ponyville again. I’d been away for such a long time that the place looked a bit alien.
Sure, I’d been living in a place that used lots of traditional architecture too, but there’s a huge difference in style. Wattle and Daub is very very different from jointed timber and pagodas.
It still felt like home though. The cobblestone roads, thatched roof buildings, and whimsically designed edifices every business sported made me smile. Though I was missing the modern touches I’d gotten accustomed to. Even the Uneigh Ward you saw the ocasional satellite dish bolted to a roof and then decorated to look more ancient.
But Ponyville? Sure she had more brick and stone buildings now, and some glass accents here and there, but everything was still… Primitive feeling.
I was tempted to run through town like I used too, but today it felt nice to just walk normally. The hotel was only fifteen minutes away. Running would cut that down to three but… Yeah the walk was nice.
I got to go down Spur Street again! If only I had time to stop at the Quesadilla Shack for lunch. Man I was starting to miss Equestrian food. I always liked ordering Neighponese was a younger filly, but after eating it for years straight… I could go for a burger. Or maybe even pop into a griffon restaurant and go for a steak.
But I didn’t have the time for such a nice break from the routine, and instead continued on to the clinic.
I smiled when I arrived. The big, boxy, two story, C-shaped building was a bit ugly on the outside, but I loved it. How could I not? It was my home.
It didn’t look like much had changed in the two and a half years since I’d left. Dad put a fresh coat of paint on the clinic portion. Mom had tended to the front gate, scrubbing off the rust. Just minor touch ups.
I took a few steps towards the gate before getting an idea. A fun idea!
I’d been gone for a few years now. Learning ninjutsu. Shouldn’t I show mom and dad that I wasn’t wasting my time?
Yes. Yes I should!
And I could! Since Ash and Rin were helping Sky setup defenses, I was on my own. That rarely happened these days.
Yeah! I could sneak in, make them some sandwiches, and then say hi! Heh, this would be f-
“Hey, blankflank,” the most familiar and hated voice in the world called out to me, full of so much smug the words sounded wet.
Ash. Not my Ash. The dipshit little bullying punk. Ash Meadow.
I turned around slowly, doing my best to keep a disinterested look on my face. She’d aged well. Same short mane and tail. Same pretty shimmery tan fur. Same elegantly thin horn. But generally better looking.
Shame under that hot there lay only jerk.
“Don’t start anything you’ll regret,” I said blankly, intending that to be all I said to my old bully.
“Regret? I never regret anything,” Ash Meadow chuckled. “I just thought I should find you and point out, well, you know, that marrying a half sized ugly mare is a whole step beyond what I thought you could ever achieve! Congrats!”
My eyes narrowed.
“Seriously?” I asked half angrily, half incredulously.
“Absolutely!” She said with a genuine smile. “A no-name blank flank marrying anything other than a lame griffon or something is-”
Okay. Done.
I reached out to my second implanted gem. Master Rojā gave it to me as a wedding gift. Line of sight, fifty meters max. More than enough for this job. I didn’t expect I’d be using it so soon.
My magic found the gem. I activated it. From Ash Medow’s perspective, I would have just vanished. No flash of magic, thaumaturgic signature just barely above the background, no sound, nothing. I was just gone.
From my perspective, I teleported directly behind her.
“I know where you sleep,” I whispered into her ear, and then teleported again.
I instantly arrived on the rooftop of the clinic, dropping down the half meter to hide behind the barrel high safety-wall.
I peeked over the top, holding back a snicker as I watched Ash wheel around in surprise, looking for me desperately behind her.
I teleported again, returning back to her blind spot.
I tapped her back with a hoof, just to the left of the spine. Fourth lumbar down. The abdominal aorta.
“Dead,” I whispered, again teleporting away instantly afterwards.
I waited on the roof of the house across the street, assuming she’d turn around again. Instead she went white and just stood there, locked up. Good.
I teleported one more time, arriving in front of her by ten paces.
“You can keep being a total jerk to me, if you want,” I said as I walked past her towards the clinic. “But if you insult Kazumi again, well...”
Leaving the threat hanging, I reached for my illusion gem with my magic, and made myself look like a faily generic stallion. Earth pony, no special colors, no extraordinary features. Plane old brown farm pony type.
Then I added a mailcolt’s uniform to the disguise.
“You’ll never know if you can trust someone to not be me ever again,” I informed, letting the illusion drop as I cheerfully trotted off.
I made it to the gates before breaking out into a huge grin. MAN that felt great! Too bad I wasn’t carrying anything on me right now. Throwing a kunai into the street in front of her after vanishing once would have been awesome.
Maybe she’ll think twice about being an asshole now.
Since I was a bit winded from the rapid fire teleports, I took the courtyard stairs to the roof. I could still give mom and dad a little demo… Though I was already in a pretty good mood.
Risk things by not living up to their expectations and lose the extra good mood? Or show off a bit?
Yeah. Show off a bit.
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and focused hard on creating a really, really good illusion to wrap myself with. Doing a random pony was one thing, but imitating someone specific? Much harder. It had to be someone I knew very, very well.
And in this case, someone mom and dad knew very well too. Whose voice I could mimic. Even magic can only help change a voice so much without sounding.. Wierd.
Sadly, it couldn’t be Pinkie Pie. I could do her voice without magic easily, but well, nopony can copy her properly. Tartarus, no LING can copy her properly! There really was only one option.
Focusing my enetire will, I wrapped myself in an illusion of Uncle Sky. I made double sure that I’d gotten his fairly complex cutiemark right, adjusted it twice, cleared my throat, did a quick voice check, then trotted to the front door.
I knocked five times, waited a half second, then two more times. Had to mimic that silly reference Uncle Sky did when he knocked. Was I standing right? No! I was standing like me.
I just barely managed to change posture before the door opened, my dad’s slender forelegs instantly reaching out to hug me tight.
“That’s a really good illusion, Sherbert! I’m so happy you’ve gotten better with your magic! How have you been?” He asked instantly and super happily.
WHAT!? Buck! Where did I mess up!?
“But- How did-” I asked, eye wide.
“Window,” dad said with a smirk, pointing with one hoof to the large window next to the front door.
“Also, I’m over here,” Uncle Sky called from inside. “So you know. Bad choice.”
I looked through the doorway, and spotted Uncle Sky sitting in one of the living room’s overstuffed chairs. Along with mom. And Rin. And Ash.
“Und I installed a bioscanner on the door last year,” Dad added with a sheepish grin, his mismatched eyes twinkling mischievously.
I took a half step backwards as my face flushed red with embarrassment. “Uhhhhh, NINJA VANISH!” I yelped defensively, teleporting straight up, and then a second time so I could land atop the roof.
SISTERS DAMNIT!
“Hey, that’s good invisibility!” I heard Sky say from inside, sounding impressed.
“Nien, it’s not invisibility, she’s not here,” Dad said a second later. “She teleported! My little filly teleported!”
“No way she teleported,” Mom disagreed. “There wasn’t a scrap of magic in the air.”
“Could have used tech,” Sky pointed out.
My embarrassment left me as I listened in to their debate. I’d managed to impress them after all!
“Even your teleporters leave behind a bit of an energy signature. You can at the very least tell one of them was used recently,” Mom countered.
“Then she snuck away mundanely?” Dad asked, clearly confused. “Nahrina, was it? Can she do that? Mundanely vanish while you look at her?”
“Heh, no… She’s not that good,” he said politely. “She could vanish in a crowd easily, but aside from Master Yoshi, no one can just blink out like that. She teleported.”
“Without leaving a trace?” Mom asked skeptically.
I carefully crept across the roof, making sure to step so I wouldn’t make a sound. Then I lowered my upper body off the edge of the roof, and looked into the house through the top of the front window, picked a spot behind mom’s chair, and teleported once more.
“Gee, it’s almost like I’m learning to be a Shinobi,” I said with a grin.
Everypony jumped slightly. HA! Take that, dad! Now the windows are turned.
Mom turned around, raising her forelegs on the back of her chair as she gave me an impressed smile. “You’ve made a lot of progress. I’m glad things have been working out for you. Would you like something to eat before the ceremony? I think we have about half an hour before we need to go. We could all get something to eat and catch up. Your letters home only tell us so much!”
“I actually wanted to get a bite to eat on the way here!” I said with a cheerful smile. “Let’s go! There’s plenty of places nearby with quick-service.”
“I could go for some food too,” Sky agreed, before giving me a critical look. “But before we go.. This town ain’t big enough for two of me. You should turn that off.”
I looked down at my hooves, and blushed slightly as I noticed they were still brown. Quickly dismissing the illusion, I walked out from behind the chair. “It was good though, right?”
“Pretty good, but you made me brown. I’m not brown, I’m burnt orange,” Sky said as he stood up. “So where are we going to eat?”
“Someplace where no one starts debating your furcolor again,” dad said flatly. “We’ve debated that to death, und the answer remains ‘It depends on the lighting you’re under’.”
“No. It doesn't. I’m. Burnt. Orange,” Sky insisted. “I will pull up the chromatic spectral data I got from analyzing my fur. I thought we settled this once and for all!”
I couldn’t help but crack a smile. It felt great to be home again.
“You guys don’t have to get into the usual arguments just to make me feel more at home,” I said with a smile.
“Yes we do,” Uncle Sky and dad protested in unison.
Mom rolled her eyes and stretched her wings as she stood up. “Come on boys, walk and talk. I say we hit up the Quesadilla Shack. It’s your special day, Sherbert, may as well go to your favorite restaurant.”
Mom must have been trying to sabotage me! What was I thinking? Getting Mexicolt food from a griffon ran shop open to the street before standing still in front of a hundred ponies!
I shouldn’t have gotten the black bean soup…
At least everything looked nice. We were having the wedding in the town hall. I don't know why we didn’t just rename it the ‘community center’. I mean that’s what It had been ever since Aunt Twilight became a Princess. Everypony worked out of her castle now…
Silly outdated names aside, everypony had gone the extra mile on decorations. Rarity had her hoof in the planning of course. She did a great job mixing traditional Equestrian and Neighponese aesthetics to decorate the building.
We had chains of paper lanterns hung from the ceiling, plenty of white curtains, the traditional Equestrian red carpet, bamboo plants everywhere… It was nice. We should decorate our house like this in the future.
As for the podium itself, we’d put the usual wedding arch up, and somepony had the really neat idea to cover it in cherry blossoms. That had to be extra expensive this time of year. Well worth the money though.
The benches full of people buzzed with conversation. The ceremony was just a few minutes late. Not enough for anyone to think I was being left at the altar, but I could hear a few ponies wondering if Kazumi’s dress had ripped or something.
More interestingly to me, was the front two rows on each side. Thats’ where personal friends and family of the couple were supposed to sit. On my side, I had my whole family. Mom, dad, my Uncle, all of my aunts, and even a few members of Twilight’s Guard who may or may not have been ones I knew somehow.
It’s hard to tell clones apart, after all.
Then again, they were probably just Twilight’s personal security detail.
But Kazumi’s side? No one. Not one pony. It’s not like we had not invited her parents… I’d hoof delivered their invites. They’d taken them from me. They GOT their invitations.
At least I'd talked Pinkie out of getting some dummies to fill in the seats with. That would have made the poor mare feel worse.
At least plenty of townsfolk filled out the rear seats on her side.
While I debated getting a few of the real ponies in the back to sit up front, since THAT might work to make it look like some of her family were in attendance, a pegasi hovering by one of the town hall’s front windows waved her hoof. Kaz was coming!
Miss Breeze, Cadence’s bodyguard straitened up. She was going to officiate our vows since Cadence and Celestia wanted to watch. It did make me a little bit nervous to have one of Equestria’s more ‘classified’ warriors standing next to me, though she seemed very nice!
Besides, the bright white cloak she was wearing made her look a lot less intimidating. Also, she apparently had a second featureless chrome mask, but this one with a beautiful gold inlay of vines for special occasions. So it’s not like she was standing there in full war gear.
The small band started to play the usual wedding march. It sounded a bit odd though. Mixing the traditional brass band instruments with Neighponese strings… Not the best mash up. Still, it was a nice thought!
The doors opened, and I saw Kaz in her ‘dress’ for the first time. She looked gorgeous! She’d gone with a traditional wedding kimono, a simple white one, with another big brightly colored, floral patterned outer robe which covered her wings.
I had never seen one, but I’d read about them. The outer robe, it covered her wings as a way to say “I don’t want to fly away from you’. A traditional romantic phrase which was kinda clunky sounding in Equish.
I smiled at her as she began to walk up the aisle. While everyone remained politely quiet, I could see a few pony’s surprised faces as the took in her size. I knew nopony would say anything about it, I just hoped that poor Kaz wouldn’t be made to feel unwelcome by someone's warranted ‘woah!’
I mean, dwarf ponies were fairly rare after all. Not everyone’s seen someone like Kazumi before.
I wish we had time to rehearse the wedding… It’s hard to fit a wedding and a honeymoon into one spring break when you need two international flights in there as well.
Kazumi made her way up the aisle, and stopped beside me at the altar. She gave Breeze smile and whispered. “H-has the disaster struck yet?”
“Not yet, but don’t worry. This room is exceptionally safe,” the older mare applied kindly.
“But… Um… An armored warrior is the one asking for our vows,” Kaz whispered again.
“This isn’t armor,” Breeze said, equally as kind. “It’s merely something nicer for you to look at than burn scars.”
“Oh!” Kaz said a little loudly, her ears standing up in alarm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to point out any disfigure-”
“It’s quite alright, you didn’t know,” Breeze applied, dipping her head slightly.
Kaz opened her mouth to apologize again, but Breeze cut her off by clearing her throat loudly and beginning the ceremony.
“Ladies and Gentlecolts, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Orange Sherbert, and Kazumi Hattori. In the years they have been together, their love and understanding of each other has grown and matured, and now they have decided to live their lives together as wife and wife,” Breeze announced.
I always expected her voice to sound harsh. I mean, according to the official story she’d tangled with a dragon and survived. You’d think her throat would have been burnt too. But no! She had a super cool, melodic voice. That or a really good voice changer hidden in her mask.
“T-there are four alicorns over there…” Kaz whispered to me, still nervous but awestruck.
“Five. Apparently someling invited Princess Flurry Heart. She’s sitting on your side,” I said nodding slightly so Kaz knew where to look.
She turned, saw the tri-color Princess, and eeped.
“F-five?! What do I do? I don’t want to look like a bakka,” Kaz whispered urgently.
“Just get to the cake before Celestia,” I whispered back.
Breeze turned to face me. “Repeat after me,” she instructed. “I, Orange Sherbert, take you, Doctor Kazumi Hattori, to be my wife. I will be yours in times of plenty, and in times of want. In times of sickness, and in times of health. In times of joy, and in times of sorrow. In times of failure, and in times of triumph.
“I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity.”
Oh-crap-the-doing-things-bit!
I cleared my throat and gently took Kaz’s left hoof in my own and gave it a squeeze. “I, Orange Sherbert, take you, Doctor Kazumi Hattori, to be my wife. I will be yours in times of plenty, and in times of want. In times of sickness, and in times of health. In times of joy, and in times of sorrow. In times of failure, and in times of triumph.
“I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity.”
Breeze turned to face Kaz, and prompted her for her own vow. “Doctor Kazumi Hattori, repeat after me,” she instructed. “I, Doctor Kazumi Hattori, take you, Orange Sherbert, to be my wife. I will be yours in times of plenty, and in times of want. In times of sickness, and in times of health. In times of joy, and in times of sorrow. In times of failure, and in times of triumph.
“I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity.”
“I, Doctor Kazumi Hattori, take you, Orange Sherbert, to be my wife. I will be yours in times of plenty, and in times of want. In times of sickness, and in times of health. In times of joy, and in times of sorrow. In times of failure, and in times of triumph.
“I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity,” Kazumi vowed, returning my hoof squeeze with one of her own.
Yay! She remembered that was a tradition here!
Rin stood up from his chair on the left side of the altar, and carefully carried over the pillow holding the rings, holding them out between us.
Traditionally, a unicorn wore their ring on their horn, but since Kazumi wasn’t a unicorn too, I’d gotten us each a tail ring. They were simple silver bands. Noting elaborate. I knew Kazumi’s tastes. She’d hate to be stuck wearing some fancy thing around forever.
Picking up Kazumi’s ring with my magic, I held it out in front of her.
“I give you this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you,” I said, finishing my part of the ceremony by gently sliding the ring down her tail so it would stick around the fleshy base.
Blushing slightly, Kazumi reached up, grabbed my ring, and whispered the same vow before trotting around to put it on for me, finishing the ritual.
Breeze nodded in satisfaction. Clearly happy that she now only had the most famous line to recite. Remembering exactly what to say must be hard when you’re the person who has to tell the people what to say.
“By the power vested in me by the Prince Ca-lestia,” she said, almost perfectly holding her slip up. “I now pronounce you-”
A massive crystal coffin exploded through the roof, sending bits of splintered wood and thatch flying everywhere!
The chunk of crystal landed in the middle of the room, crushing in a large chunk of floor to make a small crater.
Kazumi screamed in a blind panic and drew both her guns from under her outer robe, reared up, adopting a solid marksmare’s stance, and immediately but ineffectively begun to hose the coffin down with automatic fire!
Twilight and the Elements sighed wearily and began to stand up. I heard Dash call “Sherbert has great taste in Mare’s! That’s the coolest thing I’ve seen all week,” as they begun their pre-fight stretch.
Everypony else just sort of grumbled in annoyance and shuffled off to the side of the room to clear the area. More annoyed that they had to move than anything else.
The coffin lid shook and trembled violently as something inside began to smash it’s way out. Kaz’s guns began to beep loudly, overheating warnings flashing on the sides. She swore rather violently and dove for cover behind a potted plant.
The lid flew off the coffin, from which a tall, skeletally thin, light brown Diamond Dog in deep red sorcerer's robes. As the dog looked around, his green lensed goggles glimmered in the shadows beneath his hood as he loomed menacingly in the center of the room.
“Okay let's get this over with,” Twilight sighed.
Should I help them? I mean, I WAS training to be a hero, and my wife was sort of but not really in danger. I knew a little bit of real fighting, and that Dog looked pretty punchable…
Nah I’d just get in their way. Let the well oiled machine work without tossing a half-made cog into it.
“And lo, after centuries of frozen slumber I am free once more!” The Dog laughed in a booming yet raspy voice which echoed oddly, implying he used Dark Magic. “Cosmic infinity courses through my veins. My body is ablaze with astral charge! The galaxy shall once again tremble before the might of-”
Discord snapped his talon. The Dog vanished in a flash of white light. The broken roof was fixed. The floor was fine. All the decorations were back as they had been. He’d even moved Kazumi back to where she had been standing a moment ago.
“Somepony mark that spot! I sent him into next week. We’ll just take care of it then. Should take, oh, the usual forty five minutes,” Discord called loudly. “Consider that a wedding loan, Sherbert!”
Loan? He meant gift, right? Never mind that, time to comfort wife.
“See?” I said as I picked Kazumi up with my forelegs and hugged her tightly. “I told you it was safe.”
“I um… I sort of didn’t realize the implications behind a friendly Eldritch Abomination attending…” Kazumi admitted with an embarrassed blush.
I cracked a grin and nodded.
“-mare and mare,” Breeze finished as if nothing at all had happened. “You may now kiss.”
To my surprise, Kazumi stretched her neck and planted the first kiss on my lips while I held her.
I hugged her tightly until she broke the kiss, then gave her one of my own.
“Come on,” I whispered. “Let’s cut the cake before Princess Celestia gets too twitchy.”
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Fun chapter poor Kazu and eye opening for Sherbert. Other ponies think at least some of what happens in Ponyville is made up. I wonder if Light Step is in attendance and Luna' s reaction to Kazu. Interesting we didn't see one person who I would be sure would have something to say about Sherbert' s bride. DUSK
Ponyville attitude always cracks me up in your stories.
8398772 They aren't the same Kazumi. Sheesh...
It's like you didn't even pay attention when she said as much...
8398811. I know that but will Dusk realize right away or after she's freaked out for a moment. From everything Kazu looks a lot like the original
Awwwww! Such a cute couple!!
...Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt, me no more! [how am I the first to say it?]
AH! that was great! Ash won't sleep for a week after that, best revenge ever.
If you guys were pressed for time for this whole thing, why didn't you ask Sky to give the two of you a life home and back? I'm sure he would have enjoyed showing off some new hover craft to his niece and soon to be niece-in-law
Gee Sherbert, I thought your training would have also involved recon, you should have known Sky was in there, also watch the windows.
Awwwww that ceremony was really sweet, I like how you described the kimono for winged ponies, all of my squee.
And Kaz's family are all super dicks, that is all.
What all that defence and there was no shield over the hall? Get it together guys.
HA! discord is all like 'nope, not today', although the term wedding loan gives me pause.
Sherbet should've realized by now she doesn't get to call herself a peasant being the daughter of a Baron and a goddess. And all the other relatives.
So, six alicorns in attendance. And a marriage of true love in ponyville. With Prance's royalty in attendance (Sherbet is like his niece and Luna's girl is there, obviously. Sherbet is a derp and didn't notice, obviously). And the elements. And the former goddess of death, if she managed to get over her fear, that is. And probably Faust, because why the fuck not? This is most likely the highest profile marriage until Luna hitches it. Hell, Maine, just MAYBE, the elements herding might be more shenanigan'y. Oh, and let's not forget Discord. And the Lyras. How many of them showed?
Sherbet, I think you just gave someone some decades of therapy to do. Shame on you, Sherb! She's a prick, but a mostly harmless one. Not like her life beyond being monster bait in ponyville is ruined already, right?
Kaz... You don't know half of it. My condolences, that's your life in some years when you come back to live there. Or maybe even now, ponyvilleness clings to you harder than gum on hair or Sunbutt to cake
That dog looks like an Ethereal. Did you get War of the Chosen, meeps?
Sherbet trying to impress her parents was cute. As was Lilly fawning over her.
And the brotherly discussion was hilariously relatable. It gave the moment that much more life, kudos meeps
On Discord's loan, well, he's marrying flutters I've say, isn't he? Obviously he wants to guarantee the day will go perfect. Even though the spirit of chaos itself getting married to Kindness is bound to be so high on the disaster chart it loops around and becomes more mundane than a slow day in Philly. Obviously that makes ponyville freak out worse than Tartarus could
Oh, and I can only imagine the Emperor's face seeing this and going "really?!?
" at ponyville being ponyville. And so thinking twice about ever considering messing with the couple.
Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
Ouch.
Your feelings for someone are most likely to change within twenty years! :) Love isn't real, just a biological reaction to make us mate!
That's an interesting take on it. They should've just destroyed it then.
If Ponyville was a frontier town, it would've been gone by now. But it's within stone's throw of the most powerful beings in Equestria outside of Discord, not even mentioning Discord who can stop literally any threat considering his near-god status. It's home to the embodiment of magic, who keeps getting stronger and can already control the sun and moon, not to mention she's several magnitudes stronger by now. There's also an immortal demi-god nearby, A resident tech whiz, and a freaking dragon.
She must run super fuckin fast!
Man, I wish I got to go there. It sounds really good, even if it's under a bridge.
Terrifying. Although I wonder if she'll come for revenge? She seems that stupid and spiteful.
You know, I've always wondered what's with Pinkie Pie? She seems...off. She doesn't even seem like a pony, more like a really friendly eldritch abomination.
Who says gee?
I thought it was a paper mache model
Hmm, a diamond dog? Y'know it'd be pretty cool if he got that way by using cursed gems..
This was a good wedding, but it felt a bit rushed. Like, three chapters and boom, engaged and married. Maybe it's just because of the slight time skip. Whatever, it's a nice wedding! I hope they're happy together.
8398806
I'm just extrapolating how they acted in Slice of Life and then adding about 20 more disasters XD
8398811 OR ARE THEY!? DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN! No they're not.
8398820 She's actually 100% identical.
8398834 Good, i got their protrail right :3 THat was hard.
8398858
You're not. That's the next chapter's title. So I was the first.
They did, and he did. But Sky is a buisy stallion. He can't always drop things at any given moment. So they had to schedule the flights for certain times. Same goes for his crew. Sometimes, there isn't a shuttle available. It's a global company, there's a lot to do!
She's only half done :P Recon comes later on.
It's the little guestures that mean the most :3 Also I was bord and wanted to world-build alien cultures.
Yeah. It's almost like they dont think she's their kid or something.
Because if you defend the town too much the disaster just gets worse to compensate and suddenly all of that defense equils no defense.
As it should :3
8399080
Is she actually a peasant? No. Does she count herself as one? Yes. Why? Because she's never used her social standing.
Discord and Fluttershy are not getting married, ever, for the sake of global security :P That's why they are life partners.
"Hey, I could have killed her, but didn't. That's nice enough as far as she's concerned."
No. Not yet. But the resemblance is coincidental. I literally took the first "evil wizard" look I thought up and ran with it.
I know! For once it's NOT a reference XD
Yeah, sometimes you need bits like that.
Not a bad guess :D
8399193
Hi Rick, where's that 5 bucks you owe me?
Since the Equestrian ban on Necromancy was total, they ligit didn't know how. Repose took care of it after somone explained they had it. Also that's totaly what it is in cannon... Sombra is a ponyization of Saron.
They're equines :P THeir run is like 45 mph. Their sprints can get up to 65. And that's an adverage equine. Fast is relative to your species :P
It's described in detail at the beginning of Lifegiver. It's basicaly a small food stall, which strung a tent-roof across a coldsack so you eat out in the street, but have rain cover. It's run by a griffon who used to live in Mexicolt, so the cooking's all authentic.
100% agree. and yes. My AU's done something with that. THough no one has figured it out yet...
Wait, people don't say it down in the Lower 48?
XD Oh man I REALY hope that's just a coincidence and you've never heard this song before: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7R69ACob9sY
TLDR; the rock Opera I took that evil wizard quote from has this in the next part when said evil wizard doe the thing to get the thing to do the thing " This magic crystal is the artifact you seek // To unleash evil from the sky // You must find the portal, the crystal is the key // All universal life will die "
The story's not about their relationship though. It's about Sherbert's training. Their relationship is a subplot.
8399938
I got 300 blemflarks right here, buddy! That's enough for a couple hours at Blipz and Chips!
Hmm. I am going to do some thinking about this. Expect guesses through PM later :)
No...I've literally never heard someone say that unironically.
No, I've never heard that. I just saw "dog" and thought "diamond dog" and extrapolated from there...
Yeah, but there wasn't much buildup. Or maybe I missed it, I tend to be very oblivious to obvious details. SO there probably was.
8399926
Kaz is 100% identical because she's Kaz. I called stable time loop way back when we first heard the story.
I'm pretty sure Pinkie is an Outsider. Her abilities stem from being more 'real' than the world she's in, like Death from Discworld.
Calling it now: Discord is planning on marrying Fluttershy some day, and when he does, he's gonna expect Sherbert to repay him that wedding loan by providing security for the event.
PONDERING the size of the cake or should it be cakes at this wedding.. I am sure Pinkie was probably catering the wedding or at least part of it. That will be an eye opener for Kazu Celestia and cake. Of course ponies treating the princesses like any other pony will probably be a shock.. I wonder if she wasn't in shock already considering she didn't react till seeing all five princesses at the wedding though she had been warned
These are some very proactive defensive measures.
Well, there has been so many incidents, someone can probably actually do some pretty good statistics on that.
Gee is in my non-ironic vocabulary. Might be an age or regional thing.
8407088 Yeah, I polled some people. Turns out most of them use Gee.
I like this. Hadn't really thought on where earth ponies/non horned ponies could wear their rings (well, except for pegasi wearing it on a primary wing feather...) so this is cool.
*reply will be shorter this time since I missed it being the newest chapter.*
*cackles* oh colt I loved this chapter! So much awesomeness! But yeah.... onto the next one now!
A very important piece of advice.
Aww I was sure he would be a ram or centaur. Awesome chapter btw